I(21F) think my fiance(28M) is hanging out with other women and not being truthful about his whereabouts

extraacct1234 · 2020-01-06T15:48:12+00:00

Just the fact that after two years of being with him you don't even know his phone code is... not good. I think that's very odd. You can ask him to show you his phone but that's not going to go well. Also his age is a huge red flag.

MelatoninNightmares · 2020-01-06T17:45:30+00:00

OP, you've been engaged to this man since you were 19 and he was 26? How long were you dating before you got engaged? Because just that right there is a huge red flag - and a good sign that you should trust your gut and take this as a good opportunity to bail.

I'm in my mid-twenties and I find literally nothing attractive about college freshmen. We have nothing in common, and we're at such different stages in life that I basically see them as large children. I would be deeply concerned about a 25 year old man who "falls in love" with an 18 year old, and even more concerned if he proposed quickly, in under a year. Rule of thumb: anything more than a few years of age difference continues to matter a lot until you're well into your twenties. The life and experience differences between 18 and 25 are huge.

And if you dated for more than a year before getting engaged, dump this man right now. It doesn't matter if he's cheating. Absolutely no grown man is finding the love of his life sitting in a high school chemistry class. He's a creep and a pedophile, and you're rapidly moving out of his desired age range, so yeah, he probably is cheating. And by "cheating," I mean "grooming and sexually abusing a literal child."

If you just really, really want to have this confrontation, go ahead. But I don't know what you think you're going to get out of it. There's no way this ends well for you. Either he's smart and keeps the evidence scrubbed off his phone, so you won't find anything, but you still don't trust him (and you shouldn't!) or he hasn't and you find evidence that he's cheating.

Sis, I'm begging you to leave this man. You're so young, you have so much life ahead of you. Don't let this creep steal it away.

Upper-Jaguar · 2020-01-06T15:59:59+00:00

[deleted]

TheDeadlyBeauty · 2020-01-06T18:24:50+00:00

You need to run. You're way too young to get married and throw your life away with an older male. He is using his experience to manipulate you.

Parking-Act · 2020-01-06T16:00:31+00:00

Dump and next this loser. A woman's intuition is our internal life alert. Don't doubt yourself! The excuse of "you don't know for sure" is just that, an excuse. You know very well what's up and you dont need proof if your literal body and mind is telling you so! Why make excuses for him????? Love yourself! Value yourself! He wont change, he's 28 and doing this fuck boy shit. Girl, you're a queen and you have so much time to find better!

I just dumped my loser ex and I was not much older than you when I got with him. He was also my first relationship. I had nothing to compare him to and put up with so much disgusting abuse and was constantly suspicious, that suspicion is NOT FOR NO REASON! I wish I had close girlfriends at the time to tell me to leave! So, this is me TELLING YOU TO LEAVE.

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-01-06T15:48:26+00:00

If you trust him so little to begin with that you feel the need to go through his phone, just dump his ass.

You can move on, and you will. I guarantee a year from now you won't even think about this loser.

2020-01-06T16:31:44+00:00

You just need to go for it and ask him. If you have a feeling he is up to something, then you need to know. If he refuses to show you or tries to blame you then something is going on. Honestly, you're only 21, he is verging on 30. You have lots of time to find a guy who won't keep you worried with where he is or who he is seeing.

iasminag · 2020-01-06T20:25:21+00:00

Last time I didn’t trust my gut, I almost died/got disfigured because of my ex.

You’re feeling this way for a reason. Dump him.

Blackishcat27 · 2020-01-06T17:53:15+00:00

Just the fact that he has a passcode and you don't know what it is is a huge red flag. When you ask him pay attention to how he reacts. If he gets highly defensive or way too casual or won't make eye contact or tries to cover his face in anyway whether it be scratching or something else you have your answer. Also there are phone apps that make it easy to hide things on your phone. Don't doubt your intuition.

darkhorse8419 · 2020-01-06T17:02:39+00:00

You already know. He’s not going to let you see his plonk, and if he does he’s going to try to scrub it first.

DallasOMalley · 2020-01-06T23:52:10+00:00

I checked your post history. Your boyfriend has been doing all kinds of things that any sane woman would question, and many would not tolerate. There are red flags EVERYWHERE.

