Don’t hide who you are to attract women, you will never know who will love the person you hide

SaBahRub · 2020-08-05T03:16:50+00:00

I had to hide the slovenly, unfeminine, lazy, crude, misanthropic, weird, awkward introvert I was to gain social acceptance and attention from the opposite sex.

Should I have not done that ?

I am a big fan of getting over yourself, if you haven’t noticed

Bright_Itempas · 2020-08-05T04:04:01+00:00

What is "who I am" is unlikable and unlovable?

What who I am is I'm fat, dirty, rude, depressed, dumb, cowardly, crude, gross, annoying?

lilastr · 2020-08-05T03:19:11+00:00

I agree so much as a woman.

You do TRP cruel tactics -> you get women who are unstable OR dumb to see it.

You use money/status to attract a woman -> you get gold diggers.

You pretend to be alpha and do things that are not you -> you get a woman who loves the fake you and will more likely to quit once you start showing your real self.

You date teen women/early 20 women-> you get daddy issues or women who are only interested in status

You do hookup-> you don’t get wife women because they don’t do it.

Don’t look for a wife in a brothel and don’t look for a whore in church. TRP men fail to see this, confusing “being a better version of their real self” with “completely replacing their identities with best-selling men among hookers.”

SeemedGood · 2020-08-05T03:17:56+00:00

Women never love us “for who we are.” Your appreciation of us is always based in our utility to yourselves. To wit:

I need someone who will talk about how beautiful the flowers are and how pretty my art is. To be a bit of a dreamer, a bit sensitive.

Your entire frame of reference is based not in the man’s potential being, but what you need him to be in order to satisfy your desires for utility.

As we are not (and never will be) just simple tools from which you can harvest utility, being “our-complex-selves” can never fully satisfy your various desires for utility (which are almost always dichotomous in nature). So as long as your “love” of us is contingent on that instead of your appreciation of our beings without regard to their utility to yourselves, you will never be able to love us “for who we actually are.” In which case we might as well put on the most effective show of potential utility, hit it, and then quit it.

poppy_blu · 2020-08-05T04:30:33+00:00

You're going to get crucified with this post. I've never seen a group of people more deathly afraid to be who they are than a good portion of the regulars on this sub. Most I would wager don't even know who they are and the thought of doing the work to figure out it out frightens the hell out of them, because they are people pleasers with co-dependency issues by nature. They literally need others to define them; they can't do it themselves.

That said, even emotionally healthy well adjusted people have to conform to a degree. Even something as simple as filtering your conversation. You can't just say whatever pops into your head. That filter doesn't mean you're denying who you are, it means you're having the decency and instincts to think about other's feelings and perceptions before you speak. These are just the necessities required of all of us to maintain an orderly society.

I think its up to everyone to decide how much they are willing to change to get what they want. I think everyone has a threshhold and it's going to vary. Sure, being true to who you are, especially if you're on the quirky side, feels a lot better. But you have to accept the limitations that come with that too.

A guy who is more feminine and wants to be himself is going to have a smaller pool of women who are attracted to him than if he feigns being masculine, but that very well might be better for him. When it becomes unhelpful is when he decides rage about how unfair it is that 100% of women don't want him the way he is and in a hilarious irony trashes women for not changing to accept him.

In the spirit of equality, here's female specific exmaple: you can be overweight if you want, you're just limiting your pool. Raging that men are shallow because they aren't naturally attracted to a size 22 isn't really all that helpful.

BerniesAnalSlave · 2020-08-05T03:15:12+00:00

[deleted]

BerniesAnalSlave · 2020-08-05T03:28:45+00:00

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intersIn · 2020-08-05T03:57:36+00:00

Terpers have really fucked the definition of masculine. To them an arrogant manipulate ass is masculine. What they don't realize is arrogant with a heavy dose of no accountability is about as attractive is a 300 lb man who hasn't showered in months is. I guess somebody will love him, but most will be replused.

It's good you know your type and what works for you. There isn't a one size fits all or even one size fits most when it comes to sexual attraction or love.

