318,691 posts

Remind yourself during the date you have nothing to lose. Try, try, try and see what happens.

by bobbobbitybob on /r/TheRedPill
11 December 2017 12:00 PM UTC
Reddit View

Summary: I was frustrated after a few dates - applying game, following TRP advise on abundance/mindset (I thought) and getting nowhere. After reading a lot about awareness and emotional investment, I decided to change my approach 180. And oh boy it works...

Body First date on Saturday, went for a coffee. Something was wrong, it just never felt "right". I realised why - I was emotionally attached to the desired outcome of the date - having sex. I would skip the whole stage where I have to actually stay on top of my game to make it happen. I got excited about it, my mind was in a different place and suddenly I wanted to play it "right". Left home absolutely annoyed.

On Sunday I had another date, and at some point I decided to play it completely different. Keep myself detached emotionally - I decided to be borderline aware of my surrounding. I parked my car and focused on every step I take. I was aware of my emotions, but never let them out - they were there, like a fog. I would just observe. She was getting late, usually I would be excited and a little bit stressed. I was chatting to other girl on the phone, completely focused on this. We met, and I decided to:

  • Have fun in the moment,
  • not giving any emotional attachment to possible outcome of a date,
  • completely ignore thoughts that were running around the question of "am I playing it right",
  • Push the boundaries and see what happens,

I have never felt so relaxed and had so much fun at the same time. Escalated from the start. Someone posted here that eye contact is enough and they will break the silence. I was blown away that first two seconds were a bit awkward and then she would smile and start talking about something. All I had to do was listen.

We ended up at mine, she said she never expected this to happen and she said that "she couldn't resist any more".

The most valuable lesson that I've learned from yesterday is this:

No matter how good your game is, how good you look and how high SMV you have - as soon as you get emotionally attached to the particular outcome (either career wise/dating wise), you are already mentally blocking yourself. Practice awareness, be present in the moment and find joy in every single second of it. This opens all the profits of abundance and keeps your mind opened to any potential outcome. Don't be afraid of pushing the boundaries, what's the worse that can happen? Nothing that could threaten your life.

Want to download the post?
Similar Posts


0 upvotesCrazyHorseInvincible2 years ago

Today's butthurt SJW:

user reports:
1: Just fuck eachother and stop trying to beat around the bush you idiot incels.

254 upvotessleepyweaselisawake2 years ago

Outcome Independence, that's the phrase you're looking for. It has worked for me on every date and approach I've made since I started on this path.

24 upvotesFaderOne2 years ago

I always strive to have fun on any date I go on. Key word here: I. Couldn’t give a shit if the girl does not have a good time… Whether it’s through unused mastery, making light of the situation, I am always dedicated in sure that I am having a good time. The rest will fall into place.

2 upvotesWhitified2 years ago

How do you still maintain Outcome Independence in light of the recent MeToo witchhunt? At this rate it's becoming "what she feels you did" vs what you actually did. One "creepy" comment and you can get fired... 30 years later.

Some guys who got into trouble recently didn't even mess around the workplace

8 upvotessleepyweaselisawake2 years ago

First, I never, never attempt to date/flirt at work. I'm friendly and professional. If I'm interested in someone/approach/match on an app I keep the dialogue light and friendly and let it naturally build to sex. If I'm casually dating/texting someone if they straight up reject/start to fade/ghost I let them without saying a word, I just move on. So far it's working great and I've had no shortage of women in my life. Also, lift.

164 upvotesredpillbanana2 years ago

Assume she's showed up because she's looking to get laid. Proceed on this assumption and you'll often make the right moves.

93 upvotesEl_Shakiel2 years ago

As the saying used to go around here : "assume attraction untill proven otherwise"

18 upvotesreptile4202 years ago

I just have the mindset of any new girl I am going out with that we have already fucked and treat them the same as any long term plate and it plays out well.

25 upvotesWerewolf35b2 years ago


Man - woman.

Goal should be to get her alone in a room. Everything else is letting nature just take its course. Fucking just happens. Let it.

