Q4All. For those who gave up dating (or approach it in a different way?).

Wallstreet3 · 2019-12-31T14:26:27+00:00

What made me give up? Participating in the game and seeing how ugly it really is, and realizing that the likely 'reward' for 'winning' is divorce, alienation from my kids. Realizing that there are very few marriageable women, maybe 10% if I am being generous, that can make a marriage work. Realizing that overpopulation is a very real thing and we are killing our own planet without thought.
Whatever I want. I am free. I nod and agree with what people say, come up with an excuse and live my life.
Dont care.
Dont.
Happiness is an internal process.

QuestionablePresenc3 · 2019-12-31T13:32:20+00:00

1 What made you give up?

Nothing in particular, it just never happened naturally (studying physics and working in science really is a sausage fest tbh) and now I'm way too behind the curve to bother with acquiring the dating skills expected from a 30 year old guy.

2 What do you do now?

Go to work, do my hobbies, procrastinate on my thesis.

3 How's your future gonna be like?

Dating future? Probably bleak, unless by some weird accident a girl develops a crush on me and spends a ton of effort making me realize that. Otherwise I'm hoping to finish my thesis and ditch science for something, except I still can't figure out what I really want to do.

4 Advice for those who want to follow the dating route?

Absolutely not qualified to give dating advice.

5 Most importantly, are you happy? And what makes you happy?

I don't think it's possible to be happy all the time. Overall I'm okay, I guess. In general, doing stuff, figuring stuff out and being outdoors makes me happy, staying idle and overthinking makes me sad.

2019-12-31T12:51:56+00:00

[deleted]

Sir_manalot · 2019-12-31T17:18:26+00:00

First, let me start off by saying that getting a relationship was my life goal for the first 26 years of my life. I didn’t want just sex (I actually hated casual sex), I wanted a relationship.

1 What made you give up?

The fact that you had to work your ass off to be worthy of your ”equal.” If I wanted a girl that was as smart as me, I would have to spend several years working out, working on my career and the moment things go wrong she would instantly be gone. And as I was putting all this effort in, women were just partying it up. I work my ass off for a A and my female classmates get way more praise and opportunities even if they did nothing but show up to class.

Also, my natural personality (sensitive and nice person) repulses women. I found the only way I could get a girl to be interested in me was either dating down by a lot (100 pounds heavier, mentally disabled, etc) or treating her like shit (not giving a fuck about her, abusing her, etc).

The final nail in the coffin was seeing who my high school crush dated did over the years. She was amazing, a strong genius who excelled at everything and she rejected me for being too nice. She then went on to date stupid abused after stupid abuser while acting like all men are stupid abusers.

Eventually I just snapped and was told that I was the real abuser by all my friends (while all the guys who bears the shit out of her were the true good men).

At that moment, I realized that nobody actually wants good men and stopped being good. Since then, I got tons of sex and opportunities that good men good never dream of getting...and that physically repulsed me.

So I just quit and became a hermit.

What do you do now?

I just have fun doing what I want. I have tons of free time and money to enjoy anything I want to do.

How's your future gonna be like?

I do not honestly are much about the future. I would rather focus on the present. I could die randomly tomorrow, so there is zero point in saving for something I may never experience.

Advice for those who want to follow the dating route?

For men, don’t do it. There is nothing really in it for you unless you like treating the person you love like shit, want to be a disposable atm or only care about sex.

Just love yourself instead.

Most importantly, are you happy? And what makes you happy?

I am definitely happier then when I was trying to be a good man and being treated like shit for it.

I am more disappointed in life itself then anything else now though.

I am most happy when I forget about women and just focus on my hobbies.

Trant2433 · 2019-12-31T13:28:26+00:00

I dated a ton when I reached my 30s, mostly online dating apps. It was a lot easier than in my 20s, and I lived in a city with a (supposedly) more educated women (without kids) than men.

I went on a lot of 1st dates - probably over a hundred in 3-4 years, and maybe a dozen month long flings, and a few relationships of 6 months or more, with one relationship where marriage and kids were actually discussed, and we got along very well.

In the end, I just got tired of all the effort and money I was spending. I know it can be hard for women to date too, but from my point of view it seemed like I always had to be the one to message them, ask them out, plan the date, make all the conversation, pay for it, etc. and there seemed like little reciprocity on their end.

