Gossip at work

Own_Outsideasd · 2020-04-14T23:06:18+00:00

"How do I handle this gracefully as a feminine woman and continue to firmly set my boundaries?"

I don't know, and my first reaction would be to consider this issue the supervisor's and the other nurses'. You've already set boundaries in an implicit, and thus gentle manner. I wouldn't be bothered about this comment, especially for a part-time gig, unless you think it'll lead to them cutting your hours, or something of that nature.

You already try to be friendly and professional, so I really do think you shouldn't take on the responsibility of becoming a gossip-node.

ebitdankk · 2020-04-14T23:04:50+00:00

That sounds like a cliqueish and borderline toxic environment to me. Having been in these types of “groups” before, there is a delicate balance between not partaking in gossip, and cutting oneself out of the herd.

If someone cracks a remark, you can grin or at least appear involved without actually saying anything. You might be showing your disapproval too much on your face and therefore might not truly “in sync” with the rest of your group in terms of body language. Your (rightful) discomfort may be visible.

If these were acquaintances outside of work, I would recommend finding other people to be around. However, you do have to see these people every day. It sometimes helps to deflect or slightly distract from the topic. Or even say something nice about the person being talked about as you see fit.

Kara__El · 2020-04-15T00:20:43+00:00

I know that women working can be a controversial topic on this thread but I’m reaching out to all of you anyway.

It shouldn't be. What works for your family is your business.

Managers are human and some of them aren't very good at some parts of their job. It sounds like that might be the case here. This criticism is ridiculous and she can't police your "holier than thou" attitude, even if she feels that way, so it's really pretty unprofessional for her to bring it up without pretty outstanding examples.

I think that if what you say is true, taking the high road is the better choice, even if your petty coworkers think negatively of it. Keep doing what you're doing and perhaps just make sure you're not giving haughty or judgmental looks when the conversation turns to gossip. Instead, just try to change the subject or find something else to do. Keep in mind that nursing, teaching, and cosmetology are all notorious for this gossipy environment, so I don't think this is especially unique.

LanaTownsend · 2020-04-15T00:40:00+00:00

It sounds like you handle it well and gracefully but not partaking but still being nurturing & sweet with bringing in homemade baked goods. If someone pries, a simple, "I'm not comfortable discussing this with you" should work.

I work in an automotive manufacturing warehouse with 99% men and they gossip too. It's not a female-centric issue. It's human nature to gossip. People's behavior always gives others something to talk about.

Zakdoekjeleggen · 2020-04-15T15:48:10+00:00

Someone close to me does your job and told me the same gossip drama tales. She never participated and got promoted to the head of her department in time.

If their criticism basically boils down to "your perfection makes others uncomfortable", shrug it off.

:-)

Casey_yogagirl · 2020-04-15T01:22:26+00:00

[deleted]

Casey_yogagirl · 2020-04-14T23:32:16+00:00

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cinnamon103 · 2020-04-15T09:00:13+00:00

The comment of your female manager is a typical "I dont want to let you out of this conversation without showing you that I spot an imperfection about you"-comment of slightly insecure bosses. I have to Deal with this kind of Management too. Its makes me sad but I know its not always the case. Its just the Management style, which is a bit crappy. As long as you can do your good work, continue :)

(I had a same evaluation for a while. Then I tried to be more like them, to integrated myself, misspelled a make up Brand and now they ""mock"" me because of it. So annoying and childish.)

Casey_yogagirl · 2020-04-15T11:04:49+00:00

Casey, particularly at this time, thank you for your service.

36trombones · 2020-04-14T23:55:33+00:00

That stinks. I guess how you deal with it depends on how much it matters to you?

I sometimes have similar issues even outside the workplace, where people perceive me as standoffish because I dont gossip. I find it helps to have something personal to share with others, even if it's small. Even mentioning to someone that the baby is teething and that kept you up at night. Some people bond through sharing their pain and they dont like to feel like you're shutting them out.