1 upvotesronvon12 years ago

Solid advice! Not rapey at all!!

14 upvotesWerewolf35b2 years ago

What exactly"rapey" about a man and a woman being alone in a room?

14 upvotescaP1taL1sm2 years ago

The way he said it wasn't the best. The point is that if you suspect she's attracted to you, the goal is to create an intimate environment where she doesn't feel the societal pressures and can be herself around you -- which, assuming she's attracted to you, would naturally result in sex.

Thanks for the contribution, go back to being a construction worker

1 upvotesronvon12 years ago

You must assume that I'm a construction worker based on my ability to build things...if the cause and effect works that way, then call me a motherfucking construction worker...I'm sure that, with your impeccable detective work, you can piece that together d-bag!

5 upvotesempatheticapathetic2 years ago

Whoever you are, based on this reaction you're definitely a bitch.

4 upvotesAndgelyo2 years ago

Sounds like a typical tinder “date” to me, except not as straightforward lol

1 upvotesChaddeus_Rex2 years ago

How fast to do it though? I've tried both first date lays and second date lays and I've been getting inconsistent results.

6 upvotesredpillbanana2 years ago

As I've said in the past, escalation and lifting are similar in this respect: you want to start out light but make sure you are following a pattern of progressive overload by gradually going heavier in definite increments.

If you fail, de-load 10% and try again.

65 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

This is why monk mode is so fucking valuable.

Take the time to satisfy your own needs emotionally before interacting with women.

For me, this was the only way to actually acquire abundance mentality.

She means nothing to my emotional happiness because I've already filled that tank myself.

Pussy isn't the real reason for outcome dependent behaviour, emotional validation is. Remember that.

There is a huge difference between going on a date with no emotional needs, but wanting to fuck than there is going on a date with emotional needs even if you're pussy abundant.

Emotional dependence is the killer. It is this need that changes your behaviour and that behaviour is what is unattractive.

12 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

I always say that humans are crackheads for emotions. We crave them. Excitement? My motorcycle gives me that. Lifting heavy and surrounding myself with similar-minded people keeps me in that proper "emotional" high. Not overinvesting in people, because people come and go. Investing in what I like and what makes me happy. I do agree with the statement that emotional validation and outcome dependent behaviour needs to be worked on and is unattractive.

2 upvotesfastnail2 years ago

The best Monk mode advice I have ever come across -


1 upvotesOscar_Cc2 years ago

So you don't need sex in order to be happy in life?

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago


Meeting your emotional needs by building a life around productive pursuits largely removes this need. Of course the desire is still there; we're still human, after all. But the desperate need for female validation is gone and what remains is mostly physical and be dealt with yourself.

2 upvotesp3n1x2 years ago

Monk Mode is an option, not a necessity for all men.

So you don't need sex

TRP is a progression to being a better "self" that results in strong sexual advantages.

Some men lack the initial extroverted social graces. This is usually based on low self esteem and lack of confidence in verbal & body communication.

Monk Mode should be examined as a temporary state to build the foundations others may already have learned. You can put the horse before the cart, but this will make the journey very difficult.

The need for emotional acceptance is what usually turns most guys into a dumpster fire with woman.

1 upvoteskobra_trp2 years ago

I guess the best thing to remember during dates and anything is if this doesn't work out, there's another person and another chance. You will never run out of chances for dates

5 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

One of few things to remember. There is no one fit all and for you, something else may work better than for me. We are here to learn and support. I am glad that you find my post valuable.

1 upvotesp3n1x2 years ago

You will never run out of chances for dates

This should be a mantra for those in a dry spell. Remember, men NEVER hit the wall.

12 upvoteskaane2 years ago

While this is not new around here, I like your enthusiasm, and I like how you find this by experience. Congrats, this idea will stick with you forever, because you earned it. We can discuss the why’s and how’s for hours but you already got the idea.

You can apply this to any other area in your life.

