Women are grounded in reality and are attracted to men who can manipulate the real world. Men live in a world of abstractions and are attracted to women on a fantastical level.

edgar_vpacos · 2020-12-25T07:29:27+00:00

This post is quite abstract and as such women will have a hard time understanding it.

Thank you for your post. I am a woman and welcome all abstract posts -- please do not worry about women not understanding on the basis of abstraction!

I think that a lot of human beings are grounded in reality, especially those who suffer from things like poverty, food insecurity, and other material needs and danger. I think what you may mean (please correct me if I am wrong) is that people whose needs are in danger of not being met are ever-thinking about how to get those real-world needs met, and you assume that women need men in order to have their desires and needs met, and therefore women are grounded in reality.

Your statement that men "are free" and so have time to wander is interesting -- what do you mean by "free"? Can you please elaborate on this if my take is incorrect? I take it that you assume the inverse of your assumption about women: that men's material needs are already met by virtue of them supporting themselves, and so they are not occupied with that and so have the luxury of dreaming beyond their circumstances. In your words, beyond their "reality".

I think that your post makes an interesting main point, beyond gender: that people's needs manifest their desires. And to me, this point is completely true and I wholeheartedly agree.

I also agree that both the master romance and the vague goddess romance are problematic, and those narratives likely have roots in unhealthy ideals.

However, your characterization of what the needs of women and men are is what I disagree with.

I use myself as an example in a lot of replies I am making here these days, and so I'll use myself as an example here too. I do not share the master of reality fantasy. While I am not the richest or the strongest person, I've never looked to men as a means of shaping or improving my reality. I see men as my friends and my allies, and so to me they are partners and co-creators of our shared reality, not the master of it. My fantasy partner is a man that is also my best friend and can understand me and love me, because those desires reflect my needs. I need a friend, I need someone to bounce ideas off of, I need someone who will ask me questions and then listen to the answers. I don't want a man to do everything for me because that sounds boring as fuck and I am a hedonist who wants to maximize life's enjoyment by doing cool things and shaping my life as I want it, but I also don't want to keep doing everything by myself.

I've never enjoyed aspects of stories where one person does everything and manipulates everything, probably because I would be unhappy if that happened to me.

ParkTheMonkey · 2020-12-25T12:23:48+00:00

"This post is quite abstract and as such women will have a hard time understanding it."

Nothing funnier than a passive aggressive incel. You need to spend less time on this site my boy.

badgersonice · 2020-12-25T06:02:20+00:00

"Whether it's Christian Grey or the Beast, women want something that's grounded in reality."

That sentence is hilarious. Are you trolling?

mrmrmagik · 2020-12-25T03:15:58+00:00

Jack, the penniless tramp from Titanic, master of reality.

Jeremy Meeks, undisputed champion of the real world.

Justin Bieber. Since age 11, it was clear that he could control reality. The haircut had nothing to do with it.

Shirtless firemen, they control fire, that’s mastering reality, right?

A rich lady’s pool boy. Look at him skimming those leaves out like a master!

Billionaires and powerful politicians are the true masters of reality. But women don’t fantasize about Trump, Bezos and Musk. They like young musicians and actors.

Mimoxs · 2020-12-25T04:07:54+00:00

they don't want to think about the abstract man and woman they want to think about the real Daniel and Jane.

What exactly does this mean? I feel like women think about abstract a lot. I probably think of things more abstract than not

The female romance story is for a man who is master of reality to be attracted to her. There are no abstractions, it's all happening right here, right now for her. Whether it's Christian Grey or the Beast, women want something that's grounded in reality.

But neither of those examples are grounded in reality at all. Lots of fictional characters women are attracted to are not demonstrations if manipulators of the real world or whatever. Wasn't the Beast like a angry loser living by himself bc he was ugly?

TheJuicyPineapple · 2020-12-25T03:15:31+00:00

if women are so grounded in reality

why the fk are they so delusional?

badgersonice · 2020-12-25T13:21:46+00:00

So, it is hilarious how you frame this as men smart women dumb here:

This post is quite abstract and as such women will have a hard time understanding it.