My take on this: I'm sorry, I think he's cheating on you and has been for a while. Even if you get access to his phone and don't find anything obviously incriminating, I wouldn't trust that. Some experienced cheaters are pretty smart about covering their tracks and deleting text conversations, etc. He may even have a second phone you aren't aware of.

Trust your gut on this, because you're right. Remember, actions speak louder than words. If it looks like he's probably cheating on you, he is, no matter what he says. You don't need access to his phone for proof because your post history is proof enough.

spotsandstripes9 · 2020-01-07T00:36:07+00:00

Girl I just looked through your post history and your fiancé is trash. It doesn’t seem like he makes it a priority to spend time with you, and going to the club every weekend without you is shady, he’s either flirting or outright cheating. Dump him

Maisiebr · 2020-01-06T16:43:58+00:00

How long have you been together before you got engaged?

grimreapersdtr · 2020-01-07T07:43:14+00:00

Yeah, I would probably move on from this relationship. I also would avoid askmen or relationship advice as far as advice is concerned. Most men will tell you to kiss your boyfriend's ass and bend over backwards to please him-- because that's what they'd want a 21 year old "young hottie" to do for them while they cheat and sneak out to nightclubs.

aclumsygirl · 2020-01-06T16:05:31+00:00

Just do it. Tell him that trust is everything in a relationship and his behaviors have become increasingly suspicious to you. List them briefly. Tell him you want him to unlock his phone so you can see if/how he's interacting with other women. Be as firm and emotionless about it as possible, because he's going to try to make you look like a crazy jealous irrational psycho.

If he won't do it, well.... now you know.

Ryan89- · 2020-01-06T19:57:35+00:00

To be honest would not even give him the chance to lie , too many red flags here honestly he will try to manipulate and probably lie. So are you even getting the answers you need? I understand wanting closure but him being your fiancé you should not have to worry and if you fully trusted him this would not even be an issue. Like someone above said trust your gut / intuition. If having a conversation is what you need to move forward do so. Just be prepared for the response. If he makes you feel invalid or uneasy that’s confirmation to end this. I’m sorry you’re going through this . Good luck to you

Upper-Jaguar · 2020-01-07T04:18:05+00:00

If he gives you any other response other than to immediately hand it over even if he does Huff and puff a little, dump immediately even if you DON'T have proof and you bet he will get angry and text you constantly you need to break up with him and block him.... The fact that a 26 year-old wanted to date a 19 year old is a huge red flag in the first place. I know you might feel the impulse to defend your fiance but not only is your gut feeling giving you plenty of intuition that you should not gaslight yourself out of, you are way too fucking young to be married especially not to someone so much older at that age. I just turned 25 and dating a 19 year old would be like dating a kindergartener. I'm concerned why he wanted to have sex with you when you were nineteen and he was 26.

I mean mentally it's gross although I understand when I was your age I definitely dated someone way to fucking old for me.

in my opinion I don't even wait for proof anymore if my gut is telling me to check his phone I already know what's up. you could really benefit from taking a few years off of dating because every single relationship I had at your age was a shitshow until about 25. I'm a completely different woman than I was 6 months ago and that woman was a completely different woman from six months ago was a completely different woman from 1 year ago was a completely different woman from 2 years ago.

Upper-Jaguar · 2020-01-07T04:33:13+00:00

I'm at the point in my life at 25 years old where I don't even need proof and I know deep down inside you want to be like that too and you can allow yourself to be that woman.

Piscesgarbage · 2020-01-07T06:59:35+00:00

Your gut is telling you something, and with my experience, you should trust it.

You can ask him, but its not going to be pretty. He's probably going to be defensive, so prepare for that. If he refuses to give you his phone, that alone will more than reassure your doubt.

Title	I(21F) think my fiance(28M) is hanging out with other women and not being truthful about his whereabouts
Author	sabthefabk
Upvotes	15
Comments	24
Date	January 6, 2020 7:10 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ekqipp/i21f_think_my_fiance28m_is_hanging_out_with_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i21f-think-my-fiance28m-is-hanging-out-with-other.685463 https://theredarchive.com/post/685463

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