Too much alpha in LTR. Behaved like a dick. Was preparing to 'apologize' when I came over. Didn't have to because she was dressed up and ready to fuck me

Archwinger · 2017-01-30T13:22:16+00:00

Stop listening to the shit your woman says. Just watch her actions.

What does she do when you're the way you are? Does she leave you? Nope. She stays. Does she withhold sex? Nope. She fucks you eagerly. Does she behave badly? Nope. She goes out of her way to demonstrate her loyalty to you.

She is telling you, with every action, to stay the course.

It's okay to reward her good behavior, though. Intermittently. Typically after good sex.

vandaalen · 2017-01-30T10:15:19+00:00

Her levels look fine to me.

empatheticapathetic · 2017-01-30T11:08:24+00:00

You probably provided enough comfort traits without realising, or she's not as insecure as she makes out, it's an attempt at manipulation.

iHeartCapitalism · 2017-01-30T10:34:03+00:00

Why on earth would you apologise after she reacted so positively to you? This event is pretty much closed now.

My guess on what happened is that she is more interested in you than she thinks you are in her, so she's willing to make a lot more compromises to simply continue being with you.

In LTRs though, it's always good to mix in some soft traits, too much alpha will wear down almost any (mentally healthy, normal) woman.

FrameWalker · 2017-01-30T15:35:11+00:00

Obviously I will mix in some more beta traits from now on because her comfort levels are way too low. But should I still 'apologize' to her?

You are already mixing in beta traits. Too many beta traits, and that's why she's fighting. To first order you are playing the redpill game, but already 5 months in your LTR is losing her shit. Why? Because you are using overt communication rather than covert communication.

You might as well tell her that you're the alpha in the relationship out loud.

Her hamster is spinning out of control, and while it can be good right now, in the long run it's not sustainable. Do you want this to be a 6 month LTR or a 2-5+ year LTR?

I learned the hard way - you can explicitly state your boundaries ONCE at the beginning of the relationship, and if you forgot one try to get it out. But after you've said your piece keep your mouth SHUT. Hold frame, don't react, and don't tell her what to do. If she displeases you get busy with plausible deniability. Act, don't speak.

Don't forget that you lead by example. If you're out drinking with buddies 3x a week, she might do the same.

So in summary do not apologize, and stop policing her with words. Use only actions and say as little as necessary.

Regarding her messages:

'You're not my father. Stop fucking telling me what to do' 'I didn't go out with my friends yesterday for us, you know that right?' 'I'm not your property' 'I won't let you speak to me like that. I'm your girlfriend' 'Give me some fucking credit about how I'm always sticking with your principles' 'I'm not your dog' 'You don't even acknowledge everything I'm giving up for you' 'Stop treating me like a little child' 'You can't talk to me like that anymore alright? Remember we are equals' 'I need someone who behaves as an equal, who helps me when I need it. Someone like you without forceful words and belittlement'

These are not the things she actually wants. These are the things she wants to be able to say in her mind, to her friends, and to her hamster to resolve the cognitive dissonance between the blue world and your red ways. Live the red life, but let her talk blue. If you overtly setup barriers that prevent her hamster from closing its own loops, these outbursts will continue. Easy workaround is keep your mouth shut.

DeadlyHonest · 2017-01-30T12:19:15+00:00

Sounds a little crazy to be honest. Next time she'll have a breakdown and stab you in your sleep

BestSC86 · 2017-01-30T14:33:18+00:00

I don't think that you need to apologize, just keep fucking his girl until you grow tired of it.

Just don't expect a healthy relationship with this girl as she has such low self-esteem that she is constantly going to be looking for any scrap of validation from you that she can get. Hence she will forever be pushing for it and creating drama when you don't supply it to her. Because quite honestly it comes across quite clearly that you don't really like this girl very much outside of a constant piece of ass likely because she is so needy.

