The challenge of a successful LTR.

It is common knowledge for anyone here in TRP who has red the sidebar material, that a successful long term relationship or even marriageis the hardest form of a relationship a man can have with a woman. Plating for example and ONS in my opinion are quite simpler than an LTR. You lift, you looksmax, you pass the shit tests and maintain frame and you get the sex. It is easy to stay detached especially if you have fucked a lot of girls and have experienced abundance. Some people n TRP claim that this is the ultimate and most economically profitable relationship a man can have with a woman and doing anything more is not worth the hassle. Others claim that after you have been plating for a while, casual sex loses it's appeal and you crave more from your relationship and perhaps you may want to settle down and get married in order to have kids.  

If you are of the second school of thought there are a few things you need to fully understand and accept before attempting to tackle this beast. Bellow I will list some requirements that you need to meet before attempting an LTR. (After reading some of the comments I decided to add some more things that I have neglected the first time).

 

1. Abundance  

It is very crucial that you have experienced abundance in your life before settling down. A man who is a serial monogamist, or a man who is an incel and tries to LTR his first girl is comming from a place of true scarcity. This inevitably will lead him to pedestalize his woman, increase her value in his eyes and inevitably increase his fear of losing her, which will fuck up his frame and make him lose her. Abundance dictates how strong your frame is in the beginning of your relationship and therefore the initial power ratio between the two. If you have fucked 8s and 9s consistently a girl who is a 7 will look normal and nothing special in your eyes and your frame will be much stronger. If you are an incel and you somehow manage to land a 7 girl she will look like a divine being in your eyes and you will fuck up hard. Therefore plating for a while is very important and a crucial step that each man must pass. Don't try to run a marathon if you can't even sprint 100 yards.

 

2. Managing Oneitis  

The biggest and most challenging part about an LTR is managing your oneitis for your girl. Do not fool yourself, you WILL catch oneitis for her at some point, this is inevitable. Unless you are a genetic psychopath, an LTR simply by it's definition will make you emotionally invested in the girl. In fact investing emotionally is necessary, otherwise at some point the girl will feel that you are emotionally absent, she will feel unloved etc. and the relationship will end. You can't be full alpha in a LTR. It is inherently a beta deal and you need to mix some beta qualities in your alpha frame. Now the catch is that if you emotionally invest in the woman, oneitis is inevitable. Even though abundance is necessary it is wrong to think that it makes you immune to oneitis. Abundance only dictates how in your favor the initial power ratio will be. An LTR is a monogamist situation and therefore a beta deal, which means you will inevitably invest emotionally in the girl and thus you will catch some form of oneitis. The only thing you can do is try to manage it and keep it low. For example let's say that we have 5 levels of oneitis.

• LvL 0 : This is plate territory. You are not invested and they are disposable.
• LvL 1 : Short term relationship. You like the girl and doing stuff with her besides sex. She is still replaceable.
• Lvl 2 : Long term relationship. You have spent a lot of time together and have developed a strong bond. She is still replaceable if absolutely necessary but you are now invested which means you will not trade her for a simply hotter babe because the emotional investment makes her look more attractive to you.
• Lvl 3 : Irreplaceable. Losing her is no longer an option. You are afraid of confrontation because you are so emotionally invested that you cannot risk losing her.
• Lvl 4 : Ultimate beta bitch. This is where your oneitis is so strong that you have lost all power in the relationship. She is effectively in control, she is your goddess and inevitably she is disgusted and treats you like shit. Don't be here. If you are here your LTR has failed and you need to end it.

In order to have a successful LTR you need to constantly be at lvl 1 or lvl 2. Lvl 0 simply won't work and at lvl 3 and 4 your frame will be non existent and she will lose attraction. Managing your oneitis is defiantly the hardest part of an LTR, because as time passes on and your lives are joined you will invest more and more and therefore you will be in real danger of passing lvl 2. The girl must also be more invested in the LTR than you at all times. IF she is at lvl 4 and you are at lvl 2 her hypergamy will be in check and therefore you will be able to maintain power.

