(28M) I’ve had the worst possible relationship with my spouse (28F).. surprisingly, right before we both initiated the divorce process, we found out that she was pregnant. I want my child to grow up in a happy home with both parents, but I do not see a future with this woman. Please help

Eve-3 · 2022-05-12T07:40:08+00:00

Divorce now. You want kiddo to have a happy home with two loving parents then go make one, with someone you don't hate. It's not possible with this one so don't waste more time and effort trying.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-05-12T12:30:56+00:00

Get a paternity test. If i had a penny for every 'my wife would never do that' on this site, i'd be a rich MF. As a child of divorce, i was fine with my parents decision. It was their sh$$$y choice in subsequent partners (and half/step siblings) that negatively impacted me. Good luck bro.

tacticalslacker · 2022-05-12T09:25:38+00:00

You certain it’s yours? 🤷🏼‍♂️

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2022-05-12T12:21:46+00:00

First things first.

Do a paternity test. You can do a blood one when she's pregnant.

Do not get your name on the birth certificate without a paternity test.

mfolivas · 2022-05-12T14:37:21+00:00

First of all, I am so sorry about this bro. Few things:

It's better to come out from a broken home than being in one
Paternity test!!!
Just because you and your wife didn't get along, that doesn't mean that you guys can be great parents
Go through the divorce and get a hold of your resentments and more important get with other men that has gone through something like this
It's better to come out of a broken home than to be in onemore important get with other men that have gone through something like this each day executing it

Gxl4 · 2022-05-12T05:50:28+00:00

I hate to bring it to you, but this will not work.

People that “StAY tOgEThEr” for the kids are delusional, (in case the desire is gone between the partners, it’s over) And that is, because the whole feeling and setting within the household will be stone cold, and that is probably even worse, than when you were separated.

What are you (as in the two of you) going to teach your kid, that you “dont love mommy, and cant touch her, nor be masculine around her, and she doesnt love you and will not be nice/feminine around you but you still stay together because.. ah yeah.. you?”

Or are you going full retard, and do what some of my old buddies are doing, get two more kids and when they are 55 years old, drink it all away because this life sucks?

Kids pick up on this energy. Staying together for years will only make you resent each other more.

So yes, i would get out, this is no healthy setting for you nor the kid.

And try to get minimum of 50/50 custody. She works part time so she wont be able to pay for the kid anyway. You’ll need to pay her, or get full custody. I would opt for full custody if possible, it will be hard but worth it i guess.

Anyway, i hope this helps, you do you! All the best

Edit; also get a DNA test. Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.

Condor-man3000 · 2022-05-12T15:07:31+00:00

If you were having problems before, with kids they will amplify. You may distract yourself for a while raising the kid, but the kid won't bring you closer. It's not the divorce that impacts kids negatively, it's the conflict. Do it now, but I would plan on not moving out right away and supporting your wife through the first year. Joint custody of a baby doesn't seem realistic in the first year...not sure how that typically works.

ElectricalRelief1858 · 2022-05-13T02:13:41+00:00

For TX You cant file/ finalize until kiddo is here

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-13T10:36:37+00:00

Dipping out while she's pregnant isn't a good look. But the bullet, bite your tongue, get the kid out, get tested and then work on it. You do not want this negativity with the kid in utero.

whatskeeping · 2022-05-12T12:38:36+00:00

Looks like your going to have to stay friends. Coparenting is a challenge don't make things worse than they are by doing or saying something you'll regret. Trust that God has a plan and the child could be the most important person in your life. It'll be ok man, good luck.

Gattsama · 2022-05-13T04:41:25+00:00

Sorry man, wishing you the best. That's a horrible situation to be in.

Non-paternity makes up 15-20% of births in the USA. Even with proof that the child is not yours, you still can be on the hook for CS. So get tested when able. Kids are not as fragile or stupid as people think. What staying together really does is demonstrate dysfunction to the children. Mom and Dad are not happy, maybe even hate each other... that does NOT make for well adjusted children.

Lots of couples that hate each other can make great co-parents. Because now the focus is on the child, instead of each other (eg CK Lewis). My parents divorced when I was in middle school and neither of them EVERY spoke a negative word (that they thought we could hear ^_⁾ about each other. They were great co-parents, but just a mess as a married couple.

If you feel you can't make it work, then having a child is only going to increase your issues. Good luck and stay safe

Bipolar_investor · 2022-05-12T07:17:50+00:00

Time to bring verses from the Quran (2:216) :

"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you."

Edit : do with it what you will 🤝

TheNoncaringMurse · 2022-05-12T14:11:55+00:00

sounds like you are screwed.

UnleadedGasoline0 · 2022-05-12T13:52:08+00:00

Sometimes I wonder if my dad wasn't really my dad biologically, and even he didn't know.. 90% sure I was born out of wedlock (seem to recall seeing a marriage cert for my parents that came after my birthday, but I'd have to see it again to be sure..)

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2022-05-12T18:24:39+00:00

I'd encourage you to audition/consult 3 therapists and 3 attorneys and pick one of each to work with.

Also paternity test. Maybe you'll hit the lottery.

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