This post reminded me of a great scene from the series Band of Brothers. There is this great -soon to be a captain- lt. He talks to a private, and when the private says he is scared, he gives an epic answer. Watch this clip till the end, you will see that he is talking about the same thing that you just described.


5 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing the video - I watched it and it indeed resembled hard on me. This conclusion or realisation that I had the day before is a fruit of three years of reading, educating myself, taking action and being frustrated a lot. It finally clicked. I can say that you definitely understand. And I am enthusiastic about it - it's a massive game changer for me!

1 upvotesp3n1x2 years ago

taking action and being frustrated a lot.

Take Action!

Just like everything else in life. Like lifting.

So much of this material can only be internalized through experience.

1 upvotesfastnail2 years ago

Kaane...a great post and clip.

30 upvotesxtsv2 years ago

Problem is, I get extremely anxious when a woman looks at me, nevermind a date.

35 upvoteshalfback9102 years ago

You need to realize nobody cares about you. It may sound harsh but it's actually liberating. Nobody notices the things you think they'll notice.

Can you remember what your coworker was wearing yesterday? If you're like most people, probably not. It's because, fundamentally, nobody actually pays attention to anyone else.

Girls aren't your boss. Their opinion is irrelevant the second you're not in the same room as them.

1 upvoteshb8only2 years ago

imagine her without makeup, without shaved legs and without high heels - still anxious??? .)

10 upvotesApwoperMuser2 years ago

Even better, imagine her having explosive diarrhea.

5 upvotesWalterEArmstrong2 years ago

And then hope to high heaven that she doesn't!!

17 upvotesJcHgvr2 years ago

I can work with the lack of make up and no heels but hairy legs is bit too far.

3 upvotesandroidrhyme2 years ago

Lmao yeah, I'm not anxious anymore, I just don't want to fuck her

34 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Ask yourself why are you anxious? She is just another human being. Start meditating and work on this when you are on a date.

What happens if you hold the eye contact? I will tell you - nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing will happen. Force yourself to leave the comfort zone and fight with this.

13 upvotesIvyExcess2 years ago

Something WILL happen if you hold eye contact...You'll get laid...that's always the first step.

9 upvotesXxNerdKillerxX2 years ago

It might be that you are afraid she will reject you, and therefore invalidate you. Which ironically, causes that even more. You will need to work on your validation, you need it. But if you seek it from women when you don't have game, you'll end up with more validation issues. Maybe, start small, and work your way up. But whatever you do, WORK. Don't be lazy, you have a lot of progress to make. Like a skinny guy eventually becoming a massive body builder.

37 upvotesmeowsero2 years ago

Stop watching porn and excessive masturbation. Limit to once a week.

5 upvotesdaprospecta2 years ago

Start talking to women in general. Most guys get nervous because they rarely talk to women. Talk to the lady cashier etc. Nothing sexual, just general conversation. You will start to get comfortable around women. Takes time but it works.

4 upvotesrp_newdawn2 years ago

Even the prettiest women still take gnarly shits every once in a while

5 upvotesCountyOfRymnik2 years ago

Like OP said, step one is to force yourself to make solid eye contact. I used to not be able to maintain eye contact for more than a brief moment - I was always the guy who immediately finds something very interesting on the floor to look at. I'm still improving, but I've gotten much better at it. I was shocked how much of a difference it makes - combining 2-3 seconds of eye contact with a small, close-lipped smile tends to make girls open up to me right away.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

It is within your power to change your perspective so that your opinion of yourself matters so much more than how others perceive who you are.

Read: models by mark manson and the six pillars of self esteem by Nathaniel Branden

5 upvotesSir_Distic2 years ago

You've got to stop thinking that women are special. Recognize her attractiveness but remember she's worth just as little as the next woman. There's nothing special about her.

3 upvotesInfiniteAscent2 years ago

He still thinks women are wonderful.


