Why More Women Are Saying No to Casual Sex

souredskittles · 2020-12-29T20:55:03+00:00

Lmao men even ruined that. They got sex on a platter but decided to make it the worst experience, now all the ladies are running. Too rich lmao

allitime · 2020-12-29T20:44:18+00:00

"I'm sorry how is this exciting, pleasing pornsick men who wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire?"

Probably because these women have been brainwashed into the idea that pleasing and catering to men gives them a sense of value, and that sense of value is the closest thing they're getting to a positive, loving connection

sassenachpants · 2020-12-29T20:34:39+00:00

I’ve been thinking a LOT about this from a personal perspective lately. Casual doesn’t work for me because deep emotional connection is a huge component of why it’s so pleasurable. My best sex has been had when I’m in love with my partner and they are in love with me and I feel secure in the relationship. FDS is spot on: no booty until commitment.

climbergal928 · 2020-12-30T02:50:39+00:00

I can't tell you enough about the disappointment in my casual sex pickmeshia days.

There were too many times when the guy came in less that 2 minutes after days of chatting up how great the sex was going to be.

Or when they unzip their pants and the disappointment sets in with what I have to work with.

But don't get confused, size isn't everything. It was worst to see a huge member, but then come to realize he just never really gets that hard because of his size.

Lots of times the sex was just blah. Or they couldn't go multiple rounds. One and done.

I even had a guy cum the moment my vaginal lips touched his penis (me on top) and no he wasn't a teenager. Of course it was over, he didn't even attempt to reciprocate.

The worst part is that I would cancel plans or ditch friends to go on "dates" with these guys. I would spend $65 on a Brazilian, I would keep up on regular dye jobs ($250), I would shave my legs, I would get a Mani/pedi ($65). I would buy sexy lingerie and show up in fuck-me heels and a trenchcoat like your perfect porn fantasy. I would experiment, send sexy videos and sext like a champ.

And what did I get..... mediocre sex. (And Im not dumb, sometimes the first time is akward, I get that, but I also get a real connection makes sex so much better) And I would beg for more. 🤯 what? Why?! It mostly never lived up to anything I had built up in my head. And let me say it again "what I built in my head". These men didn't really lie to me, but rather I heard and saw what I wanted to see. Don't get me wrong some of it was exciting and fun. But the emptiness would kick in after a few days of no contact and then knowing they weren't available because suprise, suprise, they were with someone else because I'm just in their rotation. And I'm not acting high and mighty, I had a rotation too... But deep down I didn't want to be one in a rotation, I wanted to be the one for them. I didn't want to have my own rotation either but it helped me feel less lonely. At the very least I had a back up after days of primping and getting ghosted, maybe someone else would enjoy my efforts.

So this isn't a bitter woman's monologue. Nor a scorned woman's. Honestly, it's not even about men. It's about me and why I kept choosing these men and why I subjected myself to that. I'm not bitter, I'm not scorned. I'm not a man hater. I'm smarter. I wont go through all that effort and all those feelings for casual. I know I want more than casual. I reevaluated why I was feeling empty after those encounters and found that I couldn't find intimacy without sex. I couldn't be vunerable without sex. I didn't know how to open up to people so in that moment of vunerability laying next to someone i felt like I could let my guard down and people could really see me. So I sought help. I worked on building great female friendships. I made it a goal to not ditch my friends for a guy. I worked on being vunerable with other people without sex. I worked on identifying what I want and to look for warning signs. I now feel pretty empowered and fufiled in life. A great relationship will be the icing on the cake with the right person and I'm ok waiting. I'm not in a big rush.

If I'm dating someone who has boyfriend potential and I could see a possibility for more with then I don't ever let it become casual. You usually can't dig yourself out of casual the majority of the time. There aren't dinner dates at our houses, there isn't sexting, there isn't sex for a while, there aren't sleepovers etc. I dont need a coffee date to see if we connect, because we have gotten to know each other on a real level before hand and we go into a first date with a romantic intention. I'm not looking for a foodie call. I go to dinner with a guy when I think there is potential. And to the male and pickmeshia lurkers... They see by my actions that I like them, I'm not playing them and that I have a lot to offer through our conversations. And yes I'm still affectionate towards them. I don't want to create false intimacy with premature sexual interactions.