Long term, I think that it would help for you to look for a girl who you actually like,

SexistFlyingPig · 2017-01-30T13:56:14+00:00

I find this hilarious. You're doing everything you should be doing and you're getting every indication that it's the right path. And yet you STILL come here seeking validation?

1) She craves your leadership. It turns her on and completes her life.
2) She craves the borders that you put on her behavior and her life.
3) Your attention validates her existence.

If you showed up tomorrow and said "We're going to the courthouse to get married. You have to buy the rings before 1PM." She would be waiting with baited breath with two rings that she bought using the money that was supposed to pay for the rest of college.

In her life, where everything is relative and everything is negotiated, she can count on you to tell her what to do even when she's going crazy.

nbasports825 · 2017-01-30T14:41:24+00:00

She knows I will drop her ass if she goes clubbing (she hasn't gone clubbing since we're together) She knows I will drop her ass if she gets drunk without me (we got drunk together once) She knows I will drop her ass if she engages in text convo's with random dudes (she removed every guy from her phone and insisted I watch her do it. She also gave me every password she has)

How do you set boundaries like this? I would like some advice on how to set boundaries.

(She knows I will drop her ass if she engages in text convo's with random dudes) Did she ask you to stop texting other girls as well?

Kalidane · 2017-01-30T11:35:57+00:00

You held frame.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-01-30T18:16:56+00:00

So I assume you didn't bother replying, but if this happened in real-time, (i.e. in person) I'd have gone with the below:

'You're not my father. Stop fucking telling me what to do'

"Why? Clearly you need 'adult supervision'..."

'I didn't go out with my friends yesterday for us, you know that right?'

"Wow. You ARE teachable."

'I'm not your property'

"Your pussy is."

'I won't let you speak to me like that. I'm your girlfriend'

"Someone clearly needs a spanking."

'Give me some fucking credit about how I'm always sticking with your principles'

"So I should praise you for doing the right thing?"

'I'm not your dog'

"A moment ago, you wanted to be praised for your obedience. You know, like a dog."

'You don't even acknowledge everything I'm giving up for you'

"What are you giving up? Being a drunk club slut? You should thank me."

'Stop treating me like a little child'

"Stop acting like one."

'You can't talk to me like that anymore alright? Remember we are equals'

"[Actual LOL]"

'I need someone who behaves as an equal, who helps me when I need it. Someone like you without forceful words and belittlement'

"No, you need a leader who can lead you, and not simply give in to whatever silly idea you may have at any given time."

Two final thoughts:

When in doubt, sexist condescension is your friend.

"Never apologize, never explain."

-From "The Sayings of Chairman Zaitzev"

Metalgear222 · 2017-01-30T15:29:17+00:00

Standard humblebrag post. Nothing to see here.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-01-30T14:25:34+00:00

Ignore her words, watch her actions.

seems to me like a woman who is attracted to you, why fuck that up over your unease of being a man?

sosueme · 2017-01-30T15:28:10+00:00

I get the same from my fiance about one a month. Just before ovulation. Hope you wrap it up.

InformalCriticism · 2017-01-30T16:35:34+00:00

Honestly, I'm having similar situations with my gf, and I have no idea how to measure it. I haven't really taken my foot off the gas, and she has been more vocal about being horny, and she didn't do that before; we've been dating for over a year now.

I can only guess if you keep the emotions on the same level as when you first met, you will continue to get good results. Now, I should use the word "good" lightly here. She will only flip off the crazy switch when all of her emotional bullshit gets spent - she will only revert to sex when she is convinced her mind games won't work, even when you're not technically right, because women don't want someone who's right, they want someone who is stronger than them.

You could be politician level wrong, and as long as you never step out of frame, you will always give her tingles.

