Throwaway account.

Respected ladies of RPW, I'm new to RPW and need your help. In my quest to embrace RPW values and increase my SMV I’ve joined a gym and signed up for 10 personal training sessions to get acquainted with proper lifting and form. I’ve been making great progress (8 lbs down so far!) and I’ve finally started to feel better about myself.

My problem…total cliché incoming…I’ve developed a massive crush on my trainer. Initially I thought he was cute, but the more I’ve gotten to know him the more I geuinly like and admire him. He’s extremely confident, hilarious, intensely dedicated to his career/fitness, and does not take s*@% from anyone. While he’s always been friendly and lightly-flirtatious/banter with me, even going to far as to compliment my appearance (How do you make working out look so good!?) he’s always kept it completely professional. In conversation, he’s made passing comments like “oh we should do that sometime!” or “you’re totally going to cook for me” but I don’t think he means it seriously and I just accept that as part of his banter. Thing is, he’s nice with everyone, it’s his job. But it’s not stopping me from thinking about him.

Around him, I can't help but be a giant endorphin-fueled perv. I try to act serious and not be affected by his charisma but it’s driving me crazy inside. At least I have the social decency to not let it show (god help me) and I channel all of that frustration into sweet, sweet gainz. I've probably spent hours trying to figure out how to just act “normal” and relaxed around him and probably concocted 5 different stories of us growing old together. Yeah….I’m embarrassed that I’ve let it get this far. My self-esteem has never been great, and this is definitely playing into this.

I’m not someone that easily falls for others, and I think I’m pretty attractive (without meaning to sound conceited) but I have no clue if he actually likes me or if I’m just another person at his work. He’s a high-value target, so no doubt I am one of his many clients with crushes. I feel like I’m slowly going insane with all of the pentup energy from this.

What the heck am I supposed to do? Please be kind…I'm already super sensitive and simply cannot think clearly with this. How can I manage this crush? How can I build my self-esteem up? How can I love myself so that this doesn’t affect me so much?

I don’t want to quit my gym, and even if I quit his training sessions he still comes up and talks to me in the gym all the time.

TLDR: All-consuming crush on my personal trainer and low self-esteem. No idea how to manage this.