How do you guys feel about gay guys?

my_name_is_gato · 2016-02-04T09:14:57+00:00

I second the vast majority of what u/TheRavenousRabbit said. I fear that while his response is accurate, it may come off a bit harsh. If any "MRM" group wants to ban you for being gay, I don't consider them legit. I consider myself a strong advocate for gay rights (both male and female) but I cannot condone shaming a man for being gay.

The sad reality is that some may look down on you for being gay. But I am willing to wager that the majority of this sub will welcome you and fight for your rights. I guarantee I will. Feminism will try to create infighting in the Mens' Rights movement by trying to form divisions. We cannot let that occur.

192873982 · 2016-02-04T10:30:32+00:00

A lot of people here are pro gay rights, as far as I know. But that dosn't make the MRM an advocacy group for gays. It's literally a MENS rights group, and we care about men-specific or men-majority problems. It doesn't matter about what kind of men that problems are.

_throwaway16384 · 2016-02-04T13:40:39+00:00

I'm gay and it's never come up before in this sub tbh. I never see any homophobic rhetoric or what have you. However, this is a sub for men's issues. That means gay men, trans men, black men, etc... but pride parades and bravo tv don't belong here.

2016-02-04T10:45:46+00:00

I have gay relatives. I don't think it's right for you to be getting flak for that. I certainly don't condone that behavior, I think it ought to end and I like to think that I try to push-back against it when I see it online or offline.

Believe me, IRL I got a lot of hate in the past because some people thought it'd be fun to spread rumors that I was gay. Not to mention the online feminist who once thought it'd be fun to call me a "faggot" and then, after I called her on it, pretended that it was just a cute lil' jokie-pooh. And, of course, all the other feminists like to tell me it never happened because they-- innocent wide-eyed stare-- certainly don't do that kind of thing.

Brickbats like "faggot" or "homo" are attempts to control men. Period.

IronJohnMRA · 2016-02-04T13:54:50+00:00

"I'm asking because several men's rights facebook groups are trying to shame me or even straight up ban me for being gay. "

Which ones?

babno · 2016-02-04T13:47:52+00:00

I don't give a fuck. Just don't make every post "look at me I'm gay". Same reason as the rule "there are no women on the Internet".

blueoak9 · 2016-02-04T15:51:48+00:00

"What's the general consensus about gay men in the MRM?"

Positive. I feel right at home here and in spaces like AVfM.

"I'm asking because several men's rights facebook groups are trying to shame me or even straight up ban me for being gay. They dismiss my posts as "gay issues" when I don't even post about that."

Two things. First, those guys are assholes and losers. Second thing - check of what kind of "men's rights" groups they are. There are PUAs, who think the universe revolves around getting pussy and think anyone not getting any is a "frustrated chump", and then there are tradcon cave dwellers who want to go back to the 50s with wifey-poo in the kitchen and man the master of his domain. We gay guys really, really snarl that vison up, so they can't stand us.

Avoid these assholes and keep looking.

TheRavenousRabbit · 2016-02-04T08:58:34+00:00

You're instantly making a difference between yourself and those men by labeling yourself as gay and focusing on gay issues. Why they're so defensive is because the MRM is really only the single place which focuses on men, one of those rare places where others are not in the spotlight.

When you take away the spotlight they get angry, especially if it's perceived as a "gay" issue, not a man's issue. Meaning that if you pull something like the adoption problem that you and I might face in the future when we want children, putting it as a "gay" thing is the wrong way to go about it.

However, putting it as a "adoption agencies are reluctant to give us a child because we're both men, thus we're perceived as potential 'X'. This discriminates men." will be met with open arms.

Do you understand the difference? Stop making yourself a "gay guy", you're a guy who's gay. You're a MAN. You're not "a gay", that is one of the smaller portions of your character and unless it's affects a MAN, then it's unimportant.

Do you undertand? This is a bit of strange social engineering, really but I've met similar resistence when I've put myself in a similar position as you. I'm a gay guy but I always put emphasis on the fact that I am just that. A guy.

Don't separate yourself from the group, like women do. You're not an ally. You're PART of the MRM, not a separate, distinct organism. Things that affect men, gay, straight, trans or bioluminescent space man are all parts of it. They're not "Gay" issues, they're men's issues. Don't make the distinction, you'll face resistence if you do.

Penuno · 2016-02-04T14:37:42+00:00

Gay men are men so perfectly welcome. Also I enjoy some gay males tilting with feminists because they do have a bit of "teflon" being gay.

ee4m · 2016-02-04T09:29:50+00:00

Same as guys who are not gay.

baserace · 2016-02-04T09:30:22+00:00

What's the general consensus about gay men in the MRM? Be honest because I don't give a flying fuck what people on the internet think of me or gays as a whole

I don't give a flying fuck if you're gay or not either ^hi-5. Or what gender, skin color, nationality, ethnic group, shoe size, etc. you are for that matter.

Welcome.