... while failing to see how incredibly fucking dumb it is to do this:

When a man is attracted to a woman, he constructs some image of her in his head, he converts her into a goddess of some sort regardless of what she actually is. Even if she is completely useless, that is irrelevant to him, the image he's crafted of her is what fuels him.

Falling in love with an abstract woman is the exact recipe for how you wind up marrying a woman you don’t actually know at all, treating her the way you imagine she wants while ignoring the very real words she uses and actions she does to communicate with you, then fail to realize she’s miserable and ready to give up until the marriage is dead already you’re blindsided by divorce.

: I think literally every single woman replying to this thread has coming in giving a pointless blog about their own life. In other words they do exactly what I said: They focus on real examples rather than abstract notions.

And no, this is not my personal life, or that of someone I know closely—it’s just kind of an obvious thing that can happen to you if you live your life in the clouds instead of paying attention to the real world.

Incidentally, overthinking everything in the abstract is how you sabotage all sorts of things in real life, not just dating and relationships. Sure, in dating, it’s how you neurotically reject yourself from asking a girl out before you even try. In sports, it’s how you succumb to your opponent’s head games or just start imagining how you could loose (instead of just focusing on reality playing every point to your best ability).

RandomUsernameSkrrrt · 2020-12-25T05:30:32+00:00

Let me switch those for you real quick.

Women live in a world of abstractions: Because women lack volatile testosterone coursing through their veins 24/7 that constantly sabotages prefrontal cortex ("higher self") function in favor of impulsive limbic ("animal self") function, they are less "grounded" to immediately corporeal triggers. Their spatial-oriented minds dispose them toward literature, art, philosophy, fashion, and music, all of which take place in the abstract. With all of their physical needs provided for by their strong "doers" of mates, their attention is free to wander from the base of Maslow's pyramid of hierarchy of needs to the tip of self-actualization. This makes them more idealistic-minded than pragmatic (why a lot of women tend to identify with left-wing politics). They literally exist in lesser physicality (smaller and weaker), which incentivizes alternative abstract sources of strength in social rhetoric and complexity. So women are attracted to men who fulfill the opposite of this, which follows:

Men are grounded in reality: Their linear-oriented minds dispose them toward engineering and science, all of which pertain to the concrete. They'd rather play sports than read a book, or punch someone in the face than "talk it out." With responsibility to pursue mates and provide for family constantly bearing down, their attention is focused on the base of Maslow's pyramid of hierarchy of needs and rarely has time to make it to the tip. This makes them more pragmatic-minded than idealistic (why a lot of men tend to identify with right-wing politics). They literally exist in higher physicality (bigger and stronger), which incentivizes less alternative sources of abstract strength, resulting in higher rates of social ineptitude, autism, and dyslexia. So men are attracted to women who fulfill the opposite of this, which is the above.

Obviously, these are all rough generalizations, and there is plenty crossover depending on the individual. The reason why this post was particularly relevant to me is because it is in direct conflict with what I've observed in my own life. I'm a 20 year old woman currently pursuing physics as my major, which initially started out as a love for philosophy/theoretical undertakings, especially antecedent quandaries pertaining to causality, like those of religion. Guess what my biggest complaint has been in all of my male-taught math and physics classes? It is taught too literally. I remember sitting in my Calculus 4 teacher's office hours asking him to explain what a 'matrix' really represents, and he deferred to the textbook's definition: an n x m array of numbers. It was the equivalent of someone asking what a dog is, and another person answering "a three letter word comprised of D, O, and G." Seriously? I'm asking for the theoretical concept, not the practical representation of it. I proceeded to spend several hours in a study room alone analyzing its structure on a whiteboard and discovered its meaning on my own. I remember asking my physics teacher the significance of mathematical operations in physics equations, and he explained inverse/direct proportionality in terms of real-life phenomena. It was a fair explanation, but not as abstract as I would have preferred. He taught his physics class like an engineering class, with massive emphasis on concrete numerical value calculation over theoretical relationship of variables. Over and over I have encountered this conflict, even in debates with one of my brothers. He refuses to entertain certain hypothetical thought-experiments for reason of practical irrelevance. lol, totally missing the point.

Anyway, I know all of this explanation has been quite abstract, and as such I'm sure you'll have a hard time understanding it. x)

RooseChange · 2020-12-25T15:59:39+00:00

How does it follow that women are grounded in reality when it’s men who, in your own words, are the ones “acquiring resources, commanding people, dominating people, even killing people?” That’s literally men living in reality and abstracting women away from it.

