Older guys

Goingforabounce · 2020-06-05T09:10:01+00:00

Just read any of the r/Relationship_Advice or r/AmITheAsshole posts from lately, give you a pretty good idea of what women in their 20s deal with when they date a much older man.

What I always wonder is, what would an established, mature man in his 30s want with a young woman who is just getting started in life? Usually 1. He wants that “barely legal” sex, and/or 2. He wants someone naive that he can emotionally manipulate because women his age won’t put up with his shit.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-06-05T09:24:39+00:00

Yea no.. older men go for younger girls like you because they know they can’t get a woman their own age. A young girl your age is more naive and more willing to put up with his BS. A huge red flag. Every young girl who has dated an older man regrets it, ask anyone.

I also understand men in their 20s isn’t all that either. Immature, commitment phobe, prob not financial dependent. Etc

The truth is that there aren’t many HVM out there. Be picky I guess

PaciencaYFe · 2020-06-05T08:42:24+00:00

There's all types of men in their 20s and honest to God the bigger the age gap in my previous relationships, the more of a degenerate. I went on hundreds of dates to find a man I thought was a genuinely good person who I clicked with and he is in his 20s. Stay picky but stay open to dating in your own age range 😁

Nightingale1820 · 2020-06-05T11:49:47+00:00

I felt exactly the same way as you in my early 20’s. To be frank, I was VERY horny and I wanted a man who would “seduce” me with tons of foreplay, wining and dining, etc.

I ended up getting hit with a narcissist’s love bomb and ended up in the most toxic and dangerous relationship of my life.

I will repeat what other posters here have said (and what my high school guidance counselor told me) - ask yourself what’s wrong with him that he can’t get a woman his own age?

passionatevirtuoso · 2020-06-05T14:19:12+00:00

No HV guy in his 30s would date a 21 year old. It is simple.

None.

The HV guys I know are super creeped out by that idea and they make fun of friends who do it.

They might date a 25 year old (since the woman is likely a college graduate, and in the workforce, and in the same phase of life).

I'm sorry :(

SuchBarracuda · 2020-06-05T13:30:18+00:00

Trust me, you'll change your mind after enough experience dating them... Another gross thing older men do when dating much younger women??? Secretly parade her around in front of his friend so they can see the "young p**sy" they got. The older ones are always so eager for you to meet their friends, not because they like you that much but they got a "trophy".

Sage_Planter · 2020-06-05T12:55:52+00:00

I'm 10-15 years older than you, and no respectable man my age is interested in a 21 year old. Are men my age interested in women your age? Absolutely. Are they HVM? Probably not. They know you have lower standards, less experience, less emotional intelligence, higher tolerance for bullshit, etc. because you're young and eager to please. I cannot fathom wanting anything serious or meaningful with someone who isn't at least 28-29.

I get it: 21 year old guys are pretty crappy. I dated them once upon a time. When I was your age, I was dating a 26 year old. The only reason why it worked was because we were both living with our parents and starting our careers post-school at the time as we both graduated post-secondary that year. Where someone is in life matters more than age, but if a 30 year old man is in the same place in life as you, it's a bit red flag.

wish_i_wasntavampire · 2020-06-05T17:36:27+00:00

Damn girl no. The men who are 30+ and going for girls ten or more years younger ARE LEFTOVERS. WOMEN THEIR OWN AGE DON'T WANT THEM FOR A REASON.

Now, this advice might be only working in my country, but: try joining some FB dating group. A lot of activity is public, so you can do your little experiment.

Look at profiles of men who show interest in much younger girls. What do they look like? Are they educated? Do they have a good job? Interests? Do their posts indicate they are a decent person?
Look at profiles of women in the same age group as the men you looked up before. What do they look like? Are they educated? Do they have a good job? Interests? Do their posts indicate they are a decent person?

