Need to vent

reddixmadix · 2021-04-19T16:23:43+00:00

Usually, when they say "I'm done with he marriage" and/or "I have no feelings for you" it means they have another dude.

At least that's the common denominator on posts like this.

Good luck to you.

jnuttsishere · 2021-04-19T16:40:38+00:00

She’s probably mad you called her bluff. Keep on the course.

henrysmyagent · 2021-04-19T17:07:06+00:00

Her backup guy didn't work out. Now you are her backup guy.

The fact that she blames you for the failure of the marriage disqualifies her as a friend, let alone as a wife.

Keep going with the divorce. It is impossible to reconcile with an unrepentant wife.

syro23 · 2021-04-19T17:07:40+00:00

You are getting divorced. Stop thinking about her feelings or what is fair. It's not fair that she married you and committed to you and has now decided to leave you. I'm surprised she is only blaming you for going to an attorney first. I'm sure by the end of it she will blame you for a whole lot more.

You need to worry about what is best for you and act accordingly. Good luck!

holyshit_idkwigo · 2021-04-19T20:10:24+00:00

She's trying to manipulate you. You called her bluff and she's upset about that. Even if she is mad at you, you don't threaten divorce, that is juvenile.

You are 100 percent making the right decision and it is totally normal to question that decision, you're going to question it alot as this process moves forward.

Do not tell her or her family what you are going to do. Show her no emotion whatsoever. Look up gray rock, come on here to vent. Only vent to family and close friends, no common friends.

patently_pleasant · 2021-04-19T17:06:13+00:00

I tried the marriage counseling at the end and had a shitty counselor too. It actually accelerated the separation. I learned that counseling should be done before the fallout while both parties still have a strong urge to work on their differences. If both sides are already too far apart, counseling won’t help. In the future you can always talk to a counselor, and I recommend doing it while times are good.

It sounds like she is having the classic heart v brain battle. Her mind knows this doesn’t make sense and it’s time to go, but the heart isn’t willing to let go. This internal agony will continue for both of you until you reconcile or separate. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean because they are very hurt and angry on the inside. In a time of clarity and sobriety you could ask her if she really meant what she said when she told you she no longer had feelings and wanted to be done. If she says yes, then you have to move on.

But you also don’t have to have that conversation. If she can’t communicate with you effectively and she says hurtful things without reconciling, then that is a reason to leave. You can always withdraw the paperwork up until the day of the final decree. Some states even have a mandatory wait time. I recommend keeping the paperwork in and figuring out for yourself if this is what you truly want before going through with it. Ask yourself alone before talking to her. Good luck brother

walkingdisaster4046 · 2021-04-19T19:02:13+00:00

From my experience when they're done they're done.

My STBXW strung me a long for months talking about change in me, and how she was having second thoughts. She played with my emotions, would give me hope then tear me down. I should have filed immediately when she said she's "not in love with me. Trust and respect were lost and resentment had fortified.

It's a hell of a journey you're about to go on, but it sounds like she's already checked out a while ago.

Good on you for filing first. Don't look back.

Mikesgt · 2021-04-19T22:43:31+00:00

There is no going back at this point. You can’t undo what has happened. Follow through with it asap

kg-prime · 2021-04-19T20:22:58+00:00

No kids? Praise God or universe and celebrate.

As you can see from the posts, if she says she is done, she is done. Do not try to convince her, ask people to convince her, or do the "pick me" dance. You were her backup plan and she is bored. She is looking to see if she can do better.

Do not make mistake of continuing to have sex with her else she will make a baby and put you on the hook for rest of your life.

Sadly, you are just a tool she used to get her wedding or tell friends she also got proposed to.

Next time, you will be wiser. Do prenuptials and focus on protecting yourself. You need to stop thinking of her feelings because she does not life you.

If you have money, you can get a PI and surely you may find out what she is up to. Sometimes, even if she is not ducking someone, she just does not like you so be happy you found out before it went far.

sicrm · 2021-04-19T17:05:10+00:00

her monkey branch broke and she’s looking for someone to lash out on and you’re the “lucky” guy.

go through with the divorce unless you like being “lucky”

dogsrule2019 · 2021-04-20T12:59:12+00:00

Sounds like you're in a good spot, at least as good of one as you can be in at this point. Stay the course. You're not dealing with a rational animal, and it will become worse as you move forward. Protect your assets/cash, and credit score, meaning make sure you're not on a card she is "responsible for" because she can skip payments just to try to destroy you. It happens. Stay strong. Stay the course. Good luck, brother.

maybebionic · 2021-04-19T22:33:22+00:00

Good luck brother. Stay on your course. She will do everything to kick you off it and take back power. She wants you to be sad and her in control.

cuckington_thebutler · 2021-04-26T18:16:35+00:00

She has lost control over you and the narrative.

she told me in February that the marriage was done and that there was nothing I could do to change her mind.

she told me during a conversation in the car that she no longer had feelings for me and that she was done with the marriage.

She has no regrets other than you are willing to move on and not act as her safety net in case her AP doesn't work out.

Press hard and fast for the divorce. There is nothing to save and you have no reason to stay and act as her plan B.

Girl_Dad42 · 2021-05-29T14:00:05+00:00

Update: At the end of last month, she came to me and asked to put the divorce on hold while we went to couples therapy to try to work things out. I agreed and talked to my attorney. Divorce paperwork was still filled and nothing would be dismissed. Well, the first 2 weeks were great then by the third week she became a little distant and some of the BS started where I didn’t see her making an effort. Told her last week that I was done and emailed the attorney to keep the paperwork moving. I tried my best but she doesn’t see any of her own faults or refuses to acknowledge them.

Title	Need to vent
Author	Girl_Dad42
Upvotes	15
Comments	31
Date	April 19, 2021 3:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/mu37wi/need_to_vent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-to-vent.817216 https://theredarchive.com/post/817216

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