They can actually be more nasty (deceptive, lying, cruel, etc) than men. The other trap is their attractiveness - makeup, the way they dress, it's all designed the same way as advertising. In fact, much advertising for other products uses hot women to draw you in. Breaking this "women are wonderful" phenomenon was extremely difficult for me, but I've gotten rid of it in 90 percent of cases. Reading TRP has been very helpful for this, but observing them in the wild is what really does the trick. Watch them manipulate other guys. Then pay attention to when they do it to you.

1 upvotesreptile4202 years ago

Solution is go on more dates and the anxiety will get less and less

1 upvotesWalterEArmstrong2 years ago

Keep in mind that she has to sit on the pot just like you and that brown stinky things fall out of her butt just like you. She has to reach over a grab a handful of TP just like you and she cleans her butt just like you. She ain't nuth'n special just because she comes equipped with two tits and a twat.

13 upvotesXxNerdKillerxX2 years ago

as soon as you get emotionally attached to the particular outcome (either career wise/dating wise), you are already mentally blocking yourself.

This is just so true. And after hours of introspection in my life, I noticed this pattern heavily with my success with women (seeking their validation, being attached to the outcome).

I can be rather witty, funny and concise fast (good timing). I noticed I switched from being needy with one girl, to taking a break from her. After I got over her emotionally, I was hooking up with her again. I was back to my self when with her again. Funny, confident, flirting, speaking deeply, not being needy. But when I needed her, I noticed my voice (which is quite deep) was really annoying sounding, and I would talk too much rhetoric and try to qualify myself with words and not emotions/actions. And of course, she was seeing me less and less (needy/outcome dependent guy is low priority in her sex life for sure, doesn't not get pussy wet at all).

14 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Agreed. The outcome independence, lack of emotional attachment to the outcome is a massive game-changer for me.

Career example: I would get excited about the position where I'd get a really nice wheels and massive income bump. Guess what, I never got it, because I was not focused on getting shit done. I was focused on the outcome, which got me off my game completely.

I thought this FR is worth sharing with the community.

1 upvotesEclectiqque2 years ago

so what do you emotionally attach yourself to? nothing, cuz you're a hardcore alpha male? family and your dog and nothing else?

2 upvotesp3n1x2 years ago

attach yourself to? nothing, cuz you're a hardcore alpha male?

This has nothing to do with "hardcore". You don't NEED to attach yourself to anything. An emotional anchor is not required to function. Emotions are nothing but a mix of chemicals. Eat when you are hungry and drink when you are thirsty.

Is this hard to learn? Hard to practice? For some, hell yes. Most western men are conditioned at a young age to form extreme bonds with irrelevant things.

Things come and go in life, just like emotions. There is no law that says one needs to hold on to something that will cause them to become Incompetent.

1 upvotesXxNerdKillerxX2 years ago

Still working on that honestly. But I think I may be shifting from outter validation (people liking you beacuse of what you do for them) to inner validation (you liking you because of what you do for yourself) for the new few months while I go int monk mode and get myself sorted out.

1 upvotesCaiusBard2 years ago

Good advice.

To tack on, I'm going to assume that everybody here is passed Step 1 which is not being a clingy nu-male. (outcome independence)

After that, I just have a few strategies. Game is all about making them comfortable by not making your intentions clear. Keep the conversation interesting (takes practice, of course). For the first 20-30 minutes, you want to give off the most carefree persona imaginable. Like you will literally not give one iota if she walks up and leaves any minute because your life is so awesome and you're content as is.

After this time, that's when I start looking for the IOI's. They're usually pretty obvious. Then you can start playfully teasing and moving into the sexual advances. If you want to take her home, and you're still not sure she's comfortable, just tell her you have to get up and do work in the morning so she can't stay for long. Again, all about making her relaxed.

Heck, just yesterday I had a spur of the moment date with a girl I met at a church group. I went in to the group and just talked to most of the guys first. I practically ignored her completely until the end. Then, we started talking for 10 minutes or so, and once I knew she was interested, I just blurted out "Hey, I would love to keep talking about this stuff, but I'm starving. Care to join me for lunch?"

Again, mask the intentions, fellas.

