anyone feel trapped?

BlueBrye · 2020-12-14T02:58:47+00:00

You can't change what's happening, but you can change how you're reacting to it. Depression due to isolation is very real and cyclical. The more depressed you get the less you want to do things that make you not depressed. Workout daily, eat healthy, take a probiotic, sleep well, avoid alcohol and tobacco. These things you can control will have a big effect on your daily mood. Make a concerted effort to spend time with your friends, go on walks, etc. If this seems hard to you start where you can start. My inbox is open if you need somebody to talk to. Please don't fucking kill yourself.

alphaonthecomeup · 2020-12-14T01:45:33+00:00

Travel if you have the money. Go hiking, go get a “massage” or an actual massage. Go to a sauna place and sweat a bit. Take care of yourself. Life is difficult right now

CrystalQuartzen · 2020-12-14T03:03:14+00:00

My mother was an alcoholic. It fucked me up for a while, but I eventually started going to AlAnon and learned about the serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I’m not religious, but I live by that motto. Many comments here hit the nail on the head: focus on what you can control.

InfiniteMonkey13 · 2020-12-14T03:52:27+00:00

(Disclaimer: I'm leaving you a great wall of text because I'm high and currently lying down before watching a movie--so why not.)

In terms of feeling despair: you're not alone in that. Not at all. Allow me to commiserate by sharing a bit of my own plight.

***

I felt like I was finally getting a good hold on my life (not that I do poorly for myself; I'm just working on finishing my Phd and it's difficult to maintain my resolve at times--excuse my digression); and then the pandemic happened. I spent the summer self-improving. It was great. And then teaching remotely occurred (i.e., long hours working strictly from home in a college town as well as studying for my exams in my off time).

The enervation of staying at home all the time is serious, especially when your job entails a sedentary lifestyle. I was keeping my physical composure by going to the gym and yoga throughout the semester, but they both recently closed and I've been in a bit of a rut as a result.

Started using Hinge after the gym closed because a girl I met at the gym (after so much time of not meeting new attractive women) didn't return my text to set up a date. So I started talking to various girls on the app in an attempt to bounce back. Had three dates with them in a row this past weekend. Three dates without getting laid. Apparently they expect to go on more dates. But I'm just tired. And I just wanted to fuck. I don't really want to take these girls out a bunch of times as if it's part of striking some bargain. I just want to get fucking out of my system and continue to work on me. It's insane how much this kind of stuff can stress you out, you know. It gets to a point where it feels like our life depends on it. (I'm repetitively kicking this dead horse just to emphasize the compulsive factor of wanting to get laid as a man. It's ridiculous, and yet it controls us--many of us to various degrees, anyway.)

So yeah. I know what you mean. Intransigent solitude brings on a dark feeling. An insidious killing off of your vital energy. There's really no need to dwell on the metaphysical dimensions of this notion of vitality. It's a nightmare. One such as you might see in Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment (an important novel to read if you're feeling despair).

Another note on this notion of the sex drive which seems to be driving us a bit crazy in this time of severe solitude: it's essentially saying "Go, Go, Go" all the time. And when one feels that there's no fitting outlet for its energy, it can cause one to feel self-destructive. Hence, the idea of killing yourself. In this case, however, you don't want to kill yourself. The energy you have that you want to share (in some sense), is causing you stress and frustration. No need to continue to define this. But how to proceed?

Not every story ends with a resolution. You might just have to change your own values for a little while. Although I still think that you should approach, approach, approach--when you can. You need to realize that it's not fair to put so much pressure on yourself. The sex drive--the id--is stupid af. And it's insatiable. Endlessly repetitive. It doesn't realize that this pandemic is not going to last forever. If it's hungry, it's hungry. Its head is always on the chopping block. Try to realize this and forgive yourself for not having the abundance you want right now, nor the opportunities to change it.

Not every dude out there is fucking a bunch of girls. Not every dude out there is fucking one girl. Some dudes are fucking ugly girls. And they're okay with that. And, frankly, although a lot of people on these sites are going to tell you that all girls are happy right now and that they're all taken care of/receiving as much sex as they want--it's not true. It comes from a place of scarcity and paranoia: believing that the grass is so much greener on the other side.