And after I’d had a few longer term relationships, I realized most of that was just me doing the same thing - planning dates to places I didn’t really enjoy (restaurants or museums or winery), usually ending up with the bill, and guaranteed sex with a 35 year old woman wasn’t all that fun after the first time.

I stopped dating for a year, tried it again recently for 3 dates and immediately felt the same way and just uninstalled the apps.

Nowadays, I’m just perpetually single. If I need sex, I can find it, but avoid actively pursuing women, though if I met one randomly who was a good fit, I wouldn’t be opposed. But most women my age now have kids, and just aren’t attractive enough to be able to really get my heart beating where I’d be interested in putting in the effort to impress her.
Future - no clue. I have a feeling I might be a single dude with no kids. I am okay with that as I’ve seen a lot of friends and family get screwed over by divorce, and I am very wary of the system as I’ve saved a lot of money and would like to retire early, and move overseas for a while.
My advice to men: hate to say it, but average guys in their 20s are at a disadvantage. Probably not worth the effort to date using apps, at least. In your 30s, if you want a decent shot move to a coastal city like DC or NYC where there are more single women, and at least you’ll get matches once in a while, especially if you have an education and make decent money.

NPC55 · 2019-12-31T14:39:37+00:00

1 What made you give up?

I never decided one day to just give up. I did what a lot of people in their teens and 20's do, go out and try to meet the opposite sex. It didn't work out for me. At the same time my career progressed and I started to put more effort towards that and traveling. I became more comfortable with myself and happier with they way my life was going, and I naturally just stopped explicitly looking for a gf. It was a process that took place over a decade.

2 What do you do now?

Work and travel. I contribute to open source projects if I think it's for a good cause. Work on my side projects when I can. I still enjoy going out/nightlife and I like meeting women. I enjoy female energy.

3 How's your future gonna be like?

Either no different than it is now, or if I am one of the lucky ones an app takes off and I retire early and just travel for years.

5 Most importantly, are you happy? And what makes you happy?

Yes. My work, helping people, visiting places.

stats135 · 2019-12-31T15:24:02+00:00

1 I never enjoyed dating, or at least never enjoyed going out enough to warrant the cost associated with doing so. So I gave up early on when I realized that there is no such thing as happily ever after. When I was very young and naive, I thought that if I endured dating and the costs associated with going out, I can reach a point in a relationship where I was done and didn't have to date anymore. A happily ever after of Netflix and Chill, in both its meaning, forever more.

But that is not the case, dating a woman is a continuous process with no end in sight. Even if she is officially your gf or wife, if you stop dating her, the sex stops and eventually she might leave you. I'm not making any statements about right or wrong here. All I'm saying is that I was willing to go on a few dates, but not if dating is something I have to incorporate into my lifestyle for the rest of my life.

2 When I was a child my teacher made me write a essay about what I want to be when I grow up. I wrote that I wanted to be a retiree. That childhood dream is still live and well. I'm working on making (and saving) enough money for FIRE. So aside from being at work and home there's not much else, and its that way by design.
3 This kinda continues off of the first two questions. The ideal is that I'm retired at 40 spending the rest of my days lazing around with young hot sugar babies. In a more pessimistic scenario, I'll be retiring later in a poorer country seeing hookers every so often.

4 I got no advice here. As someone that hates dating and the only reason I'm here at TRP is to get sex with as little dating as possible, nothing I say will help someone who actually wants to go the dating route.

5 I would say I'm mostly slightly happy and sometimes slightly not. As a hedonist, what makes me happy is pleasure, and I'm experiencing a moderate amount just like any other person in a first world country. My mood goes up a bit with the morning coffee, then down a bit with work, then up again with the afternoon tea, and down again with going back to work. There's no extreme pleasure or pain in my life. I would love to change that with my efforts to increase sex and decrease work, but that's a work in progress.

dylang92 · 2019-12-31T15:50:36+00:00

So I didn’t give up dating in general, just gave up trying to get casual sex because I was deemed not good enough by women. Not their fault and I don’t hate them for it, just the reality of things because women have so many choices, and I’m not the best. LTRs I’ve never given up on.

