Of all the LVMs I’ve ever come across in my life, one of the most dangerous archetypes has been what I call the “mature communicator”. This man, often older than you and with more relationship experience, loves to portray himself as very mature. When you are upset about something, he will urge you to talk about it and “use your words” because he’s “not a mind reader”. He’s often very charming and convincing, and when you do tell him what’s bothering you, he will say anything it takes to appease you. This man will make it seem like he’s more mature and a better partner than you, all while playing some disgusting male version of dumb fox to convince you that his actions weren’t malicious, you just “jumped to conclusions” and “assumed his intentions”.

What’s so embarrassing is that, when I was in a relationship with a man like this, I was TRULY PROUD of our “good communication” as a couple. Spoiler: it was not “good communication” it was just him lying to and manipulating me while maintaining his position as “the mature one” who forced me to “talk things out” instead of “being petty and expecting a mind reader”. Example: he does something OBVIOUSLY disrespectful, like sending me a picture with another girl sitting on his lap, or telling me that he and some other girl would “look so good together”. I, for obvious reasons, begin withdrawing from him and acting cold. He calls me, acting “confused” and asks what he did, as if he doesn’t already know. I buy the narrative that men are naturally socially inept and can’t figure out how someone else might have been affected by their actions. I clearly and concisely explain what he did and how it made me feel. He gives some “explanation” of his “point of view” that makes me feel at ease. “It’s okay that he hurt me - at least he didn’t mean it! He’s just a little stupid, that’s all!! He didn’t realize that actively getting a girl to sit on his lap, taking a PICTURE of it, and then SENDING IT TO ME, would hurt me. There’s no way he sent it ON PURPOSE to make me jealous, he just meant to show me how much fun he was having while making new friends on vacation!!” Sounds stupid, I know. But as a trusting and empathetic woman, who has no reason to believe that the man who supposedly loves her is lying, and who doesn’t WANT to believe that he’s lying, his explanation is a relief to me. I walk away, feeling okay about what he did, feeling bad for “being insecure” and “overreacting”, and feeling amazed at how “mature” he is, and how good he is at communication.

These types of men are dangerous because they really heavily emulate HVM, while actually being nothing like them. They make themselves appear straight-forward, honest, confident, and intelligent, when it’s really all a front to make you feel inferior to them. Some even pay for dates and “invest” in you - not because they want to provide for you, but because they want you to feel indebted to then. They LOVE acting like everything they ever do wrong is an “accident” and they “didn’t know” it would hurt you. They make you feel crazy, immature, stupid, and annoying. They’re very difficult to break up with because, every time you mention an issue that you have with the relationship, they talk you out of it and convince you that you’re being irrational. Once you finally manage to get out of the relationship, they make you feel guilty for “always making them feel like there was something wrong with them” while they “tried so hard to make the relationship work”. You will be saddled for the rest of your life with this intense guilt for having been so “difficult” during your relationship, only to break up with him in the end. This guilt is even worse if you let them pay for things, take care of you, cook for you, wait for sex, etc. But, again, they never did those things to provide for you, just to make you feel like it would be bitchy and gold-diggery to leave.

Don’t get me wrong, there IS such a thing as healthy communication, and it’s very important to a relationship. But a misunderstanding is something like buying the wrong type of toilet paper, not something like accidentally slipping your dick into another girl. If your man is constantly acting confused and seems to lack any ability to understand your feelings without clear explanation, BEWARE. If he often makes you feel insecure/crazy/jealous for things that would make almost any girl upset, BEWARE. If he ever tries to convince you that he’s a better partner than you or doing more for the relationship, BEWARE. HVM communicate through actions, LVM communicate through words. Any man who makes you upset through his actions, then happy through his words deserves to be looked at with extreme scrutiny and suspicion.

The key to avoiding manipulation by these men is a deep and unapologetic sense of self confidence. If you are truly confident in yourself, no one will EVER be able to convince you that you are inferior. You will understand what you deserve from a man and you will not feel guilty for taking it. You will cut off a man at the first glimpse of unacceptable behavior - without even giving him a chance to explain himself - because you will trust your instincts much more than his empty words. You will understand that you don’t NEED a man, so you will not feel obligated to keep one around if he’s making you upset.

Girls, if you’re currently with one of these men, run away and don’t look back. Focus on leveling up and don’t re-enter the dating pool until your confidence is so unshakeable that the “mature communicator” will never be able to trick you again. You don’t and will NEVER need him. Good luck <3