Of course, you don't have to change a thing. Sounds like you are already a lovely and warm presence at work.

momentsofnicole · 2020-04-15T11:29:00+00:00

I work as a flight attendant, which is ripe with both and bad gossip.

My policy with coworkers is to say that I don't want to know the names of people that they want to talk about. I like to make my own opinion of people. The exception being that the person in question is to be avoided for safety or toxicity reasons.

I mention how I only want to hear names of people when they are speaking positively of someone. I make a habit of mentioning names of people that are particularly fun to work with or some other positive attribute.

knot_today_bich · 2020-04-15T12:47:26+00:00

I wouldn't let it bother you, I am a nurse myself and nursing culture can be very crude. We see others personal lives so much that some of us forget personal boundaries.

dogbeaches · 2020-04-15T17:10:54+00:00

I second a lot of this, I do know that there is a lot of drama and gossip in your field. Unfortunately, sometimes when we are doing our job with dedication and being very professional, others can take that as being superior and above. In reality it’s always the insecurity of these other woman that is projecting. We know this as adults but we can still become hurt by it. The best thing that you can do is not to stoop down to their level, as you will quickly feel very poorly about your own self and guilty. Keep doing what you’re doing and kicking ass at your job, at the end of the day that’s all that matters

not_the_notebook · 2020-04-15T21:54:29+00:00

I think that you don't need to change anything, I think that it was highly inappropriate for your boss to give you feedback of that kind. If I worked with someone like you I would respect you a lot and be relieved to not be alone in my dislike of gossip.

Staying out of gossip at work is hard in environments like these, your lack of participation probably feels threatening, and yes, it might even feel like you think you're "holier than thou". But why should you apologize for having values? My best and only advice would be that perhaps if this continues to be an issue, find another workplace.

I ditched my gossipy boss and I've never been happier. I know that in order to advance at that old company I would have had to cave into pressure and participate in gossip, and I wasn't willing to do that. Three years later, he asked if I'd recommend him for a role at my new company and I turned him down, citing his gossip habit.

What goes around comes around eventually. Fly high and stick to your personal values. Some people aren't worth impressing.

sabsz16 · 2020-04-15T01:13:23+00:00

I work as a server and experience this, too. I wouldn't worry too much about it. They feel that way because they know they're saying things they shouldn't. In fact, they're the ones acting "holier than thou" by airing out other people's business and judging them for it. When I get caught in that kind of talk, I simply refuse to add to it or I say something kind about the person of subject (even if you don't know them well, you could always defend them with the benefit of the doubt, but in a way that doesn't come off like you're putting your coworkers down for gossiping). And on the flip side, I was someone who gossiped and participated in that, too, so, I understand what it's like on both sides! I hope this helped you and I wish you all the best for those uncomfortable future interactions!

blondehairedangel · 2020-04-15T02:38:28+00:00

I would try to sincerely ask for a specific example (or a few) of a time you behaved in the way its being claimed so you can reflect and try to see if you said something hurtful without realizing. Be receptive to the criticism since the complainant seems to understand that IF you did say something hurtful that it was unintentional and possibly even just misunderstanding. If you really can't find any wrong doing on your own part then stand firm and move on. But if you did say something hurtful to that person then you can learn how to adjust going forward. Its lady like to have humility. 🙂

couple4play24U · 2020-04-15T02:54:10+00:00

If you’re coming across “Holier than thou,” that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Did you tell your supervisor that you are just an introvert? Do they understand that this is just who you are and that your not judging? When others make a comment such as “Holier than..” that demonstrates their insecurities not yours. That’s my 2cents.

Title	Gossip at work
Author	Casey_yogagirl
Upvotes	58
Comments	47
Date	April 14, 2020 10:50 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/g1frqx/gossip_at_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/gossip-at-work.653551 https://theredarchive.com/post/653551

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