This whole post is so absurdly reductionist. If you’ve spent any time on this forum you’d be aware of all the counter arguments saying that it’s women who are said to be shielded from the consequences of reality via social and/or legal means.

Whether you agree with those arguments or not, the point is that it’s not as simplistic as “women are grounded in reality, which is a statement you can’t disagree with, and can’t understand abstractions which apparently includes reading this very post and maybe doing math.”

Less_Detail · 2020-12-25T06:23:31+00:00

This post is quite abstract and as such women will have a hard time understanding it.

women and men have the same average IQ ; the difference is men on average are good with numbers and women on average are good with words.

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evolutionary_suicide · 2020-12-25T10:59:49+00:00

You forgot about toy boys. Apart from that, all correct.

The_Legend_of_Jaelon · 2020-12-26T07:52:33+00:00

Yeah I see a lot of “I need a tall man so I can feel protected” when the REALITY is so can a man of any size with a gun. I don’t see “has a gun” or “knows self defense” under most women’s presences for a guy.

I honestly just think being tall is something women are only attracted to because it’s one of those things that’s seen as attractive by the public. The same way having a skinny flat ass was attractive to white people in like the 2000s but now suddenly every white girl wants a fat ass. I assume it’s that way for height cause every justification for this height obsession absolutely isn’t grounded in reality.

upalse · 2020-12-26T08:03:19+00:00

Try dominating a context (men) vs embedding oneself into a context (women). Whether the context is reality, narrative or completely symbolic is irrelevant, as long all actors are on the same page.

short-cosmonaut · 2020-12-26T12:16:49+00:00

Women are grounded in reality because their association with men have potential implications in their financial well-being. Men typically don't face this risk.

randomfixation · 2020-12-27T11:54:28+00:00

Dude you need to get out more and stop living in your head. This post is ridiculous.

haleykohr · 2020-12-28T05:54:17+00:00

First of all I think I understand what you’re getting at. You’re saying that women’s desire and ideals lie in a practical view of life, whereas men don’t really need to fantasize about having a sugar mama or someone who will protect them from being harassed. Because to a man this is inherent to his experience.

What I will say is that I agree that a groups ideals and goals are hugely dependent on their circumstances. For instance, in a lot of immigrant communities there’s a huge idealization on getting a good job and being rich. Whereas for a lot of white people they go into philosophy or the humanities, and go into writing or the arts. It’s a different view of life and what it means to attain success.

That being said I don’t think this means that women innately have these fantasies. A lot of women centric erotica and communities have fantastical fantasies and material. Think about “the shape of water”. A fish man isn’t exactly related to real life concerns right?

I will also say that a huge reason men idealize and worship women is due to a cultural narrative on women. A lot of this based on the need to celebrate a woman’s fertility or chastity, usually be extolling her loyalty or gracefulness.

Which brings me to my final point. Men do in fact greatly value women for one very important innate feature: their fertility. Women’s reproductive contribution is much greater and valuable than men’s. What could be more valuable than her eggs themselves?

209hitta · 2020-12-28T10:25:15+00:00

You're delusional dude

moneygang4life · 2020-12-28T12:27:33+00:00

Women are the ones not grounded in reality

mydikishomofobik · 2020-12-25T04:52:48+00:00

Women are attracted to perceived status and men to young fertile females who can bear and care for their offspring.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-12-25T05:39:17+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2020-12-25T04:48:43+00:00

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TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-25T05:30:14+00:00

A more correct phrasing would be “Women are pragmatic and want men who will add to their quality of life and ensure their survival. Men are individualistic and want fertile women who can provide the most and healthiest offspring.”

Everyone is “grounded in reality” primarily and those that aren’t - don’t survive for very long in it.

Everyone is “attracted on a fantastical level.” Fantasies are the fuel for attraction.

moneygang4life · 2020-12-25T12:18:11+00:00

Its the opposite i think

antonio_aurelio · 2020-12-25T10:17:04+00:00

Men are true romantics and women are complete sociopaths. Why else would so many women love 50 Shades of Gray?

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