Why the FUCK do you ask for advice if you don't want it?

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December 29, 2016

Why do guys come here with a plan that is not working for them, and ask what they should change, when they're just gonna come back with a vomitous mass of excuses about why they can't do anything different other that what they are doing?

Post Information
Title Why the FUCK do you ask for advice if you don't want it?
Author fnordsnord
Upvotes 115
Comments 53
Date 29 December 2016 07:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/79914
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5kyust/why_the_fuck_do_you_ask_for_advice_if_you_dont/
Similar Posts

[–]MODVigilantRedRooster[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy

I'd like to take this moment to say THANKS for all of the unpaid work you dedicate to those who seek help from our sub here. Illegitimi non carborundum, brother!

u/FjordSnord is one of AskTRP's top regular contributors; one of the men who makes TRP such a great resource. Our writers toil for free, try not to burn them out, guys!

[–][deleted] 53 points53 points | Copy

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[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

it's they're (they + are), not their (possessive). tough <3 right ;)

[–]stephcurrythrowaway0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Chill the hell out.

Some guys have a tough time transitioning.

Living a life of being a simp and then switching to being more alpha takes work. And it is hard.

[–]TestoclesBalls9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

He's right though. Tough love is the best way it helps weed out the weak ones.

[–]stephcurrythrowaway0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Of course. I'm all about tough love. But regardless some of y'all act like you've been alpha your whole life

[–]TestoclesBalls2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some of us were born and raised in an alpha atmosphere. My father was military and I was raised around alpha principles and was naturally alpha until I got off into some stupid shit and lost my way. Deep depression and social anxiety a real mindfucking ordeal. People being nice and telling me I was good and okay the way I was didn't help me. The best thing that ever happened was getting a new job with the most old school asshole shift manager. He cut me no slack at all and that tough love he showed helped me become a man again. It's the way of manhood. You grow stronger or you die because that's how natural selection works.

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points | Copy

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[–]stephcurrythrowaway0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Lmao. I live off tough love. I'm saying come to an understanding however.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy

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[–]stephcurrythrowaway0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Lmao. You been alpha your whole life?

Edit: words

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy

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[–]stephcurrythrowaway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's my point. Some people transition slower some quicker. Point is to just give short and quick tough love and move tf on with your life.

If they don't get it. They don't get it.

[–]IVIaskerade44 points45 points  (4 children) | Copy

Because they're basically women. They want validation, not answers. They want someone to listen, not someone to help.

[–]angryguy44442 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I also find that the answer has to come from within. If the answer is spoon fed to guys, the decision won't come from them. One has to use the informations provided on asktrp to think for themselves and choose a solution by themselves.

If not, they won't make the decision theirs and thus they won't do anything.

[–]hrm08940 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn. Never has the female thought process made so much sense. You really put it into perspective.

[–]Lice13827 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have seen a lot of this.

Read the sidebar and get over oneitis

But i did read the sidebar and who cares if I have oneitis, this is the girl for me i NEED this one

It's is almost as if they want to hear "That thing you are doing that is not working, keep doing it!"

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why the FUCK do you ask for advice if you don't want it?

Some dudes just want validation, and the n00bs often just don't know any better. Also, everyone is in their own stage of acceptance and understanding.

Some guys we reach, and sometimes you and I labor in vain....

[–]the-bum-hammer7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

People are people – they want someone to say things they want to hear, not truth. Newbies like to think they're a "bit of an exception" to the rules. They learn the hard way, if they learn at all.

[–]Dtrp0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Great point. I also believe when the message is being delivered people: 1. Many who are delivering the message lack the empathy and compassion for people to truly want to take the advice. Also leads into 2. When lacking those traits when giving advice, it can come off as people talking without actually experiencing it.

[–]the-bum-hammer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't always reply with empathy. In fact, I rarely have it, especially in the relationship subs where everyone is answering like a giant pussy.

The latter is right on the money. It's like listening to a fat guy about how to effectively lose weight and build muscle.

[–]AwakenedSovereign10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

I've been here two years now.

These days I tend to post specific scenarios, my actions and perspective, and bridge from my specific scenario into a broader view of how to handle similar situations for all future dealings.

Sometimes the advice I get back is shallow, emotionally corrupted, or otherwise useless. But I will engage it and reply just in case it provokes deeper thoughts that can provide value. This often takes the form of a debate.

Mostly what I get out of AskTRP these days isn't that I'm wrong and the replies are right, but different perspectives than just my own regarding the situation. Sometimes this changes my mind about how I will handle things going forward, sometimes it doesn't.

