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Miss_Insher
[–]heliodromeFDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points 6 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Actually I disagree with this post. That love doesn’t exist. That love maybe exists for yourself, but this should not be an expectation that the right guy is just around the corner. He is not. That’s just more fodder to put a woman in an inferior position and get used while dating. I mean even the first few dates, a woman is already more exposed to whatever predator comes her way.
[–]wootykinsFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I agree, this sounds like some pickmeisha stuff
[–]heliodromeFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly - I think it’s a dangerous mindset. I remember the last few years leaning into my femininity and wearing my crown and attracting the love I want hoopla and the only thing that I attracted was an abusive man. We cannot expect men to be what this post describes, because it’s it’s delusional. Ask any FDS member if they ever had this experience? Did any of you have this “ideal relationship” experience. Most likely - no. And if we perpetuate the idea that it’s just a matter of attracting the right man we will give a lot of wrong men access to us.
[–]whatglasses5FDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think I read it the opposite way. I read it as not settling for anything ever and vetting ruthlessly for what we want, which is FDS approved.
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How is that a pickmeisha stuff? I’m not seeing any contradictions with our Handbook.
[–]wootykinsFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A relationship or an “ideal” kind of love isn’t the end-all-be-all. Women should stop searching this from men and learn how to be happy by themselves and love themselves. This shouldn’t be the most important thing in my life.
Also who wakes you up at 3am to whisper “I love you”? Let me sleep.
[–]throwahweigh3521FDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This post is exactly “more fodder” that creates space to “get used while dating”.
Personally, I’m totally over this romantic fantasy sales job that literally says it’s worth everything ever- like a holy grail hero’s quest, to find soulmate love that’s described always in achingly similar lurid prose. That’s there’s some guy who’s a gonzo multipurpose savior, trauma salve and Swiss Army knife of white knights that was created especially for you if just keep kissing frogs to find the prince.
When I read relationship stuff aimed at a heterosexual male audience there’s no romantic counterpart to this post where men rhapsodize about soul searing love with a life partner. It’s all about sex. Basically it’s transactional analysis about how to get what you want without getting what you don’t.
Men aren’t socialized to emotionally connect with women and many are standardly disconnected emotionally from themselves. Men are not offering much of anything but their dick.
In many ways the impossible love narrative typified by this post is just like men who want the unicorn manic pixie Harley Quinn type that’s a readymade bangmaid and bro with boobs. Petite but curvy, virginal and kinky, financially independent with a flexible, low stress, part time job, domestic goddess and badass Barbie - blah blah.....
Women and men sure believe in diametrically oppositional fantasies about love and relationships.
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m not reading this as an instruction for what a man should be, but I do like the idea of expecting the best from them. And if some of the things she talks about are more if a metaphor, I’m okay with what they represent. Sure, that’s the love that we should all be able to give ourselves, but if I ever have a partner, that’s what I want our relationship to be - loving, supportive, respectful, and based on mutual trust.
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Truth.
[–]glossiglamFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Better not wake me up at 3am to whisper at me
[–]GalactoseGalFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I stopped reading there. If you're walking me up at 3 am it had better be a fucking emergency I don't care how much love we have
[–]glossiglamFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right?!!
[–]thedevinefemmeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right? I need my beauty sleep
[–]ihavenoideadwhatimdoFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Whenever I see a wall of text like that I scream internally
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too! Didn’t want to leave anything out though cause it’s good stuff.
[–]masterofthebarkartsFDS STRATEGY COACH19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If someone woke me up at 3 AM to tell me they love me, they'd be dead.
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I cringed at that part too. I like what she means to say though.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😆
[–]cinderella_risingFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I like a lot of this...the loyalty/ devotion/ commitment...but no man better “reprimand” me in private or otherwise! 🤣
[–]heliodromeFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol, exactly! What am I doing on a daily as a law abiding citizen that I need to be reprimanded for?
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
Well.... thanks for being a respectful and supportive female community I once thought it was. Thought we were on the same team and didn’t expect to see so much negativity in the comments. Not seeing how does what I posted contradict FDS ideology and rules and why in a world is this being mocked and getting so much pushback. Wanted to share something positive and it feels like I’m in a troll country. Everyone deserves to express their opinion and be honest, but this doesn’t feel like a constructive dialogue at all.
[–]AlexxyaKatFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For some reason the replies on this thread sound bitter to me. Sure, right now if you think logically someone waking you up at 3am to tell you they love you is ridiculous, but if you’re in love, if this person makes you so happy and your heart flutter, someone doing that is sweet and romantic. (The way she phrased it made it seem like it was something special, not something he’d do every night because that’d be just ridiculous 😂).
[–]Lovelywings2FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To be honest, I cringed reading this because it’s more mushy and hyperbolic than I like, and I’m guessing that’s why it’s being mocked . But I don’t think it’s wrong to find it inspiring. Don’t lose heart - sometimes commenters can be unnecessarily harsh here.
[–]fenyx202FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I'll point out a few of the flaws, I hope it doesn't come out too rude. If you're broken and need someone else to put you back together, that's not FDS (pretty sure that falls under deluded pickme/ romantic fantasy). I'm also pretty sure dating broken men isn't FDS either (you're not their mom or their therapist).
I've only had creeps and abusers wake me up in the middle of the night. It's a selfish act from people that have no self control or respect (your HVM is supposed to be respectful). And reprimand? Is she dating her boss the captain? That sounds RP.
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
😧 I’m not broken and neither do I need anyone to put me together. And how does that even correlate with the post? Are you saying that wanting to be in a healthy and loving relationship equates with abuse and wanting to be “fixed”? How so?
[–]fenyx202FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If something needs mending, it's not whole. It's broken, shredded, torn, etc.
If getting woken up in the middle of the night makes you feel like you're in a healthy, loving relationship, more power to you.
If you want to be reprimanded like you're a child or a subordinate, have at it.
It's not my cup of tea but, to each their own.
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
When I was reading the post my goal was not to follow this as an instruction for my love life. I can agree with some points and disagree with others which doesn’t mean the whole message is wrong. What I don’t understand is why are you attacking me and projecting things on me as if you know me and everything I personally stand for? Wow. I don’t think she’s being woken up every night at 3am to be told that she’s loved. That’s more of a metaphor, not a literal representation of her relationship with her husband. And if it is - cool, that doesn’t make her “broken” or a “pickme”, that’s just a preference. I wasn’t equating this to love or healthy relationship in any of my comments.
Edited to fix autocorrects.
[–]fenyx202FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm sorry that I made you feel attacked. That wasn't my intention. You said that you didn't understand why your post was getting push back. I pointed out some of the reasons that I thought were part of the problem.
I didn't project anything onto you. I relayed my experiences and experiences of others. None of which included nightly 3am wake ups nor did I say they did.
Have a good night.
Thanks, this makes more sense now. You do as well!
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey, I messaged you.
[–]bey124FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
NOPE. Anyone who dares to wake me up at 3AM for a non-emergency will be kicked out of the house permanently.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🤮
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sigh
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[–]heliodromeFDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]wootykinsFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]heliodromeFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]whatglasses5FDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]throwahweigh3521FDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]glossiglamFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ihavenoideadwhatimdoFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]masterofthebarkartsFDS STRATEGY COACH19 points20 points21 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cinderella_risingFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]heliodromeFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 11 points12 points13 points (9 children) | Copy Link
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[–]fenyx202FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]fenyx202FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]fenyx202FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Miss_InsherFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]bey124FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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