Hoping to have a traditional relationship with my boyfriend :)

TrueStorms · 2021-07-12T15:03:53+00:00

If you marry him the day will come he wants kids and you either still don’t or are past children. Or, you will change your mind and feel the time crunch and pressure him to want kids before he’s ready (he’s 20, even when he’s 25 he could easily want kids “someday” and you’ll be 38 and don’t have “someday”) and he’ll leave for someone in his age range. Of course he hasn’t thought about kids at age 20 as a modern guy. He will though. And he will have that mid life crisis when he realizes he never dated 20 year old women at 20. I think you should keep dating and look for guys in your age range or slightly older.

SamathaStevens · 2021-07-12T14:50:04+00:00

I don't think the age gap is a good idea. I don't have an issue with them in general but I do with these ages(if you both were older like 37 and 50 it wouldn't really matter). He is just getting started in adulthood and you have established yourself. So many feelings can change for him while you are more likely to be more settled. I don't see this working long term for either one of you.

infinitydeluxe · 2021-07-12T02:38:33+00:00

He’s 20. It is incredibly likely that he wants children later even if he says he doesn’t want any now

There is no such thing as a traditional boyfriend. Is he looking to get married in 1-2 years or not?

He’s a child and I don’t think you have the time to entertain this just be hurt in 5-6 years

NachoBestie · 2021-07-12T00:10:54+00:00

Not to be a buzzkill, but be careful. He is my age and most of my male friends who are dating older women have a fetish for them. It’s just a temporary thing for them. They show off the “cougar” and it never becomes anything more than a fetish, although they act like they’re completely in love with these poor women.

I urge you to re-evaluate your decision to date someone so much younger. Good luck!

RakeshNNC · 2021-07-12T00:01:53+00:00

Here is my take from a man’s perspective. He is 20, high chance he is acting/using you temporarily to get sex/even a mid term LTR. If you are looking for a stable relationship, you might want to try someone who is within your age range.

Small-Button-2308 · 2021-07-12T02:34:23+00:00

How do you hang out with groups of friends? Isn’t it awkward to be around 20 year olds? and him around 33 y old? Do you feel comfortable presenting him to friends and family as he is so young?

JustaTcup · 2021-07-12T00:43:19+00:00

I would suggest you be REALLY careful here and do a lot of thinking that involves a lot of math and a lot of facing realties.

Nodeal_reddit · 2021-07-12T16:06:09+00:00

If he’s 20, he should be working to build skills for a career. A guy at that age working 6 days / week in a dead-end job would be a yellow flag to me unless he has a trade, degree, etc or is actively working toward some business goal.

TwoStingray · 2021-07-12T18:26:53+00:00

Does he know that you don't want to have kids?

eatapeach18 · 2021-07-13T12:06:06+00:00

You say you don’t want kids, but what about him? When I was 20, I also said I didn’t want kids. But here I am at 30 and now I’m discussing family planning with my spouse. People change as they grow and mature. Of course a 20yo doesn’t want kids… right now. But it’s worth having a discussion with him on what his expectations are for the future.

My female cousin got married when she was 38. She married a 25yo guy. Their marriage was perfect… vacations multiple times a year not having to worry about kids, date nights, expensive purchases…. until he turned 33 and decided he wanted kids. But by then she was 46 and well past her childbearing years. They divorced just last year.

Don’t end up like my cousin. Make sure if you don’t want kids, that he absolutely doesn’t want them either and won’t change his mind in the future.

PinkOrchids2020 · 2021-07-12T05:11:55+00:00

When you are 70 he will be able to date a 50 year old. It may blow up in your face later on.

He'll also have a midlife crisis once you've been together 10 years and feel he missed out on playing the field.

Maybe not but high risk.

fanartaltmanfartsalt · 2021-07-12T07:50:51+00:00

well then you need to start with a traditional formula: which you haven't done.

he's barely out of his teenage years. you're in your 30s. Im sorry but this is so incredibly stupid.

cbunni666 · 2021-07-12T02:39:52+00:00

Keep you eyes open for red flags. Most 20 year olds, male or female, tend to know what they want but not too keen on how to get them. Don't go looking for wallpaper patterns yet. Give it time and see if he's as great as he makes himself out to be. He could be one of the rare ones that got it together at 20.

seeyeay · 2021-07-12T07:50:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

_A_Piece_Of_Bread_ · 2021-07-12T11:49:52+00:00

Women that are 30 and up have a harder time having children. If he wants children, women his age could do it better. No offense.

SuperWriter07 · 2021-07-12T03:45:49+00:00

I'll be brutally honest and say that I agree. He might just have a fetish for older women. Even if no sex is involved, he might just look at it as an achievement that he has an older woman being with him.

Those kinds of age dynamics just seem biologically incompatible IMHO. Men, in general, mature later than women. I am a 19-year-old who dated a 21-year-old back when I was 18 and he was STILL too immature for me. My current boyfriend is 27 and we are compatible as heck.

The age gap just doesn't make sense. Very high chances that he is just using you as a social currency or a trophy of some sort.

PinkNinjaKitty · 2021-07-12T18:29:40+00:00

The responses on this post are too negative. There’s no actual prohibition of dating a younger man in red pill women philosophy. In western culture, at least, it is unusual for a man in his 20s to marry a woman in her 30s, but it is not unheard of.

One reason for the usual practice of dating within the same age range — fertility and children — is a non-issue for you both. People are commenting here that he’ll change his mind about wanting children; heck, he could change his mind about anything and it’s all out of your control. Anyone of any age can. It’s silly to speculate when you only have the clearly communicated fact that he doesn’t want kids.

You mentioned that he’s religious; are you the same religion and do you both prioritize it? If so, it doesn’t surprise me that with a smaller religious dating pool you both are going against the usual red pill women model of dating older men. I’ve heard of another couple with the same younger man/older woman dynamic and they also were religious. Sometimes there aren’t a whole lot of other singles in your religion and age doesn’t matter as much as that treasured belief.

I also wanted to hit on one other topic—you saud in a comment that you didn’t see why an older woman couldn’t be genuinely loved by a younger man. You are 100% right. It’s troubling to me that many posts overlooked or denied that possibility. The only reasons that a genuine love like that could not translate into a marriage are fertility for future children and general good looks, the latter of which you may have; no one here knows — and the first of which he already has decided he doesn’t prioritize.

I think he shows lots of promise (treating you well, being steady and emotionally healthy, holding down a job). That’s rare in itself and I hope you keep dating him as long as he shows those qualities. Just take things one day at a time and don’t worry about him changing his mind because of age; as with any relationship, if he does, he does, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But at the moment it sounds like a positive relationship with no red flags, just the yellow flag of an unusual age match that he is aware of. You’ve only know each other a short time anyway, so just take it slow.

I don’t have much useful advice for the beginning stages as you originally asked for, but maybe someone else can chime in.

Good luck!

Title	Hoping to have a traditional relationship with my boyfriend :)
Author	Gatitagordrita
Upvotes	23
Comments	94
Date	July 11, 2021 11:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/oifa6r/hoping_to_have_a_traditional_relationship_with_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/hoping-to-have-a-traditional-relationship-with-my.791092 https://theredarchive.com/post/791092

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