23m married at 19 before after my first deployment (boot). Things were never quite right, a lot of fighting and emotional abuse and manipulation. Neither of us were perfect, but I spent the last 2 1/2 years in therapy trying to be a better husband. Several months ago she dropped that she isn’t sure she wants to be married anymore, and i moved in the adjacent room. She left me hanging for about a month until she decided she wanted to work things out. I told her we have to go to couples counseling in this case, and that she needs to see a therapist. She has promised me for 3 years that she will go talk to someone, and never did it. I was hurt, and feeling pretty rejected, so I was down. It took 3 days for her to say I’m not like I used to be and I’m too sad all the time and I shouldn’t have agreed to work it out if I wasn’t going to be happy about it. She threw my shit back out of the room and said it’s over. That was almost a month ago. Since then we have had talks on filing and selling the house, but yesterday I sat her down to tell her I’ve got the paperwork and I’m filing next week on my day off, and that I have a buyer for the house and that she needs to prepare. Mind you she’s already been moving money to a personal account, and we have had several conversations about this (selling the house, who gets what dogs, etc). She reacted saying she had no idea that this was going to happen and that she doesn’t want a divorce. She’s begging me to just give her more time, and that she will go to therapy and couples counseling with me.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why she wouldn’t work on this marriage with me. And now that I’m leaving she says she will do it, and I don’t know how to feel about that. I still want to leave, but I feel guilty for not trying one more time.