You're in a dark place. But ask yourself: do you have your health? Furthermore, maybe it's time to think about what sorts of instant gratification you've been using to sustain yourself in your time of feeling cut off. One thing I know about instant gratification is that it's a fucking run-away train. More and more gratification leads to more and more acute hunger, thirst, desire. It's a little fire that will soon burn your whole house down and leave you with no patience. In the 21st century, I feel so saturated with useless media and pictures of ass and titties that my fucking eyes are going to pop. Do you feel that lack of control at all? In the week or so of using the Hinge app, I felt mine diminish palpably and precipitously. It fucking ruined my attention span. (And that may be just me--very vulnerable to these types of stimulation.)

Imagine this time you have as if you were actually doing time--hard time. Be strategic. Be humble. Personally (this has been a bit of a letter to myself as well as you OP), I need to regain control of the feeling of needing a woman to deal with this situation. I need to get a hold of myself and to reshape my values/expectations. Getting laid should only be secondary at most. Because, sometimes, as soon as you get laid *cue the Devil's Laughter (see Schopenhauer)* it's like awakening from a sleepwalk, or, better yet, a blackout: wondering why you bothered drinking all that alcohol in the first place. Fuck it. Better things to do out there. Just need control on the inside. Which is always a work in progress.

SteveSan82 · 2020-12-14T04:19:18+00:00

Just approach them. I'm in Japan Where everyone wears masks covid or not. I just assume they look good and if they dont well oh well, pump n dump or at least practice.

I went from 2 New girls a week before covid to around 1 if I hustle. From march to October I wad barely getting laid. I used that time to workout and break bad habits. I seriously didnt jerk off since June. When I got horny enough Id start cold approaching like mad even if it was a woman in her 50s.

Hustle

anonnv · 2020-12-14T05:41:05+00:00

I think I faced the same thoughts a few weeks ago and had a breakdown. I started crying for no fucking reason and I had no idea why I was doing that. I am pretty happy with where I am in life right now but maybe not being able to do what I had been working on for so many years triggered the breakdown.

I was not talking to people for a long time and since we humans are social beings I guess that's where the problem was.

I booked a therapy session and talked my heart out. Just simply talking and sharing what was in my heart and how I was feeling. As soon as the call ended, it felt so fucking great. I cannot explain how euphoric that feeling was. I felt like I was on the top of this world and had insanely great mental clarity.

I'd suggest you find a good listener and talk to him/her. Either book a virtual therapy session or find a reliable friend and talk your heart out. You can also try writing whatever thoughts you have on your mind but I am not sure if that'll work since I have not tried that yet.

I think it's just a phase man, and not worth giving up your life. It'll pass, you just have to stand strong. There are many other things in life that you can look up to.

I'd say begin by writing on a piece of paper the things which you actually like doing and start doing those. It'll make you happy and that feeling of not being able to date someone will soon diminish as you'll be happy being with yourself.

Stay strong brother.

Musicgoon · 2020-12-14T00:47:45+00:00

Look bro this isn't worth ending your life over. That being said, this year and the pandemic blows goat. It's almost been a year of this bullshit. Everyone is having a shit time and lonely. You're not alone in that feeling.

Hopefully the vaccine will get to everyone soon. People have been flaky or scared to get out. All you can do right now is get out into nature. And girls are less likely to meet or will ask you for some stupid shit. Like three negative Covid tests and to self quarantine for two weeks before they meet for coffee. Work on yourself and ride it out. It will get better.

Stoic-Alpha-01 · 2020-12-14T04:03:11+00:00

We are definitely in the same situation, mate. I have no huge social circle and unfortunately I have manipulative family members. There are days that I don't talk to anyone and I feel really depressed. I think the best we can do is Monk Mode. I was in Monk Mode at the beginning of quarantine and I was very successful. As time passed, I became depressed and I failed. I will start Monk Mode again. It's the best move.

Pezotecom · 2020-12-14T04:12:02+00:00

I feel you man. But you have something that many don't have and will never have : TRP knowledge.