It's fucking weird, but this is female nature we're talking about. There was a study recently about gender preferences, and how women are literally wired to side with the invading horde. I can't find the exact study, but it basically examined gender differences in small groups, and when strangers can witness your views. Basically, women would be significantly less likely to voice a dissenting view from the group if she knew it was unpopular. Whereas men are more likely to share an unpopular idea with their group, even when it could be witness by strangers. Just be her viking, and she won't be able to help herself. Just measure how much sanity you want to risk in the meantime.

mjc500 · 2017-01-30T18:54:35+00:00

I have no problems with my LTR because I don't obsess over alpha and beta traits and mining the social market for wins while dwelling on my insecurity. Stop thinking about extracting what you want from society like you're extracting ore from the earth, work on being a decent person that you can look in the mirror and respect. The only reason you're locked in some eternal struggle of social dominance is because you've taken this red pill stuff dogmatically. Some really ridiculous shit gets said around here.

TRPTheRedLion · 2017-01-30T12:16:50+00:00

What happened is you were tested and you passed with flying colors. Whether it's a shit test or comfort test, I don't know. But it doesn't matter. You didn't apologize and you didn't enter her frame. You probably ignited dread game without knowing it and while you weren't answering, she spent the day thinking oh fuck, I'm not hearing back, he may be thinking about leaving me.

Avskygod0 · 2017-01-30T14:11:31+00:00

you accidentally reepilled yourself

kasper138 · 2017-01-30T16:57:19+00:00

People on here are seriously confusing a typical woman's reaction to a crazy woman's reaction.

max_peenor · 2017-01-30T17:09:26+00:00

'I'm not your property'

Translate to TRPenese: "Your turn is expiring"

Either Archwinger is right and this is just a typical female verbal ejaculation and she is still under your tree or it is time to lose her number. Does she still please you? Fuck her. Does she now displease you? Next.

nastynickdr · 2017-01-30T17:28:20+00:00

'You're not my father. Stop fucking telling me what to do'

Shit test, disrespectful.

'I didn't go out with my friends yesterday for us, you know that right?'

Trying to make you feel guilty, manipulative.

Most of those are shit tests and her trying to manipulate/guilt trip you. As long as you pass shit tests/dont let her manipulate you, you should be fine. As you pointed, she is fucking you eagerly, going out of her way to please you, etc. She seems to have some feminism/equality BS ingrained in her, so watch for that. What exactly were you gonna apologize for?

"I'm not an experienced red-piller, but I have simply stated during our dating period that I would not enter a relationship with a woman who goes clubbing or gets drunk as I believe it's unfeminine behavior and women in a relationship have no business going clubbing."

You are setting boundaries, which is good. But be careful not to DEER.

"I wont be in a relationship with someone who does xxx". Good. This is non-negotiable, you are just stating it, she is free to accept it or you dont have a relationship anymore/she is demoted to plate.

"I wont be in a relationship with someone who does xxx BECAUSE blah blah blah." Not good. This makes you look weak, she sees you have to explain yourself, and gives her room to try to make your change your mind. "why cant I keep in touch with my exes? Dont you trust me? If you trusted me you wouldnt have a problem with that! Stop controlling me!"

You dont need to explain yourself to anyone. "I wont date a slut because they are promiscuous and fucked a lot of guys, and this is not something i want in a relationship, because she may pass me diseases, and other people will laugh at me, and its not something i expect for the future mother of my kids, blah blah blah..." Nah, no good.

Slut_Slayer9000 · 2017-01-30T18:20:38+00:00

In LTR you have to give her some comfort test, you have validate her sometimes. There's a fine line with being too beta and giving her some validation to keep her happy. You're actually failing your job as a man if you don't. Your validation is like the carrot infront of the horse, you put it out there to keep her enthused but you don't just flat out give her the carrot (completely being beta) or she will stop. Instead you give her bites, accepting comfort tests/validation/rewarding good behavior (good sex), but you keep strung out in front of her (strong frame, not giving into her bullshit) to keep her chasing. This is how a well balance relationship is suppose to be.

Shyrk · 2017-01-30T18:47:36+00:00

Goddamn, do I not miss being in a relationship.

I used to think a lot of TRP-branded monk mode stuff was horseshit, but the longer I'm single, the better my life really is. I couldn't tell you the last time I had to worry about "getting in a fight" or even care whatsoever about another person's feelings.

