My first and only girlfriend of 5 years left me. A female friend probably talked her into leaving me. Within 60 days we went from planning our future and joking about the names of our children to "here are the keys, it's over"

TL;DR, AS REQUESTED:

  • Beta loser until 17
  • hit gym to build up confidence
  • meet cute girl, virgin
  • turns into 5 year relationship, first girlfriend at 18 years, 23 now
  • Fall in love, move to her city & mother's apartment for a year, work there
  • Both poor
  • witness catastrophic breakups & divorces in my family, promise each other to never do these mistakes over bullshit
  • We both move into my mother's apartment in new city to study
  • She studies mathematics, I study electrical engineering
  • She qualified for loan to move into own apartment, I did not
  • So I stayed behind with crazy mother
  • Relatives and GF assure me that this is okay temporarily and we'll eventually have our own apartment
  • Gradually fall back into old habits
  • First time I get seriously redpilled on politics and women
  • develop slight depression, university not going that great
  • But she seems happy enough, sex life great, positive outlook on future together
  • She gets her bachelor's, starts getting cocky
  • I work at university and could afford an own apartment now
  • Constantly nagging when I'm done, explicitly says she'll never move in with me unless I earn more than her
  • Goes on 3 day vacation with ugly landwhale female friend
  • Comes back hysterical, says our relationship is doomed, she'll leave me
  • Talks about a guy texting her she likes
  • Starts blaming me for "kicking her out" despite having no choice
  • No longer wants to move in with me
  • Constantly tells me I'm "like her father" (abuse schizophrenic of whom she had severe traumas)
  • I try to argue with her, it seems to work, she drops her plan to break up, we have great sex again
  • Instead of acting normally, gradually breaks off contact, stops picking up phone
  • One day she calls and says "we need to talk"
  • Think we're over this hollywood sudden breakup shit because we've been through so much
  • Comes here, gives me the keys, cries on my shoulder, says she still loves me so much and "hates to do this"
  • French kisses me on the way out to say goodbye
  • I still think this can be fixed with arguments because I blame it on her friend and temporary insanity
  • Leaves me confused and ranting my huge wall of text here

I blame my beta self for not moving out, my mother for ruining my psyche, my father for abandoning me, her shitty fat landwhale crab-bucket mentality friend for agitating her against me.

QUESTIONS I HAVE

  • Is it worth trying to talk this through and repair the relationship?
  • Who's to blame the most here? As in biggest factors and mistakes to avoid in the future.
  • How big could the role of her friend have been when talking her into it?
  • How do I regain appetite and not puke my guts out, so I can study again?
  • How do I best proceed now?
  • Should I spent the majority of my paycheck to move into a small, own apartment? My mother is toxic.
  • I already purchased equipment for a home gym. I didn't consider the social factor of working out in isolation. Should I still maintain a gym subscription for the social factor?

ORIGINAL POST FOLLOWS

This is my first post here. I'm very confused, angry and need advice. I'd appreciate it if some of you could weigh in with your expertise.

I put in as many critical details as possible. Skimming it is just fine too, any advice helps.

I feel that the TRP rules of breakups don't apply here because of a couple of indicators that I've never seen read here before.

In my eyes the relationship isn't over and I could probably fix it. Nothing catastrophic happened and I could easily go on if she wouldn't act so insane. I know this is against the rules, but hear me out.

What happened

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me yesterday. We became a couple at both 18 years old, 23 now. First girlfriend and boyfriend respectively.

I don't think this was a rational, well thought-through decision by her.

She was under a lot of exam stress, we didn't see each other for quite a while because of university and I feel that she got pressured to break up by a friend and her mother. Also her childhood trauma could play a role in this.

Most of the red-pill breakup advice is not for LTRs, much less for the first relationship. I honestly don't know how to act.

The strange part about all of this

The main reason why I think it isn't over is this:

Before she went through the door to say goodbye, she said she still loved me, cried for 10 minutes on my shoulder, gave me a long French kiss to feel it "one last time".

She was crying her eyes out, said she was so sorry to "have to" do this to me. I legitimately felt sorry for her, like it wasn't her decision.

I was really disillusioned, like this was some kind of movie or acting scene. It didn't feel genuine. That's why I want to repair it. We had a few issues, but nothing that would justify such a drastic choice.

She also told me I could visit her anytime or talk to her. I urged her to think this through again. I can't believe 5 long years end like this. So suddenly.

Female friend probably talked her into it

I think the true catalyst was her talking to a (fat) close female friend who appears to have talked her into leaving me 2 months ago. I could never stand that person.

She went to visit her for 3 days and came back hysterically crying on the phone about how our problems in the relationship are much worse than her friend's.

She also cried about us not doing as much as we used to, how I barely called her when she was away and how the relationship has faded.

She came back a different person

She completely changed within days. Flip-Flopping between wanting to leave me and stay. The thing that breaks my heart the most is how she went from a kind and loving person to showing the nastiest colors.

She said my studies are taking too long and I won't make enough money in time. Said I'm a loser for still living with my mother, even though she knows I cannot afford the rent of an own apartment. Then she said she doesn't care what I do, as long as I do what I love. She said she's afraid of dying alone and childless, but at the same time wants to peruse a career in mathematics - and leave me!

