Leaving my incompetent beta

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2021-06-11T13:33:01+00:00

If the relationship isn't working and you're not happy then you should end it. If you're spending time and effort in a relationship, then you have every right to expect something in return. Regardless of your life goals, you need someone that you can rely on and trust.

HappilyMrs · 2021-06-11T15:43:28+00:00

You don't respect him. Once respect is lost, it's almost impossible to get back. Let him find someone better suited, and you do the same.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2021-06-11T16:32:04+00:00

So your actual issue is deciding how to break up with this guy you are attached to.

Just end things. Simply say it's just not working out for you. Then go cold turkey and stop any contact to avoid mind games. Maybe he will grow into his masculinity, and maybe he won't. Always assume a man will stay exactly as he is when you first met him. It's obviously not working for you, and you can only change yourself.

I don't think it's uncommon for a beautiful young woman to wonder about other prospects if she is in her prime, just like a man will wonder about other women sexually (ie the photos he saved). It sounds like you've already friend-zoned him. Decide what your relationship priorities are for the next year/ 5 yr/ etc.

I guess I'm still unclear what the purpose of the post is if you already know he isn't "the one"... good luck!

leinlin · 2021-06-13T18:33:20+00:00

I went through your post history out of curiosity and saw that you were raised by narcissists. So was I and trust me I feel you. I‘m certain that the toxicity of growing up under the regime of a narcissist creeps into your love dynamics. It does for me at least and I actively have to root it out. People like us were programmed by our parents to please, please, please without limit, to keep them emotionally satisfied and keep the peace. Traumatised people have a tendency to get together with people that let them relief the traumatic experience in hopes, by acting differently, they can solve the issue haunting them in an effort to overcome the pain. It doesn‘t work like that. The only way to set yourself free is by stepping out of the vicious circle.

Lando_620 · 2021-06-11T14:05:51+00:00

I would advise some introspection. You have put every issue on him and painted yourself a victim...where is your personal agency in life?

You say you never date artsy guys yet you literally choose to date one & now are mad/blame him for not being manly enough. You don't like that he is unreliable and lacks urgency but if you're as attached to him as you say then you've known these things for awhile most likely and kept seeing him. You call him a man child, beta whatever repeatedly, saying you don't date guys your age for this reason...yet you went this far with him, why? If he clearly is not an exception to your expectations why would you make an exception to date him?

You seem entitled yet your actions reflect that you have no idea what it is you actually want. Until you actually put some onus on your own choices you will continue to go through life blaming others for everything.

A bit brutal but hope that helps you.

ryuzakixiv · 2021-06-11T13:39:35+00:00

If you wanna leave him, fine. But the way you talk about him, as if he had done something to hurt you is heartless. Truly sounds like you never loved him from the start.

Astroviridae · 2021-06-11T13:46:42+00:00

I can tell by this post that you're very young, late teens early twenties? I know you want to break up with him, but it isn't classy to make cheap shot insults at every given opportunity. Stop doing that, it demoralizing men. Immaturity is certainly not a desirable trait, but a lot of the things you listed are kinda superficial. Like he didn't send you a sexy video and he's a fashion student. That's what you're mad about?? What are your actual standards for a man and what do you bring to the table for a high value man?

Astrotheurgy · 2021-06-11T14:29:27+00:00

Don't get distorted by these hollow and misguided words floating around in our lost culture such as "beta" and "alpha." Often times these are used by egotistical men who's psyche is out of balance and aim to be domineering let alone lead in the proper way which one needs to be in tune with their emotions to do so. If you don't feel a genuine connection with him and it's not fitting you, fine. But be careful not to get entangled with these terms and if you'd rather be with someone more assertive and strong minded, that's understandable but there are also many "alpha" male artists who are in profound harmony with their emotions and can be vulnerable in a very hostile and cruel world. That's true strength, especially when you are dealing with someone who is very loving and compassionate. You won't find a lot of those characteristics in what many modern people would call "alpha." Interesting to note where these terms even came from and how they are making society even more unbalanced and toxic. Do what you need to do, you're still young, but make sure you are connected with yourself and your mind before projecting any kind of inferiority onto others due to their traits. We all have our ups and downs and are all doing the best we can. Best of luck to you on your journey 🙏

horriblesh · 2021-06-11T13:25:49+00:00

I get that you are leaving him, because you do not find him to be compatible with you, and I do see some things that are odd in his behaviour, but does that really make him a beta male? What is the criteria for someone to be considered a beta male, in your opinion?

I would not call saving the pictures of half nude women on his phone a beta male thing. It is not what someone should when in a relationship though, if their partner is not comfortable with it, and does not do that themselves.

cheerioxoxo · 2021-06-11T14:07:04+00:00

You sound very bitter and resentful of your BF. I don't know whether or not you're asking for advice or if this is just a rant.

After you leave him and calm down, you need to rethink your priorities and values. Who are you and what do you offer to a man? What kind of man are you looking for and what do you expect him to offer to you? Are you being reasonable and realistic?

