I'm done with men and have never even dated one

Mcccy · 2021-06-08T20:01:40+00:00

I'm also 21! I'm glad you realised your self worth so young and without having a LVM ex horror story to tell.

Keep on following your intuition, she knows what's up

millennialpink2000 · 2021-06-08T20:42:28+00:00

You've got the right idea. It's wonderful to see you've got a good head on your shoulders at such a young age. I'm mid 30s and never dated much but wooooowww it wasn't worth it. Not one guy added anything to my life. They just took, took, took. Your 20s are for you to figure out your life, not following some guy around. You'll have a life filled with more than just shitty date stories and abusive relationships. Congrats and well done. It's heartwarming!

casuallyuninterested · 2021-06-08T21:19:11+00:00

I want to write a more in depth answer because your post deserves it, however I’m too tired right now, but just have to say this: That title is the most “women in 2021” I’ve ever seen.

Mella_20 · 2021-06-08T22:50:50+00:00

Girl I am in the same boat 👏 I turn 21 next month and I haven't had much experience with men, but I am done with them. Even the thought of dealing with a "HVM" sounds exhausting cause you can never be sure about him. My intuition has never failed me, and I will never allow a guy to disrespect me. For "love".

He will be competing with me. And I love myself and respect myself more than anyone in this entire universe.

Candid_Check_4843 · 2021-06-08T22:25:53+00:00

Yes, focus on yourself: your self-care, your education, your career, your finances, your passions and hobbies. Focus on cultivating strong relationships with the women in your life. Focus on helping out those more vulnerable than you (children, the elderly, animals etc). That's how I'm living my life now :)

I'm 26; I started dating at 24, stopped dating at 25 (mainly due to the pandemic, but I'm thankful that the pandemic made me pause and reassess the role of men in my life); and now I'm in absolutely no rush at all to start dating again (and thanks to FDS, dating apps make me cringe). You aren't missing out on much (if anything at all) by not dating, and most men are much more trouble than they're worth.

Inthefullspectrum · 2021-06-08T21:54:49+00:00

Girl, I am you but ten years older! The social pressure is big (this from somebody whose parents never have ever said a word about her lack of romantic life) but fuck them, if you gonna a spent energy in a man (that is how I see it) at the very least he better be the best.

notallowed2havepizza · 2021-06-08T23:28:34+00:00

We have a better chance of finding a leprechaun than a HVM and I wish I was kidding. I truly feel this deep to the pits of my soul.

Honestly, as someone who has experienced dating, trust me, you’re not missing out much. Taking yourself out on a date and spoiling yourself is far better, according to my experience. Romance is overrated. It’s a lot of work and compromises. Not to mention, lack of freedom like travelling apart for a long period of time can cause strain on the relationship, for example.

It’s better to build a support system with girlfriends, get a pet and build financial independence/career. This is far more exciting and freeing.

romancingthevoid · 2021-06-08T19:44:59+00:00

You're so wise for your age. I'm 28 and if I could take back every relationship or casual encounter I've had with a man I would. They did not benefit my life and now I'm basically single by choice.

Also, good on you for standing up to your pick me mother. Mine also pressures me into trying to be with men by saying there are good men out there, but she spent her life with my father who abused her (he even hit her while she was pregnant in the stomach). I look at their relationship as an example of what not to do. I'll never let a man so much as make me feel one negative emotion again.

acrosstheoceanin1984 · 2021-06-09T03:10:18+00:00

Sis, are you me? I'm 22 and this is exactly how I feel. I've never dated any man and I can't imagine dating one either. For some reason, it makes me feel deeply unclean. Everytime I interact with a guy, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

AcadiaSufficient5750 · 2021-06-09T09:22:12+00:00

Same here i am 20 I haven't had any involvement with a man. When I was young I used to dream about a boyfriend and having my first kiss blah blah . I could care less now .

The few male friends I had reinforced those negative attitudes and tried to put me down or break me down should I say. I don't even have platonic male friends they don't last long brcasue the two I have had at 16 through 20 taught me alot . I saw the manipulation gaslighting the whole lot .

This girl is sweet I can take advantage of her in friendship context not sexual but labour wise . Those friendships really scared me .

Hovering around hoping to get something from me will never happen I dont compromise anything 😂😂😂😂😂. I dont pick up hidden signals if you say we are going to talk we are talking . I treat you the way I treat my female freinds 😂😂 My friends are the same we just don't deal with guys at all.

The only thing that bothers me is I dont like how men view me when they realise I am not used to male interaction or have never been with a man. It feels like they want to lock me in a cage and break me down.

This is because of the whole innocent thing and they will treat me like a child and feel more confident being more aggressive and dominant towards me because I look weak and I am nice and very friendly. But I have thoughts I can see it all but I just don't say .

