30 m. Married 3 years.

I am constantly on edge. I constantly feel like I have to be responsible for her feelings. We both work full time, I am responsible for paying bills, most house chores, dog care, grocery shopping, dinners, and making sure she eats. And somehow every problem she has is because of me in some way or another. Or at least it feels that way.

While I love her, I am exhausted. Burnt out. Every time I need to have a conversation that's about bills, chores, or anything mildly inconvenient, she wants to do it later. Later never comes,and I have to make the decision myself.

We've also been trying for kids, and I feel guilty about that. I want to be a dad, she wants to be a mom, but honestly I don't know what kind of parent she'll be. If she can't take care of herself, how will she take care of a child? How much of that will fall to me?

But then I feel guilty about what happens if I do leave. She relies on me for everything, including making sure she's fed. Her life would legitimately suck if I left. But that's not a good enough reason, right?

I just feel a lot of guilt. And a lot of anxiety. I know I'll be fine, but it would suck. We haven't tried counseling, because we just moved across the country to a rural town and there are no counselors within a hour and a half of us. Virtually is not an option for her. I also worry that I'll regret even bring up counseling. She has very black and white thinking, and I worry she'll make life miserable.

When things are good they're fine. But thingd can go bad for any reason at any time, and there's no fixing it for a day or two. Today it was because she woke up late and didn't have time to shower. So she was throwing shit around, slamming doors, and then... Just gone. Leaving me to sit here wondering what the heck I could have done to stop it. But there's nothing I could have done, because I didn't do anything wrong.

I'm just frustrated. At what point is it enough? When will I feel like I've done everything I could? How can I be the one to end it? I feel like I need a reason. A solid reason. Just backing out of the marriage because I'm not happy feels like a shit reason. Because I am happy sometimes. But is that enough?

I don't know how to change this, if it even is changeable. I'm not sure what I'm actually even looking for with this post. I think mainly support? Advice? Personal anecdotes? Thanks