1 upvotesEclectiqque2 years ago

Like you will literally not give one iota if she walks up and leaves any minute because your life is so awesome and you're content as is.

so what do u talk about in these first minutes? how do u make her talk so that you're listening?

11 upvotesbanjew2 years ago

This may be a extreme case but wanted to share nevertheless: Word of warning: I escalated like crazy with this girl, trying to kiss her (nothing too violent, just getting close to her lips, etc.) didn't worked, got LMR I got tired and abandoned, also I was beta as fuck at that time. Took her to her home. After some weeks we had a fight and I never saw her again.

Fast forward she's calling me a rapist for trying to kiss her. Jokingly at first, then her friends start calling me that (she told them, of course), this time not so jokingly.

So, beware. Never date crazy chicks. In retrospective, I didn't know she was that crazy.

-5 upvotesCC_ee2 years ago

This is more you being a lil bitch than her being crazy

16 upvotesbanjew2 years ago

I don't follow how being called a rapist makes me a little bitch but whatever.

5 upvoteselectricspresident2 years ago

It's one of the shitty ghastly things for your particular situation. You see because u didn't escalate u were a bitch. Now that chick doesn't go on dates with bitches so obviously u are a rapist. U still might not get it. Don't take the comments from trp too personally it's meant to look at your own mistakes rather than waste time calling girls "crazy". Cause really most of them are crazy and this is widely accepted. Crazy now also has a spectrum.

1 upvotesp3n1x2 years ago

Yeah, that dude could have said it better, but at the same time, he doesn't need to.

You were weak at some point on the date. You didn't meet her standards or mental checklist or whatever. You got resistance. You then failed again after that by giving her negativity (argument). Now to her eyes, you are worthless and she is "ashamed" to have consorted with you. To keep her position in the pecking order, she shit on you to her friends who also believe you are beta and they turned to "shaming tactics" to ensure your beta seed doesn't get near them.

3 upvotesbanjew2 years ago

Now this is a much better explanation. Makes sense, yes.

-5 upvotesCC_ee2 years ago

If you didnt act like a little bitch they wouldnt have called you one. You said it yourself

6 upvotesbanjew2 years ago

They didn't called me a little bitch...you did. Are you feeling ok?

0 upvotesCC_ee2 years ago

i meant a rapist. Im saying the reason things didnt work out is because you acted like a bitch in front of them (beta). Im saying if you played it right you wouldve banged her and they wouldnt ahve called a that.

1 upvotesp3n1x2 years ago

Hey bloops, don't spam down vote because he isn't being poetic enough for you.

3 upvotesjohnson898932 years ago

Fear of failure is #1 on my list of effective concepts to be mindful of. As soon as I start to fear failure, I start to fail. It encapsulates the bluepill mindset. It makes you second guess, makes you directionless and people smell the fear a mile away.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Set your mind to make the failure as your best friend. However silly this sounds, it works. I've been through numbers of rejections and since I started to take them as a path to push through and be more comfortable with it - suddenly I stopped acknowledging the fear. It was there, but all it was - awareness. Not letting it take over. It's hard work, but worth it.

3 upvotesthrowinghthisoneaway2 years ago

I want more of what this looks like in everyday life. With or without women.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

And coincidentally, if you stick with this perspective and make it your reality, women Will flock to you en masse. This is the only real way to achieve abundance.

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Everyday life examples?

I posted somewhere in comments career example. Big promotion, lots on the table. All I was thinking about was the "wheels". I was obsessed with the outcome. Guess what, didn't make it first time, because I did not focus on what had to be done here and now. Second time nailed it from the first second, I was absolutely abundant about the outcome. If I don't get it, I know: * I am going to be okay * I did my best to get it

Instead of letting the anxiety take the wheel, acknowledge it and steer your focus on here and now. Let those thoughts be there, but nevertheless, you do what you have to do. I do recommend meditation and try to be more aware every day.

1 upvoteshb8only2 years ago

..you have already fucked her.. she is already yours...