She repeatedly told me that "I was like her father" and she couldn't bear it. Her father was a schizophrenic who nearly killed her mother when she was 4. Then she told me I was "like my father", who abandoned me when I was a child.

I said that I am neither of these people - I'm myself. I've never even met her dad. She told me she "had" to leave me for both our sake.

In the end she was also constantly talking about when I would finally get her pregnant. She really wanted children.

Made up texting other guys to gain my attention

She made up a story about how a guy is texting her and she feels like "she likes him too". Ridiculous. She later admitted she made the story up to gain my attention and was very ashamed of it.

I tried to calm her down, but it only worked for some time

I pinned it on hormone imbalances (NEVER on birth control however), severe exam stress, winter depression.

We talked for countless hours on the phone and at her place. She calmed down for a while. I thought I won the argument, went over to her place, we had great sex where she exclaimed "I love you" dozens of times in ecstasy and that she could never leave me.

But it got worse. First she became more and more distant. Didn't want to visit me or let me visit her. Then she barely ever picked up the phone anymore. Then she said we needed to talk. Then the whole thing. Came over by to bring me the keys, says she still loves me, cried her eyes out, kissed me and said goodbye.

We were very, very close.

We both shunned modern degeneracy and the usual, decadent behavior of switching partners frequently. She was very redpilled, both about politics and women. This is what fused us together. Being beyond the usual drama.

We've gone through a lot. It has gotten to a point where we were like a hivemind, thinking the same thoughts in the same situations.

But over the course of the last 60 days, it basically went from planning our future together, joking about how we would name our future children in bed to "it's all over, here are the keys". My grandparents were completely surprised, they basically considered us married.

Yes, we became more distant over the months due to university stress, but we were still very much in love and it was nothing that couldn't be fixed.

I'm confused more than anything.

I'm not bluepilled, I mostly know how things go. I thought our relationship was different, mostly because she was never acting in any way that's usually predicted in the Manosphere.

This is incredibly painful and very bad timing. I have an important exam in 7 days and I cannot eat or think. I've been suppressing the urge to call her and clear this up and talk it through.

We're not normal people

We're both has personal issues, both regarding our fathers. Hers are much more severe. Her father was an abusive paranoid schizophrenic. My father abandoned me when I was a child and is now living his own life.

In the end she told me she "wanted to focus on her studies and career

She's an aspiring mathematician, with dedication I admire but could never fully grasp. She frequently expressed the desire to have kids. Which is contradictory to being so career-focused. But also she told me that she "cannot handle the drama of a relationship". Quote: "I just want to wake up, go to University, do mathematics and go home to watch a Korean Drama or something".

CONCLUSION

I really don't think it's over and it might be worth a shot to repair it. The fact that she said that she still loved me and kissed me so passionately before she left gives me that impression.

It's likely temporary insanity on her side, emotional stress, a manipulative female friend and her father-trauma. Also her mother doesn't like me very much, which could be a factor.

Or it could be the temporary depression I was in when the political red pill and hard engineering courses hit me that turned her off.

Women love success. Procrastinating courses, being cynical and having no real friends is a turn-off. But I'm already over the blackpill phase and got my life back together, with decent enough income to potentially afford a new apartment.

The female market in my city is absolutely horrendous. I would much rather keep her than invest all that time and effort.

I don't have time for hunting right now. The next best option would be to live my life to the fullest, focus on my career and hobby until I'm 30-35 and then settle down and start a family with a 20-year old. Potentially even move to the United States.

The notion is tempting, to have unlimited freedom. However I like the security and genuinely love my girlfriend. If she takes the path she is on now, her self-fulfilling prophecy will become true and she'll die alone and childless.

History of relationship for additional details

Until 17 I was a WoW-playing, shut-in basement dweller. Then I manned up, hit the gym, lost weight, gained confidence. Never thought I had it in me.

In 2012 I met a beautiful girl who was on vacation in my state. We immediately fell for each other and I had the best summer of my life when I went to visit her for 6 weeks.

She was a virgin, loved me so much that she couldn't bear to be separated again - and neither could I - so I started working manual labor in her state to pay rent to her mother for a year.

We both moved back together to my home-city to start our studies. She went for mathematics, I went for electrical engineering.

Because we were both poor, we lived at my mother's apartment, where I still live. I still had so much energy and love for life, that I started hobbies, gained friends, hit the gym.

But as much as I love her, living together in a single room with my girlfriend quickly became unbearable. Not because of her, but because of my mother (obv. living in another room). My mother is a terrible person. Heavy smoker, a pain to be around, slightly insane, overcaring.

But at the time I simply had no money. Even while I was working, there was no way I could afford the rent.

We thought the best solution would be for my girlfriend to get an own apartment because she qualified for a student loan. So she did.

I stayed behind, gradually dwindling into depression and old habits. That was the time I got redpilled, mostly on politics. I overdosed on the redpill, which made me blackpilled. I gave up hobbies I once cherished, quit the gym, started failing courses. My procrastination problem became pathological.

I kept myself afloat and since got a job at my university and caught back up on most courses.

But it went uphill again. I regained confidence, built a home gym, have stable income, my courses are going better. If being a "loser" was a reason for her to leave me, then that would be fixed soon.