Does having sons really save marriage/relationships?

WishIndependent9520 · 2021-07-18T18:08:51+00:00

"Having kids makes marriage harder. If you think having kids is gonna make your relationship easier, you're an idiot."- My mom, who has 2 sons

poppy_blu · 2021-07-18T18:28:45+00:00

I think it’s cultural. In cultures where men are valued more (middle East, Asia, Africa, etc) it would make sense but I don’t see this happening here. Sure, men generally want a son and sometimes that results in “let’s roll the dice and try again even though we wanted to stop at one/two/etc” but I don’t think it’s common that marriages fall apart over this. And I definitely don’t see mothers of sons getting more support than mothers of daughters.

Elevatedheart · 2021-07-18T19:10:28+00:00

Why would boy moms have more social support than girl moms? That’s got to be the most ridiculous thing Iv ever heard.. girls are generally more into having sleepovers with friends than boys are. If you involve your daughter in sports or activities, you’ll meet plenty of people that way. You can’t be talking about America?

simeneta_two · 2021-07-18T18:51:44+00:00

Wut? Having kids in general will make things harder for couples but I’ve never heard about it affecting their friendship groups based on gender.

I’m going to guess OP is a foreigner from a Muslim country.

herinquisition · 2021-07-18T22:29:22+00:00

I read an article on this. "Save" is a huge leap, but theres less risk for divorce in the teen years. There's allegedly no impact on divorce before the teen years and it goes down again after.

https://theconversation.com/parents-of-teenage-daughters-more-likely-to-divorce-study-84704

It seems like this could largely depend on the family. In the article I read, they said there's more data to support the conclusion that the teen years involve a lot of tension between the daughter and her parents, noting things like different views on gender roles. So based on that, it seems like a very liberal/progressive family that isn't stuck on traditional gender roles would have fewer issues with their teen daughter in that regard. It also seems key that the father is specifically more flexible on that:

This explanation is backed by the separate analysis of a large survey of Dutch households, which asked families about their relationships and opinions regarding marriage, gender and parenting.

Parents of teenage daughters disagreed more about the way they should
raise their children, and expressed more positive attitudes towards
divorce. They were also less satisfied with the quality of their family
relationships.

Teenage daughters, in turn, reported worse relationships with their fathers, though not with their mothers.

We took our research a step further – we looked at the father’s
family history to investigate the link between fathers and their
daughters. Specifically, we compared the divorce risks faced by fathers
who grew up with sisters, and fathers who did not.
Our hypothesis is that the fathers who had more experience relating
to teenage girls (via their sisters) would experience fewer relationship
strains with their teenage daughters.

This could occur because fathers with sisters may hold more egalitarian
attitudes toward gender roles, or because they have a better
understanding of teenage girls and their family interactions.

Even more reason to not mate with angry gremlins who have sexist views on women, ladies! *slaps ruler on desk*

I'd prefer to have a daughter someday, but would love whatever child I have obviously. Anecdotally, I'm an only child (and a daughter) and my parents have been together since they were 16 (now both 57). They had some rocky patches, but I'd say they stayed together because of me. My dad does match the description though. He's not a complete feminist in identity, but more of one than not. I've only ever heard him mention man as head of the household while preaching the Bible to me (I'm an atheist), but my parents do nooot work that way. I thought my mom was the head of the household growing up, easily. She was the disciplinarian, my dad is the softy. I don't think he actually believes that though because he defers to my mom for a lot and has always supported me being an independent woman, he's very calm and open, etc. He grew up with a sister as well and his mom was also the head of her household (dad was a drunk, didn't work, mom ran the show), so I'd say he has more egalitarian views in practice. We were very close growing up and I still call him almost daily. If he were extremely traditional with sexist ideas about gender that he tried to force on me? Then yeah, yeah we would have had a huge problem and definitely would not communicate with him as much as I do.

Typicalinternetuser9 · 2021-07-18T18:08:39+00:00

Divorced father of two boys here. I call BS and borderline dangerous thinking.

1Here4Bach · 2021-07-18T20:04:59+00:00

Out of me and my sister and brother. My brother was the hardest for my parents to raise and was the source of most of their fights.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-18T18:22:26+00:00

Having kids is one of the major challenge in marriage that drive lots of couples to divorce.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-07-18T18:18:14+00:00

I can't imagine why having a daughter would make a woman lose her social network. Having a child of either sex tends to make women circle the wagons. If anything in my experience women flock around little girls even more and want to dress them up and take them shopping etc.