IgnatiusBSamson · 2016-02-04T09:36:56+00:00

I envy y'all.

No "oopsie" pregnancies.

DavidByron2 · 2016-02-04T10:52:41+00:00

My opinion is that persecution of men for being gay is simply another aspect of the oppression that men have experienced throughout history. It's a normal part of the sexual spectrum and fine with me. Live and let live.

omegaphallic · 2016-02-04T12:05:15+00:00

I pro gay rights, screw homophobes.

formfett · 2016-02-04T15:14:54+00:00

I don't care.

thrway_1000 · 2016-02-04T09:51:26+00:00

As far as I know most are live and let live types. I've seen many Facebook MR groups and have never seen anyone have a problem with someone being gay. You might have more problem with RedPill guys and groups but they're not really Men's Rights Advocates. If your issues are related to homosexuality and not gender most would tell you to go with an LBGT Rights group: they're usually more respected, have more funds, and they have more actual political pull than any MR group. That's usually the direction that it goes. Most MRAs tend to be ex-feminists or libertarian/liberals so I don't know what groups your dealing with but they would be the odd men out.

hailtotheking999 · 2016-02-04T13:38:03+00:00

I've met and have been friends with several gay dudes. Some of the nicest friends I've ever had. My very good gay buddy moved to Australia and has become a raging feminist. I'm like dude, you know they don't give a shit about you right?! He has been brainwashed over there. I miss my buddy.

Leinadro · 2016-02-04T13:42:12+00:00

I think most mras that dont want you around do so for political reasons not because they sre anti gay.

One issue the mrm has faced for a long time is that mens issues have been very hard to get off the ground. To this day its hard to even have mens issues acknowledged much less addressed.

On the other than gay issues have been making some ground. Im not saying gays are have no problems, just that they are at least being addressed.

A lot of mras see gays coming to the mrm as taking attention away from men's issues.

Now you may think that the mrm is splitting mens issues from gay issues but they not doing anything that feminists arent doing in that regard (seriosuly if you look at feminist advocacy it specifically codes gay mens issues as being about sexual orientation v the way they code gay womens issues as being about sexual orientation AND gender).

I think the mrm is trying to prevent their thunder fro being stolen and the only difference it has from feminism is that while the mrm keeps gay men at arms length completely feminism tries to simultaneously get support from gay men and keep their acknowledgement as men to a minimum.

Personally Im all for gays in the mrm. Gay men are men so the issues they face should be included. And frankly I think by embracing them as gay and as men it would be a step above others who only embrace them as gay.

2016-02-04T14:04:32+00:00

It depends on who you interact with. I haven't seen any homophobia on this sub since I've been here. In fact this is probably the second or third post of this type in the past couple of months and the response has been positive each time. This is a very diverse, open community and the only thing anyone has in common is an interest in Men's rights. People don't divide into sexual/racial cliques generally.

Sadistictoastie · 2016-02-04T15:43:44+00:00

I honestly don't care, not in the sense of i don't care about your rights or your problems, i just don't care who people choose to have sex with. I'm less of an MRA and more of an egalitarian, so i just judge people on how they act, so as long as you act like a decent human being, i couldn't care less what you do with regards to relationships. I'll treat you like anyone else.

UseApostrophesBetter · 2016-02-04T16:07:56+00:00

You do you. I have zero problems with any sort of gay person for being gay. People can be assholes no matter who they're attracted to, so I'm sure there are some douchebags out there, but it isn't because they're gay. I'm sure straight and gay guys have more in common regarding their rights than they don't have in common, so I don't see why you should be any less invested in men's rights than any other guy. /u/ravenousrabbit makes some good points though. This is the internet. No one cares whether you like tacos or burritos when it isn't relevant to the conversation. The groups that outline their personal background when they state their opinion are pretty much just Tumblr because they think that it makes their opinion somehow more valid. In those circles, maybe it does, but even in here, it doesn't make much of a difference. Women come in from time to time, and while it's a little bit refreshing to see that someone shares our opinions who doesn't directly benefit from the outcome of those opinions, it's the ideas that count, not who has them.

DavidByron2 · 2016-02-04T16:15:45+00:00

There was a poll that suggested gay men were the most over-represented (relative to the general reddit population) group here by about a factor 4x. No idea if that's true but there's no anti-gay sentiment here. At least not generally held. But the thing is this group is NOT a safe space in any sense. That's a feminist thing to get fake victimry. We have an open door policy on assholes, but we also are happy to call them out. The only exception is a couple of groups that are both assholes and often mistaken for MRAs. having them here would lead to confusion so regrettably they got to be kicked out sometimes.

As for gay issues it depends if they are men's gay issues of just generic gay issues. For example, gay men age of consent higher than lesbian age of consent? that's a men's gay issue. Lesbian and gay men age of consent is equal but both higher than straight consent age? That would be generic gay issue.