At any rate, being a beta male isn't a bad thing at all. In a relationship, you need beta male qualities. You need his beta qualities to be primary.

A beta male is softer, kinder, gentler, cares about you and your feelings, works hard to provide for you and take care of you, is an upstanding citizen, a good husband and father to the children, is responsible etc etc etc. He's all the things of daily boring responsibilities.

These traits may not make him sexually exciting, but they're absolutely necessary for a marriage and family building.

An alpha male is more dominant, wild, cocky, arrogant, doesn't care much about you, your needs or your feelings, doesn't give a shit about anyone else, etc etc etc. While these may be very sexually appealing, exciting and wild - they're terrible traits for day to day living.

What's needed for a successful marriage is a beta male with a little bit of secondary alpha qualities to spice things up and to be a bit less boring. Just remember, that it will never be as exciting as the alpha gangster. You need to accept that if you're looking for marriage and a family.

Or you can ride the cock carousel, hopping from alpha Chad to Tyrone to Jose, to Mohammed until you're thrown off the ride....

It's up to you.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2021-06-11T15:34:15+00:00

With all due respect you sound entitled, have an inflated ego, and are filled with contempt over a guy that YOU CHOSE to be in a relationship with. "I'm 21" is not an excuse to be so venomous towards this guy.

This may be one of those "live and learn" situations where you'll only realise down the road, after being a plate, that "the good ones are always taken" ... Or you could be right and score someone better who is more appropriate for an up and coming model to date. I'm not sure. How long have you been together, and why did YOU choose him to be in a relationship with?

I'm in a higher age bracket than you, but my preference is for a man who is "Alpha" in the outside world but more of a "beta" at home... I believe this can be developed in a relationship once you implement RPW behaviors because he will see YOU as the soft place to land and be vulnerable. But he has to seize his own masculinity as well.

I think you should do some personal reflection as to your own role in this relationship, and keep asking yourself "why" questions to get to the root of your issues. Keep digging until you understand yourself, as that is the only thing you can control. "WHY did I choose a soft man to be in a relationship with?" "Because he is tender and sweet" "So why am I now angry at this quality?" "Because it ACTUALLY reminds me of behaviours my dad/ brother/ some dude used to do that I don't like" Ie things that actually have nothing to do with this guy, and most likely stem from other male experiences ( your self professed Daddy issues). "So why did I choose this?" "Well actually it's because I'm afraid of being alone and chose to settle." Be 100% honest with yourself about your own behaviours.

Usually we women blame our men, when in fact we should be pointing the finger back at ourselves. What do YOU bring to the table? List all your qualities. What is your ideal man like? List out all those qualities. Now list out all the qualities that THAT IDEAL MAN would probably want in a partner. Now, look at YOURSELF to see if you truly have those traits. Then compare your ideal man with Bf Beta, NOT to pick away at all the things you think are wrong with him, but to ASK YOURSELF WHY you chose him when you know he is not "that person".

You don't need our permission here to "level up"... I'm curious what feedback you were hoping for when posting this (confirmation bias so you can dump him? Or for us to say he's a great catch?)

I'd recommend looking at the Wiki here for other resources, as well as books about attachment issues and content by Laura Doyle or Bruce Bryan.

Wishing you best of luck.

Acrobatic-Stuff · 2021-06-11T14:43:12+00:00

I do understand the people that go against the narrative of the op to make her a bit more humble, something done very often at this sub.

But what if he is indeed a beta?

The only thing that does not fit into my mind is how you can be with someone and yet at the same time have these thoughts, it's so shallow

cheerioxoxo · 2021-06-11T13:26:43+00:00

I don’t wanna leave him in the dark and aid him in his “villain origin story” and tbh I don’t even wanna leave him but there’s nothing really here for me tbh. I only used “beta” male for context don’t mean to be that girl.

cheerioxoxo · 2021-06-11T13:29:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

oooKenshiooo · 2021-06-13T12:10:36+00:00

Read this post he is probably better off without you anyway. If I knew my woman was talking like this about me behind my back,I would send her packing.

Trippytrapp · 2021-06-25T12:31:24+00:00

Advice. Tell him to man up. He doesn’t know he’s messing up.

Tanman55555 · 2021-07-02T08:33:54+00:00

A beta can become an alpha Tell him you want a break and tell him why He needs to grow up But you might be holding him back as ironic as that sounds

Immediate-Ear-3067 · 2021-12-17T13:59:30+00:00

Go on a eu trip without him and see how you feel when you come back

non_chad_alt · 2022-04-10T09:34:08+00:00

People like you call a more manly man "toxic" But when he's not "toxic" You call him a "beta" And it's still not good. Absolute lunatics

Title	Leaving my incompetent beta
Author	cheerioxoxo
Upvotes	5
Comments	117
Date	June 11, 2021 1:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/nxfrjj/leaving_my_incompetent_beta/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/leaving-my-incompetent-beta.783227 https://theredarchive.com/post/783227

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