1 upvotesface_north2 years ago

She was never yours .... it was just your time

2 upvotestremendousfaggot2 years ago

Can you explain more about eye contact olease

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

From my experience: I used to look the girl in the eyes and start talking myself. This was wrong. Apply eye contact and don't say anything, it's awkward at first for a second or two but then she will start the conversation.

I hear a lot that I am giving them "the eyes" - I do nothing more but smile and look them deep in the eyes and wait what happens. If you have this thought that this is all "fun" aspect it makes you realise how interesting it may be to see what's she's going to do.

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

No matter how good your game is, how good you look and how high SMV you have - as soon as you get emotionally attached to the particular outcome (either career wise/dating wise), you are already mentally blocking yourself. Practice awareness, be present in the moment and find joy in every single second of it. This opens all the profits of abundance and keeps your mind opened to any potential outcome.

I love this. Honestly brother, that might be the most valuable lesson of your life - I know it is for me.

And yeah, it applies to everything. If there was a law of our universe that would be it.

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Likewise, this is a massive eye-opener for me. I do like the name - "The law of the universe"!

2 upvotessuperturbolazerbadas2 years ago

I got rejected by this girl at the end of last school year, she’s talking to me now and this nothing to lose mentality is working well. Talking to her without being a huge flirt and just being me is helping a lot also.

2 upvotesTzzzx2 years ago

You are just being less needy then she is, read models by mark manson

4 upvotescafeitalia2 years ago

Dgaf attitude is about not giving a fuck about the date as well. Why overthink this stuff? I should do this or not do that in a date, before or after etc. Pussy is not important. Man himself is the only thing that is important. In a date don't give a fuck about anything. That is it. If you think of what you will do etc you value her more than yourself. All the pick up advice people give are total sissy advice.

14 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

IDGAF is not as simple as "not giving a fuck". It's NOT about NOT caring. It's about limiting and tailoring the particular way of where and why you allocate your fucks. It's just like being mindful, aware - it's not about bottling/disregarding your emotions but about letting them be, without actually reacting/acting on them.

1 upvotesLustful_Priest2 years ago

This is a dangerous mentality in this day and age where a single cry of ‘sexual harassment’ can get a man taken away in cuffs. Whether or not the ‘harassment’ ever actually took place.

1 upvotesslutnip2 years ago

sexual harassment is a meme, designed to create fear and you giving up your power as a person

you can create agency in life to counter any situation in which you may be put on trial, just use your brain and think, how would i counter any sort of harassment charge... you have a solution now... fear gone

1 upvotesDrankOfSmell2 years ago

This is known as mindfulness

1 upvotesrichpianoooo2 years ago

if she is interested in you, you can get away with anything full stop i was calling this girl a cunt AND told her to shut up when she interrupted me she just laughed and said how funny i was. as long as your relaxed and in control you will all way get AWAY with shit.

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

That's also true. Applying the TRP knowledge will make her more interested in the best possible outcome and then you can do whatever you want.

1 upvoteshahayeahthatscool2 years ago

I wish I could just turn on outcome independence like that. Yeah I get emotional and I know that's bad but how do I get out of my own head like you did op, and just relax? I guess practice and repetition is the only answer, but God how long does it take till you're comfortable in at least most interactions? I swear if I'm ever talking to an even slightly attractive girl and even if we have really good energy, I can't help my brain from thinking "ACT COOL" which completely fucks me up. Even though the logical part of my brain is entirely aware that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that I should just chill out, I still end up cock blocking myself. Weird.

1 upvotesLuckylancer962 years ago

Conclusions of single events are irrevelant. It may be luck. Try it several times then post.

1 upvotesChaddeus_Rex2 years ago

Hey, /u/bobbobbitybob can you explain how you detach yourself emotionally. I have trouble with that and always end up attached to the outcome of a date. What do I focus on, trying to suppress desires? Taking deep breaths? Positive self-talk? Something else?