There's a lot of men's gay issues.

philosarapter · 2016-02-04T17:14:43+00:00

Last I checked, gay men are still men. Therefore they are intimately affected by the treatment of men in society.

I get that they may not have to deal with some of the more common frustration amongst MRAs: divorce, alimony and child custody cases. But they do have to deal with plenty of other issues: The demonizing of male sexuality, men making up the majority portion of combat, workplace and homicide related deaths, and the stranger-danger overreaction towards men around children.

In my opinion, anyone (even women) can stand up on behalf of equality and the fair treatment of men.

Beware those who would have you divided against your peers.

2016-02-04T18:40:58+00:00

gay men's issues are men's issues

they are not the only men's issues

but they are men's issues and should be solved.

i have no other thoughts on the subject

2016-02-04T19:03:27+00:00

That's some straight up bullshit, my friend. Gay men are still men. They still suffer circumcision, higher rates of incarceration, etc. Etc.

McFeely_Smackup · 2016-02-04T20:18:30+00:00

"What's the general consensus about gay men in the MRM?"

to be perfectly honest, it never occurred to me to think about gay men as any different from straight men as far as MRM goes.

I suppose a few things aren't as big a deal, like women being favored in divorce and child custody (but still possible)...but I'd think most things that MRA's care about are pretty evenly applied without regard to sexual orientation.

It sounds like you're butting up against a jerk problem, not a MRM problem.

equiposeur · 2016-02-04T20:50:40+00:00

Sorry to hear that you have been treated poorly by men's rights groups on facebook. And I'm surprised. I, for one, am 100% in favor of gay rights and perspectives, and hope and believe that the vast majority of the MRM is as well.

ThePigmanAgain · 2016-02-04T22:25:10+00:00

Lucky bastards who don't have to put up with all the female crap straight men have to put up with, that's how i feel about gays.

As for MRA Facebook groups, you seem to belong to the wrong ones.

rg57 · 2016-02-05T01:55:23+00:00

This question comes up a lot. Perhaps you should read here more often.

I think you'll find most MRM organizations will gladly accept you, regardless of your gender or orientation. All that matters is that you support gender equality, and specifically men's rights.

Some notable groups (in Canada anyway) are led by gay men or transpeople. And certainly one of the most notable MRAs is (I believe) a bisexual woman. And men's groups march in gay parades, when invited to do so (as opposed to being banned).

Some trans issues (e.g. circumcision) are MRM issues. Many gay issues are MRM issues. Homophobia itself is a manifestation of misandry. Lesbians often get a pass, while it is the lusty male sexuality of gay men that attracts the most violence. Somehow I think AIDS would have had a different public reaction if it had affected lesbians mostly, rather than gay men.

We don't directly experience some of the problems straight men do. But we do have hearts and brains, and can certainly stick up for straight men, as so many have done for us.

Now, your question was "How do you guys feel about gay guys?"

I think many gay men are afflicted with feminism, and adopt the toxic sassy princess model of relationships, always trying to trade up to the next best guy, despite being no particular catch themselves. One thing MRM has to offer the gay population is a return to actually valuing people as people, again.

callsyourcatugly · 2016-02-18T00:23:27+00:00

Haha. Just fyi everybody, this post has been linked by the hate sub againstmensrights. They have conveniently ignored ALL the supportive replies and cherry picked out-of-context quotes (as per their M.O) to (again) try to paint the MRM as homophobes, misogynists, racist, etc.

As for you, OP... Like the vast majority of others here, you are definitely welcome here. You're a man, your rights as a man are an issue needing to be addressed. Your sexual orientation is your own business and you're welcome to conduct your own business as you will. No matter where you go, there's always an asshole or two looking to stir up shit, it can't be helped with 7 billion people on this planet.

Cheers, mate.

TheRavenousRabbit · 2016-02-04T19:24:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2016-02-04T16:32:08+00:00

If I had a son and he told me he was gay, I'd throw him a big party.

PowerWisdomCourage · 2016-02-04T13:56:01+00:00

As others have said, I'm supportive but any issues you raise must affect all or most men. Not just some. Most often when someone asks what you're asking, they actually have been bringing up other issues without noticing. Of course, with such a diverse group, you could also have encountered less than supportive people.

pewwpewwpew · 2016-02-04T16:48:07+00:00

the problem i have, is that you identify as a gay man. thats it. this is the mens rights movement. at the core, we are about mens rights. gay or not gay, you are a man first. sexual orientation doesnt matter around here as it does in the feminist camp.

formfett · 2016-02-04T14:44:58+00:00

My personal belief is that gay people are mentally damaged.

That said, I have no problems allying with them under the banner of Men's Rights for a greater purpose.

United we stand, divided we fall.

Title	How do you guys feel about gay guys?
Author	namiefan
Upvotes	17
Comments	77
Date	February 4, 2016 8:53 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/444hgr/how_do_you_guys_feel_about_gay_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-do-you-guys-feel-about-gay-guys.956966 https://theredarchive.com/post/956966

Comments