What are some of the positive roles, traits, skills, and talents that you wish for fathers to posses and play out in women's lives in order to enrich you as a person - whether they be your own father or the father of your children?

houstongradengineer · 2021-07-24T19:04:41+00:00

My father was a wonderful family man who encouraged me to not only become a loyal, hardworking potential wife and mother, but he also encouraged me to become the engineer I am today. This is essentially what I expect from ideal dads. He could have done significantly more housework lol, and his youth wasn't all that savory. So I'd prefer a father figure who works equally around the house and matured fairly quickly in life, too. My father worked in the manual trades, so he always kept in very great shape for a man of his age. Mom encouraged healthy eating habits for all of us. These are important.

Also importantly, I was a tiny girl who had TONS of extracurricular activities which my father supported entirely. I carried my instrument, my sports equipment, 4 heavy textbooks, and more binders than you could shake a stick at. I weighed maybe 90 pounds at the time? My back was starting to develop serious issues. So my father, nightly, did yoga with me. It was MY preferred exercise and not very manly. We shot hoops when I was younger and threw around footballs. But when it came down to me needing to do yoga, he did it with me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Consistency and selflessness right there. But anyway, yes he modeled physical fitness to me and he was very protective. He could have done any of these activities with a daughter or a son, really, it would have been just as well.

When I say a man should be protective, what I mean is as follows: Recall that I played sports. I had to travel with the boys' team one time. They harassed me badly. Hello, the world needs feminism! But anyway, they harassed me. I told my parents. It was my FATHER, not my mother, who calmly but effectively handled the situation in conjunction with my coach. The boys had to run several miles the next day, and at least never messed with me quite that badly again.

The distinction between a son and a daughter is this. As a daughter, I went to my mom for any and all dating advice. All I needed to hear from my dad is "Men/boys will have sex with almost anything before they mature, but YOU shouldn't. It's quite gross, don't you think?" I agreed, and any other dating or intimate-related advice went through my mother. My father is a dad of daughters only, a DODO, if you will. If my dad DID have a son, or if I miraculously got pregnant with my husband's son, I would want the father to tackle the majority of the dating and intimate advice for the boys. As a mom, I'd pretty much have the expectation to say "I know you're feeling feelings, but truly try not to stick your dick in crazy. It's not that hard, you're a smart and strong boy. You can do this. Also, I can tell you how life might be difficult in particular for these girls the same way it was for me. I can tell you that you should be asking girls out/flirting first. I can tell you that porn is gross, and girls are equally smart and capable. Otherwise, go to your father." And in this day and age, a father's primary relationship/sex advice function to his son will be keeping the boy away from excessive (or even weekly, probably) porn. The boy would need to hear it from a man what happens when porn gets in between real sexual relationships. The boy would need to hear it from a man how to be more successful with real girls/young women in the beginning.

funlightmandarin · 2021-07-24T18:22:24+00:00

I was mostly just left to my own devices, besides spending some time together playing computer games and tea parties when younger. My dad is just a stable rock in the background that got my back, he knows I'm just gonna do whatever I want anyways. As long as my grades were good, he didn't nag on anything. I was allowed to try and fail stuff on my own, which I appreciated.

I don't think fathers should raise boys and girls too differently. There's of course some stuff that I think all boys should be learning from a stable male figure in their lives, of course, but my father didn't miss only having daughters. He taught us power tools and how to change a car tire either way; all his daughters are in industry trades or STEM.

RandomUsernameSkrrrt · 2021-07-24T20:55:57+00:00

Patience. My dad is incredibly patient and slow to anger. Not impulsive at all. As a child I never feared him, or felt like I had to walk on eggshells.
Consistency. My dad's worked hard his entire life to support us. Every day he gets up in his routine and does what needs to be done. This cultivates stability and assurance of the future.
Stability. My dad doesn't smoke, drink, or have any vices. He's mellow and well-regulated.
Hands-off. My dad was not overbearing, or micromanaging. He always uplifted our autonomy, knowing advice has its limit and it's ultimately up to the individual to take: "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." He's a Christian, and although he raised us in the faith, he didn't shun us when some became athiests, or behaved horribly, knowing it's a personal journey.
Capability. My dad is smart and wise in problem-solving and future-planning, and offers sound guidance.
Emotional resilience. My dad opts for logic and solutions in the face of hardship. He doesn't let difficult times get him down and has an unwavering optimism I admittedly find annoying sometimes. Maybe it's his faith in God, but he has an assurance everything will work itself out.
High standards. My dad's always held us to high standards. He doesn't allow us to slip into "I can't" mentalities. He worked us hard and encourages us to become engineers and high-earners. Our excuses are received with "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours."