Work on yourself, overcome your sadness, and I promise you, when this is over you'll be better than ever. Why? Because everyone else is exactly like you. They are depressed and completely fucking lost in life, some of them are partying no matter what, further extending everybody else's nightmares. But at the end of all, nobody would have changed nothing on their lives, covid-19 just pressed pause on them.

Have you ever imagined what would be your life if you can pause everybody elses lives and advance on your own? This is it. This is the moment.

PB0034 · 2020-12-14T03:17:47+00:00

I’m against video games but this is the perfect time to play em. Especially when u get bored after doing all the required shit u are supposed to do

FrenCan16 · 2020-12-14T05:30:34+00:00

Same boat. Try a 10 minute guided breathing session from WimHof on Youtube. Shit fucks me up when I'm feeling down. Your Rx is one session everyday for the next week then every second day till covid is over. Thank me later bro.

2020-12-14T06:48:27+00:00

These days, you just gotta take it day by day. Don’t think about how long it’s gonna be, or what the next year will be like because, honestly, no one really knows.

Meditation is a must, when you wake up just close your eyes and focus on the physical sensation of breathing. When your brain starts to think of stuff just recenter yourself into the physical feelings of air going in and out of your body. Highly recommend the Waking Up app ( its free ).

Next, interaction. I too don’t have to many friends, and it’s not exactly the best time to go out and look for friends. So reach out to old ones that you may not have talked to, create or reactivate social media, and slide in people’s dm’s. Everyone’s bored and lonely rn so go ahead and try to reach out virtually. Don’t discount family ties either. Call up close cousin or even your parents just to see how they’re doing. Whether it’s ten minutes just talking about light stuff such as weather or TV programs, your brain is still getting its conversational fix. Omegle, Among Us or Search and Destroy on COD can be good ways to talk to people too.

Depend on a higher power. Re-visit old religious beliefs or find new ones. Watch YouTube videos on Buddhism, Christianity or anything else that you find interesting. Learn to depend and trust in something bigger than yourself.

Which leads to my next point, distract yourself. Frankly, life is a little difficult right now, so it’s ok to get invested in a good book, tv show, movie, video game. Sometimes we need to take a break from our own lives and live in someone else’s. I’d rather you spend an afternoon playing video games then suffer with a stream of negative thoughts pushing you to drugs or other harm. I haven’t bought a Call of Duty game since I was back in hs many years ago, but you know what I did this year? Bought the new COD, so that I have something to put my energy into, even if it yields no results in real life.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to seek help. Mental health professionals are needed now more than ever in the past couple of decades, because life is stressful for everyone right now. Don’t be afraid to get a therapist or take medicine that will help you create more positive thoughts and help you see life through a better lens.

Wishing you the best brother. Reach out if you ever need to talk.

izrd123 · 2020-12-14T00:57:44+00:00

Make sure you’re sleeping well and meditate when you can. Try the Headspace app, try supplementing 5-HTP. Concentrate on the short term and live a little, indulge bad habits if it makes you feel better, and these are tough unprecedented times, don’t be so harsh on yourself.

Guapscotch · 2020-12-14T04:06:45+00:00

Think you are placing way too much value in lays. Take a step back and evaluate what you want in life. And covid will eventually go away once vaccinations are available to the public. Don’t spent too much time pondering on things you cannot change.

redditSucksNow2020 · 2020-12-14T06:50:00+00:00

Yes certainly not here to stay. There's already a vaccine being distributed. it will take a while before everybody's vaccinated but it is definitely not here to stay.

Savings-Ad-9393 · 2020-12-14T03:17:39+00:00

I’ve seen a lot of posts similar to this recently, I made one yesterday.

The best thing I’ve been able to do is go out into nature and take in the environment. It’s no replacement for the lack of human contact, at least it’s something. (I’d argue a lack of human biological needs I.e. human touch and sense of community is far worse for us than a virus that kills the weak and has a 99.998% survival rate in people under 50)

Also I’ve found that people are having low key party’s in my locked down city. I highly recommend that you actively search for these and attend them.

tropicislandexplorer · 2020-12-14T03:29:39+00:00

There are times in your life, when you have needs, but for whatever reason life is in the way. These are the times to head to your local Asian Massage Parlor, or get an escort, get those needs met, make intimate contact with the opposite sex. You'll feel great afterwards. I first did this during my divorce. Went to an asian massage parlor. It was awesome!

lmann81733 · 2020-12-14T05:04:12+00:00

Just approach anyway, not everybody who wears masks is afraid of covid. I could care less myself but wear one to conform.