This process has literally weeded out the men who are looking for a relationship but.... not with me. And that's fine. Im just smarter to see that a guy thinks I'm ok enough to have sex with but not get serious with. And honestly they have a right not to date me as much as I have a right not to want to sleep with them. It feels great to say no to heading back to their place and it feels even better to delete their number after they've chosen not to reach out after I declined sex. I can move on. What feels horrible is having sex with someone, thinking there might be more and then no contact. Men may not speak their feelings, but they sure act out their feelings. I will no longer accept casual sex for the fake promise I've built in my head that it could me more. I dont listen to their words anymore but their actions and I set my boundaries and expectations.

I'm not going to act that I'm innocent in all this. Lots of the disappointment, hurt feelings, anger and feeling of being used came from ME not paying attention to the situation, from ME not having boundaries, from ME not having a voice and being direct, from ME not choosing men wisely. So if I'm going to be a pickmeshia.... I'm gonna pick ME every time.

azureangel35 · 2020-12-29T21:25:19+00:00

It's literally like saying why would you want to eat when you can just cook and watch someone enjoy the food you made?

ffs.

janetheautomaton · 2020-12-30T01:07:07+00:00

According to the frustrated women in my inbox, there’s no point in casual sex until we figure out a way to teach men how do it with consideration.

I ain't teaching men shit. I figured out good sex, they can figure out good sex.

thegoldenmirror · 2020-12-29T22:56:20+00:00

Though they probably would piss on us!

Glad to see I’m not the only one thinking this way. It’s difficult when I want to be single but also want company/sex/intimacy that sex toys can’t give me. I don’t want to waste my time and energy on shit sex with shit men either.

2020-12-30T02:03:43+00:00

I don’t understand how casual sex can be fun sometimes. You run a lot of risks in exchange for......being used for sex? But anyways baby steps! It is good more women are realizing this. I can’t wait to hear the men whine over this 🤣

cynnamonn · 2020-12-30T04:03:44+00:00

no but for real this is it. the energy is just not worth it. like why would i go out of my way to shave my legs and physically drive to hang out with you just so you can benefit from how hot and great i am ? i’m cool here with my vibrator and my clean sheets thanks

frogchickenhorse · 2020-12-30T02:39:45+00:00

I tried casual sex this year and the hormone addiction plus how bad my mental health got... I didn’t recognise myself and I didn’t like it. Coming out of restrictions and going on the pill has helped return normal cynical me.

sleepykittn · 2020-12-30T03:36:25+00:00

Ive never been promiscuous, im not brave enough to be vulnerable like that + paranoid of std's and even just kissing because they can lie about oral herpes but i read a study that women reported more disatisfaction than men (duh) from casual sex that they werent always getting orgasms so i felt vindicated for my choice.

It's usually just the man getting his so why take the risk on a stranger? We already know it takes time for a man to learn how to get us off and thats not what they care about.

I also just feel more empowered to not give men the satisfaction of conquering me for sex. Only allowing sex when they love me and in a long term relationship with a HVM. Gratefully ive only been with 2 and they were willing to wait and they were both long term.

catsuramen · 2020-12-30T13:18:17+00:00

If they aren't willing to learn good sex, they aren't willing to communicate.

Nope.

asoww · 2020-12-30T16:47:39+00:00

It is literally saying everything that I love. This article is perfect.

Title	Why More Women Are Saying No to Casual Sex
Author	Pornruinedsociety
Upvotes	270
Comments	37
Date	December 29, 2020 10:37 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kmc137/why_more_women_are_saying_no_to_casual_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-more-women-are-saying-no-to-casual-sex.340622 https://theredarchive.com/post/340622

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