Several of you expressed interest in what I can offer. If this doesn't help or rubs you wrong, just disregard it.

-= Some mental health advice =-

First and foremost. You aren't alone. It sure as hell felt like it when I was starting out. Most of the time, mutual friends and aquaitences go with the wife. Women do a better job than us in maintaining relationships. Likely you quit hanging with the boys as much after marriage and kids. Most do. She may tell tall tales to your friends and aquaitences. Anyone who believes it, my advice is cut them loose. You got enough going on. If they believe lies, let them.

Make new friends. Get out when you can. Not drinking or picking up more women. Start a hobby or lean into the one you have. This will help your mental health. You will want something for when she has the kids if you have them. That silent home is so fucking loud man. Once you are used to kids, not having them is a stark change.

Excersisze. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks. Could all be in your future. Your whole life it being up ended and that is not a joke on your mental health. Your finances, custody of kids, your entire future is a big question mark. Excersisze is one of the best things you can do for mental health. Lift weight or do body weight excersisze. But do something. It will help with stress, t levels, mental health and your sexual market place value. Do it for you, not women. Sounds cliche, but I am telling you you need an outlet for what's coming. Pump that anger into something positive.

I hope yours goes better than mine. Expect surprises in court. Expect the court to bend over backwards for her. Expect to come out of court devastated. You need outlets.

Hard truths

This is not the case of the century. No one cares. The judge doesn't care about your texts, the lawyers will take your money, but they don't care. You are just another in a long line. Everyone has seen worse than your situation. My ex smoked weed with my daughters at 12 and 13. The policed didn't give a shit, the court barely told her don't do that. I feel your pain. But before you get worked up thinking you have her. Brace yourself and set your expectations low. Document bad shit sure, but temper your expectations and put the emotional energy to something positive. Like your kids or new relationships.

Don't date. Not for a while. It can be used against you. If you were married for a while (I was married 16 years) you probably aren't who you were when you started with her. Figure out who the hell you are and what you want. You don't want to be a party animal fighting for kids, it don't work. Get friends, maybe entertain a one night stand. But a relationship will turn into a relationshit. Take out your garbage first. You really want to deal with a divorce and a new gf flipping out on you while it's your weekend with the kids?

You don't miss her. You got used to her being around. Your mind likes the familiar. When you feel like you miss her, that's your mind fucking with you. It crave the familiar. And the familiar is where progress goes to die. Get out of your comfort zone. You need to do the shit she used to do now. You might suck at it. That's ok. You haven't done it in years. Be patient with yourself.

Aside from losing a child and or losing a parent, this is one of the most stressful events in life. You aren't alone. Hell you are in good company. You are in a battle to keep your sanity and if you have them, relationship with your kids. Followed by financial security.

I failed at this. Do not let the kids hear you bad mouth their mom. They do not care what she did. That's their mom. There is a biological need to love her. You hurt them when they hear this. When it's fresh and people who care about you are around shit gets said. Be mindful of it. Master defending yourself without bad mouthing her. My ex told the kids I didn't love them anymore, I had a new family. I didn't pay child support so she couldn't do this or that. None of it was true. I told them I would always love them. I couldn't help but love them. For cs, I just showed check stubs and refused to answer why she would say that. Refuse to get in the mud with her. It pays off in the teens. Also tell others not to speak I'll of her around the kids. If she does this ask your lawyer if you have a "parental alienation" claim.

Don't use the kids to get Intel on her. This will bite you in the ass. If they tell you stuff listen, but never ask. It will make them feel weird. Make your time with them about them. If she does this, it's likely not admissable in court and will make them prefer time with you. Don't fall into this tempting trap.

Use your phones calebdar. Never miss a important date for your kids. Plays, birthdays, playdates, field trips. Be the dad they can count on. Have a life, but be a good dad.

When I got divorced I got a subscription to parent magazine. Had great articles on things to do with kids on a tight budget. Money might get tight. Let me tell you something, when you look back at your childhood what do you remember most? Toys, or the times your parent got on the floor and played with you? You don't need money to give your kids a good time and a great memory.

No porn on shared devices. No porn on a device kids use. This can bite you in the ass. No judgement here. You don't want to be in court explaining this. Before you hand your kid your phone to play a game, did she send you nudes? Are there porn tabs open? In history? Are you sure? Want to bet your custody on that?

Kids will manipulate you. Tell you awful things about mom to gain favor or permission. They will play you off her and vise versa. Yes your kid. Think back to your pre teens and teens and how selfish you were. Take it all with a grain of salt.

-= Ok, hardest shit =-

Carrying around hate, anger, depression, and guilt helps no one. Forgive her, forgive yourself. You may struggle with this. But you won't fully move on till you do. You don't need to love her again. Just set the anger, hate and spite down. It will hold you back. Fuck her, this is about you. You hurt her none carrying that. Obsessing on that. Set it down. Know no one is innocent. Maybe it's 60/40, 80/20, hell 99/1. But both have some fault. I went out and found my mother in a wife. Cold, abusive, hateful. That's on me. Sure she was a shitty person, but I brought her into my life. We both cheated, her way more than me. But, no one was innocent. The moment I forgave her in my own head, I started moving on. I get it man, she didn't make it easy to forgive let me tell you. You do this for yourself. You do this to stop the pain and anger.

Ok, that's it for now. Again if you find this worthless, no problem. You guys are under an unreal amount of stress. I mean to be helpful. I will make more posts. Next will be financial. This was mostly kids and mental health.