Is it normal to struggle with one gender and not the other? How do you correct this?

Junebug_20 · 2020-11-11T18:42:43+00:00

I think this has less to do with looks or interests than it does with who women seek out as friends does not always translate to who men are interested in as partners.

Are you a helpful person? Like, quick to come up with solutions, jump up and start cleaning up after a party, give advice when a friend has a problem, tell someone when they have something stuck in their teeth, etc. Those are all good traits, and they translate really positively in the working world and in friendships. But I have a theory- based on nothing but my own observations- that this type of person may have objective success in all other areas of their life but they don't do as well in romantic relationships.

Part of my theory comes from reading Laura Doyle, who says "receptivity is femininity." So men are always looking to give, but they need the space to do so. So if you are constantly in a giving type of energy, where you're giving advice, help, solutions, etc., there is no space for a man to give you anything, so he doesn't feel needed.

I think you'll find men are more interested if you consciously try to do more receiving. Being pleaseable and receptive is the key to a man's heart. When I became more aware of it my marriage became a lot happier. We're much happier now than when I was stressing myself about packing his lunch every single day and other stuff like that.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2020-11-11T19:48:17+00:00

Are you trying to become friends with men first? Appearing too maternal or too "buddy buddy" will turn men off. When you interact with these men, what is your goal? Are you adding value (being kind, feminine) or taking value from them (criticizing, nagging, passive aggressive)? And are these men single or already taken? As said once in SATC, "women are for friendships, men are for f*cking." So you've got part 1 down already :) Men are drawn to aesthetics first and foremost, then to feminine energy and pleasantness. Smile lots, be a good listener, don't interrupt, and actively try to add value when you're interacting with a man you're interested in. Good luck!

blueberrypanda1 · 2020-11-11T22:24:37+00:00

Check our attachment theory and look at the parents. Usually women with issues with other women have something with their maternal figures and women with issues with men have issues with their father figures. As an example, I have a friend who is an amazing friend to female friends but has terrible issues with men- she acts like a different person with men she dates. As I got to know her better I discovered her mother is a kind and loving woman and her father is selfish and cruel.

RRBeachFG2 · 2020-11-11T15:59:50+00:00

You need to make your look more feminine if you are truly interested in attracting men. From your short synopsis there it sounds like you have a more masculine aura and that's why you are attracting women.

2020-11-12T02:16:53+00:00

[deleted]

cornycatlady · 2020-11-11T19:36:36+00:00

How do you interact with men? Do you feel insecure around them? Nervous? Uptight?

I tend to get along well with men because I feel comfortable and joke around with them. Men appreciate women who is confident, silly, and laid back.

TranslatedSky · 2020-11-11T16:14:35+00:00

Don’t think it’s normal, but more of where you are in life. In my case I’ve been on opposite ends of the spectrum, where I grew up as a tomboy and only hung out with boys. The more feminine you are in behaviour the more men you attract. Doesn’t matter what your hobbies are.

Actually the more feminine you are in behavior, the more quality women you attract as well. Tomboyish behaviour is a threat to other women. Women are generally kinder to other feminine women. After I applied RPW to my life the greatest change was how easy it became to connect with other authentic women.

I dunno how you act in person, but it could be that you behave differently around boys as you do with girl friends. Try being in touch with your own feminity - not talking just about dressing up but things like kindness, receptivity, thoughtfulness, sociability.

aussiedollface2 · 2020-11-12T08:13:02+00:00

This was/is me (although I’m married now). I think I come across as a bit aloof and high maintenance which many men would think “nope too hard work”. I have always have had a lot of female friends and some gay male friends too. I don’t care as I’m married now but it really is worth considering how you appear to men...especially ones you are looking to date. If you’re extreme in any area then try tone it down. You can’t totally change yourself though, my hubby likes my high maintenance outfits etc and says he finds it “feminine”, so there’s someone for everyone xo

TwelthGate · 2020-11-11T22:22:25+00:00

There was a time in my life when this was happening to me. Looking back, I dont think I was really ready for a relationship, and I was probably sending out weird signals!

elegantlybroken · 2020-11-11T17:35:01+00:00

When I was in my early 20s I have a ton of male friends. Now I’m in my late, going to be 30 in may. I have more women friends. I truly think my old friends just wanted to fuck me lol and stay around in hopes I was to become single.

pt5 · 2020-11-11T19:54:48+00:00

In the realm of sexual and intergender dynamics, opposites attract. Because opposites attract, if you become what you’re attracted to... you will attract the opposite of it. Female friends are attracted to your masculine presence; men are turned off by it. Much the same way that other women tend to hate those women that get all of the attention from men.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2020-11-11T20:48:53+00:00

How tall are you? Most average men don't mind curves and plumpness; only bodybuilders or really vain men will consider weight to be a deal breaker in the beginning. Not to sound crass, but men will always prefer to be with a "6" who is happy and sexual, vs a "10" who is frigid and unpleasant. In RP they acknowledge that men will "date down" (preferred), vs women who continually "date up".

cartmaninfit · 2020-11-11T16:10:55+00:00

Men usually don't care for female friendship unless they have ulterior motives. Perhaps you should try to be/appear more attractive not sure if that's the kind of friendship you are looking for.

flowers4u · 2020-11-17T02:33:53+00:00

I personally don’t find most men interesting. Like they are kinda surface level. Like my husband will talk to his friends and it’s nothing really deep if that makes sense. Like fart jokes or talking about trucks or sports. I can’t really relate to that. Idk I never really learned how to talk to most guys, especially the macho into sports types. However the guys I do make friends with easily tend to have a shit ton of friends, both male and female

aigars2 · 2020-11-11T21:22:37+00:00

Men don't connect by support (emotion and talking). Men connect by play (doing stuff together and laughing about stuff together). Even laughing about eachother. That way they define boundaries and place of respect. I'm guessing you didn't had a father figure? No need to answer.

Title	Is it normal to struggle with one gender and not the other? How do you correct this?
Author	rhinoplasties
Upvotes	53
Comments	46
Date	November 11, 2020 3:45 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/jsaex9/is_it_normal_to_struggle_with_one_gender_and_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-normal-to-struggle-with-one-gender-and-not.324295 https://theredarchive.com/post/324295

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