To OLD or not to OLD?

30137509 · 2020-02-09T20:43:44+00:00

That is a great way to describe Bumble. I had the worst experience out of all apps on that one, I think because men literally don't have to do anything to use it.

Amelania · 2020-02-09T21:40:51+00:00

I think the key to OLD is to be truly ruthless. Don't tolerate one iota of bullshit from them. Don't swipe on anyone you don't really find attractive. Don't swipe on profiles that look/feel like they belong to lvm. Don't reply to messages that are rude/offensive/sexual in nature/boring or anything other than what you want and deserve. Try to weed out as many undesirables as possible before investing any time in conversing with them.

I have a couple apps I use casually, but I have zero expectations and very high standards. 99% of the male users are low value fuckboys and delusional, poorly aging men.

30137509 · 2020-02-09T20:48:47+00:00

I thought this meant if we should date old men or not lol. I work with women only in nursing so I have to online date if I want to even witness a man anywhere near me. I think I’m young and hot but still the guys are so ugly on apps it takes me years to find someone I like.

_mangoes_ · 2020-02-09T21:36:34+00:00

My last LTR ended 4 years ago and since then I’ve been OLD. (I’m 30 btw) I’ve been on many many many many many dates and had a few short relationships. I started grad school last year, so was using OLD passively and focusing on myself more. I am now finally with a guy who I met on an app who checks all of my boxes physically (6’2, fit, brown hair, blue eyes), is a doctor, smart, funny, reliable, super generous. He picks me up and pays for every date, he sent me one of those giant rose bouquets for my birthday one month after we met. Anyway my point is, you have to be patient. It took me FOUR YEARS of OLD to find him. The dating and vetting process can be exhausting but if you stick to your standards and have solid boundaries chances are good that you will end up with a HVM.

timetofliptables · 2020-02-09T20:58:32+00:00

I keep signing up and deleting several of the platforms. Been doing this for years. I did meet one great guy but I wasn’t into him and honestly (this was 5 years ago) wasn’t in a place to be a good partner yet. He’s married with an adorable baby now. Met his wife on match.

Some people have success but I feel like it’s increasingly rare. I don’t know. It’s exhausting but it’s hard for me to meet quality men in my age range for a multitude of reasons I don’t want to get into, so I keep trying again. Most of my relationships have come from OLD, since my teen years. But most weren’t good.

I know better about weeding out the bad ones now but my last one got me good. He seemed so HV but was actually a sociopath and really good at playing the part until it no longer suited him. I’m talking not just surface things like paying for meals and vacations, but seeming genuinely kind, caring, and respectful. By the time I realized he was abusive I was already living with him. It was a fucking nightmare.

So now I’m scared even a seemingly great guy is just a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2020-02-09T21:51:59+00:00

OLD.

People like to pretend like shitty men exist ONLY and EXCLUSIVELY on online dating. No... First there were shitty men, and THEN they went on OLD and made profiles. These same shitty men will continue to be shitty online and offline.

IMHO, it's a really bad trope pushed by incels and pickmeishas. The idea that OLD is full of shitty, LVMs whereas meeting men IRL is some sort of magical bean that's somehow better than OLD. I got news for ya'll. There are shitty men EVERYWHERE. Online and Offline. Keeping yourself off of OLD apps simply means it'll take you longer to serendipitously find single men, figure out what they want, figure out if they're a good fit, and then rejecting them face to face.... FYI - TONS of men are terrible at handling rejection and many of them become violent when confronted with rejection face to face.

OLD just allows you to reject them from the safety of your living room, with a single swipe, whereas rejecting them face to face could have fatal consequences for you and can take HOURS. The internet simply makes filtering through them and weeding them out easier, faster, and safer. Just like email and text made the act of communicating with other folks easier and faster. Texting and email still doesn't eliminate shitty people though :/

2020-02-09T23:55:37+00:00

I can't bring myself to respond positively when randomly asked out in public - just feels like PUA bullshit, have no interest in dating a co-worker, and my hobbies are of the solo variety so OLD is great for me at the present.

Uglyoldncranky1982 · 2020-02-09T22:01:46+00:00

I think it can work if you are photogenic and don't have any serious issues - aka a disability, disabled children, etc. Most of the women I know woth a decent partner met their SO online. I don't think it's a horrid medium for average people.

Diamondsareagirlsbff · 2020-02-09T22:55:04+00:00

It’s just another tool, and I use it. You have to be really strict about sticking to your standards.

It’s quite good practise, if nothing else!

SarcasmSlide · 2020-02-09T20:43:23+00:00

Uh uh. It’s like being blindfolded, playing Pin the Tail on the Fuckboy.

i_droppedthescrew · 2020-02-10T14:25:41+00:00

So I think of OLD like thrifting. Some people really like thrifting (I am one of them) - you are going to be sorting through piles of crap and come away empty-handed sometimes, but if you enjoy the process and are open-minded about what you're looking for (obviously not anything gross/dirty/damaged) you could see a couple things you like, and maybe something you love. But it is a time consuming process and you will have to look at a lot of crap before you find something nice. A lot of people do not enjoy this and that's totally fair. But people find great things they love thrifting all the time, so good stuff is out there.

Disclaimer - I have been in a relationship for five years with my partner who I met online. I probably dated online for about six months before we met. This was five years ago before all these new apps, so I just used Tinder and OK Cupid. Yes, I got some gross messages. Most of my dates were at least marginally enjoyable though with people who maybe I wouldn't want anything long-term with, but treated me respectfully. I went on 2-3 dates a week for those six months and I can really only think of maybe 5 people I didn't like on those dates, and except for one guy, none of them really did anything egregious. The one guy just threw a total shitfit over text when I told him I wasn't interested any more, so nothing even too terrible. I can really only say from the other side that it wasn't that bad, but I was like 25-26 when I was doing all of this and I was really feeling like I was unlovable and would never find anyone, so really more of a me problem.

I think the key to success is to really just try to enjoy the process - you may or may not find your husband online, but you'll probably meet decent guys who will have nice conversations and buy you dinner. Stop taking it so seriously.

2020-02-09T23:40:56+00:00

Not from me.

ironymaiden87 · 2020-02-10T12:40:58+00:00

Hard no. OLD is absolutely terrible if you live in a small city or town too. It's nothing but exes, friends' exes, your ex's friends, your friends' exes' friends, fuckboy losers who just want casual sex and old men lying about their ages and cheating on their wives. If you ever forget why it's so easy to hate men, come to my city and open Tinder.

Title	To OLD or not to OLD?
Author	30137509
Upvotes	10
Comments	23
Date	February 9, 2020 8:36 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f1enj1/to_old_or_not_to_old/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/to-old-or-not-to-old.682982 https://theredarchive.com/post/682982

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