Auvergnat · 2017-01-30T20:06:25+00:00

These were not comfort tests but standard shit tests. By ignoring them you passed them, which generated tingles.

smirk_addict · 2017-01-30T20:12:07+00:00

She thought you were going to dump her when you came over.

That's why she was saying that pussy was yours and made that statement about her bullshit. It was her way of making sure if everything was ok.

DiggerClam · 2017-01-31T00:05:28+00:00

This works. It's obvious. But that is a lot of drama to hold together a LTR.

You think you can't get the same crazy sex without the crazy drama elsewhere?

StudntRdyTeachrApear · 2017-01-31T01:23:38+00:00

Just remember with girls like this that the moment you let off the gas and fall from your current status to her, that she will literally eat you alive and shit on your dead body. Once you've established a dynamic such as this, it becomes the ultimate test for them. They'll die trying to break you. Their ego submits naturally in the moment, but if their efforts to gain revenge ever succeed, then prepare for a radioactive cunt. But I guess this only really applies if you're married with kids. No relationship is anything close to as difficult as that. Without the leverage of tearing your children or resources from you, they literally have nothing. Sorry to get off topic, but I guess if anything take this...do not marry a chick who allows herself to be treated in such a way. Securing your commitment will be perceived as breaking you to an extent.

Thotwrecker · 2017-01-31T03:59:20+00:00

I don't know why these purple pill faggots have started talking about how you need to be 50% alpha 50% beta on TRP. They've clearly never figured down the art of holding down a 9+ chick. It's easy to hold down a 6-7 and keep her interest with like 30% alpha 70% beta, it doesn't fucking matter.

But for the female top % that gets hit on 3x if they go to check the mail wearing a potato sack, it's different. Her value is stratospheric while she's 18-25 and she wants to be constantly reminded of your superiority and abundance mentality. Be more alpha than you think you need to be.

The ONLY thing you have to do is to be passionate about rewarding good behavior. Don't be restrained and aloof, don't be robotic like American Psycho. When she does good, you reinforce that. If she put in a ton of effort into pulling out all stops in the bedroom to fuck you senseless, it's perfectly fine to cuddle her some and give her that comfort blast.

Betas reward prematurely in an attempt to convince her to do the thing they want. Alphas reward afterwards, in recognition of good behavior.

Sort of like how if you've ever been in a fight that you won, but the other guy fought his heart out, you'll still beat his ass, but after you'll lift him up and give him a nod of approval, because you recognize him as a man. With women they need it more explicit. The problem is you argue and fight with your bitch when she's bad, but you're probably not adequately rewarding her for what she does do. Giving approval when she does earn it is important.

Coach-Red-Pill · 2017-06-14T20:01:19+00:00

Never. Fucking. Apologize. Ever.

Toss her a treat every now and again—but never bitch out and apologize.

omlettefag · 2017-01-30T14:26:42+00:00

Sounds to me like you're emotionally abusing her.

I agree on your analysis ; too much sociopathic traits, not enough 'beta'/comfort traits.

Obviously I will mix in some more beta traits from now on because her comfort levels are way too low. But should I still 'apologize' to her?

You're way beyond the point of apologizing. I would say to show your affection to her, slowly. Release affection slowly in little intimate ways. Right now all she thinks is that you've objectified her and degraded her. You cannot change that in an instant. Build it up in her head. Slowly, but surely.

Remember to be self-aware of your actions.

Title	Too much alpha in LTR. Behaved like a dick. Was preparing to 'apologize' when I came over. Didn't have to because she was dressed up and ready to fuck me
Author	Dunharrow12
Upvotes	76
Comments	53
Date	January 30, 2017 10:11 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5qzv2n/too_much_alpha_in_ltr_behaved_like_a_dick_was/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/too-much-alpha-in-ltr-behaved-like-a-dick-was.342 https://theredarchive.com/post/342

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