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BlueJeanMistress
[–]AocwannabeFDS Newbie 132 points133 points134 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Respect is my love language.
[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 57 points58 points59 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Respect, kindness, integrity, generosity.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 115 points116 points117 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I know it's hard. If you are a former codependent and Adult Child of A/ N, it will be hell for you. You have an interesting pattern of coding familiarity over what's healthy.
Go treat yourself. Go heal yourself. Work on yourself. You will be alone for a while, users/"friends" will ditch you because you develop boundaries, you'll go through gaslighting from family and acquaintances that used to benefit from your codependency and your lack of boundaries, you will piss many people off. They'll guilt trip you. You will second guess yourself a lot, and doubt yourself. All this, until one day you will say 'no more'.
Being healthy is a conscious decision. Respecting yourself is a conscious decision. Self accountability is hard when all your life you've been "the help" and "the supporting character".
[–]sadgirljiThrowaway Account 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for sharing this, seriously. I started healing when I moved out but kept getting into self destructive cycles because of familial obligations and being raised by narcissistic parents. I’m reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents right now and it is putting so much into perspective.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A big hug from a fellow ACON as well. It is possible and scary AF but change does come. It's better you face it than run back into the toxic patterns.
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m in this now (nearly done, it’s been about five years), and it’s just so, SO GOOD.
Work on yourself, identify yourself own values and priorities, develop boundaries, enforce boundaries, reach bliss. I’m serious.
[–]basicbagelsFDS Newbie 40 points41 points42 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen. Healing starts from within, always ❤️
[–]AocwannabeFDS Newbie 43 points44 points45 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Relationships are healing but they are not therapy!
[–]I_know_right_AS_IFFDS Newbie 79 points80 points81 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My ex was severely codependant. No matter what I did, how much time I spent with him, it was never enough. I think I'm a great partner, thoughtful, loving, caring, and giving. I did the little things for him and the big things too! But because I wasn't around him 24/7, or was his therapist when he was dEpResSeD, and he wasn't my #1 priority (I'm a parent, I'm not even my own top priority most of the time!), he told me I didn't put enough effort into the relationship.
He really sucked the life out of me, and it still wasn't enough for him. It was awful, always feeling like I couldn't reach those goal posts. Breaking up with him was such a great decision; I feel like I can breathe now.
The day after we broke up, he told me he knew his codependancy fucked up our relationship and he was going to get help. I checked his reddit account a week later and he had posted in a sex sub about his new partner 🙄 absolutely shocking! /s
[–]kinkardineFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it is more of borderline personality disorder
[–]_laufaesonFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
STBXH and I were both codependent on each other. He’s walking straight back into that trap (with a 20something, no less), but I’m withholding my “I told you so.” Meanwhile, I’m keeping myself single and happy. Edit: we’re both in our mid 30’s
[–]FirePreferred_theOGFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the more you give to others that are unwilling to give back to you the less you have for yourself and to give to those who will value you. HURTING YOURSELF DOES NOT HELP PEOPLE. read that again.
Love you all!
[–]XxShykatxXFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I highly recommend the book: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It's a lifesaver and game changer. She puts the concepts so beautifully and easily to understand.
[–]blackmetalbettyFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay Google, play Save Yourself by Stabbing Westward.
[–]randomgirl34861FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Faith has helped me with this concept a lot. God didn’t send me to the Earth to heal people and love them regardless of their sins, that’s Jesus’s job 😇
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice[S] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen!
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[–]AocwannabeFDS Newbie 132 points133 points134 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple 57 points58 points59 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 115 points116 points117 points
(5 children) | Copy Link
[–]sadgirljiThrowaway Account 15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PinkBlair99FDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]basicbagelsFDS Newbie 40 points41 points42 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AocwannabeFDS Newbie 43 points44 points45 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]I_know_right_AS_IFFDS Newbie 79 points80 points81 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]kinkardineFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_laufaesonFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FirePreferred_theOGFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]XxShykatxXFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]blackmetalbettyFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]randomgirl34861FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link