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Hi /u/Chaddeus_Rex - as far as my observation goes, a lot of individuals think that detaching emotionally/not giving a fuck has something to do with neglecting and/or suppressing certain feelings, emotions and thoughts.

I realised after long time (massive influence on that had a book by mark manson "not giving a f") that mindfulness and awareness is not about suppressing something. It's about observing, acknowledging and NOT PROACTIVELY REACTING on those impulses.

What worked for me is to be borderline aware of the moment . Even though I know there is a little bit of stress, anxiety and excitement I acknowledged those emotions and never reacted on them.

I recommend the following: download the app called "headspace" and practice meditation. At some point you will be good in being mindful, and without a lot of hassle instead of suppressing something, you will learn to accept and not let it control your mind.

Two things to remember: * you are not your mind and thoughts * When you try to suppress something, you end up dwelling on it and drowning in this. Instead of thinking about it less, you start getting obsessed.

I hope this makes sense.

1 upvotesChaddeus_Rex2 years ago

Much thanks! Last question. Do you not fear that acknowledging you have fear/anxiety over the moment will worsen it? I'm always afraid of that lol

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Have you actually tried acknowledging it and mentally "brush it off"? If it's there and you are in peace with it - it won't take control. The key is to start being Borderline aware of the surroundings and not being afraid of focusing just on that. Hit me up if any questions and I'm happy to share my knowledge.

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

It's always best to act like you have nothing to lose. It's much better though if you ACTUALLY have nothing to lose because you have an abundance of options. For 99% of us men, women are better at sniffing this shit out than we are at pretending. It's just a fact. They are evolved for it. Evolution is an arms race, and this is the niche that the human female has carved out.

So if you are in a dry spell, just starting your red pill journey, or not on top of your game for whatever reason, act like you DGAF to your heart's content. But know that no amount of acting can ever beat actually having an abundance to choose from.

1 upvotesEclectiqque2 years ago

so what do you emotionally attach yourself to? nothing, cuz you're a hardcore alpha male? family and your dog and nothing else?

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Why such a strong labelling?

I do not have a dog. I do have a family. I care about my family and close circle of friends. I am careful with what do I attach myself to and most definitely this is not going to be a woman - at least not now.

Also, I am emotional crackhead which is the main reason I love motorcycles. I wish everyone to find the same thing that I found in motorcycles.

1 upvotescl35372 years ago

Data points 2, conclusion = very inconclusive.

Did you stop to think for a second, second girl was into you and down to fuck and the first one wasn't? (ignore what she said that is just hamstring, women lie and she has probably done it before many times)

You guys give the impression that you act a certain way and magically she ends up at your place. Hold on a sec, they are women but they have their own minds, desires, and the place they are in in their life.

Having game allows you to capitalize on girls in the right mindset and quickly get away from the ones that aren't, it doesn't get you into the pants of those who weren't attracted to you from the beginning. If you draw the conclusion that everytime a girl doesn't sleep with you on the first date that somehow your game is flawed you are more diluted than the people you are trying to teach.

Yes if you push for a bang on every date you will get bangs from a certain type of women, in most cases it will be a very short relationship. On balance if you push and are good at reading women (as in you know when to back off and retry a few minutes later) this could be the optimal way of handling younger women, it may scare off real serious prospects but on balance its better than being too timid.

7 upvotesking_of_red_alphas2 years ago

Very much this. There is a tendency on TRP to think in terms of “well, since AWALT, I’ll just input stimulus and she’ll output desired result”

In the rush to think all girls are some amorphous hive mind, they forget that you have to know how to CALIBRATE to the individual.

That isn’t give nearly enough discussion. The girl who just got her heart broken and is lonely will probably respond to a much different approach than the girl who just wants to see what it’s like to fuck an older guy, etc etc.

TRP really neglects these subtleties in favor of one-size-fits-all.

That said, the notion of outcome independence is ALWAYS a benefit. Why? Because neediness, desperation and nervousness is a detriment to attraction for ANY woman in ANY situation.

At best it makes them feel sorry for you, at worst it creeps them the fuck out.

