Is it too late to confront?

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March 10, 2020

Sunday night we had a get together for my wife's birthday. She works at a bar and the owners shut the place down that night just for us. We were having a good time until her boss had made an out of line comment. She had asked me if she had seen her juice, he over heard and said "i got some juice for you, some real good juice." (In a secual way) At the moment i just shook my head and looked at him. My wife said nothing until i asked her and she says that she dosent know where that came from. He also made a comment about drugging her drinks (wtf?).

Its less than 48 hrs later and i really want to say something. He was disrespectful and inappropriate. Im not friends with this asshole so i didnt take it as a joke.

I want to pull him on the side today and tell him that what he said was disrespectful, because if i said that to his wife (which i recieve soft kino from) he would probably flip out.

Am i being a little bitch by overreacting or am i a pussy for underreacting. Is it too late to confront? If

Post Information
Title Is it too late to confront?
Author NoHardFeeliings
Upvotes 10
Comments 57
Date 10 March 2020 06:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]InChargeManRed Beret28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your wife works at a bar? Red flag on her

Your wife's boss feels comfortable making sexual comments and insinuating drugging (and presumably raping) your wife and you do nothing? Red flag on you

[–]Perfectinmyeyes7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ya what's the dude saying to her when he's not there? -

[–]UnbreakableFrame26 points27 points  (9 children) | Copy

It's your wife's responsibility to draw that line, not yours.

Edit: you should be posting on Own Your Shit.

[–]NoHardFeeliings[S] 5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

Is that a boundary that needs to be spoken? Are you saying she should talk to him?

[–]ahackercalled4chan8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

it's her job to uphold that boundary.

remember, mate-guarding from a man is a form of weakness. only women should mate-guard.

[–]UnbreakableFrame4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are in no position to be setting boundaries. Just work on yourself and forget this happened.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando24 points25 points  (16 children) | Copy

You know when someone makes a joke at your expense, then later that evening, you think of a great comeback but it's irrelevant because the moment is gone?

That's what this is.

Forget about it. You'll look like a tool bringing it up now.

The reality of this is that you are a pussy. If you weren't, this wouldn't be an issue because you'd either have dealt with it at the time or just not given a shit about it, depending on your frame.

The issue here isn't him at all, it's you.

[–]NoHardFeeliings[S] 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

At the moment i didnt do anything but it bothered me the more i thought about it, my mind races into rage. Im fucking sick of this shit already. I get what you are saying and will remember for future interactions. Thank you

[–]part_wolf12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Im fucking sick of this shit already.

Take it out on the iron, not your girlfriend.

[–]psychoduckly0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

??? WTF did THIS come from?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

You're an angry little Beta. Angry at others when you should be angry at yourself.

Get to the gym and start lifting. There's very few blokes who'll fuck with a dude whose over 200 lbs and muscular.

[–]NoHardFeeliings[S] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Im 6'4 220, not it terrible shape and still pass military pt tests. But i am nowhere near my goals ive been back to the gym seriously for 3 weeks and will continue. I know that im better looking and in better shape than her boss but those are nothing if im a little bitch.

[–]redirectedfs0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

What are your lifts?

[–]NoHardFeeliings[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

BP 225 x 3 SQT 225 x 5 DL 395 x 1

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You need to lose a good 25-30 with those numbers. Get honest with yourself

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

At least - he probably should be around 180 with those numbers. Dude can barely bench his own body weight.....

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah I was building in a little muscle growth after the weight loss... probably wishful thinking

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Easiest way to tell is always deadlift - 2.5x body weight on deadlift is where you will have solid muscle and sufficiently lean. Even at 180 he’s still shy of that mark.

That’s why I only ever use deadlift for gauging strength - you can half rep a squat and bench but you ain’t half repping that lock out on a deadlift.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good Lord, I'm 150 pounds and can bench that.

Dude was testing you, you failed.

It doesn't matter.

Next time it happens, handle it.

Damn, and I squat more than that as well.

[–]_-resonance-_1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You seen that Seinfeld?

Boss (to indulgent George): Hey George, the ocean called and said they’re running out of shrimp!! (Laughter ensues).

George (days later): Yeah? The jerk store called and said they’re running out of YOU! (Laughter does not ensue).

Be in flow state enough to offer a jovial retort. If the moment passes without a natural comeback, let it go and stay present with your social game so next time maybe you can snap back.

[–]NoHardFeeliings[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with this. Thank you

[–]threekindsoflucky1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know when someone makes a joke at your expense, then later that evening, you think of a great comeback but it's irrelevant because the moment is gone?

The jerk store called, they're all outta you!

[–]go-RED-go0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You know when someone makes a joke at your expense, then later that evening, you think of a great comeback but it's irrelevant because the moment is gone?

There's a pretty hilarious Seinfield episode named "The Comeback" with that theme.

[–]Redrover8578 points9 points  (15 children) | Copy

I don’t think confronting this is mate guarding at all. If someone other than one of my close friends said that to my wife in front of me I would not take it well. That’s almost hard to believe. Like something Todd Packer would say.

[–]part_wolf17 points18 points  (5 children) | Copy

Athol Kay points out the distinction here:

Men don’t often make “direct and open challenges” IME; they make slimy, plausibly deniable, tacit or “just being funny” challenges.  They observe the woman’s and man’s responses and then escalate to something a shade more overt, and repeat.

An important distinction bears reiterating because a lot of Red Pillers miss it.  An Alpha is aloof/indifferent to women’s emotions; he is NOT aloof to interloping males.  Just look at primates.

There's a difference between mate guarding and extending your protection to someone in your circle, but it's a subtle difference.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You just became 2/3 wolf. Well put

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think the right play would have been to just leave. "hey it's time for us to go."

