Summary: Barely kissed, 26 years old virgin goes to a bar and approaches girls for the first time in his life. Doesn’t get crushed.

Warning: Long as fuck.

Body:

I am 26yo, 192cm (about 6ft3in) tall european guy. I grew up with limited to none interactions with opposite gender (non-family, that is…). I almost literally ran away twice during my early teens when spoken to by a girl my age. I am currently unemployed (never really was, went straight to health issues (that eventually led to chemo) after college; welfare + “beer money” thing on the side is what sustains me) and I still live with my parents. My clothing choices could be better. That’s just to paint the picture for you.

Even with my negative SMV I know what I want and getting laid at least once in my life is one of those things. I am still hesitant to go to professionals, although I was encouraged to by (higher SMV) friends of mine. Last Thursday I got another clearance from my Doc, so after wasting away the whole summer (previous check-up was in May) I started to hyping myself up to go to a bar. Getting over my social anxiety is a constant struggle for me.

Anyway, I found out that they finally play Straight Outta Compton in a cinema here in 18:30 – 21:00 timeslot on Friday. After seeing good movie in a cinema I am always pumped up to take on the world, but I never do. This also helped me to pass the “where do you go?” question from parents with “to a pub” without any awkward follow ups, which would happen if I uncharacteristically said bar, or went off later in the night (I didn’t want to go to a bar at 19:00, going after the movie was more optimal). Or at least I think they would happen, but it may all be only in my head…

After a day and a half of my mind trying to find a reason not to go I didn’t find any. Also I wanted to see that movie, so that was that. I went and enjoyed it. My chosen destination was nearby, which was supposed to prevent me from flaking. And as I was getting closer I was doubting my decision so much that I went straight by and continued about 150m down the street. That’s when I finally convinced myself that it’s bullshit, I am already here, I can at least go in, get a drink, do some recon and see how the atmosphere there looks like for when I go in next time. Baby steps.

After a slow walk back I went in and got old-fashioned. With it in my hand I walked around the place before sitting and pulling up my phone in an effort to come up with a plan of action and not to look so weird by just standing there. I am not sure what I expected, but there was no not-so-hot girl, all of them were way out of my league (at least if they knew all details about me…) and objectively attractive (and in groups).

There was one girl uncharacteristically alone buried in her phone, so I walk to her and then continue and turn around a wall so she doesn’t see me. I am already at the bar, I can as well talk to someone and she seemed as the best option to make an approach. So I take two deep breaths and go back.

I open with “Isn’t it boring to be here alone?”, to which she quickly points to her (girl)friend (roommate) that is getting their drinks… not sure how visible in my face was my internal “fuck…”, but she says “ok” and introduces herself and we start to chat about where we are from and why I am there alone… My on the spot made up story about a friend who abandoned me, because his girlfriend didn’t let him go bites me in the ass shortly after, when this blonde, cheerful girl (let’s call her Angie, I forgot her name anyway) re-tells what she knows about me to her black haired, assertive and dominant roommate (I will call her Dana, not her real name). Dana cuts the bullshit and informs me that they don’t listen to sob stories. Fair enough, chat continues between the three of us. I spent a bit too much time on our places of origin (they weren’t born in the city we are in, but both live here for some time). When talking about our jobs I promote my part time gig involving PCs into an IT job that is not generic and I appear to be enthusiastic about, which gets positive reactions. We get over Dana liking to travel, how Syria was beautiful years ago and that the migration is not the best topic for a Friday night and that leads to my hobbies.

I can hardly impress the female gender with the hours spent playing FM2014 and what not. So I remember something I read/heard on the internet, how you should establish that you are sexual, amused mastery and such, and so I go with kind of a joke “my hobbies are: chess, gardening and fucking in the restrooms”. Now, I get weird when talking about sexual topics with anyone, let alone two hot chicks I just met. Normally, I would instead continue the small talk and left at the first opportunity. Now imagine how I am losing the rest of the color in my face, when Dana asks to repeat myself, because it’s loud there and I need to get closer. There is no backing off, so I repeat the joke with a smirk on my face, internally screaming.

And they laugh. Both of them. Sure, Dana (clear alpha female of the two, although I found smiling Angie more attractive, if Dana was the one alone, I’d probably be too intimidated and didn’t approach at all) gives me slight SMV check saying I may be in the wrong company for that. Still with a smile on my face I mumble “We will see.” and conversation continues. Silent moments start to creep up, as I don’t have too much to talk about and my general conversational skills suck. At one point I call Dana out about her quiz-like questioning, which Angie finds hilarious and Dana tries immediately to apologize.

As I finish my drink, Dana suggests: “go get another drink and, well, if you want, you know where to find us”. I take my hint (I would have left anyway, it let nowhere), tell them to have fun and leave. I get my second drink but after scanning the situation I decide to drink it quickly and leave. Now, I know from other fields of my interest, that this is a bad practice. I should have tried to make more approaches, but I decided to have this one night with one approach as a confidence builder for the future and not to taint it with the inevitable crash and burn experiences, which I fear so much. On my way home, I briefly considered going to another, more discotheque-like place, but decided against it.

Lessons learned: Probably nothing for a general readership of this sub, but a few personal.

  • don’t paint yourself as a victim, not even for a second (I am far from the level where I could entertain the weakness vs. vulnerability discussion)

  • other people have absolutely no clue about your own struggles, unless they are obvious or presented to them, no reason to disqualify myself without even trying

  • I, in fact, can walk up to a woman and strike up a conversation

  • I can get away with more sexual language

  • getting a job and moving out would do wonders to my confidence

  • I need to work on my conversational skills in general

  • my written English is worse than I previously thought