I visited my ex a few months ago. We are still friends (he helped me leaving 2 abusive boyfriends, still has contact with my family, doesn't make moves on me/doesn't prey on me etc.). I left him 3 years ago. His toilet was brown/yellow, completely covered with stains. He has not cleaned the bathroom for over 3 years probs. There where leaves laying in the hallway, his bedding smelled and there where piles of clothes everywhere. The places where my furniture used to stand where white but around that everything was yellow (he smokes like the devil). The ground was so dirty my shoes where sticky from walking on the linoleum. Everything I left 3 years ago was still in the fridge. He clearly hasn't cleaned since I left....

When I was with him, I had to constantly remind him to; clean up, go shower, look presentable, fold and put laundry away. Everything to lead a basic simple life. People, including my own fuckin' family, where always saying how I wasn't capable of householding (he made a mess within 10 mins of arriving home). While I worked/studied 80 hours per week to support us financially (aka to buy us weed), while he worked 32 hours and played videogames (and earned double what I made).

The last year (three years ago) I couldn't handle it anymore. I moved out. And... I had so much free time while my house was looking great! Everything was laying there where I left it, it was clean and I loved inviting people over (couldn't do that with my ex because of the mess).

I internalized all those things people where saying to me, that I was a bad cook/housekeeper etc. And the opposite was true! I love my filthy ex. I love my judgy family and friends. But they can keep the mess and the man if they love it/him so much. But they chose for me, while I was willing to leave them all behind. I'm doing so much better and they applaud me for it. But it came all from myself. And I will never forget how my loved ones kept me from empowering myself.