I feel like they assume I am naive and I won't pick up on thier behaviour. They always get very shocked when I dont do what they want or grovel. Kind of like 'SHE HAS THOUGHTS 😲'

Being a virgin or not being touched by a man is not a flex . Both get treated horribly if you have had sex before or not .

lostmillenia · 2021-06-08T22:46:48+00:00

So proud of you for being able to see the truth OP!

bonfire_heart · 2021-06-09T01:10:41+00:00

I feel like this post was written by me. I completely agree with you, we have similar ages and the same exact mindset. Always level up 👑👑👑

CynicalSucculent · 2021-06-09T07:37:09+00:00

You're smart. More women should be like you.

baobab77 · 2021-06-09T06:35:05+00:00

This is my favorite clip for what you should be focusing on in your 20s. If you ever find yourself off-course, watch it again. Divorce Court

mashibeans · 2021-06-09T00:36:51+00:00

I'm 35, went to about 3-4 dates, never kissed or had sex, never went past the 1st date. A couple were not bad, but I never had that spark.

When I turned 25, I had an emotional breakdown, pretty much feeling worthless, a loser, unaccomplished, ugly, etc. etc., for not only being still in school, but for "failing" to, at that point, have a boyfriend to marry and have kids before 30. (all the things we've been brainwashed and gaslit to believe about what we women "have" to do to be worthy of our womanhood). Even then, I always thought it was bullshit that men only found me worthy once I lost some weight/looked thin enough.

After, I discovered childfree, which was a revelation, and brought a lot of my humanity back to me. Then, FDS was a whole new revelation that brought the rest of it, and which confirmed that my decision to not date out of pickme desperation, was the right choice.

I'm here because this is a safe space, and a lot of the FDS advice and tips are also amazing outside of the dating scene. But I've pretty much given up on dating, because like you said, it sounds exhausting to be always on your guard, always vetting, always ready to walk. I'd love to experience the actually healthy, respectful, love between a HVM and I, but I already know that it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. So if it happens, great! If it doesn't, it won't mean my life is lacking.

kreutzwortraetzel · 2021-06-09T01:05:10+00:00

I get you. I didn't like men the moment I grew into a woman. They were disrespectful, creepy and gross.

But I also couldn't be friends with women, because I didn't understand their complex social behavior and didn't fit the gender identity very well.

So, to hang with guys, I got with a nice guy who took good care of me, was funny and attentive, reliable and respectful. We had fun years, but his friend weren't truly my friends and I didn't really love him. At some point, I felt lonely and alienated from myself.

I met somebody new. A bit mysterious, smart, funny, very different and unconventional. I fell in love for the first time in my life. We had about three really good years.

10 years later, he goes on my nerves a lot. He tends to be lazy, unavailable, uncaring and selfish. There are good aspects to him. He never tries to control my life or insults me. He is a good dad, a decent provider, self-reliant.

I'm not against relationships/marriage. There are advantages. But I personally needed to manage by expectations around love and focus on myself.

miniperle · 2021-06-08T19:29:25+00:00

First of all, I love you with my entire soul solely from reading the above. I love an intelligent intuitive bad bitch. I resonate so so thoroughly with everything here. As someone who ignored all blazing signs against dating men, I can tell you you’re on the right path. Fuck them & fuck them, you feel me? Life is literally more joyous sans male energy.

Interesting-Bat3992 · 2021-06-09T14:01:07+00:00

I feel the exact same way!

I can always intuitively tell that a person is sinister, or that something is off about them. I sometimes get this "not a good person" vibe of sorts the moment I meet/see/hear them and Every Single Time that person turns out to be awful/manipulative/scrotic.

I noticed this back in middle school. There was this new classmate and I immediately got the feeling that he wasn't going to be good. I say "going to be" because he was initially "nice" (legitimately respected people) until he shortly got involved with the wrong gang and started acting like a douche.

I get this feeling even in text such as with my first and last (I swear by it) LDR (a situationship rather than a "relationship"). That experience (never repeating it; trust me it's not worth it) has made me realise that I'm done with men as well.

I never really "dated" a man either. I dont even have the remote desire to do so. The compulsory vetting process is so exhausting, and all the abuse of women has made me feel repulsed by the idea of even dating one- being raped, murdered, conned by an LVM/NVM masked as an HVM is NOT a traumatic experience that women want.

Dealing with my narcissistic absentee father has benefitted me in only one important way though: being exhausted of and having no more tolerance for scrotic behaviour. Even when I see pickme women, I run in the opposite direction (did it throughout middle school onwards- I am too tired to deal with them. I don't have the energy to waste my time dealing with their "boy woes"🙄🙄🙄) I'd rather focus on myself ever since I discovered FDS.

Once FDS (❤) opens your eyes, there is no way you can fully turn back.

europoor24 · 2021-06-10T12:22:58+00:00

your wiser then most of us were at 21!

Title	I'm done with men and have never even dated one
Author	nebsemi
Upvotes	363
Comments	22
Date	June 8, 2021 7:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nvc4a2/im_done_with_men_and_have_never_even_dated_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-done-with-men-and-have-never-even-dated-one.783763 https://theredarchive.com/post/783763

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