Are ignorant pickme’s happier?

TheOGJammies · 2020-05-16T16:12:23+00:00

Short answer yes, long answer no. I think it’s happier upfront when you’re young and carefree, but the older you get, and the more responsibilities and life events happen, the harder it will be to deny reality.

There usually comes a time where catastrophic life events happen and force them to confront the truth about their husband and men in general.

The older you are when you figure this out, the more emotionally devastating it will be and the less prepared you are. Learning this later in life can absolutely destroy women irreparably.

These are the women who get sick with cancer and their husband leaves (men are 6x more likely to leave a sick spouse)

Husband leaves them for another woman and now she and her children are financially unstable because she sacrificed her career ability for him.

If you did not demand enough significant investment on men’s part in the beginning, it will be VERY easy for them to walk away and exploit your more vulnerable position, and many do without a care in the world.

persephones_torch · 2020-05-16T16:05:51+00:00

I think if they are treated well then they're fine.

But as a former ignorant pickme, I had done everything for a man, and still didn't get what I needed that was bare minimum. That's when I woke up to the nature of men.

I would say eventually, women wise up when they gain experience.

But it depends on the culture and environment they are surrounded by too. Some cultures, you can have this mindset forever and never escape because that's just how marriages or partnerships are expected to play out. And you can't really be unhappy when you have no other women around you to compare your experience too.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-05-16T17:04:47+00:00

I think it’s a curve. Go read /r/breakingmom, /r/justnoso or like any other relationship sub and it’s 97% women lamenting that they’re not treated like humans on a daily basis. So I would imagine there’s a high level of “happiness” in the beginning, when they get the ring, get the last name and get that initial rush of dopamine, everything they think they wanted, which then fades off into a (at least subconscious) realization that they pledged their life to a black pit and it’s going to be a dismal life of servitude and bending over backwards to please a man with the maturity of a ten year old. Even when they’re defending the relationship, to me it’s still really easy to read through it and see how miserable a lot of them sound even when they “love him and don’t want to break up”. They wouldn’t be there asking for advice on how to fundamentally change the man they married if they were happy.

2020-05-16T17:18:49+00:00

I think they often eventually become the women who initiate 70% of divorces.

DaeYeNoKen · 2020-05-16T17:39:28+00:00

They're under the same social pressure to look happy all the time as the rest of us, and if they are in a relationship then it's with someone who is under no obligation to treat them well.

Easy wives have shitey lives. They've shown their men that they'll put up with poor treatment, and that's what these men want. Why would they choose them otherwise?

Low value is low value. Things might be OK for these women when times are good, but when shit hits the fan...

Divorce rates are high for a reason.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-05-16T17:04:56+00:00

In my first LTR I was the Queen of pickme's. I had the worst examples at home and in my family. But my first BF was a really decent guy. He wasn't with me because I was a pickme but he valued me a lot in other ways. He actually helped me with my confidence and selfcare. We broke up because we wanted different things in life, but I was happy.

After that, I still was a pickme but the way the NVM and LVM treated me never sat well with me.

I don't think that most pickme's end up with decent guy's tho. So I'd say no :)

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-05-16T17:41:06+00:00

I don’t think so. Ignorant or not, no one truly feels happy when treated without respect. She might justify her LV partner’s behaviors by telling herself that all relationships are like this, that you gotta make compromises in relationships, that her partner is actually quite sweet because he Venmo’d her 50 cents on her birthday.

She’s more likely to convince herself that she’s happier than all the single people out there, but at the end of the day, she’s not treated with respect and she knows.

they usually get the ring, babies

They’re also the ones that show off their $300 CZ ring on social media because “it’s the thought that matters” and take 100% care of their babies because “my husband doesn’t know how to take care of toddlers”

cherthemusical · 2020-05-16T20:12:41+00:00

As they say ignorance is bliss. So although you may ignore your husband cheating, being porn sick, youll have 5 of his kids without him giving you a single orgasm in your entire life and be his maid....you may be happy because you think thats as good as life gets. The question is, is that really a quality life?

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-05-16T16:24:00+00:00

they usually get the ring, babies etc. so on the surface they may seem happy

This has been studied repeatedly. In every study, married women with children are much less happy, much less healthy physically and emotionally, and die sooner than single women. There is, however, a very strong cultural pressure to seem happy on facebook and instagram. The women I know who have husbands and kids, once you get them away from the spouse and children and get a couple of drinks in them, admit to being miserable.

rinabean · 2020-05-16T16:11:33+00:00

I don't think any woman is that stupid. They just have lower self esteem and are better actresses than us. You'll never know what anyone honestly thinks, really.

You can tolerate a lot and even think it's normal, or worse that it's not but you in particular deserve it, but it still hurts to be considered less than.

Educational_Stay · 2020-05-16T23:58:16+00:00

No. They are riddled with self dislike and a nagging feeling of dissatisfaction if not outright loneliness. It’s lonely to settle for a LVM because you refuse to grow a spine. I learned this young, and grew one. I’m alternately mad at and sad for pickmeishas who will never learn.

Edit- I have a friend in her mid thirties, a gorgeous woman who gets a lot of male attention. She has sex with anyone who will have her at the drop of a hat then wonders why they never call or only use her for sex and ignore her emotional needs. She puts up with being disrespected all the time. She ascribes her man issues to the fact that her dad abandoned her and her mom when she was a baby. She has no plans to change.

Last I spoke to her she had quit smoking and is planning to use the money she’s saved to get DD breast implants, so she can get More male attention. (She is a very petite person with perfectly lovely breasts proportional to her body)

spreadmywings89 · 2020-05-16T16:14:12+00:00

This is a great question. I wonder! I’ve given into some pickme tendencies over the years, but overall I’m not a pickme and every time I did give in, I felt so mad at myself.

However, I do have a certified pickme friend who would cry hysterically every time her NVM would disrespect her, but then she would use her pickme ways to reel him back in and forgive him. She managed to upgrade him to a LVM and got married. From the outside looking in, it seems she’s happy. Happier than my friend who broke off her engagement to a LVM? I don’t think so. I think my pickme friend is just content to have the ring and didn’t think she could do better. Not genuinely happy.

saint-jezebel · 2020-05-16T21:34:17+00:00

In the beginning yes. Regardless of the reason, they are likely giving the men free reign while they pick up all the slack just to say they have a man. If they arent ignorant, the response is still the same as the ignorant ones. Self esteem and scarcity mentality is low and high, respectively, in both individuals.

In the long run, no. Yes, Pickmes get married and have kids, but over time, their work load continues to increase and they dont understand why. These are the women that age so fast but you never understand why. The women who are constantly tired and stressed. The women that tell you to put a mans needs first while being fed up with the man they put first. These are women who know their men cheat but still stay, and even when the cheating is physical, its more emotional. These are the same women who think cheating emotionally is the other womans fault and she is terrible, and that emotionally cheating is the worst thing, but the physical isnt that bad. You have to think about that.

In the end, Pickmeisha is always 10 steps behind even though she projects herself to being 3 steps ahead. She is doing everything.

2020-05-17T23:57:15+00:00

I think part of the pickme "rules of living" include pretending to be perpetually happy with one's LVM.

Title	Are ignorant pickme’s happier?
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	40
Comments	25
Date	May 16, 2020 10:15 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gksddw/are_ignorant_pickmes_happier/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-ignorant-pickmes-happier.676011 https://theredarchive.com/post/676011

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