Men are not your friends.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-15T13:05:46+00:00

Blindsided. He was lurking and waiting. Typical for a hetero male friend. But five years is a long ass time to wait. Usually my male "friends" let me know a lot sooner than that.

1Here4Bach · 2020-01-15T13:31:45+00:00

Any straight man who actively goes out of his way to be your friend is pining for you. Period. I believe it’s different if the friendship is passive. Like he’s the brother of your female friend and you two only hang out when you’re with a group of friends. Or he’s your co-worker and you limit your friendship to only time in the office. Those kind of male-female friendships can work.

But men who try to become your best friend and suggest one-on-one “friendship time” together always have ulterior motives. Always.

Look at all of the men in those comments saying they “fell” for their female friend and had to end the friendship too. Here’s the thing, they didn’t slowly fall for their friend. They’ve always wanted her. And thought being manipulative and acting like they only wanted friendship was the way to get her.

If a man doesn’t have the balls to ask you out from the get go and lingers around as a “friend” like some creepy stalker, get rid of him.

EmergencyShit · 2020-01-15T13:37:18+00:00

[deleted]

perhapsbutnottoday · 2020-01-15T14:49:14+00:00

There’s a steady stream of men/ boys going to those advice subs seeking comfort after “ told my crush how I feel. She rejected me. She acts like nothing has changed./ She won’t talk to me anymore. I don’t want to talk to her anymore” The crush is rarely a woman they met a few months ago and has been exchanging lingering looks with, but a “friend” who even shares her dating issues with him.

You know who they always make the villain right?

nymphaetamine · 2020-01-15T15:29:51+00:00

Say it louder for the back, sis.

Lord, I used to be the biggest stan for platonic friendships when I was young and naive. I was OnE oF tHe GuYs and I thought my male friends sincerely just liked me because I was into cars and computers but almost every one of them eventually hit on me or tried to hook up with me. I don't pursue close friendships with straight men anymore, and I won't date men that have close friendships with straight women. I have one remaining friendship with a straight man, but it's casual, we don't "hang out", and if he ever tries to pull anything, he's gone.

Men and women have vastly differing approaches to friendship and this is why platonic friendships are so often fraught with drama. With women, friendships are more intimate and involve emotional vulnerability, frequent communication, and displays of affection. With men, friendships are more superficial and emotionally reserved. Occasionally when two men have been friends for many years they can reach a certain level of emotional intimacy, but it's still rarely ever as close as the bond between two women. Emotions are kept light, if they're ever discussed at all, and there is rarely any physical affection. These differing approaches to friendship are why men frequently interpret a woman's normal friendship behaviors as flirtation or attraction. She will laugh at his jokes, remember his birthday, text him just because, provide emotional support when he's upset, etc, and he will take those things to mean she has feelings for him because he would never act that way with anyone other than his girlfriend or wife. She will go in for a goodbye hug like she does with her female friends, and he will try to kiss her. When she rejects him, he will walk away upset and confused as to why she "led him on" when in reality, all she ever did was treat him like she treats all her friends.

Women can be platonic friends with men, but men cannot be platonic friends with women. No matter how hard modern society tries to convince us that men and women are equal in every way, that our behaviors have the same meanings and intentions, and that anyone who disagrees is a disgusting sexist bigot- the truth is we are wired differently. Mentally and physically. Sexual tension naturally develops between hetero men & women who spend a lot of time together and allow themselves to form an emotional bond.

Be wary of any man who tries to become your best friend. Unless he's gay, he sees you as a sexually viable candidate and he is waiting to shoot his shot.

RedRedacted · 2020-01-15T11:56:48+00:00

They really, truly aren’t.

Sure, they’ll be nice to you on the surface, but they are always secretly pining for that one thing. No matter what they say, when all is said and done, they do not see you as an equal. I learned this uncomfortable truth by watching a Pickmeisha classmate of mine while I was in school.

I was never friends with her, but I’ve always been observant, so I saw a lot of things that she never did. She was/still is your classic “not like the other girls” type. She plays video games, has short hair with bangs, wears only crop tops, gets into fights, swears constantly, only hangs out with males, etc. It’s actually kind of insane how much she fits the stereotype.

Anyway, I remember one time she was looking at memes with her group of four guy friends. She was leaning against the table they were circled around, and as she was innocently laughing along with the first two of them, the other two discreetly motioned over her ass and proceeded to air grab it. She didn’t notice this, but I did and it grossed me out like you wouldn’t believe.

She left the room not long after, and what do you think all the guys started doing?

Yeah, they wasted no time and immediately started objectifying the living hell out of her.

And do you want to know what happened when she came back?

Well, they instantly went back to being her “friend,” of course.

She was literally none the wiser. Hell, to this day she still isn’t. I was tempted to say something to her about it, but I know for a fact that she wouldn’t have believed me since they were her “ride or dies.”

Seriously ladies, never fall for the bullshit. Men will lie straight to your face about being your friend. They feel nothing about deceiving you. There is always an agenda.

an0nny · 2020-01-15T12:24:32+00:00

All the comments from butt hurt sex-seekung "friendly" men.... I hate them.

bisanti · 2020-01-15T16:14:12+00:00

My sister said it best. They will cultivate these fake ass friendships with you for YEARS just to be close to you.