 

3. Maintaining Frame  

During plating, maintaining frame is easy. If you are doing it right, you are not invested and you really don't give a fuck about the girls. They are 100% replaceablen and therefore they are small threats to your frame. Even an insecure incel can fake frame when plating and in fact "fake it till you make it" it is a quite effective strategy. Unfortunately faking it won't work in an LTR. Women despise weakness and the inherent problem of sharing your life with a woman is that she will be able to see you in all your moments of weakness, something a plate cannot witness. She will be there when you fall ill, she will be there when you lose your job and when you experience some kind of defeat or a major setback in your life. You cannot show weakness, or her attraction to you will be gone. This takes a very special kind of man with a very strong conditioning and frame. Many people here advocate that if you want to vent you should do it to your male buddies and not to your woman. I will take this a step further and say that if you are considering venting at all, even to your buddies, even to a damn tree in the mountain then your will is still not strong enough and at some point you will lose it and show weakness. You can't fake being unbreakable and in control. You must be unbreakable and in control. Therefore before attempting an LTR you need to have been through enough misfortune and personal challenges in life that your conviction in yourself is unshakable. If you weren't unlucky (or lucky) to have been through shit, bring them upon yourself voluntarily. That's the only way to harden up. Overcoming and accepting misfortune is the core of becoming a stoic mind and you absolutely need to be one to succeed long term with a woman.

 

4. Love her hypergamy.  

All women are hypergamous. This is a reality. After you have accepted this reality, you can either hate it, or you can love it. Instead of hating it and living in fear I propose that you start loving it. Every man should be committed to constantly improving himself and becoming the best version of himself. Under this light, your woman's hypergamy should not feel like an enemy, but like a mean drill sergeant that keeps you moving forward despite all odds being against you. You hate the fucking guy and you want him to go away, but in the end you know that he makes you a better man. Accept it and use it for your own benefit. A woman will always feel inferior to a man committed to constant self improvement, that and her naturally declining SMV will keep her hypergamy in check.

 

5. Never forget AWALT and solipsism.  

If you have the above things covered then your LTR will be successful and you will probably be happy. In fact your woman will be so good and in tune with your wishes that you might start to feel that she is special, that you have found a "unicorn" and that you can perhaps take it easy and relax a bit. WRONG. There are no unicorns. She is only acting like a unicorn right now because you are covering all her needs and you are high value to her eyes. All this can change in an instant. Never forget that. Women have no memory. She doesn't care about your perfect track record for the past 10 years. If you relax, if you let your guard down and show weakness, then she sees the fortress crumbling and being the insecure creature that every woman deep down is, she will lose attraction to you. Therefore always remember that she is not special and if she feels that way, it is only because you are doing well. So keep doing what you are doing.

 

6. Know and follow your mission.  

Perhaps the most important thing in this list. Your first job in this world as a man is to find your mission. That one thing that makes you happy. That one thing that you have to pursue and accomplish no matter what, before closing your eyes forever. If you have not uncovered your life's mission I would advise staying away from LTRs, because inevitably your woman will become your mission and when that happens you are fucked. Your oneitis will skyrocket, your frame will crumble and all will go downhill. Sometimes you can do everything right and your LTR will still fail. That's ok. It is part of life. This is why your mission is so important. When your LTR is just a side quest in your life and not your main objective then and only then you will have the power and the frame of mind to keep your oneitis in check. Your woman will also love it.

 

7. Lead her.  

Women are natural betas, or at least proper mentally sound women are. They don't like making decisions and taking responsibility for them and this is why they like a man who leads, because if he takes care of decisions then she is free from that stress and she can focus on what she does well, be the most mature teenager in the house and take care of the children. This means that you must be the one who occupies the vacant position of leadership. This gives you power in the relationship and if you perform well you will become indispensable to her, because men who can lead well are rare. There are some catches however. First of all, you should never overtly announce that you are the leader. If you have to tell someone you are the king then you are not much of a king at all. So instead of declaring you are the king, just act like one. Your actions and thoughts should always be in line with your role as a leader. This means you should be the one deciding where will you go, when you go out, how you will manage your finances, where are you going to live, how you should raise your children etc. Of course this is not as easy as it sounds and many men go too far in this and become tyrannical. Being a leader doesn't mean that you are always doing what you like most. It means that you take in account her interests as well, you listen when she has a legit problem and you pick the best course of action for both of you.   Second, being a leader also means that you must not be afraid to confront her about bad behavior. If she oversteps or does something destructive either to you, to her or to the relationship, you must always be in a position to correct her. You should do that like a stoic father corrects his daughter though and not like a beta venting bitch that demands change in behavior by throwing tantrums. The first commands respect, the second feels oppressing and needy. The archetypic father figure is something all women need and therefore are looking for and you should embody that role.   Lastly there is a simple test that determines how well your authority as a leader is established in the relationship. You just observe how she treats you when she is stressed and overtaken by life. A girl that sees you as a leader and respects you, will come to your arms to look for comfort like a puppy when she had a shit day and will tell you all about her day only wanting to hear something in the lines of "My poor girl, the world is so unfair to you.", while a girl that doesn't respect your leadership will act like a bitch, blame you for her problems, vent and throw tantrums etc. Always know where you stand.

