Married women/post partum with children

Time-Astronomer-145 · 2021-05-10T15:48:54+00:00

Having a baby will change your body temporarily, and you -just- had a baby. I was amazed by 6, 9, and 12 months postpartum how my body had gone back to normal, and I unfortunately gained a ton of weight unlike you. You obviously did a good job of staying in shape and I’m sure it will take you less time. I know 6-12 months might sound long right now, but in the grand scheme of things, it goes by SO fast. Babies grow up so quickly. I don’t even look like I had kids, and I’m 1.5 years postpartum. Your husband should understand that your body went through a LOT to literally make a human being. You obviously are committed to staying in good shape, and you selflessly used your body to make and birth his baby. He should appreciate that and be thankful. You’re doing everything right, enjoy the bonding. ❤️

RubberAndSteel · 2021-05-10T16:04:37+00:00

It takes two to tango. He knew you were going to give birth and that healing takes time. He's in this too. It may sound weird, but just focus on yourself actually. Don't strive too hard for the man, or you may collapse from pressure, after taking care of a baby and a guy AND yourself. It's about YOU and the BABY now. I can tell that you're already doing a great job trying to get back into shape. Just keep that up. You can't do much more lol. Just relax and enjoy your fantastic newborn. ❤

Pycnostyle · 2021-05-10T16:38:37+00:00

It's been a lot of years since my wife had our kids, but here are some thoughts based on what I remember:

If you're "STARVING", as you say, you might not be eating enough. Making milk, and the milk itself, takes calories. My wife ate about the same amount that I did while she was nursing, and she still lost her pregnancy weight very quickly. Ask your doctor for advice if you need more specific numbers.
I'm impressed that either of you have the energy for any type of sexual activity right now, but go you! All I remember was being soooooooooooo tired.
My wife is also into fitness, was also ashamed of her post-pregnancy body, and I also tried to reassure her that I still find her sexy. I can't speak for your husband, but I meant every word that I said.
Every woman is different, and I'll grant that my wife is lucky in the stretch mark department (she doesn't have any), but probably a year after our last kid was born, you wouldn't have known she ever had kids by looking at her. That was because we got back to working out together, so it's not like magic just happened or something, but once you get back into your routine, I suspect you'll be happy with the results.

Congrats on the kid, and be patient with your body. As I think about it, patience is a valuable parenting skill in its own right.

1987dd1987 · 2021-05-10T16:20:27+00:00

Wow. Daily shower hair and makeup? You’re doing waaaaay more than I did postpartum!!

Also your softer body just makes you more feminine! I say embrace it. That’s not to say you can’t lose weight or tone or workout or whatever but don’t discount yourself exactly as you are.

I believe your husband when he says he doesn’t mind your new shape.

I think this issue is more with the standards you are holding yourself to! If you believe that you have to look a certain way you will ALWAYS feel like a failure when you don’t match that image. Change your metric (instead of “I have to be tight and toned” choose “I will be healthy and strong”) so you can succeed. It’s entirely possible your “new body” will not go back to what is was, and honestly? It’s not supposed to!

The sexiest thing you can do is love yourself where you’re at. The confidence and acceptance of yourself are way more intoxicating than your actual appearance.

anothergoodbook · 2021-05-10T16:31:12+00:00

First of all, you’re doing amazing with everything. Seeing a PT is so good.

Second while men are visual - you can’t deny the emotional connections that go along with it. (Good) men don’t just drop their wives because their body changes.

I’m not a husband, but I have one. We have 4 kids. Our sex life has fluctuated, but he still finds me attractive (and I have gained more than I’d like to admit). It’s easy to doubt what our men say - but take his actions as proof. He has seen your body do something incredible- grow a life. He isn’t expecting perfection. There’s a lot of healing that goes into post partum period.

Magicallypeanut · 2021-05-10T19:15:46+00:00

There is nothing more feminine than having a baby! That is the most feminine thing we can do. Your body now is a result of that and so. Many. Men. Find a post partum body sexy af. You just grew and birthed a human-his child the ultimate gift of love. Embrace the process. :)

abacabbmk · 2021-05-10T19:43:50+00:00

To be honest, your husband actually doesnt care. I know its hard to believe, but he really doesnt.

He understands what has happened to your body over the last 9 months. He understands things will take a bit of time to get to near-normal. And its not like you blew up either. What truely matters in his head is that his child and wife are healthy and both are getting enough food/sleep.

seeingred81 · 2021-05-10T18:22:56+00:00

I'm a married man w/ two children. The reality is that having babies changes a woman's body in unpredictable ways. It sounds like you are making a significant and sincere effort to be as attractive and healthy as reasonably possible under the circumstances. Keep it up, and make sure you are attending to your mental health which can get pretty wonky post partum.