If there's any truth to sons "saving" marriages, I'd guess it has to do with men being more reluctant to leave a son. But this just doesn't seem that common in my experience, and anyway many if not most couples have children of both sexes.

Demasii · 2021-07-18T18:21:13+00:00

http://emlab.berkeley.edu/~moretti/sons.pdf

52K daughters in the United States would have a resident father if they were born as sons according to this study.

It's a 3.1% increased chance in the big scheme of things.

Jakes1967 · 2021-07-18T20:21:02+00:00

Does having sons really save marriage/relationships?

My dearest friend had two sons with her verbally abusive husband, after the second one's birth, it turned physically abusive. So I'd say NO.

Adding children to any relationship, seriously impacts that relationship and NOT in a positive way.

milkyymochii · 2021-07-18T22:12:57+00:00

My favorite quote about this: “When people find out I have all sons, they often say, "at least the teen yrs will be easier, boys are less emotional than girls", so I guess my 14 yo having 45 min meltdown about putting his own plate in the dishwasher is just him loudly expressing his rational masculine logic.”

Kids, regardless of gender, are going to put pressure and strain on most marriages.

SaBahRub · 2021-07-18T20:23:03+00:00

Where the heck have you heard that drivel?

xFallacyx69 · 2021-07-18T23:22:55+00:00

I think having ANY kids to save a broken marriage is about the dumbest shit ever. Show me one example where it worked and I’ll find thousands where it fucked over everyone involved (including the poor kids)…

Fix your shit and don’t make it an infants responsibility

old_wise_man_ · 2021-07-19T00:01:34+00:00

No. True story: I had a coworker of mine who was having problems with her bf. She decided to stop talking the Pill and get pregnant. Hoping it would save their LTR.....And it worked.....for 3 months. Then they broke up. And She is raising a single Daughter now with weeks of being born.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2021-07-18T18:15:07+00:00

Huh?

Side note: do NOT be a single mother. It is one of the top two ways to fuck up your life unless you're already financially and socially stable.

_lemazaki · 2021-07-18T18:56:00+00:00

Divorced father of one boy here.
What saves marriages is that the side that puts more money on the table doesn't go through financial crises.

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Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-07-18T21:03:53+00:00

Having kids adds a layer of stress on top. I think they are detrimental to marriage unless you can provide a comfortable life to the family and yourself.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-07-18T22:00:25+00:00

I Saved my mom’s marriage for a long time. But it didn’t work out at the end anyway. Saved it for a whole decade plus.

If you got a son a lot of the jobs the dads supposed to do the son does. He becomes the protector and physical labor of the household. I also disciplined my siblings. Drove them to school and so on.

The issue is that the moment I got busy their marriage failed.

I basically sacrificed my childhood and younger years for no reason.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-07-19T00:27:22+00:00

I had several situations where I was put in charge to care for my family members while my dad had something else going on that needed his attention urgently, this was a few years ago.

If I was a girl, I wouldn't have been trusted to handle them very well (even I think so, with hindsight). The stress and responsibilities were... hard to deal with sometimes.

It is probably not because the child is a "boy" or a "girl", but rather what they can do to help the family be stronger or go through tough times and stay close to survive. A boy might be able to handle stress and responsibilities better than a girl in many situations, so that might be a factor.

When it comes to girls, though. I believe its because of their socialization that breaks a mother's social networks. A girl needs more nurturing than a boy above a certain age (not to mention the boy relying on his father more and more as he ages)

just_a_place · 2021-07-19T03:38:08+00:00

That same research also states that the breakups and divorce happens when the daughters become teenagers. So for the first 13-14 yeas of the relationship all things are equal, but when the daughters reach puberty that is when there is a rift in relationships. Why? The speculation seems to be that the hormonal drama plays a major factor. As a man I know that we are deathly allergic to drama. Throwing drama at a man is like throwing water at a cat.

pubgmisc · 2021-07-19T13:11:08+00:00

Marriage is for the kids in general, and to create structure and functionality in society

Sid_Insidious · 2021-07-18T22:09:07+00:00

Have a few of each. LOL. (I'd say "both kinds" but that's hate speech now...).

Of all of my hetero-normative cis-gendered children... lol....

I think I'm saying this now just to trigger people.

Okay, no. Having boys didn't help.

My daughter is a riot and she thinks I am awesome.

Boy, do I have her fooled! hahaha.

Title	Does having sons really save marriage/relationships?
Author	Luna99NB
Upvotes	0
Comments	37
Date	July 18, 2021 6:06 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/omvuwy/does_having_sons_really_save_marriagerelationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-having-sons-really-save-marriagerelationships.793330 https://theredarchive.com/post/793330

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