I'm a 19-year-old guy and my dad just beat me repeatedly in the face. As I'm not underage and not a girl, can I even go to the police with this?

FFXIV_Machinist · 2015-12-11T17:45:27+00:00

I'm a bit biased on this one as i grew up with an abusive father so sorry if i sound blunt:

sorry but any father willing to beat his son for being gay isnt worth keeping around in your life IMO.

you are 19 now, and capable of walking on your own too feet.

you have two choices here

Walk away.
- you will trip, you will stumble and you will likely fall (a lot).
- you have the choice to walk out of his life and never come back.
- it will be hard to do, probably the hardest thing you will ever do.
- you will ultimately grow into something far greater than you ever could with an abusive bigot in your life.
Try to mend with your father
- only do this if your father is not a true abuser. some times the gay card can come as a massive shock to older generations and he may have panicked and lashed out. if this is the case, you may want to patch things up with him. but if hes a frequent abuser- do not try making ammends- it will only end badly for you.
- IF HE IS AN ABUSER - THERE IS NO FIXING HIM- DO NOT TRY. it is on him to fix himself- not you. you are the child- he is the adult. its on him to get better.
- it will be hard- and you might fail, and still end up in the walking away route.
- a bonus however is that if it works, you get to keep your dad in your life, and you will hopefully grow closer for it.

i personally walked away at 16. life was hard for a very long time, but i know that i'm now a stronger person that can survive just about anything as a result, and i know that i am a complete and whole person emotionally, and wont transpose my fathers personality onto myself and children.

mattreyu · 2015-12-11T12:05:54+00:00

Of course you can, that shit is assault

Niketi · 2015-12-11T12:09:41+00:00

Yes, it's assault and battery. If you call the cops he will be arrested.

BlueCollarAristocrat · 2015-12-11T12:46:27+00:00

When you boil it down, what do you want to happen here?

If you want your Dad to change his mind about approving of your homosexuality, I doubt that is going to happen.

Do you have another place to live?

Because if you have him arrested for simple assault, you can almost guarantee that you'll need to find another place to live after he gets released on ROR or a $200-$500 10% bail bond.

If he allows you to stay there after you have him arrested, you'll need to deal with each other while he deals with his legal issues.

Also, another consideration is the money he would need to pay for bail, lawyer, court costs, plus his sentence, whatever that may be (or he may fight the charges).

Also, could it affect his income and ability to pay rent or the mortgage, which might leave you both homeless?

What do you want to happen here?

You need to do what's best for you, but the outcome might not be what you wish for. Just know that.

If it were me and I had no money nor another place to live, I would not have him arrested and I would attempt to repair the relationship if for no other reason that to give myself a buffer of time to save money to get out on my own.

That said, perhaps over time he can adjust to your lifestyle. It's happened before.

Best of luck.

wazzup987 · 2015-12-11T14:36:18+00:00

/r/legaladvice would be a better sub

Wargame4life · 2015-12-11T12:27:19+00:00

i think technically you can get him for a hate crime also

aesopstortoise · 2015-12-11T11:28:39+00:00

From what you say he committed a crime. He has no right to dictate what your sexual and relationship choices should be, and no right to assault you. It's your choice about reporting it to the police, but if you do they should take it seriously and treat you with respect. Good luck.

jfcyric · 2015-12-11T16:16:25+00:00

in my book you have 3 choices

1- call the cops, that is assault & battery 2- pack your shit and leave 3- beat IS as up (add your SO for extra shame, because he will never tell he got is ass beaten by is son and a "fag")

you are up against a wall and your dad is not about to "forgive" you.

hang in there man

2015-12-11T14:14:21+00:00

It may not be child abuse it that's what you're asking.

But you still have both criminal and civil remedies. That's assault, and you can press charges. If you're in the US, you can also get a Civil Order of Protection.

Depending on your state, there may be special courts set up to handle incidences of domestic violence (this incident may fall within their jurisdiction, depending on the state).

2015-12-11T14:51:04+00:00

Would you let a random stranger beat you up?

No?

Then it's not OK for a family member to beat you up.

His alleged reasons for beating you up are unimportant. He had a disagreement with you, and thought that the best way to deal with it would be to attack you. That's assault. And a shitty attitude.

