What pushed you guys to get married in the first place ?

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-06-09T14:04:42+00:00

Society's invisible scripts. It's what you're 'supposed to do' -- go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have 2.3 kids, be a wage slave until 65 then live a deferred life in retirement.

Then I filed for divorce after 14 years. I got tired of:

• Incessant whining, complaining and nagging. A wife’s idea of productivity is nagging her husband to do it.

• Being responsible for everything.

• Working the hardest.

• Being relegated to the dirtiest and darkest parts of the house – garage, basement or attic.

• Being monitored, separated from your friends, and told how to spend your money.

• Being belittled and sex starved.

• Entitlement, including having to buy a ton of stuff you don’t care about because her friends have it so she can keep up with them.

• Emotionally high maintenance, including constant buzzkills and griping like listening to her complain about how hard her easy life is.

• Being disrespected because women don’t respect men. They just pretend to respect you long enough to get married.

• Having her lie about you to all your friends and family if you two disagree on anything substantial.

• Being locked up because she can call the cops on you at any time she wants to falsely accuse you of domestic violence or sexual assault. When the moment comes, you will be astonished at how vicious she can be.

• Agreeing to raise a special needs child who has access to your bank account.

Took me three decades to understand the nature of women. When my sons become adults, they will at least understand female nature and approach marriage with their eyes open -- unlike the majority of men.

Most married men won't tell you this because they are either too embarrassed to admit their mistake, or they're afraid their wives will find out what they said and make their lives more miserable than they already are.

cloudburr · 2021-06-09T14:13:33+00:00

It seemed like the natural progression. Met in our mid twenties, had a house together, wanted kids, so the next step was to get married.

No one tells you that getting married is entirely optional, you can have it all, and not be married.

We had friends who had four kids together, but were no married, I remember thinking how bizarre that was, but in hindsight that guy was smart.

ThcLoserGuy · 2021-06-09T15:08:51+00:00

Never wanted to get married. Told my ex that when we first started dating. Spent 7 years with her, had some little issues but nothing big. Finally figured after 7 years I could trust her enough to get married. A year after marriage we had a kid, a year later she left me and filed for divorce. Guess she got what she wanted out of me. Never again.

HerbEverstanks · 2021-06-09T16:28:28+00:00

I was that dumping ground for her. She is my wallet anchor.

reacthookmebaby · 2021-06-09T18:15:41+00:00

For me.. I fell in love.. and felt this was the woman I wanted to grow old with. Honestly back then.. I never thought I would fall out of love. I never thought we would grow apart and be so different. Disagree on everything. Fight all the time over the stupidest shit. Literally never thought that would happen.

Now.. with divorce > 50% and knowing how expensive it is for many..especially with kids.. I tell everyone I can that is young.. do NOT get married unless you are 100% sure it will last and/or you will never have kids, you both work, and if you divorce it's simple.. 50/50 division and minimal alimony for short period of time.

Otherwise.. just date.. stay bf/gf.. and make sure you look in to the whole "we been bf/gf for > 7 years so its just like being married" bit. I am not sure how accurate that is.. I assume there is no alimony in that situation.. and if you don't have kids then my guess is the most that can happen is a 50/50 division of assets?

At any rate.. the primary concern I have growing older without someone around.. is if something happens to me physically.. and I need help. I am trying to prevent that now by getting back in to shape.. and hopefully a daily regimen of exercise and eating decently will thwart that short of something bad like cancer, etc happening.

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2021-06-10T04:03:49+00:00

Being in love is a really strong natural high. We are genetically programmed to fall in love. The endorphins produced by the brain keep you stoned. You make a lot of stupid decisions when you are high. Plus it’s nicer to face the challenges of life with a partner. But the endorphins don’t last forever. People grow apart. People change. In research studies endorphins are measured in the urine, you can tell when the infatuation ends. The genetic programming is coded for the endorphins to last 3-5 years only. Just enough for 9 months of gestation and 2-3 years until child can walk and get on with little parental help. Marriage should be a 3 year renewal contract at most.

mrk177 · 2021-06-09T19:27:46+00:00

Young and thought it was the move forward. Wanted to stay with her. My question is who would ever get married after being married once. I don’t get people that have been married 2-3 times. What did you think was going to happen a second time?

fookfassa · 2021-06-09T22:11:22+00:00

She pushed. Women are always the ones who want to get the government involved. They all want to have the ability to use the government to completely fuck up your entire life and then pinky swear that they won't ever use it while their other hand is behind their back with 4 fingers crossed.

It's always the woman demanding marriage and I don't blame them for using the corrupt system to their advantage. I do however blame the system. The entire system needs to burn.

Particular_Band · 2021-06-10T03:55:11+00:00

I fell in love. Wanted to be with her forever.

MisterEdGein8 · 2021-06-11T20:33:29+00:00

My girlfriend came to visit on a fiance visa. There was a miscommunication because I told her the only reason she's getting this visa is to come visit because she couldn't get a tourist visa. She eventually got the fiance visa, came to visit, then convinced me to marry her before the fiance visa expired. I figured I could always get divorced if it didn't work out. Wow, what a dumbass I was, took me 10 years to get out of that! Haha

dudefromyork · 2021-06-10T12:34:04+00:00

Two reasons:

(1) It’s just what you’re “supposed to do”.

(2) STBX wanted to have a big party and be the special princess for the day (and months leading up to the “big day”).

Title	What pushed you guys to get married in the first place ?
Author	darzamat
Upvotes	16
Comments	46
Date	June 9, 2021 1:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/nvwfjo/what_pushed_you_guys_to_get_married_in_the_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-pushed-you-guys-to-get-married-in-the-first.816796 https://theredarchive.com/post/816796

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