No explanation, no drama. Leave the guy wondering. If your wife asks why, you simply say "I didn't like the company anymore."

[–]SuperCrazy070 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That seems extreme. It’s his wife’s party that they closed the bar down for. Presumably they were having fun. I wouldn’t leave because some guy was an ass.

I know my wife well enough to know that she’d tell him to fuck off, but if for some reason she didn’t I’d just walk her away from the guy and have fun with other people.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know my wife well enough to know that she’d tell him to fuck off,

The fact his wife didn’t say anything might be an indication... then again, it is he boss, and some women are just very non-confrontational. You have to wonder how he behaves with OP’s wife when he’s not there though (if he says that while OP is there). Whether it was an alcohol induced statement or not, this is a situation where OP should have called him out on the spot.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why would I give my time to anyone I don't value?

[–]NoHardFeeliings[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Thats exactly what i thought would be right. I originally wanted to "man up" and confront him about his behaviour. How do you think wife would react?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you worry how YOUR wife would react, you are in deep trouble man.

[–]Redrover8571 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly I think my wife would lose her shit if someone that we aren’t friends with told her he was gonna give her his juice. Especially if I was standing there. If he’s one of my friends it’s one thing, we fuck with each other so much and joke about each other’s wives so it’s just no big deal.

[–]Tambamwham1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There’s no scenario where ANY man says shit like this to my wife and I don’t handle it on the spot. Even if gets physical. And I would expect my wife to have my back and support exactly how I wanted to handle it or shes officially free to do as she pleases.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A hell of a lot better than if you say there while some guy told her he was gonna drug her drink and give her his cum...

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lift more.

People literally do not fuck with you when you have 18” arms.



[–]HeckleandChide2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The responses here are a bit across the board because you are too much of an autist to be able to read the situation well enough to give us the information we need.

There’s a big difference between: 1) AMOG who is just shit-talking and having a good time, 2) a sexual predator, and 3) an average Joe trying to slide in with your wife. You clearly don’t know which this guy is which makes your situation tough because those three would each merit different responses.

If he is a AMOG, then shit talking right back at him would be the best way, in a joking manner. Something like “why would she drink Natty Lite with you when she gets Patron with me” or something like that. Add in a shit-eating grin. Just two dudes bantering.

If he is a sexual predator, then you handle it differently. Laugh like it’s funny then find a time to have a one on one discussion with him where no other eyes are present and she doesn’t know about it. That’s not mate-guarding, that’s literally potentially life-saving.

If he is an average Joe trying to diss you, then a similar but subtly different approach from #1 should be used. Say about the same thing but then laugh at him, not with him. There’s a difference if you aren’t an autist.

Ultimately though, all of this is predicated on you not being a faggot autist. These are tools that capable, confident men can use but weaklings can’t. It’s more who you are than what you do.

And perhaps Redsffplusbuttplug said it best. This dude wouldn’t say a damn thing if you had 18” arms.

[–]part_wolf1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

At the moment i just shook my head and looked at him.

How did he react?

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm betting a grin and an eyeroll for mr serious butthurt.

I like this blokes banter. AA that shit... Have a special juice for yourself it's on me. Can I have an empty pint glass I will be back in 5mins..

[–]RP_PO4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

“A dribble of old man powdered kool aid? Yea I’m sure the ladies love that.”

[–]part_wolf2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol "Why don't you grab a fresh glass with some ice for me to put your teeth in?"

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I actually like this response but it may be extreme.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

'Yeah, that juice has been inside those barrels for so long I betcha is Cabernet Sauvignon by now'.

[–]NoHardFeeliings[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Quiet akward laugh. Then didnt say anything

[–]part_wolf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you were a high SMV man, the stare of disapproval should've been enough to make your point without you having to confront him at all.

[–]0io-Tsundere1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

From how you describe it the boss guy probably just has a goofy or off sense of humor. Since you're right there, and he's trying to serve you guys drinks, he's trying his comedy. If wife doesn't look at him with a knowing look and seem obviously turned on by him (like they have some kind of special in-jokes) it's probably just his corny/stupid sense of humor. I would have been cracking jokes back at him, like "you know we can't pay you extra for the roofies". That hardly sounds like seductive talk to me, those sound like wisecracks. I assume he's using a Quagmire voice with his juice jokes or something. Barman is probably high on cocaine or some other stimulant and that kind of thing seems hilarious to him.

Unless there was some obvious sexual chemistry between them or she has a history of cheating on you with her employer, I would certainly not confront him. I've seen people in those customer service jobs "bust loose" after hours where they can say stuff that they would never say to anyone one the job. They have to be nice and appropriate and professional all day, when it's just friends they can goof off and be inappropriate and unprofessional. I would bet money that's all he was doing.

"Oh did my wife tell you the story of how we met? She lost her license because she was drugging people and taking advantage of them, but that's how we fell in love."

When somebody is making WTF jokes to you, you're expected to come up over the top with a more outrageous WTF statement back to them.

"It was all fun and games though until those six people died... had to leave in a real hurry. Still can't go back to Texas because of the warrants."

I think you're taking it way too seriously.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You didn’t vet well.

Jokes on you. It seriously is

Sidebar. Lift.

[–]Tambamwham1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If he said that to my wife he’d be picking up his teeth. But I also wouldn’t be married to a woman that works at a bar. That’s a problem you need to solve. And Theres probably a metric fuck ton that you don’t know.

[–]Rogue684860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tooling him with humor would have been your best bet. It's easier said than done when someone says something out of line

"I've got a bloody mary for you, if you keep it up champ" would probably be too direct

Don't take your anger at being a pussy out on your wife. It just makes things worse.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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