Hi there,

I’m not currently dating anyone but am desperately trying to move on from my ex and am still learning how to decipher LVM behaviors. I feel sharing my experiences will not only help me move on but also help warn other women of this behavior and keep vigilant. Feel free to share your own! I was inspired by a mixture of my feelings and another thread where you guys deciphered things.

-why was there a blow job video (someone giving him head) on your phone when we were on our like third date? You really left it open, “forgot”, and then showed it to me?! You didn’t exactly rush to stop it either.

-Why did you only decide to “want to marry me” because I took your mom to the gym? He said that’s how he knew.

-Why did my “chore list” get exponentially longer over time? If I didn’t keep up- he’d be very angry and would tell me I’m worthless and to just “keep doing what I’m doing, because apparently that’s my best.”

-Speaking of chores, why did you get so angry with me anytime the sheets weren’t done? Why did you hate me so much for this? I knew I’d be in BIG trouble if I fucked up the timing of new sheets on the bed and when he wanted to sleep. He would yell for 30+ mins and tell me not to interrupt and tell me how horrible I am to him and contribute nothing.

-Why did you consider me to be selfish? Yes I stayed with you and you paid for our meals. But you didn’t exactly act selfless yourself. Anything you ever did for me got thrown back in my face.

-Why did you tell me to start a business only to get pissed that it became successful? Why did you start saying that I should work for your company and that there’s more money and potential for me there?

-Why did you buy a brand new truck when I was truck shopping myself?

-Why did you start trying to charge rent?

-Why were you obsessed with trying to take videos of me giving you BJs?

-Why did you begin requesting BJs or quickies every morning only to deny me every single time when I tried to do what you asked?

-Why did you always promise good sex later only for it to never happen?

-Why didn’t you want me anymore?

-Why were you always resentful towards me for not giving you a BJ and letting you come on my face on vacation? “I paid for it, fuck yeah I expect BJs! I’d give head if I got a free vacation” of course he was an asshole on vacation so I wasn’t in the mood to do it!

-He would also say he would fuck his partner all the time and clean the house if they paid for everything. “you’re not even a good bangmaid” he said to me in all sincerity. Yes I made the mistake of explaining how I felt he was trying to make me that.

-Why did you get angry with me when I couldn’t help you do certain things physically? “God I forgot how small you are.” And he’d wave me out of way and huff and try to do the thing himself. And I mean like trying to lift or move a fully loaded trailer or lift something ridiculously heavy for a woman of my stature.

-Why did you always say you were so happy I was pretty and lucky I was hot, and that I deserve better and I’m too good, only to scorn me for ever wearing make-up or pretty clothes. “Its not you” he would say.

-Why were you so into BJs and threesomes?

-ETA: Why did you get simultaneously mad and laugh at me when I flinched whenever you gently play slapped me during sex? “I’d never hurt you. It’s just a joke.” He would basically tap my face with his fingers super gently to be a smartass about how I said I didn’t want to be slapped in bed anymore. So he would do that instead. I flinched because I was afraid one day he would surprise me with a real one. I think he knew and found my real fear to be comical. But also resented me for being scared because that meant he couldn’t slap me like he wanted.

-He also said he couldn’t help but want to be rough on me and choke me and slap me.

-Why did you insert your finger into my ass without warning or asking? Why did you care SO much that I tried anal with an ex and didn’t like it? How is it empowering for you to do the same thing to me that I know I don’t like?! The control aspect of this makes no sense to me.

-Why did you start saying how much you loved Erin on the Office? “God I LOVE her”

-Why were you so mean to me when I cut my finger open and the meds wore off so I was crying in pain asked to be comforted? How could you just scold me, roll over, and start snoring? I lost a chunk and five months later still have weird nerve sensitivity.

-Why did I always have to be positive for you to be so negative? How could I be when you made me feel so on edge every single second of every single day?

-Why did we always have to take showers together?

-Why did you resent me so much for staying “for free” every night when I tried to stay at home. “No please don’t leave” he would beg every single night.

-“I got this. I want you to save your money.” You would say only to be resentful in the manners that have been described above.

-Why wouldn’t you clean up the puppy pee? You would literally leave it there to dry and rot.

-What was so wrong about me? Why was I never enough? Why did you keep me around?

It felt really good to let all that out. I know he was obviously terrible and these aren’t red flags but straight up abuse. I just can’t wrap my head around all of it. I just don’t understand how someone could be so cruel. I don’t understand how he could straight up ruin my self-esteem, move on and begin dating two weeks after we broke up. I bet he was going to keep looking for his wifey baby mama while I stayed around at least trying to make him happy. If he didn’t actually just cheat, which I felt he did. It was better than nothing to him to have me try and fail to meet his standards. I understand a lot of this and FDS and the handbook saved me. But it still just really fuckin hurts! I tried so hard to love him and be the best for him because we were talking about having a future, but he was stringing me along. And it makes me feel worthless deep inside. I know I have worth but have to admit it took a chunk out of my armor. I feel ugly and useless whenever I think about how he treated me. He was a piece of shit and I was an unaware pickme. I know so much better now but it just doesn’t take the hurt away.