The biggest sentiment I feel toward my dad is security. Through demonstrating all of these qualities, he infuses an indescribable sense of safety and comfort. I know that he loves me unconditionally despite my mistakes, that he has my best interest at heart, and that he'll always be there for me, starting when I was a little girl stuck in a tree and he saved me. x)

I don't think there needs to be a parenting distinction between girls and boys. These qualities are neutrally applicable.

creativecreatureoff · 2021-07-25T01:02:01+00:00

Fatherhood is extremely important in my opinion. I know this put more importance on father than mothers for the very reason you stated. Many have never had fathers and it’s a serious problem.

I think that a father should be physically and emotionally involved with his children. Attentive and assertive not just let the mom make decisions. Approachable and easy to talk to even though respect is there. Affectionate and emotionally available. I want my kids to know it’s ok to feel things and how to navigate those emotions. I’m ok with my husband teaching both genders the same things if the kids are interested in something they should not be withheld to fit a gender role. If I have a daughter I want my husband to show her how a man should behave so when it’s time to date she has a real representation in her life. Not some fantasy from movies.

My husband brings up all the time how he strives not to be like his father and it saddens me that he never had an example on how to be a dad. He is flying blind and I see that there are times he is worried about making the right moves. I remind him how important he is and thankfully our son has been searching for him on his own (just turned 1) so he feels that he is doing something.

This question was incredibly introspective and I am so glad you posted it.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-07-24T20:43:43+00:00

My dad was raised by his grandmother; he didn’t have a father. So he had no clue what a father and husband are supposed to do. He didn’t provide, or mentor, or discipline, or be a role model. One thing he did very well though, was be present. He didn’t live with us but he lived a few blocks over and we saw him almost every day. He was the one who took us to theme parks and bought the fun gifts and filled us full of junk food at movies we were probably too young to see and then send us home to our mother to do the grunt work. He was never going to be father of the year but we never doubted he loved us.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-24T20:56:48+00:00

My dad was a good man. Both my parents were loyal, kind and hardworking

For a man I look for a paternal instinct, but also someone who is secure, confident and able to talk out his problems and compromise

I believe that children should be guided and encouraged in their passions regardless of gendsr. And yes I expect that he does his equal share of housework

I don't need a "builder" or a "provider" I want someone whi is an equal partner in all things

techr0nin · 2021-07-25T03:19:36+00:00

I like to think in terms of Jungian masculine archetypes.

The King - the leader that provides guidance in good times and directions in bad times.

The Warrior - the fighter and the protector, provider of physical safety and security.

The Magician - the independent thinker and solution seeker, master of skills.

The Lover - the purveyor of masculine love. Love of partner, family, country, and humanity.

midwestufohunter · 2021-07-25T00:17:20+00:00

Body positivity!

One of my favorite wholesome males is Brother Ali, and he is great father as well.

https://open.spotify.com/track/30rKpknfedhHqVJkpmPijV?si=2a29afeb1b584313

superlurkage · 2021-07-25T01:37:02+00:00

Most high powered women who liked their fathers talk about support, motivation, warmth, teaching competence, etc.

But I don’t see how that is different from what you should provide sons. Unless you withhold affection/teach stoicism because you think boys can’t handle that

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-07-24T18:59:02+00:00

Basic kindness, not acting like he's some arbiter of my dating life, no toxic masculinity whatsoever, etc.

SaBahRub · 2021-07-24T20:31:08+00:00

Don’t be sexist. It pisses us off

AutoModerator · 2021-07-24T18:05:01+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-25T04:36:12+00:00

A good father is a caring, loving one. He actively participates in his children's life and his role doesn't boil down just to providing for them financially. He's an equal parent, who knows his kids, their dreams, fears and inspirations. He's an example of a good person, a good man and a loving husband.

Character traits: caring, attentive, loving, empathetic, understanding, patient, kind etc. I don't think that any of these contradict to being protective over people you care about. If you feel that you can't be strong without being emotionally closed and withdrawn, it's an issue, not a norm. I'd prefer my partner to be able to show their emotions, show that men also can be vulnerable and that they don't have to bear all their issue silently and stoic. That sharing and seeking help and support is totally okay as well. No "men don't cry" bullshit.

I'm into gender-neutral style of raising kids, but there are things that we have to take into account and treat a bit differently. Boys and girls face different gender conditioning and it should be counteracted with different methods. There are also issues that are more common among boys or girls, like eating disorders or porn consumption.

But overall, I wouldn't want my husband to treat them differently. He should be equally affectionate to sons and daughters and equally stern to them as well. They should be taught the same skills, so they all have good skill sets later in life. He should encourage all of them to be good partners in case they want to date someone. To have their own plans and inspirations, take new interests and hobbies. Be able to stand up for themselves and others, learn to plan and prioritize things. To be competent.

blueXcat · 2021-07-27T12:54:15+00:00

Someone who has the same values as me. I verify very early if they are circumcisers, because I'd never be with one

No sexism either. He has to promote what his child are loving exploring as skills

Someone who will discipline with explanations, not just punishment or corporal

Someone who is a teammate

Obviously protective of children. I don't need builder or fighter

Comments