Divorce or counseling

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2022-08-22T19:05:12+00:00

I dealt with an alcoholic ex. We had other issues, but her drinking made everything worse. Unless she's at the point that she realizes she has a problem, there's nothing you can do about it. In that case, it's best to protect yourself, your child, and file for divorce.

Having the side house is great. You're still there for your son every day, still in the house, but separated from her. Suggest getting a lock on the door to which she doesn't have a key. Security camera would also be wise. Watch out for false DV or SA claims. Don't ever be around her when she's drunk, and definitely don't have sex with her. Once she's knows you're serious, she's likely to try to make false claims.

Don't be swayed by the tears. They'll end soon enough and be replaced by anger.

borneoknives · 2022-08-22T20:07:13+00:00

your marriage is already over bro.
She chose booze, you get to choose life.
Your son will be OK.

pk2at · 2022-08-22T19:24:48+00:00

File and divorce amicably, you can always cohabit post divorce

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-22T18:48:41+00:00

Counseling is a WOMBAT: Waste of money, brains and time. Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance, and that results in resentment by both parties.

> She has been crying non stop. It breaks my heart.

Every time a woman cries, it's manipulation. Turn up your Dont Give a Fuck meter accordingly.

> I worry so much about my son.

Kids are more resilient than you give them credit for. My oldest was 11 when I divorced my wife; he's 16 now and doing great. It's better he see you not tolerate an abusive relationship than it is to continue in one, which just normalizes her behavior as acceptable to him.

> I’ve been living on and off in the side house

Stop that. Live in the same house, just in a separate room as your wife. Many men, myself included, have lived in the marital residence with their wife during the divorce process. It's how you remain in the day to day of S11. Be sure to protect yourself from false DV claims. Here's how: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=80375

Fyfel · 2022-08-22T22:22:33+00:00

If her drinking is that bad you AND your son should move out. Don’t move out by yourself and leave him to handle and care for his mother by himself you will only be hurting your relationship with him.

Have you considered having an intervention with her friends and family to discuss her addiction?

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-08-22T22:45:58+00:00

Therapy is a waste of time and money. Couples who do therapy actually have a higher divorce rate.

End it.

BosPatriot71 · 2022-08-22T23:17:05+00:00

I’m you 12 years from now. Wife had multiple DUIs, cars totaled, loss of license. Sober then not again. Three years of marriage counseling just prolonged the inevitable. I’ll be filing soon. Save yourself a lot of resources (money, time, peace) and end it. But pls fight for custody. She’s unfit to be a mother at this time.

HorrorAd1946 · 2022-08-22T23:33:19+00:00

I can say the decision you have made has two heads, one that could lead her to stop and get help, the other to the conclusion you are now on. I never recommend divorce as the first choice. I went through similar situation, I stopped drinking and she could not. It then just turned ugly from that point on. I refused to leave my bed or my home and figured if she was that unhappy she could sleep in one of the three guest rooms, which she did upto her moving out. Your son as many have pointed out, will recover, however it is always wise to try to seek some counseling for him to help him cope and understand more fully. If divorce is ultimately the case, do as it has been suggested, protect your interests as best you can and the first being your son. Everything else can be replaced in time. I wish you God's grace my friend, divorce always leaves scares.

kathylikey · 2022-08-23T02:30:04+00:00

Have you checked out r/Alanon?

DBFool2019 · 2022-08-23T11:41:21+00:00

She asked me to move back up and I said not till the drinking stops. Then she was like “guess it’s over” and I agreed.

I don't know how you come back from this.

Classic_Dill · 2022-08-23T14:18:19+00:00

Erasure of intimacy tells me a lot, shes not into you and may even have someone else (just a theory), she could go to therapy or seek out AA in your area and hasn't? so why feel bad ? the lack of sex for years bothers me more then the drinking, it shows she gave up on your relationship long ago, unless she has a medical excuse? time to move on my friend.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-08-25T15:31:38+00:00

Rip the band-aid off. It's not getting better until she hits rock bottom. As in, you get full custody and she gets jack frickin squat because of her problem-level drinking. Document the crap out of the drinking. When that happens -- not just the prospect of that happening, but it actually happening -- then maybe, just maybe she'll see how she has destroyed her life and make the changes to stop destroying it. (And I'm not saying take her back after she possibly changes!)

Title	Divorce or counseling
Author	majorchange171
Upvotes	13
Comments	30
Date	August 22, 2022 6:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wv1kvk/divorce_or_counseling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-or-counseling.1209015 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209015

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