 

8. Dread Game  

She should fear losing you and she should always know that you have other options. Generally when you go out especially when she is around, you should covertly flirt with other girls. Besides that, there is not much else about dread game in LTR in my opinion. Most of the dread you should apply must be passive and should stem from your constant desire for self improvement. A man who lifts, has his career on track, maintains frame, is social etc. is desired by other women (especially if he is taken - preselection) and therefore has a natural aura of dread around him. I would go as far as to say that if you are ever in need to apply active dread, that is a sign that you are losing your passive aura and that you are not committed to self improvement as much as you should. You can't maintain an LTR for years with active dread.

 

9. Vetting  

Another important part of an LTR is picking the right person for the job. If you fuck this part up then you are either doomed from the beginning or you are making your life unnecessary difficult. I will cover some important areas that are in my opinion vital if you want a good LTR.  

• Looks matter. We all know it. But they don't matter that much. The hotter the girl you pick the more difficult it will be to maintain a frame and a healthy relationship, because hot girls get exponentially more attention than less hot girls and they are therefore much more entitled. Of course you should not pick a hideous girl too. In my experience girls around 6-7 are the ones best suited for this role. They are hot enough to be an eye candy and make your day, but not so hot that their entitlement is through the roof. Of course if you want to LTR an HB9 be my guest, but know what you are getting into.
• Her relationship with her father is very important as well. Ideally you want to find a girl that has an alpha traditional father and who she respects a lot. If her father is a beta cuck then you should stay away as she will have a very damaged image about men and it will be very hard to establish your authority as the leader. Not worth the trouble, just find another girl. The ultimate deal is a girl with an alpha traditional father who has passed away. She will always miss his leadership and that will make you irreplaceable.
• Finances must be vetted for as well. You need a girl that understands the real value of money. Stay away from both spending maniacs and cheapskates as well. Money exists to buy us free time. This is the truth about it. Your girl should understand this and she should not demand that you work your life away to pay for meaningless shit. Of course she should not also demand that you work so she can hoard wealth away. Money sitting in the bank are a waste of capital. You should always as the leader be in charge of the overall direction your money are spent but you should also delegate responsibilities to her, like keep the house properly stocked and you should make her accountable for her failings in doing so, as well as reward her when she does a good job.
• Mom instincts, if you want a marriage and children you should pick a girl that has healthy mom instincts. This kicks most feminists off the table, because raising children is not their mission. They will probably use your children to divorce rape you, so stay away. A good test that I have devised is the teddy bear test. Gift her a teddy bear and watch her reaction. Girls with mom instincts get thrilled and treat the bear as their child. It may sound stupid but it works. Of course it's not exactly science but you will get a good picture of her character.
• Sex is important and vital for a healthy relationship, but don't go looking for a pornstar. Pornstar sex right off the bat probably means a high n-count and you don't want that in an LTR. It is much better to pick a relatively inexperienced girl and teach her bed tricks. This will also make you look more of a leader.

 

10. Repairing a broken LTR  

Don't. Yep. Just don't. After the glass has been broken there is no coming back. It is really more time efficient to look for another relationship and start clean. The only way a relationship that was broken can be fixed is if it was broken by you being too alpha and making her feel unloved and neglected. In this case you can fix things by introducing the right amount of beta qualities in your frame, but if you have been full beta from the beginning you can't do the opposite. Even if you change your character she will always remember your weakness days and you will never get the same kind of respect you would get with a clean girl. Just break up and look for another girl.  

 

There is nothing inherently bad with LTRs. If you want to pursue it, do it. Live your life in your own terms. But never entertain self delusions. Always know what is the true nature of an LTR and respect the above conditions, stay Red Pilled and keep improving. Peace brothers.