I gave up because I failed constantly and never got a hookup once. I put a lot effort into my style, hair, hobbies, blah blah blah and still had no success in casual sex. Realized it was my looks, and no matter what you do to looksmax, there’s only so much a 5’6 guy with a plain looking face can do. I didn’t have the genetics or base to become truly hot. But what I did helped with getting LTRs which realistically have never been a problem for me to get. At some point you realize what you can realistically get, I would be single for some time and not get a single hookup, but as soon as I switched my gears for an LTR, I would find a partner in a few weeks. Crazy.
Well I’ve been in an LTR for like 3 years now, so I guess nothing or trying to get casual sex because I don’t cheat, and realistically it wouldn’t matter anyway. It’s not like I have women hitting me up in my DMs trying to “poach” me.
Idk, I’ll get married to my current LTR most likely. She has ultimately been the best gf I have ever had, considering I had some pretty toxic LTRs, having someone who isn’t a nut job, manipulative, and overall extremely supportive is a nice change. Yeah I’ll never be validated or satisfied because I never got casual sex in the past, but that has nothing to do with her. It’s not even a physical satisfaction (because physically I am satisfied with the sex we have), mentally though I want that validation of casual sex of being wanted for it.
Be attractive. That’s it, lift and then get surgery if you don’t look the way you want afterwards.
Like I said in number 3, not happy, but have accepted it. Just because you accept your lot in life doesn’t mean you are also happy with it. But after 27 years, ain’t nothing I can do.

2019-12-31T16:09:38+00:00

a) Dating game has gotten too risky these days. b) Not interested in marriage. c) Too much time/effort. d) Sex drive ain't what it used to be. e) All the needs a relationship would satisfy are already being met through other outlets.
Plenty of male/female friends to meet my social/emotional needs. 2 long-time FWB's for the more visceral needs.
Prognosis is good. The future won't be much different than the way things are now.
It ain't all it's cracked up to be. Focus on finding good friends to hang out with instead. A vibrant social life, IMHO, is way more fulfilling than pussy. Besides, you tend to meet better women through your social circle.
Yes. Close friends, good relationship with family, intellectually stimulating/creative hobbies, amateur boxing and MMA, hiking and enjoying nature (especially after smoking some good weed!), and escaping the materialistic rat race.

2019-12-31T16:12:29+00:00

1 What made you give up?

Little to no success; so much effort for little to no return is not something that really motivates me. I have just come to a point where I've accepted that if I was attractive to women I'd know about it by now (25 years old). It's not like it will get better as I get older as well as every day (in fact every minute) I am falling more and more behind other men in terms of things women look for in men (dating/relationship skills, sex skills (lol), emotional intelligence (whatever its called), social skills etc.)

2 What do you do now?

Think I might lose my virginity to an escort soon. Should be good. Oh in terms of life in general I am an engineer [ok job/career, kinda interesting but it's very conservative (risk averse) and overrated]

3 How's your future gonna be like?

Good question, I think I will just live the bachelor life forever. Eat whatever I like, do whatever I like. Just need to have more bargaining power in terms of employment (both options and salary). Should invest better so I have a passive income.

4 Advice for those who want to follow the dating route?

Be attractive, don't be unattractive, be handsome. Then grab her by the pussy (this only works if she's already into you.... yes that includes you Donald Trump)

5 Most importantly, are you happy? And what makes you happy?

I cycle between euphorically happy and quite depressed all the time. Although I usually stay in some in between state.

What makes me happy as far as I know are the following:

learning new things
doing things outside my comfort zone
accomplishing shit I thought I couldn't do

I do have some passions that I've lost interest in over the years. Need to find something new.

Anthony-waltzs · 2019-12-31T16:59:18+00:00

Q4All. For those who gave up dating (or approach it in a different way?).

1 What made you give up?

Im a young 20 yr old guy I was always a keep to myself so I never really approached women on a basis or do online dating, what made me decide to not date was when I learned about female nature and how dating is really a scam. looks matter, if your a attractive man woman will cut all the bullshit and not make you go through all their games and hoops and in fact make it easier for you to get in their pants and that’s the truth.

2 What do you do now?

Mostly educate myself and work I go to school not gonna say where, so I mostly just pump and dump if I get a girl interested in my but never any relationships

3 How's your future gonna be like?

Pretty easy

4 Advice for those who want to follow the dating route?

Never do it save your money or get a doll, focus on your self don’t be stupid and waste your time.

5 Most importantly, are you happy? And what makes you happy?

Very happy lots of less stress and free time to myself.