Keeping up the bj's is great for now but at some point you've gotta just accept that things are different and get back in that saddle. I personally never mind when my wife looks to me for reassurance/validation about her post-baby body as long as it isn't in a loaded "I'm so ugly/fat/hideous" manner. If you are feeling really insecure, you could just ask your husband for some reassurance - just be sure to ask the right question. "Do you still find me sexy?" will likely be received better (and be more meaningful) than "Do you think I'm flabby?" If he says he still finds you attractive, then take what he says at face value and stop depriving yourself of sex.

lavenderhoneywoods · 2021-05-10T17:17:07+00:00

How old is your baby? I also gained not so much weight (around 25 lb) and tbh a lot of it is mental and not so reality based. We perceive these huge changes and others don't see them as a big deal at all.

Nursing does give you crazy munchies. All I can say is keep healthy snacks around and switch to eating more small meals a day, that helped me keep the hunger in check. My research and my doctor confirmed that you need 300-400 extra calories per day for nursing if you're exclusively breastfeeding.

I really, really recommend also seeing a physical therapist who specializes in women's health. I saw one when I was pregnant and postpartum and it helped so much! If running is a hobby you'd like to continue with as well, the PT will be able to help you get back to your old routines and be safe about it.

And finally, don't get nutty over a few lbs. I wish I had stressed less about those 4 lbs, because really, they went away on their own time after a couple months. The hormones and appetite increase from nursing can make it tough to lose weight but that does ease up after a few months. The hormonal stuff is real! My doctor told me your hormonal state while nursing is very similar to menopause (and I had the night sweats to prove it!)

Finally, do make time to exercise. I love exercise and I feel it also helped keep me sane during those first months to be able to work out. In addition to being some much needed alone time, it also helped clear my mind and made me feel like I was holding onto some semblance of routine. Obviously get cleared by your doc/midwife first. In addition to your usual routine, babywearing (using a carrier like BECO or Baby Bjorn) while out and about gives you a nice workout and babies love it (usually).

MamaAbroad · 2021-05-10T21:43:55+00:00

Just had baby 3 and I gain all the weight from breastfeeding and almost none while pregnant. 😕 my husband understands this and is a “doesn’t notice” kind of guy. To the point that he even set out a lingerie nightie for me to wear from when we were newlyweds 13 years ago 😆 and I couldn’t even get it over my boobs! And that’s my advice, focus on the boobs haha. By the time you are ready for PIV they probably won’t be as tender anymore. I just wear something that shows them off and try not to worry about it. My sex drive has also tanked... again, temporary, and I was honest with my husband that a lot of foreplay just makes me feel really awkward right now and I’d rather focus on cuddles afterward. 😆 one other thing— I purchased a corset to do waist training. It isn’t really practical right now to wear a steel boned corset while chasing small children and picking them up all the time, but I love wearing it under date night outfits and during sex sometimes as long as it isn’t laced too tightly.

ManguZa · 2021-05-10T18:12:19+00:00

Married man with children's two cents :
Men are visual so they want to see the body of their wife especially with lingerie. It's infinitely better to do it even with a postpartum body than not doing it (which is instinctivly interpreted as you not loving him).
Eath healthy & work out, that's important, but don't wait to be satisfied with the results to show yourself in a flirty & sexy way to your husband.

2021-05-16T03:38:58+00:00

Your sex life and the dynamic of it might change and that's OK. As long as you both still enjoy intimacy together that's all that matters. Maybe stripping off and trying on lingerie won't be something you enjoy anymore or even something your husband expects, maybe you will still have enough sex but less often. I mean who does it 3 times a day when they are 35? You're parents now. It's not just you and him together. We don't stay the same person all our lives and we all age and women are meant to have children. Your husband is supposed to be on this journey with you. As we age being sexy and having sex becomes a smaller and smaller part of our lives, although regular sexual intimacy with your partner is important that's a loving and romantic gesture more than anything else and it becomes about the bond you both have.

friedpicklesforever · 2021-05-11T00:01:16+00:00

I recommend eyelash extensions, microblading, and also potentially hair extensions to make your hair long and pretty if you don’t want to style it everyday

Title	Married women/post partum with children
Author	Ionotropic_effect
Upvotes	57
Comments	49
Date	May 10, 2021 3:05 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/n971ya/married_womenpost_partum_with_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/married-womenpost-partum-with-children.757890 https://theredarchive.com/post/757890

Comments