So here we go...

Met my (M40) wife (F42) while in high school and both in our sex, drugs, and rock and roll phases. I was living on my own and working at 16 while still in HS. We got pregnant pretty much immediately and we both attribute our daughter to saving our lives. After I graduated HS and recognizing that the love of my life was pregnant with my child, I voluntarily left my home town and friends to move into her catholic, but unhealthy, home 500 miles away. This is where I really experienced a catholic family and mass for the first time in my life. My incredible MIL soon divorced her second husband after we moved in due to child molestation issues, which included several family members and my wife. She has successfully gone through several years of therapy after this. Fast forward to now and we have 5 children, I have a great job, she is working part time at our youngest daughters school. We have a growing real estate portfolio that has allowed us to do more things lately than we ever have been able to like traveling, eating better food, recreational activities, etc...

What I see the problem is: I admit that I believe I have had an unhealthy relationship with sex... my parents were both heavily involved in the local theater and before 10yrs of marriage split because my father admitted he was gay and didnt want hold the family together. Knowing what I know now, my mom is an emotional train wreck and my father is pretty fn stable. I have a fantastic relationship with my father and he is very active in our lives. My mother is not unfortunately and there are definitely wounds there to be dealt with someday. I was sexually active at 16 and approx. 8-10 partners until I met my wife who was also at those numbers.

She had a fantastic libido leading up to our daughter being born. Then dropped off immediately... Abt 10 years ago, we had our spiritual awakening one weekend where we learned a TON about JP2's theology of the body and NFP (natural family planning). Although I was alittle hesitant, we jumped right in and even taught NFP for a few years after taking our classes. We are also a part of a fantastic church and a faithful circle of friends so we are not alone here by any means.

To summarize NFP, it takes a woman's body signs, mucus signs, and temperature signs to predict when the infertile and fertile phases are. The catholic church declares that ALL sexual acts where seed is released MUST be life giving. Married couples are welcome to be responsible in their marriages and use a "post poning" phase and "open" phase of child bearing. At 5 children we are definitely on the post poning phase and the done phase of child bearing. BUT that means that we are limited to these dry phases of not being at risk pregnancy. Every womans cycle is different but this limits us specifically to approx. 7-10days per month of being together. This is 7-10 days in a row, not broken up. This means she basically holds the cards for when we can and can't be together. I always say that NFP compliments her inexistant libido very well.

I am having a very hard time discussing my frustrations with my wife. I have tried distraction by using porn, masturbation, and orgasm (pmo), I've tried abstaining from pmo for long periods of time, I've tried ignoring her and focusing on my work, I've tried only the mo parts, I've tried focusing on winning her, I've tried talking to therapists who end up calling NFP not working for us. I feel lost with us on this matter.

I admittedly am abt 15lbs over where Id like to be and she is prob similar. I am very attracted to her physically. She doesn't really show any sexual desire and she admits to having lost most of that at the 1st pregnancy. She is submissive for the most part which I mostly do the initiating and work. Not starfish per say, but shes definitely reserved and takes a lot to get her going. I don't really hold back from enjoying her and putting her first while being together which I know she is enjoying the experience. Like not taking body language clues and taking forever to get to bed then laying there "allowing" me to initiate then have to warm her up.

She has been dealing with a mild case of Lime disease for damn near 20years, mildly sloppy, over bearing with her direction and control, not a very good cook, dresses more modestly than I would like (no fun sun dresses or light stuff like this), and has zero interest in business or really anything that I'm interested in. It really is the opposites attract thing black and white. I will say that she is very loyal and definitely the spiritual leader of the household. I do not worry about her drifting or being tempted by others. She is resound in her marriage beliefs for sure. Its important to note, that we were attracted to each other at 18 because we like to do outdoors stuff and be together like rabbits. And we both wanted kids... other than that, I'm having a hard time seeing what my "return" is for investing emotional time and energy into her. And I hate that.

The last 5 years I have changed my focus from my winning my wife to focusing on my career and have grown a very successful real estate portfolio even earning a spot on the local apartment association. I have a very strong work ethic and feel I am providing to the top of my ability and growing.

Its been 10 years of dealing with this and now that I'm 40 I dont want to be dealing with this for another 10 years. I feel divorce is not an option but not sure where else to go. I want to ask her to soften her belief of the "life giving" parts of finishing inside but not sure as a Christian man that that is leading my wife towards Christ and I dont want to put her in that position. Artificial birth control is out of the question.

Any thoughts or suggestions are much appreciated. I'll edit this and adding details as I can.

Thanks in advance.