The pandemic has fucked up a lot of things, but day game is still possible.

And the vaccine could put an end to this next year. Certainly not guaranteed, but a possibility.

nexther · 2020-12-14T07:34:54+00:00

This wouldn’t be a problem if you were already maintaining sexual relationships with multiple women. Also, i’ve never done better with women than now. This pandemic has made girls so thirsty, that my cold approach success rate is higher than ever.

marlboromans · 2020-12-14T11:15:23+00:00

Same man, I’ve never even been a miserable person and I’ve always got satisfaction from knowing I’m a free to do anything “if this risky investment goes wrong I can always hop on a plane and spend 2 weeks in a random city in Eastern Europe”. Now it’s impossible to visit a bar on my street.

It’s completely unnatural being isolated. It’s even worse living with old people.

WTTT · 2020-12-14T03:32:33+00:00

You care too much for women right now. You need to be practicing semen retention and growing.

Gamedragon345 · 2020-12-14T02:39:04+00:00

I feel trapped, and I sit around at home studying for school to work on my purpose so I can get a degree and start a business and be entrepreneur. I have no gym cuz of california and coronavirus, and only calisthenics and some dumbbells and a pullup bar. I workout everyday and I feel good about my workouts but I always long for a barbell to squat bench and deadlift with, but shits just too expensive. But I have been hopeful about the vaccine and Im gonna wait and see if there's side effects then I take it and go to gym.

new__vision · 2020-12-14T03:33:56+00:00

I totally feel you. It's hard to be on your "purpose" in this environment. Some things that have helped:

- Looking at recent videos of places like Florida, Sweden, etc where life is completely normal and no one has masks. This is pretty mind-blowing: Nightclubs in Wuhan packed as coronavirus epicentre reports no new cases

- Realize that we've been through this before in 1918 and society returned to normal.

- Going out in nature, parks. I bump into maskless people who are happy to chat like everything's normal.

- LockdownSkepticism sub

I've even considered flying out to Florida since I work remote like you.

navarone · 2020-12-14T04:06:33+00:00

Not sure if you've heard bro but there is a vaccine.

bert_cj · 2020-12-14T06:18:54+00:00

Same exact boat bro.

Just have to keep leveling up.

I’m currently in the process of upgrading my fashion. So I’ve been going to the mall a lot. Saving up to get my teeth laser whitened. Thinking of getting tattoos. And of course still hitting the weight room.

Scheduling with a friend with a good camera to take high quality pics of me. So I can upgrade my dating profile.

Try to level up in every aspect. One thing that I think gets overlooked is posture. I had bad posture and have been working on it for months and it’s gotten wayyyyy better. So make sure your posture is good. I have a 6’3 cousin with awful posture, if he fixed his posture that would immediately +1 him. Posture gets overlooked. Bad posture is like a -3.

Just focus on leveling up.

Jessor69 · 2020-12-14T03:37:31+00:00

Biggest thing every man needs to learn is time. Have a little patience man, the best remedy has always been letting time go on and it sincerely gets better.

Best of luck

Zakaroo_ · 2020-12-14T03:58:38+00:00

I'm in the same boat shits depressing as fuck. Got sent home from college for the rest of the year and I'm a freshman so I'll be going in next year with no friends or anything. Pretty much stuck at home all the time. I was trying tinder a bit but I can't even bring anyone here with family worried about the vid so I just stopped because what's the point. It's really tough hopefully we get this vaccine asap and can go back to normal because I'm losing my mind and becoming more of an antisocial hermit than i used to be

HalcyonicFrankfurter · 2020-12-14T04:33:15+00:00

Well, it seems like you are aware, so as soon as you find somebody not wearing a mask, then you're good to go. It's a good filter. Of course, you'd have to look in places where they aren't 100% mandatory.

dtyler86 · 2020-12-14T05:31:55+00:00

Welp, they’re currently shipping out vaccines to every state in the US as of this week. So Normalcy might Rorbach any day now. You made it this long, that news alone should keep you around to see it through

Shieldless_One · 2020-12-14T05:39:20+00:00

You’re putting too much importance on having women. Now would be a good time to find new hobbies and develop new skills. Not only will that get you out more but it also creates more opportunities for you.