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain an idea without accepting it" ~Aristotle

Every now and then though I get what I really come for, which is that incisive, no bullshit hotline of truth that dispels the cloudy remnants of my bluepill emotions. But that's rare. I think because most alphas who are legit above me in understanding this stuff don't waste their time here.

[–]Dtrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Another great post!

[–]brinkleybuzz4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because they need to be fully deprogrammed. The cult of pussy is a motherfucker.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

idk bro denial maybe? Possibly ego? But if its any recourse youve given me advice like a dozen times over the past year and its positively affected my life and my marriage so thanks! I asked for advice today and plan on putting in some changes to be less of a know it all not everyone here wants a circle jerk.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ego is a beast. Isn't there a cliche about hitting rock bottom?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They want someone to comfort them and reinforce their (flawed) believes. Like females on relationship sub. You simply cannot unplug someone if he doesn't want to unplug himself. I remember giving Rollo's first book to my bro hoping it will cure his oneitis, and the first thing he told me after reading was "well, Rollo is married and says that you can be married and RP too!". There's no hope for guys like this.

[–]roomrider0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Because it's hard to tell yourself "You're being a dumbass and you're doing it all wrong." Even when it's true. I struggle with this sometimes but I remind myself that the people here probably have way more experience and have done it all before. Therefore, my opinion is probably not worth jack shit compared to them. Problem solved

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Because they're like women? They don't want to fix shit, they just want validation of their feelings, of their inceldom, hurrrdurr.

[–]DumpyLips0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not necessarily commenting on the situation your talking about but I do want to point out that when someone asks you for advice, it's wrong to assume the person is obligated to heed your advice.

I only mention this because I've known people that would get mad if you asked them for advice and didn't do what they said. The point of advice is just to hear a different view point, not to give someone control of your life.

[–]fnordsnord 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy

Oh, hell no. If the advice doesn't seem to fit, certainly don't take it. Hell, I'm not the guy with his boots on the ground and I could be completely wrong.

But, like there was the one dude who lived at home and his Mom was making his life miserable.

He wanted a way to change her behavior.

And you can't do that. You can't EVER change someone else's behavior. Oh, sure, if you're in the power position, you can sometimes change the environment so that they have to change their behavior to remain in the environment.

But it was her house. He was living there rent free. He was, I think, 19, and being pushed around like a 15-year-old, and any time he bucked her, she turned into a high-energy shrieking shrew until she got her way.

His ONLY win was to move out. And MAN he had a pile of excuses why he couldn't.

The idea of being on his own and responsible for himself at 19 was so scary, that ultimately, he quit posting.

[–]DumpyLips0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea I totally agree with you.

I guess it was the title of your post that struck a nerve and made me comment.

A few years ago I got into this argument with my ex's roommate because I casually asked her what restaurant I should go to in town and when I declined her suggestion because I wasn't in the mood for indian, her response was basically "why do you ask for advice if you don't want it?"

It wasn't the only time I'd encountered someone that felt really personally offended that I didn't take their advice so I felt obligated to comment.

That said, you're right about the kid moving out.

[–]Thizzlebot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Because they want to be circle jerked into justifying their shitty behavior instead of actually changing it. They will post a bullshit thread with a hundred "no" or don't do it variations then one person will say "yes" validating the dumbasses decision.

[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a difference between people seeking guidance, the ones who are lost and are aware of that, and the people looking for "correction", the fellows who are convinced they're on a good track but think they can make it better by making some change or changes.

The ones seeking guidance will take your advice. They'll criticize it, or not. Maybe, if they're intelligent, they'll sniff for incoherence in your standing, because they know their enemy isn't your position or your morals, rather, your insanity.

The other fellows are often the ones who need more help. They often come around with an idea they hold dear, most often one that leads them to inevitable doom. Millions of repeated stories that never ended well. The guy that just lost his V-card thinking he can "make it work" with the seasoned cc rider, or the guy who can't see anything but emotional abuse in "dread" without noticing he suffers emotional abuse and the worst possible kind of dread all the time.

Anyway, I guess you're referring to these guys. They come with an idea they hold dear and you either take up the task of challenging it, or not.
Many of these guys are so confident in their ideas and that they just need a small "fix" to something "punctual" they actually write a text wall showing their whole mess, making constructive criticism viable, and sometimes even bringing up some interesting debate.
Others either don't expose the whole mess, hide / lie along the way, or won't admit they've been proven wrong. Lost causes.

Well. That's the why. From here and on I'm just venting.

The most seductive aspect of TRP for me is the coherence of it's model. Feminists often said "when you're criticized and accused of sexism or homophobia, don't bother debating. Just listen and try to understand".
TRP doesn't need to say that. You can bother debating all you want, either you'll lose and hence you'll have a chance to grow, or your interlocutor will and he'll have this chance. Maybe the whole TRP might have a chance.

