Curious to hear people’s strategies in responding to pushy/ forward attempts at sexual escalation?

AnnaAerials · 2020-03-14T00:39:07+00:00

Oh my goodness. To be completely honest, the problem is completely with the men, and how you’ve vetted them to begin with. Try not to date at night at the beginning of meeting someone. Coffees and brunches are great. This will give him an idea of your values and how you are, any man that is after sex will start to back off.

To answer your question if you find yourself in that situation, you simply lay out your boundaries “this makes me feel very uncomfortable” and you don’t need to say anything else really. The man has probably shown his true colours by now. From there you can wrap up the date and wish him well.

Preventing is better than a cure. Try to avoid men like this. Personally, I never spent much time talking online with men, I’d always want to see them face to face for a coffee- that way I can decide very quickly if they were worth my time or not. If there is plenty of talk before hand online, a lower value man might see this as something that can justify being more forward because you’ve spoken for a while online, which isn’t ok at all, but may contribute.

BeginningSomewhere3 · 2020-03-14T00:38:26+00:00

For all pushy whining responses:

"I just don't do that when I'm just getting to know someone. Full stop. I had a nice time. Thank you and good night."

ny-lady · 2020-03-14T00:57:34+00:00

this should be my cue to get up and leave going forward

A respectable man wont say any of these things and pressure you/whine in any way. They just weeded themselves out.

HB3234 · 2020-03-14T02:46:11+00:00

"No" is a complete sentence!

By the time a man is trying to negotiate sex with you, you don't need a "good" response because he has outed himself as low value. "I'm not interested in that right now".

u/annaaerials said it so well in her wonderful comment -- the best thing you can do for yourself is to be proactive to avoid these situations. On a first, second, third date, you shouldn't be anywhere that he feels comfortable putting his hand up your skirt or talking about sex at all! This method weeds out men who only want sex... but without you having to shut them down or listen to any childish, unattractive whining.

Tight-Diamond · 2020-03-14T03:29:53+00:00

On my third date with my husband, who I met online, I stepped away when he tried to put his arm around me and get close. He was a stranger! He stuck it out and didn't kiss me until the sixth date, when he felt I was more comfortable and, obviously, the rest is history.

A man who wants to develop a serious relationship, wants to spend his time getting to know you, not getting in your pants. Keep pulling away. It's a good vetting strategy.

szsunshine · 2020-03-14T18:34:27+00:00

What are your values? (no need to reply, just a question to ask yourself).

I was never the type of person who was interested on doing anything other than kissing on the first date (this was in the days before online dating, so I knew my dates beforehand. I don't think I would kiss a guy who was a complete stranger on the first date). A guy who wanted more would be a turnoff for me. I wanted to date someone who's values aligned with mine - who thought that intimacy was reserved for special people, not for random / one-night hookups. Someone might feel "you can't blame a guy for trying...." but that guy probably was not the right one for me.

I’ve so often been met with a whiny response “why not?”, “I won’t judge you if we have sex tonight”, or even “wouldn’t you consider it a bad first date if you didn’t let me get you off?”.

Because no means no! I would not give a man who disrespected / pushed back on my boundaries a second chance. I would walk away and that would be the last conversation (let alone date!) I had with them.

"I won'd judge you?"

They should be worried about YOU judging THEM!

Almcoding · 2020-03-15T11:41:41+00:00

Woman who are pulling away show high value to men with serious intentions and low value to those who just want to hookup.

Don't judge men for trying to escalate sexually because that's an easy method for men to test if a woman is high value or not.

sometimesibritney · 2020-03-14T00:39:37+00:00

I think your reaction is great and normal for a any woman who doesn’t want things to escalate. Men who want to get laid will try and say anything to get you into bed so I wouldn’t be surprised if they continued to push it. Just keep on doing what youre doing.

aisle-is-closed · 2020-03-14T03:09:04+00:00

Have you tried to set some boundaries during the initial texting? You said you don’t get the implications during initial conversations, but this has not been my experiences at all, there are a lot of men who, through texting, try to jump the line and create a sense of intimacy by getting sexual through compliments and flirting. That’s usually a red flag (over sharing and flirting with basically a stranger). If that’s not what you experience, great, but if there is flirting, maybe there’s and opportunity to tap that down and set some expectations up front. Just being honest and saying that you really like to trust and know someone well enough to call them a partner is probably a good start. It is not unreasonable to expect a deep trusted relationship before exposing yourself and being vulnerable.

2020-03-14T00:35:27+00:00

Seems these men are communicating more overtly with you than covertly. Their approach is wrong for you. Nothing wrong with that. Keep dating and hold your standards.

iquanyin · 2020-03-20T07:28:16+00:00

it’s your cue to leave. they have already disrespected you the moment they felt they could. it’s all downhill from there (and won’t last long either.)

2020-03-14T18:12:06+00:00

sounds like you're dating guys with no swag.

i remember i used to be like that when i had no game too. "but cmonnn, it'll be so gooood". all that bullshit. most guys have done it.

My opinion: date older guys who are more experienced in life.

Whisper · 2020-03-14T04:39:15+00:00

You are dating men with poor social skills.

You see, every man wants sex on the first date. But that takes a level of social skill to pull off. So, depending on a man's level of ability, one of three things is going to happen.

He has very high social skills, and is able to seduce you quickly. Sex happens on the first date, but, well, okay, you were into it.
He doesn't have quite that level of skill, but he does have the social skills to tell that you're not down for that yet. He initiates a little bit of physical contact, but backs off and plays a longer game.
He can't even tell whether you're ready or not, and when you demur, he tries to talk you into it, thinking that attraction can be negotiated (it can't).

So, the next question is, okay, that's nice to know, but how does it become actionable advice?

Well, here's what you can do:

Be aware of what I described above.
Realize that getting you to want sex is entirely his responsibility, just as getting him to want a relationship is entirely yours.
Hold out for men with better social skills. If he seems a little clueless, don't go on a date with him.
Don't date men just to date men. Date men you think you might want to be with.
Know the difference between fake and real resistance, and be sure you are projecting signs of the latter.

moredollals · 2020-03-14T00:47:54+00:00

[deleted]

Margot_the_dog · 2020-03-14T13:10:48+00:00

Maybe stop making out with random guys the first time you meet them?

Title	Curious to hear people’s strategies in responding to pushy/ forward attempts at sexual escalation?
Author	999citrusjellyfish
Upvotes	60
Comments	44
Date	March 14, 2020 12:28 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fi9wem/curious_to_hear_peoples_strategies_in_responding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/curious-to-hear-peoples-strategies-in-responding.355528 https://theredarchive.com/post/355528

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