Sin-Silver · 2020-12-14T09:19:39+00:00

You won't alwasy been in a good position to do what you want. You need to focus or adapt to the situation you find youself in. Find something else rewarding and fufilling to do during this time other than working on your cold game.

On the other hand, You could try online dating. Which despite it faults, lets you overcome a lot of the covid restrictions. I managed to get lucky this year and have nee seeing a surprisingly high quality girl from bumble.

BoxingCSMonkey · 2020-12-14T09:43:53+00:00

This might be a good learning moment for you. Women should not be your source of happiness or fulfillment.

Time to look inwards.

VojvodaSrpski · 2020-12-14T11:30:28+00:00

This is the time to start making money, money will bring you freedom.

Dingdangdoodle23 · 2020-12-14T11:30:47+00:00

Happy I got myself a gf now lmao

power_cleaner · 2020-12-14T11:45:49+00:00

Been killing it on hinge lately. Utilizing girls I’m talking to for social circle activities.

vampirejessica · 2020-12-14T12:03:30+00:00

Nope.. Not harder.. Im still kicking.. Hit them up normally and if you're attractive / workout/ without acting needy or anything.. Youll still do good.. I fucked last week.. And i just took the supermarket cashier's number as I'm checking out.. Keep working out and focus on fixing what's bothering you.. If u want love.. Then love yourself

Rustrike · 2020-12-14T12:37:13+00:00

I'm more curious about how this insane amount of validation gonna change women. It must mess them up at some level? Re the topic, I suppose you're in UK, things will get back to normal once vaccination is widely available. I personally just went monk mode for the next 3-4 months, gym, side hustle business, creative shit and etc. Don't forget that purpose makes a redpilled man happy, not regular bang with quality pussy.

Optionsmfd · 2020-12-14T13:51:16+00:00

things will b back to normal by summer

Glennus626 · 2020-12-14T14:07:36+00:00

Treat it like a forced monk mode.

2020-12-14T14:49:18+00:00

Yeah I feel you man, dark times. I think everyone is depressed and stressed in one way or another. But yeah, it is especially difficult for guys trying to date right now. The only girls I’ve really been able to meet up with were already in my rotation, next to impossible to meet new chicks right now unless it’s through work or mutuals, cold approach is practically dead. Really annoying, hopefully the vaccine helps, shit is getting beyond old.

Relaxredditrockstar · 2020-12-14T18:13:14+00:00

This corona shit is a fucking scam

Badluckninja · 2020-12-14T18:31:44+00:00

Well i feel pretty much the same fucking way. Its hard as in order to pursue better career i moved away from my family and my friends to a bigger town- it was just pre "Second wave". Now everything is lockdown but due to the nature of my job i have to go to the office so i cant really move back to see my family and work from home. Cant really meet any new people- gyms are closed, bars, restauratns, clubs, even fucking swimming pools, every thing is closed indefinitely. Tinder is absolutely attrocious- in my experience most girls are there only for validation. Getting few matches here and there with some cuties but to get them to respond to me let alone meet up is fucking hard. And where are we gonna meet up anyway? Its fucking winter, and winter in my part of the world is pretty fucking cold. Id rather not freeze my balls of taking a walk with some randome hoe. Like i said all the bars restaurants etc are closed and good luck inviting them for the first date at your place- doesnt give them any plausible denaiability and therfore doesnt really happen, atleast for me. The only thing going for me is im actually getting in better shape- cut my calories and moved on to full time calisthenics since i have few bars next to me apartment complex. Its getting harder and harder to do calisthenics outside due to fucking cold but whenever i do feel like quitting i just imagine gaylubeoil calling me a bitch and that helps. Beyond that im recovering from oneitis which is fucking hard because i cant meet up new girls to fuck and i cant really do anything to socialize with people or get new hobbies due to lockdown. Just going to work, working out and meal prepping. Sometimes the mood gets really dark.