You'll likely find that on average, women are doing much better. By 30, many women are TIRED of dealing with LVM, and are less likely to accept men bringing nothing to the table. So these men date younger women, especially those who might be: naive anxious insecure pushovers people pleasers searching for validation etc, which idk about you, but I was most of this as a 21 old student.

onefoulowl · 2020-06-05T11:31:46+00:00

It's hard and I get why you like to date older. Young men at 21 are often VERY immature and have serious commitment issues driven by dating app culture, hookup culture and porn. I can understand the mindset of being with an older man and attracted to the idea of someone who wants a relationship and is financially solvent and can spoil you.

However a 30+ year man shouldn't want to date a 21 year old. Just look at the relationship advice subreddit. So many of these men who target young women are predatory and cannot legally date underage girls, so choose the next best thing. They target young women as they are easy to manipulate and emotionally abuse as they have often not been in an adult relationship and do not know what to expect from one. A 30+ year old should want someone at a similar stage in their life and career. If they are a little older it is less of an issue therefore I wouldn't date anyone more than seven years above you.

mscristalconnors · 2020-06-05T17:55:42+00:00

No HVM wants to be around women that young. I had a conversation with a HVM and he said while young women are attractive (duh lol)...they’re babies to him. He can’t relate and he would feel really weird. There would be nothing besides purely physical connection. And he’s not down with hook ups.

He’s a little weirded out by men who date younger women. It feels awkward to him.

Even if the older guy is hot and etc etc they just want to pump and dump you.

prunusamygdalis · 2020-06-05T14:33:34+00:00

The type of man who would go for you is utter fucking trash so yes. It’s bad. Stay below 30 for sure, and you should cap it 5-7 years older.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-06-05T15:32:56+00:00

Ask yourself why he would want to date a woman 10-15 years younger than him.

He doesn’t find women his own age attractive, and will leave you when you no longer look 21.
Women his own age with more life experience can tell he’s a loser, and you’ll find out in time.
He’s so emotionally immature he can’t handle a relationship with someone his own age, he will actively try to prevent your growth because he won’t want you to outgrow him.

Basically, any 31 year old man who wants to date a 21 year old woman is NOT a HVM.

Look, I get that men in their 20s can be wack (I’m 22), but never settle for a different kind of wack shit. You’re better than that, and you’ll be happier working on your education, career, passions, and projects life without a man until you’re emotionally ready to date someone your own age. This is something that’s appropriate to get professional help on if needed, why you feel attracted to men almost old enough to be your father. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself be groomed and gaslighted by older men anymore, it won’t bring you happiness in the long run.

galian84 · 2020-06-05T18:54:50+00:00

As someone who's been there (dated a 45 year old when I was 26), I would advise against it. I don't normally see age gap relationships working out well, with a few exceptions, without some sort of power imbalance.

The other posters are right on, that the older men are looking for a young plaything, or someone younger and more naive that they can mold and manipulate. My older ex was manipulative, misogynistic, a liar, and a pro at gaslighting. Of course, he preferred women 21-early 30s.

One of my other exes dated an 18 year old when he was in his mid-late 30s. He turned out to be majorly immature, and super avoidant, to boot.

devoushka · 2020-06-05T14:33:10+00:00

By 25 your personality is finished developing. Guys in their 30s aren't more mature just by virtue of their age.

divdec · 2020-06-05T21:39:24+00:00

Been there, done that, wouldn’t recommend. Men who date 10-15 years younger are soooooooooo predatory. They have so much experience lying and manipulating women that you won’t even realize what’s happening until it’s too late.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-06-05T23:24:01+00:00

When I was growing up there used to be a saying to not mess with older men bc their gray ballsack hairs give you worms. Can we bring it back?

onefoulowl · 2020-06-05T08:36:50+00:00

[removed]

Title	Older guys
Author	livingup2020
Upvotes	3
Comments	32
Date	June 5, 2020 8:34 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gx0qf8/older_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/older-guys.674448 https://theredarchive.com/post/674448

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