Having this approach doesn't have a knack to pay off though. The vast majority of fellows will at best say let's agree to disagree, it has a pearls to pigs feeling to it.

[–]Docbear640 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can we sticky this ? I think it would answer more questions then we can .

[–]andreasmaker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

sometimes the best advice, is no advice

[–]Nergaal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Most of people asking here are likely Purple Pill hoping they don't need to put the work

[–]topapito0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is very easy to dump someone else´s SO. There is a reason why this phrase is truth. Most times, people coming here are faced with a situation that they are sure they can fix and are looking for encouragement to fix it rather than break up.

You can pretty much read their intent between the lines of their post.

But I propose to those who take the time to answer these useless posts to look past the idiocy or softness of the poster and think about how much your comment can help someone who is casually lurking and identifies with the problem.

So what if the poster is an idiot? There is always that small chance that someone will walk away with the help they really needed. So please don't feel like you've wasted your time in answering because the poster is not ready to take your advice.

Just rock on and disburse your knowledge and let it fall where it may. Someone somewhere will most certainly pick it up and use it as intended.

[–]stephcurrythrowaway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why the fuck do you care. You're an alpha.

[–]TheGovernorPR0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've been following all the advice I On atrp, married red pill, etc and my life has been changing. Maybe they just don't really care?

[–]Toussant0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is people in general, about advice in general. My doc says people just want a pill for their problems even though he often finds the "live healthy" prescription to be most apt much if not most of the time. Likewise, TRP is hardly a pill-sized prescription. It's hard to change habits. Asking about it feels like more effort/progress than it is.

[–]bigk123450 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Change is hard and habits need breaking. This goes for everything in life.

Most people never learn because they think they know better or think their situation is different .

Their entire belief system need to be retaught, especially if they are fully immersed into the "happy wife, happy life" bullshit.

The answer to how to introduce someone to TRP is that you don't. You need to hit rock bottom in life in order to be open to some of the ideas here.

Red pill provides the answers, but it doesn't mean it is easy to swallow.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Because TRP doesn't help or change anyone.

It only provides guidance to those who are working to help and change themselves.

[–]1v1mebruh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

YESSS!!!! You're the fucking man fordsnord, you tell em. Good shit man, if anyone had to make this post it definitely had to be you. Keep up the good stuff man.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know your not asking for validation sir. But I for one sincerely appreciate your efforts. A mans life is a lonely road. Any light in the darkness is a minor fucking miracle.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sigma males can't accept being Beta. Alpha males can't accept Sigmas. No one really can.

Also, many people give bad advice for not actually being in that situation and wanting the easy way out.


"Try harder! I'm gunna go bitch about how you don't want my help on Reddit"

...sometimes they actually did try it, it won't work, and you're the dumbass for insisting they fucked it up.

[–]meh6130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm tempted to make a bot that monitors asktrp for new posts and puts as an answer

read the fucking sidebar, if you find your answer there, delete your post

But I'm afraid that 70-80% of the sub will consist of deleted posts.

[–]BusterVadge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They want validation concerning their current mindset. They won't get that here.

[–]GameOver170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is still worth it though. I sat here and waded through all of this for a very long time before I said a word. So even if the op is a loser who will never change there are others lurking who will

[–]McCoop_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why the FUCK do you ask questions if you already know the answer?

Hold your frame ;) it shouldn't bother you this much. You are getting upset with human nature even though you clearly understand it reasonably well. Everyone hamsters to varying degrees. We want to believe that we did the right thing, that our lives are being lived properly. We ask for advice when our guts tells us something is off, but then we defend our actions because if we made a mistake it means we are flawed or fucked up in some way. It all stems from wanting to believe we are good.

If I should have known better it means either I didn't try hard enough or I didn't know. Often we know when we do wrong, but makes us feel better to act like we didn't know rather than acknowledge our weakness or laziness. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. We have to hold ourselves to higher standards if we want to grow. We need to accept our mistakes if we want to learn from them. It is hard to take responsibility for our actions but once you do it sets you free.

[–]Gawernator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha like that guy who's girl cheated on him at a party and when we pointed it out he deleted the thread.

[–]isaiahexe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd like to say that I'm still on my way to swallowing the pill (getting through the sidebar takes a while lol) and I appreciate everything all the writers here on AskTRP and on TRP do. Personally, I'd love advice, so if you have any starter advice besides the usually stated "read the sidebar" and "lift, meditate, diet, etc..." I'd love to hear it!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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