OP, i dont have any practical advice- just know you are not alone and there is many of us in the same boat struggling. I guess struggle is the way. I kinda feel better just ranting and venting all that shit out. If anyone has any practicale advice (Especially on dealing with oneitis when its very hard to meet girls and im all alone in a big city when there is no benefit to living in big city because its fucking locked down). Stay strong and stay on the path to all my brothers all over the world. I know i will make it through this shit strong or i will die trying, no other way.

laiyaise · 2020-12-14T18:51:02+00:00

Have you tried living in the country. I know it's not appealing but out here it's life as usual, no masks, no lockdowns, and people would laugh at the measly 10 cops that would try. Only downside is there isn't much young people or women around as there are in cities but the women you do find generally tend to be higher quality. Maybe go out and try it for a few months whilst shits locked down in the city.

SublimePimp · 2020-12-14T20:09:10+00:00

Go to Thailand and fuck hookers. That’s what I’m doing. America has sucked ass for a long time now.

Infernir · 2020-12-14T20:22:43+00:00

Yeah, I feel like there should be some veteran or older folks making some adjustments to the sidebar or a "Pandemic RP edition: How to get laid and spin plates like a rockstar efficiently in the age of covid 19".

Cold approach is super tough right now and anyone you meet online is less willing to meet up in person... it's also just not emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually satisfying as face to face interactions.

Space_skrilla · 2020-12-14T20:52:26+00:00

Fuck girls for now then and use this time to build yourself up so when this shits over you’re good

cfbovernfl · 2020-12-14T21:24:45+00:00

Looks like this covid shit is here to stay.

Says who? Vaccines are rolling out, I'm pretty optimistic the fall will be looking good.

Tinder is shit.

That's your problem. Lots of people open to meeting up right now, especially when everyone's horny.

Honestly this shit sometimes makes me slightly suicidal.

See a psychologist. You need to be comfortable with yourself before you can really attract others. Right now your whining will get you nowhere.

armenian_UwUcide · 2020-12-15T06:55:16+00:00

OP, if the comment sections didn’t make it clear enough, this year has sucked major massive monkey balls. These are uneasy times brother. I haven’t had such a hard time getting any jobs, never been so lonely and completely gave up on women. It’s ironic; I haven’t dressed or looked better my entire life as I did this year. Hell, even my game is more original than usual, and social anxiety for me is practically nonexistent. Doesn’t matter who you are: it’s been a shitty year.

Only way out of this is going to moving forward until things are reasonable back to normal; one day at a time. Take it easy and focus on the things you can control, and worry not about the things you cannot. We’ll get through this.

jjj2576 · 2020-12-14T00:31:59+00:00

Monk Mode is a buffer imo.

Keep working on the grind. Don’t be a dumbass. Get clever. Find safe ways to connect with your mates.

I do a Bible study over the phone with an old college roommate, and have been doing hikes where I pick up trash with some other mates. It’s getting colder, so this will be a challenge.

Work on yourself— not just lifting and sidebar, but love yourself. Do something you love to do. Pick up some hobbies of value.

RP_utiliser · 2020-12-14T04:32:21+00:00

Most of the “chads” I know right now are telling me they’re getting no play either, it’s really only just the guys who manage to get a covid gf

__Archaeus__ · 2020-12-14T04:18:33+00:00

Check out semen retention. It’s not a quick fix, but anything worth it isn’t going to be easy.

NakedMoleHamster · 2020-12-14T09:32:06+00:00

So tired of people complaining about covid 24/7...

idevastate · 2020-12-14T10:35:00+00:00

Who the fuck cares ? Is your life centered around dating? Is that where you find your value? You might be employing the RP for success in your life especially dating, but it doesn't seem like you're swallowing and internalizing it. You're not supposed to give a flying fuck about chasing tails.

Title	anyone feel trapped?
Author	albert_shit_sneeze
Upvotes	154
Comments	121
Date	December 14, 2020 12:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/kcmel6/anyone_feel_trapped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anyone-feel-trapped.519984 https://theredarchive.com/post/519984

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