However I've also noticed some cultural differences. I've had plenty of white male classmates etc. try the long con friendship with me but I always shut it down because I have no interest in being friends with a dude. Whereas black men will simply spit game "you look good, can I have your number" etc. off the jump if they like you that much. Direct vs indirect approaches. I personally find the indirect approach much more creepy. Our intuition is especially atuned to recognizing ulterior motives so a "friendship" quickly becomes unsettling.

No man will ever be a better friend than a woman to you. Period.

AyemHerself · 2020-01-15T17:46:44+00:00

My mother briefly split with my dad years ago and quickly found all her male friends trying to get her into bed. She cut them all off too.

Sadly she wound up taking my dad back. 🤷‍♀️

szsunshine · 2020-01-15T17:44:16+00:00

Never again would I date a man I was “friends” with first (my husband and I were friend-ly at work, but never spoke to each other outside of the office). From my experience, men that I was “friends first” before dating never treated me the way I would have been treated by a regular guy who wanted to date me. I had relaxed standards for them from being “Just friends” that were never upped once dating started.

I also question how much a guy “pining after his bff” is a matter of true love and convection, and how much it is LV effort of not wanting to go “out there” to find a gf. Much easier to convince yourself that you are in love with your friend than to take a shower, dress nicely, and go out into the world looking for a relationship.

galizaceive · 2020-01-15T14:14:45+00:00

That's what happens in probably more than 90% of cases, so I don't see where's the reason for surprise. If you trust a man to be just a friend... do it at your own risk!

Scotsburd · 2020-01-15T16:47:01+00:00

They always want something from you. Whether it's sex, emotional intimacy, companionship, financial support or a replacement mummy. They never think about what they bring to the table believing that their attention is enough.

Spoiler: Its not enough.

Espressopatronumjoe · 2020-01-15T21:54:35+00:00

All those comments too from straight men defending him. Gross.

What an awful "friend" to just go no contact because he propositioned her. I'm honestly appalled that so the straight guys on there don't see how fucked up this was.

theghettogirl · 2020-01-16T02:25:07+00:00

Sad but true 🤷‍♀️

MagnoliaMirage · 2020-01-16T04:39:14+00:00

I was gonna say I'm suprised how they're defending him but then I was like, "what hell am I talking about.... No I'm not".

jewdiful · 2020-01-16T00:28:42+00:00

My best friend is a man, and we are also exes.

We dated from my late teens to early twenties, for about seven years. I’m now in my early thirties. We’ve been broken up longer than we’ve dated. I’ve been seeing someone else from the past handful years, and they’ve also become friends. The initial transition from dating to friends was a little rocky, but that’s mostly because there was other difficult stuff going on unrelated to our relationship (addiction, etc). After a few months of being broken up we settled into the kind of friendship we have now, we are incredibly close and it feels just like any other close friendship to me.

Our friendship is unusual in its rarity (for a man and woman to be best friends) for sure, but I’m very grateful for it. He’s an excellent human being though which is the only reason it’s possible. The average man I meet I would absolutely NOT want to be close friends with. Most men are scum imo only see women for what shallow or sexual things they can provide, yet my best friend and I share a spiritual and philosophical bond. We grew up together and went through a lot of shit. Maybe because we had a sexual history in the past and there’s no “mystery” there could partly explain why we are able to be platonic? There’s no “wondering what it would be like.” We know, and we learned we aren’t compatible like that because we’ve been down that road.

You know, it’s really hard to say what makes our friendship possible. Actually, it’s not hard at all — he’s just the rare type of man that sees women as people. The majority of our friendship involves discussing meaningful and mutually interesting topics, and we almost always see eye to eye on most things. So maybe that’s what makes a male/female best-friendship possible — a man being willing to have the type of friendship with a woman that most women have with each other.

Being able to talk about anything with a friend is a barrier for entry for me — I have a handful of close friends and they all have intellectual and spiritual bases. I spend a lot of time alone and prefer it that way, if I go out of my way to visit a friend it’s because I need someone intelligent and wise to have a good conversation with about things that matter, or to do a mutually interesting event or activity. I’m able to maintain friendships with texting and messaging. So maybe part of it is my approach to friendship. Friendships are what allow us to feel less alone and connected to the world, there’s nothing that actually precludes a man and a woman from being friends. The most common barrier is how shitty the typical man is.

orange_alpha · 2020-01-15T23:28:00+00:00

Let's not base everything on a reddit post guys x

honestgoing · 2020-01-15T20:54:48+00:00

I'm friends with men I dont consider me attractive.

One of the is in a relationship.

I semi hacked his Reddit accounted and I know he only likes big women.

Title	Men are not your friends.
Author	plutunic
Upvotes	70
Comments	25
Date	January 15, 2020 11:25 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ep13vi/men_are_not_your_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-are-not-your-friends.684786 https://theredarchive.com/post/684786

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