2015-12-11T17:01:40+00:00

It may not be a bad idea to report and not press charges. You need to at least have a record of what happened, even if that means your own private record.

2015-12-11T17:10:11+00:00

If you're curious why, I finally admitted to him I've been dating a guy and he got really angry.

So another adult beats your ass because you're gay.... That shit's a hate crime brotha...

Can I go to the police with this? I live in a very traditional town and I feel like they would just laugh at me for being a pussy. Can anything be done?

Yes, and it's been 5 hours too long since anything has been done it sounds like. Dude... you're staying at a friends house. Man the fuck up, get in your car, and spend the time making the report.

Or don't, and let this be a new paradigm in your life of not standing up for yourself.

heimdahl81 · 2015-12-11T18:40:09+00:00

Just remember that most people couldn't care less what your sexual preference is, so this 100% not your fault. I suspect your father is religious and was using the beating to "put you on the straight and narrow".

DO NOT attempt to mend your relationship with him. Cut him from your life completely, there is no salvaging it.

His anger at your life choice will fester and grow to the point where he could potentially escalate it further and end up killing you or someone you care about.

You have a duty to report him to the police, for your own safety, and make certain you get a restraining order against him.

You do not have to take it all the way to a criminal trial, but at a bare minimum, you need to make certain you lay a formal complaint at the police station and get a restraining order against him.

The police may be able to help you find a safe place to stay or you should check with your friends if they can help. Whatever you do, do not stay with your father, and stay clear of him, unless you want to end up in a body bag.

2015-12-11T20:13:10+00:00

/u/moonsprite, we actually have no idea where to advise you to go because we don't know where you live or what resources are open there.

Try to find an organization (again, we don't know where to send you, not enough info) that uses rapid rehousing model rather than a centralized shelter.

The shelter system, as we've bemoaned before, is all about women women women women women. But rapid rehousing is a different animal.

Grab your ID, your important carryable stuff and call some places. Try the gay hotlines in your area first, the GSM people are far more likely to be able to offer you help under the rapid rehousing model.

ThePigmanAgain · 2015-12-11T22:17:32+00:00

Charge your cunt of a father with assault, and do it now while you still have wounds to show the cops.

wisty · 2015-12-11T22:41:13+00:00

Yes, that's assault. Or you an apply for an AVO instead. I know nothing about you or your father, so I don't know whether you can patch things up, or what the best way to do so is. Leaving, and patching things up in a controlled way (long distance communication, and meeting in public places) is probably safest for everyone.

I live in a very traditional town and I feel like they would just laugh at me for being a pussy

Fuck 'em. Anyone who thinks like that is a coward.

Someone who can settle things with their fists is well aware that there's times when you shouldn't - the people who always want to see a fight are the people who will never join in themselves (unless there's no real risk).

If you fight back (other than covering up, and getting away), you're raising the danger level. An angry fight like that can end up with someone getting severely injured or killed. Those are the fights you never want to have.

cymrich · 2015-12-11T23:29:20+00:00

short answer is Yes you definitely can go to the police... after all the perp is male.

Honestly it sounds like you need to do just that as well, and I personally hope you do.

However if you have spent any time in this sub then you know you can't unring that bell once its been rung. So... make sure you are ready for that... it will have a lifelong impact on you and him.

dannyigl · 2015-12-12T00:48:37+00:00

Yes!!! and I recommend you do go to the police.

czerdec · 2015-12-12T01:21:45+00:00

It's a criminal assault, and also maybe a hate crime if those exist where you live. Cops will do what they feel like, you can't force them to file criminal charges. You may be able to sue your father in civil court.

EvilPundit · 2015-12-11T11:33:16+00:00

Try r/raisedbynarcissists for support.

theskepticalidealist · 2015-12-11T17:11:18+00:00

Can I go to the police with this? I live in a very traditional town and I feel like they would just laugh at me for being a pussy.

... Is this a troll? Of course you can. The only question relevant here would be if it was a woman that hit you.

Not only is it assault, it's also domestic violence since you live with him. Though I certainly wouldn't continue to live with him.

ashlaaaaay · 2015-12-11T14:56:36+00:00

yes, but you'd probably want to figure out alternative living arrangements first!

galtthedestroyer · 2015-12-11T15:24:40+00:00

Of course it can. You're an adult and so is your father. He assaulted you. Get the police to take photos of your face and his knuckles before the wounds heal.