CHAD_TDK · 2019-12-31T13:49:35+00:00

1 What made you give up?

Law of diminishing returns, not finding traditional dating not as satisfactory and becoming too much effort

2 What do you do now?

Casual hoohups

3 How's your future gonna be like?

GREAT! There's a lot more to life than "dating"

4 Advice for those who want to follow the dating route?

Go for it tiger! It's your life, do as you wish.

5 Most importantly, are you happy?

YES!

And what makes you happy?

Satisfaction by completing projects: business, hobbies, and life in general

NOTE: I was raised to believe that marriage/relationship was the (main) source of happiness. 2 marriages and too many relationships later I no longer believe that; I find greater and better source of happiness in all parts of my life.

Million-Suns · 2019-12-31T16:46:28+00:00

1 What made you give up?

Losing to chads with no game, making me blackpilled. Being unable to love myself. Opened my eyes to all the drawbacks of a relationship. Now I don't even want one, and do not really give a damn about women in a romantic way. I think I became aro or something?

3 How's your future gonna be like?

Hopefully childfree, marriage free, and wealthy enough.

4 Advice for those who want to follow the dating route?

Considering all the pros and cons before even doing that and if that's what you really want, as in not led by some lifescript or hormones. Basically is the juice worth the squeeze.

5 Most importantly, are you happy? And what makes you happy?

I'll never be happy. Conditions will never be met.

lickybumbum69420 · 2019-12-31T17:06:44+00:00

I’ll answer one.

What made me give up?

I haven’t fully gave up but I do have a modified version of trying lol. The things that have changed my views on it:

There are single role models who have great lives. As long as you have money life isn’t bad, in fact it can be pretty awesome. People take for granted how nice it is to not be locked down. It’s rarely romanticized in media. It truly comes down to “life is what you make of it.”
I’ve come to realize marriage CAN be much like religion. The only reason it works is because so many believe in it. I think humans are very monkey see monkey do and this has led to a lot of people staying marriages that really aren’t adding to their life. People get married for the sake of being married and even if they aren’t happy they’ll defend their marriage at all costs because they’ve attached it to their identity and ego. I realize there are some good marriages out there but methinks that number is super small.
I’ve taken it less serious because people change, and that’s a good thing. Sometimes good things come to an end. Sometimes you can have good experiences with people you end up hating. The beauty of life is in the details and soaking up the small things. I wish I would have known this in my early 20’s because I was all about the final product. Little did I know there probably wasn’t one.

rus9384 · 2019-12-31T17:24:47+00:00

I did not begin it in the first place, but it happened when I was 12. Basically, all I wanted is FWBs (I am aromantical and don't like exclusivity) and dating leads exactly to romance.

I am looking for FWBs and don't think life is gonna be bad.

Do I have an advice? Not here, without any context.

Am I happy? Not really, but it is more about other factors.

p_and_q · 2019-12-31T17:29:53+00:00

1) was mostly doing online dating and meetups. Stopped because so was destroying my self esteem and how I perceived myself. I’d put all this work and money in for a completely unrewarding outcome.

2) Deleted the apps and feel so much better. I go to the occasional meetup still but even with those you start to see the same faces and realize that none of the girls there want to actually find a partner, they just enjoy the idea of the possibility of finding a partner while enjoying all the attention.

But mostly just working on myself. I’m up for a promotion next month, hit the gym regularly, and just got a ps4 so I’ve been really enjoying playing on it. Looking to buy a house soon and adopt a dog.

3) Probably going to be single for life with the possibility of some short flings along the way. If I meet someone I have chemistry with, great but I’m not putting a lot of stock in the idea that that will happen.

4) unless you’re just looking for a hookup, get off all the apps (including Snapchat, Facebook, and instagram). They do no good. They’ll either over inflate your ego or completely demolish it.

5) lived my entire life with depression so I get a few flickering moments of joy. But I’m learning to be happier by being more mindful of the present and not focusing so much on the past or future.

Grek27 · 2019-12-31T20:30:17+00:00

I never really had a strong opinion of women until I interacted with them more and I grew to hate most of them. I didn't give up but fuck if I'm going to go out of my way for some entitled bitch with an OK BMI.

I work.

Working on shit that kills people and getting payed for it.

Don't bother with western women.

Nothing has ever really made me happy.

2019-12-31T13:48:08+00:00

I didn’t give up i just do don’t relationships

Because if you win, you lost. The only real way to win is spin fwb, or find a unicorn but since the later doesn’t exist might as well sit back and watch it all burn.

