LVM want you to believe that if you communicate better, it will make up for their refusal to hear you. Don't believe that shit. HVM will consistently put the effort in to understand your perspective.

EmpressOfDankness · 2020-04-19T00:33:12+00:00

Yes! This, 100%! Someone posted in another comment somewhere (I can't remember who it was, please chime in if you recognize this was you sis!) about how abusers like to keep you trapped in cycles of explaining yourself over and over. You are under the illusion that they don't understand and it's your fault and things could be better if you could simply communicate better. Nah sis. These men understand us perfectly clearly. They use our empathy and willingness to give a million second chances to manipulate us. Don't be fooled.

pissed_af · 2020-04-18T21:27:18+00:00

"just communicate" is their way of putting all the blame on you. When you do try to communicate harder, they'll say you're picking fights. When you leave them, they'll say all you did was nag.

Fetus92 · 2020-04-19T01:00:19+00:00

I was today years old when I realized literally all of my relationships did not involve me being poor at communication but instead dudes refusing to understand me. Every relationship I would try to voice my opinion and then when we’d fight or break up they’d always be like “well maybe if you were better at communicating”.... I thought I just wasn’t ever getting my point across. I honestly felt like I have always been the issue because I was raised to be seen not heard. Turns out I was just dating shit tier men.

temporarily_tipsy · 2020-04-18T23:17:51+00:00

Where there's a will, there's a way. If they really don't want to understand you, all the words in the world aren't enough to make them.

Pogojen · 2020-04-19T00:23:44+00:00

On youtube, there's this debate between Bill Nye and and the President of the Creationist museum, Ken Ham. Ken Ham admits beforehand that nothing Bill Nye says will sway his beliefs. That debate was pointless if neither side will concede.

Reachingout365 · 2020-04-19T02:11:05+00:00

I'm with roommates that are loud as hell. They say if they're ever too loud to tell them, and yet they're usually blaring their tv as loud as possible with speakers till 3 am, or the fiancé is yelling at his video game till 4 am, or they're out till 3 and I wake up to their dogs barking as they stumble in.

"Communication is key" is what they told me.

At some point there's such thing as basic consideration; if I were to complain everyday I'd be a "nag." Or "too sensitive." Or "maybe you're jus a light sleeper" (that was even asked next.)

I know this isn't dating but like just an example; in general I think the phrase "communication is key seems a bit victim shame-y/ like a set up to put it off on the other person for not communicating well when you're either disrespectful or repeatedly boundary violating. At the end of the day, basic consideration is key. "Communication is key" seems infantilizing told to another adult. I'd never tolerate a man explaining to me how to communicate.

UpbeatIncubator · 2020-04-18T22:33:01+00:00

woman: says in plain English what she actually means and needs.

man: SO WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY IS

Novemberinthechair · 2020-04-19T04:21:30+00:00

This is like when men say you didn't give a hard no even though you said "no." It's gaslighting.

Milobear27 · 2020-04-19T05:40:59+00:00

This is just what I needed to hear, thank you. I love this sub ❤️

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