OXOzymandias · 2020-08-05T03:06:47+00:00

Thats hard cus majority of women are not like you, and remember, a dude will dive into TRP to get casual sex, so yeah, to get casual sex, i will force myself to be more dominant, more aggressive, more extro, when i am really an intro, homebody, chill nerdy dude, it is what it is, if you want to hookup, you supply what the demand ask for....i am not gonna talk about my favorite anime to a hookup lmao

If it is a relationship, then yeah, i will show my lil personal things, my corny shit, my nerdy interests etc etc ect

Nodoxxintoxin · 2020-08-05T05:13:47+00:00

Be yourself. Unless you suck.

Seriously, I don’t think changing things you really like about yourself just to fit in with others is a good idea. But changing things that are holding you back from getting what you want? Things that are negative and problematic?

Carry this out to its logical limit to see the fallacy. I’m schizophrenic, or depressed or morbidly obese. Let’s say I’ve always been this way since childhood, so much so that my very identity centers on my diagnosis. Should I not get medication, or counseling or weight loss surgery?

I realize these are extreme examples, but the logic holds. People can and do change all the time. If you’re unhappy as you are, then try your best to change.

wizard_down_there · 2020-08-05T05:35:01+00:00

Tried that. Still haven't found any woman who digs it. Oh well such is life but it proves being yourself doesn't always work.

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TheBookOfSeil · 2020-08-05T03:53:58+00:00

This is gae. People are more quick to pursue idealized versions of their preferences, so saying "there's no way to be a perfect man or woman" doesn't stop anyone from pursuing them. A lot of people willingly suppress things that they're insecure about in order to hide or come off as more of who someone is looking for, whether it be part of their personality, or their facial features via makeup.

Personally, I'm always "myself" around others regardless of how they perceive me, and I don't care whether they like me or not. I just don't go to great lengths to tell them every single thing I do or don't do in my personal life. Unless the conversation comes up, I don't talk about depression or what I do with my time when they don't see me, which mostly consists of wasting time on reddit and trying to figure out how to muster up the drive to improve my current life situation.

cloudydays84 · 2020-08-05T04:46:58+00:00

Today I learned that commenting on flowers and enjoying art is feminine lol

SSCookieLover · 2020-08-05T04:52:43+00:00

Hum. What is your definition of masculine man, OP?

yeezywusgood · 2020-08-05T04:52:57+00:00

For any level of human connection, authenticity is required

That said, I think the macho persona the manosphere encourages is there to hook up w women. Also, most women aren't like you. Hell, I'm willing to bet you'd prefer a man who strongly exhibits healthy masculine archetype, with an emphasis on the "lover" archetype over a "feminine" man.

Awokeeleven · 2020-08-05T05:39:42+00:00

”Love” is an illusion already

Stokelly100 · 2020-08-05T06:09:58+00:00

Yeah but I think neither should a man discard attributes that could make him work on his masculinity which could end up attracting a bigger variety of women. For instance, telling them it's ok to have no spine or cry in the corner when problems arise (not talking about the death of a loved one of course) is denying them the opportunity to improve in the long run and in a future relationship if he has to take care of the family.

The reality is tho, that sometimes men or women have to live a little lie to enter in the radar of the respective person they have a crush on.

ashighaskolob · 2020-08-05T04:21:19+00:00

Not a bad post but I think it kind of wreaks of inexperience. Your dating men who are either emotionally crippled by prolonged adolescence, which is a function of age a lot of the time, or your just not getting out enough.

I'm a man. I'm masculine when I need to be. I have a mother and grandmothers and good female role models that taught me to cry, and sing, and love art, without being ashamed. I grow flowers for a living. These aren't feminine things. They are just things you frame as feminine. Normal people are nuanced, and they don't feel the need to wear masks. They own their individuality. The best sex us with these people.

Title	Don’t hide who you are to attract women, you will never know who will love the person you hide
Author	BerniesAnalSlave
Upvotes	11
Comments	130
Date	August 5, 2020 2:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/i3xhmn/dont_hide_who_you_are_to_attract_women_you_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dont-hide-who-you-are-to-attract-women-you-will.722960 https://theredarchive.com/post/722960

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