So i just make piles of money do and I’m starting some Roids

Maybelowsmv · 2019-12-31T13:01:48+00:00

I didn't really give up but it's the lowest of my priorities right now. I do find it fun to interact with guys and get close to them, but I'm definitely not in the right headspace yet for anything. Plus it's naturally more complicated for me anyway since on paper, most guys aren't compatible with me. I'd probably have to make some compromises
I'm trying not to fail in my course. I might do lol. It's depressing stuff. I imagine if I had a bf right now he'd probably hate me for being so sad 24/7
Hopefully fine. I'll probably find someone, settle down, get married, have babies. And live a happy blowjob free life :)
Enforce your own boundaries. Don't feel a need to rush things. You won't die if youre single lol
I'm not happy right now, but it isn't dating related. I need to get over this sucky bit in my life and become more stable. I am a lot better nowadays emotionally than I used to be though (in terms of resilience). I'm a people pleaser at heart, so if I was in a relationship right now, I'd be even sadder due to feeling guilty that I'm not a bright part of his lifeyknow? If you havent guessed already, im quite neurotic (apparently)

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Orange_Paisley · 2019-12-31T17:16:13+00:00

I am not single, but:

1 - I gave dating up for several years because I had a few very bad experiences with relationships, I was nearing 40, and I figured I had hit the proverbial wall and not to bother.

2 - I met my fiance 7 years ago, and we are engaged. That was never the plan. He was an FWB situation that managed to stick.

3 - Probably married some day, when we feel like it/get around to it.

4 - Don't project your past experiences on your current and future partners. You're just setting yourself up for failure if you do.

5 - I was pretty happy single. I had my kid, my friends, my pets, hobbies. I wasn't reportable to anyone for my whereabouts and I didn't have to make any compromises. Of course, I am happy in my relationship, but if it falls apart I am confident I can be happy again single.

beetlejuicer__ · 2019-12-31T18:09:07+00:00

1 What made you give up?

Not much really, I never had any friends in school and the only people who could listen to me were my teachers. As far as any relationship with a female besides my mom I had absolutely none. Just from reading this sub and others I don't really think dating and LTR's are for me. I was always ok with living my whole life by myself, it hasn't killed me or given me cancer yet so I guess it isn't physically damaging. By that metric I could be considered and incel, but I never really participated in their politics. Maybe I might change my mind in the future, but now, while I am 18, these are my beliefs

2 What do you do now?

Work at a god forsaken 9-5 job until I can start college.

3 How's your future gonna be like?

My short term future is to work out and to continue focusing on self improvement. I have already quit video games and anime, and trying to quit pornography. Long term I don't know.

4 Advice for those who want to follow the dating route?

I do not have any advice.

5 Most importantly, are you happy?

I never really had to describe my own feelings and put them into words, but if I were to answer I would say not really.

ManwhoreB · 2019-12-31T18:21:34+00:00

I'm not sure I've "given up", but dating is pretty low on my priorities

I've been with hundreds of women now, and in my experience 95% of them don't really add any value to your life, and may even be negative value (i.e. sucking value from you and offering little to nothing in return). Honestly I seem better off having a strong circle of female friends, and going out meeting women casually for sex. I guess this is mostly western women I'm talking about though, as non-western women do tend to offer value equally (you take care of them, they take care of you).

I think the west inherently puts women on a bit of a pedestal, so guys keep going through the same cycle over and over again. They'll meet a woman who projects a lot of value, they'll chase her and give value to get with her, they'll fuck her, and suddenly they'll realise it was a facade and wasn't really worth the effort. Whereas outside the west people seem much more realistic and down to earth about things

I don't regret going down this path though, as it's taught me that happiness comes from within, and has put my focus on business and self-development where it should be. It's also made me muuuuuch more picky with women, which is bound to be a good thing

dmoneycrowgod · 2019-12-31T15:32:48+00:00

Employing red pill tactics and being increasingly more and more dark triad and having an incredible success rate made me gave up. Women are children and you’re the candy they want, you just have to make her realize it. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Title	Q4All. For those who gave up dating (or approach it in a different way?).
Author	ReachForYourDreams
Upvotes	9
Comments	56
Date	December 31, 2019 12:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ei2cwb/q4all_for_those_who_gave_up_dating_or_approach_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-for-those-who-gave-up-dating-or-approach-it.303730 https://theredarchive.com/post/303730

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