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Very good comments indeed.

This Field Report in no means is supposed to say that this is a golden ticket, one fits all solution how to get laid. Just like some people do squat wide foot, some people can't because of how their hips are developed.

This is to show, that the correct understanding of TRP ideology and rules will make it a lot easier to actually be successful in both dating/relationships and career.

As you can read in the post, I make it very clear how it affected MY behaviour and what impact it had. I never stated that this is the way to get ANY woman in ANY situation. That's why we have brains and use them to connect dots, not necessarily with the outcome that we like.

1 upvotescl35372 years ago

Outcome independence is a nuanced concept as well. Of course we care and develop 'game' to get better results if this wasn't the case why read redpill yes we care about the outcome.

But we should care about doing the right things that will work with the majority of women or many and not worrying about whether it works with one particular women if her response wasn't positive.

You can't get them all and might as well get used to rejection from some its really no big deal and may not be a reflection of you at all but simply her emotional state at the time.

6 upvotesking_of_red_alphas2 years ago

Dead on. We need to be self aware that the very fact that we’re posting on TRP means we give a fuck on a base level.

I would still say, in terms of field reports, they would be more useful with more info about the girls disposition and demeanor as I find that equally valuable.

For example, you have some FR's (the majority really) where the girl is just eating out of the guys hand from the get-go. This basically points to a high SMV differential - The guy is probably Chad to her, and so he doesn't really have to do much other than escalate.

The more interesting cases are the ones where the girl seemed indifferent or even outright hostile, and the guy manages to flip that.

Those situations often look more like a chess game than the full frontal assault we usually hear.

-1 upvotesRedPill_Swinger2 years ago

You ain't nothing to lose except money and time the two most important commodities

7 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

If you manage your money and time well, you can afford marginal loss like that. Does not have a critical impact on both.

1 upvotescl35372 years ago

Picking up new women always leads to marginal loss of time and money, I can't bang most of who I ask many of them lead to a waste of both.

So I developed strategies to not do dinner dates, not do anything expensive, and always invite women to do something I want to do and not what they want or to impress them.

However invariably I often don't like them, even the ones I slept with. So I feel like every time I ask a women out its a waste of time and money and just an attempt to get laid. Its a blur of the same bullshit over and over again, with one conclusion it was rarely worth it.

What keeps happening is instead of excitement over dates I am just bored and frustrated as the ones that didn't work out and I am irritated with the notion that I needed to pay and I'm wealthy but the fact I am expected to pay(especially with women aged 30+) just irritates me. I don't ask prostitutes out on dates so why should women feel her time is more valuable than mine.

I usually just pay the first time out of convenience but as we are venue hopping I become a lot more aware to see if she is looking at the check or offering.

Sometimes I just leave the check on the table and not l

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

You don't have to do expensive stuff. If a dinner and/or coffee is something that you can't do - I would consider working harder on the financial side of things to have this comfort of being able to do this on the fairly regular basis.

So I feel like every time I ask a women out its a waste of time and money and just an attempt to get laid.

You have to decide what are your intentions when going on a date. This is very important because mindset plays a huge role in this.

I am just bored and frustrated as the ones that didn't work

Because you are not having fun. You expect that the date itself will give you the fun-factor. Guess what - you are the fun and she knows it. Think about it.

the fact I am expected to pay(especially with women aged 30+) just irritates me

Nothing worse than the waiter asking why are you splitting. Been there, and this is where your frame is tested.

Read the sidebar, plenty of fixes for your disappointments there.

-3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Dates... dates???? Im done with this shitty sub reddit which is full of thirsty cucks and not self improvements and other mgtow concepts. But no you need to talk about dates out of everything.

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

If you are not interested in this particular topic, just manage your time better and don't dwell into things that you don't find valuable.

-2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

It annoys me that all the posts here are how to get women. Getting women is no secret and dates are not worth it because spending money wont make a difference.

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

If you filter it by meta, you will stop seeing all the posts on how to get women.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.