TheDude41 · 2015-12-11T15:40:37+00:00

Of course you can go to the police.

Lanoir97 · 2015-12-11T17:04:07+00:00

Honestly, going to the police probably won't help that much. If he makes bail he'll be out quick. You're probably going to be thrown out if he does this. As far as I know, there's no programs in place to help teenage guys who are victims of domestic violence. If you're in college get a dorm. It'll buy you a place to stay long enough to get a longer term solution.

sillymod · 2015-12-11T17:15:15+00:00

Male-on-male violence has always been handled by the police. Obviously you can go to the police and file assault and battery charges.

Blutarg · 2015-12-11T19:10:17+00:00

Well, I would if I were you. Whatever you do, good luck.

2015-12-11T20:46:36+00:00

try checking out /r/lgbthavens they might help if needed.

KazOondo · 2015-12-11T21:25:08+00:00

Worth a try.

clybourn · 2015-12-12T02:30:03+00:00

This is domestic violence and they will not laugh at you. Make the call if you wish. Good luck.

Lethn · 2015-12-11T11:28:35+00:00

Go to the Police if it is true. But if you are 19 you should probably move out and take responsibility. You are not a child! Beating someone up is a criminal act and needs to be reported.

morerokk · 2015-12-11T14:35:58+00:00

Don't worry, that's assault. You can and should go to the police over this.

newharddrive · 2015-12-11T15:04:48+00:00

Yes, you can but do you want to?

Police can fuck up your dad's life, and the lives of anyone who depends on him financially etc. Is this what you want?

I think it might be better for you to move out on your own. Find a job and a place to live. I recommend that you buy an old Ford F-150 or Toyota truck with a camper top and put a mattress in the back and live in it. Or you can live with your bf if you think it would work out.

The point is that you are an adult so you should get a job and support yourself.

SirGuileSir · 2015-12-11T21:48:17+00:00

You don't need that shit in your life. I'd advise you to leave, and that's all I'd advise. But, I would give that bastard a dose of his own medicine first. I'd grab a decent shillelagh, and wait for that bastard to turn his back ONCE. Cold cock him, then beat the piss out of him, and THEN call the cops.

Bye Daddy!

2015-12-11T16:20:51+00:00

Since the perp is a man, you can go to the police and they may act.

troubledtimez · 2015-12-11T12:03:48+00:00

How about the next time he puts his hands on you...knock him out.

Arby01 · 2015-12-11T18:33:25+00:00

Well, this post sounds like a troll attempt.

If it isn't,

Yeah, go to the cops, that shit is illegal. And, you have a ton of support in other posts.

raedeon · 2015-12-11T19:13:34+00:00

Yet a few hours later...

Omggg hahah. Like people are killing me over that mistake and downvoting everything I've ever posted like I can't 😂

Troll

192873982 · 2015-12-11T16:11:12+00:00

Yes you can, but do you really want to?

Your father comes from a situation where homosexuality is seen as despicable. Imagine you had a son and he told you he's having sex with animals (or any other thing you would see as despicable). What would you do? It's likely for many to get violent in these situations, even thou violence doesn't solve a thing.

So you should try to understand him to some degree, then ask yourself what you want from your father, and then chose the best option to get to that point.

Do you want revenche, and you don't care about your father? Charge him.

Do you want your father to accept your sexuality? Tell him.

Do you want your father to accept you? Talk to him. Tell him that he doesn't have to accept your sexuality, but you want him to accept the rest of you, since you are not just your sexuality.

There are probably other options that don't come to my mind.

Also note that your father probably wants grand children some day, and therefore he will be deeply disappointed, especially if you are an only-child.

WhyIsKarma · 2015-12-12T01:00:00+00:00

No your a guy with no rights go beat up a woman and go too jail cuz you cant do nothing.

I'm a 19-year-old guy and my dad just beat me repeatedly in the face. As I'm not underage and not a girl, can I even go to the police with this?

Comments

sorry but any father willing to beat his son for being gay isnt worth keeping around in your life IMO.

Who gives a shit what the abusive parent is "feeling" in this situation! They beat up their own child for being gay for fucks sake!