Does it ever get better or civil?

Coach_Teddy · 2024-02-17T16:57:30+00:00

It’s been going on like this for me since my kid was 2, she’s now nearly 9. Don’t ever expect your ex to prioritise you or show any form of appreciation, that’s not how the vast majority of ex wives are. The only thing you can do is do right by your kid, and never say anything bad about your ex to them. They will be your voice when they are old enough to understand. An ex will never to able to paint you a villain if you remain in the picture and keep fighting for your kids.

potatotornado44 · 2024-02-16T19:46:13+00:00

Stop responding.

If she wants CS then she can hire an attorney.

Not your problem.

SkeptiCynical · 2024-02-14T12:29:14+00:00

OK this is an actual case of real gaslighting. 3 year olds will not compose that string of thoughts without coaching. She's attempting to demoralize you so that you surrender your time with the kids, if she can make you believe they don't want to see you anyway. My ex did it, it was shockingly obvious when she wouldn't let the kids speak or facetime with me.

Don't even acknowledge the complaint about child support unless there's an agreement or a court order.

Make sure you stick to your parenting plan. It may take months or years for your ex to give up this act. For me, it took 10 years and an exhausting custody case to resume a normal relationship with my kids and take the fire out of my ex's angry tirades.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-02-13T15:40:02+00:00

It lasts as long as you give her attention.

You can't control her behavior. You can only control your reaction to her behavior. That's a core tenant of Stoicism. Embrace that, and whatever BS she says will just roll off.

No-Exit6560 · 2024-02-13T11:00:10+00:00

Google grayrock and practice that.

My ex can say anything she wants to me and she will not illicit any emotional response.

Anytime we’re around each other my phone is recording the interaction due to her threats to make false dv claims.

Frankly, outside of a medical emergency involving our son I don’t give a fuck about her.

Will I tolerate being around her for the sake of our son as far as school functions and what not go, sure. But outside of that she can get fucked; she’s attempted to portray me as satan incarnate but oddly enough at our last mediation it has a child psychologist involved that interviewed all of us and the psychologist straight up told her that our child should have equal time with each of us and she accused the psychologist of being biased in my favor.

Thrice divorced single mom of four, everyone else is the problem.

Thank god I’ve only got one kid with her.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-02-13T08:58:32+00:00

It probably won't ever be totally civil, but the frequency of flare ups should reduce over time - 8 months is not a long time! For us it took about 3 years to reach 90% civility.

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2024-02-13T04:41:42+00:00

The drama from my ex-wife decreased significantly when she got a boyfriend. Instead of being bitchy to me, she put all her energy and time into him.

I'd rather she be fucking somebody else and not be a bitch to me all the damn time, than constantly try and start fights with me over stupid shit.

47omek · 2024-02-12T23:48:08+00:00

My ex is perfectly nice and cordial - when she wants something from me. Otherwise she's the same miserable, disrespectful asshole she's always been.

DCnative2020 · 2024-02-12T22:10:19+00:00

are you divorced or just separated? if divorced you should have a custody agreement. If it says no CS then remind her of that fact.

as for the texts just ignore her. my ex did the same shit when we first got separated. Saying hurtful crap like the kids really don't want to go with you (among way other hurtful stuff).

just ignore. she is looking for you to get upset and respond back. She will eventually pull back her texting. Focus on the kid(s).

It depends on what the circumstances of divorce were how long it lasts. If you cheated on her she may never let it go and constantly be angry at you. From experience 1-2 years things get better BUT there will always be a storm every few months. It will only be perfect when the youngest hits 18. Then you never have to deal with ex aside from the kid's college graduation, wedding, etc. I am looking forward to that only a few more years!

Psychological-Point8 · 2024-02-12T19:59:38+00:00

All you can do is you. She's shooting herself in the foot by those text and such. Could be used against her. Be smart about everything

Title	Does it ever get better or civil?
Author	Coffeguy649
Upvotes	13
Comments	14
Date	February 12, 2024 7:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ap8f33/does_it_ever_get_better_or_civil/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-it-ever-get-better-or-civil.1245233 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245233

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