Dudes can't stop thinking about her. Every other women is invisible.

oceansofhair · 2026-05-05T03:49:01+00:00

It's tough to get back out there again. Heal up. It's a process of time and personal commitment. Get therapy to help digest your feelings and thoughts. You really have to temper your expectations and take your time to reset your boundaries. There is no easy fix and you'll likely get burnt from emotions from your divorce still lingering underneath which is why they say TIME is needed. If you don't put in the work, you will find out the hard way.

soupsandwich00 · 2026-05-04T13:33:50+00:00

I've become very cynical and jaded now when it comes to marriage and relationships. Currently in therapy trying to work through this shit because this divorce fucked me in the head hardcore.

Ark161 · 2026-05-04T03:46:03+00:00

No clue man. Right now, i'll be honest with you, im kind of feeling done with the whole thing. Like, the level of trust I put into my XW required me to basically tell my gut to fuck off every day. Shit, it took me a long ass time to understand and accept the bullshit that my XW pulled. I was in a sexless marriage and I thought I was being the good husband for sticking it out ya know? Granted, im not saying it was 100% her fault because I absolutely played a part in the marriage falling apart, but in her own words, there wasnt a damn thing I could have done, at any point, to change the outcome. Now, she has a new boyfriend, and though I am happy for her, the thought of her getting railed by another guy almost made me throw up. I say all this to get to the point of, you deserve to be happy man. It isnt about loyalty anymore. You aren't being disloyal or betraying the thought of being faithful. Im only 2 years post divorce, but like you, this idea of staying loyal/honorable has kept me from testing the waters. I am working on myself now, trying to build back good habits and be the person I was before it all went to shit ya know? You wanna know what kind of put this into perspective? It is by far the most stupid shit you will ever hear.

So, XW and I, every summer would go get shaved ice the first time it hit 78 degrees. It was just, kind of a thing. Well, she asked for the divorce and left, then a little while after that, the first day it hit 78 degrees, I got REALLY depressed. like, round in the chamber depressed. Though a few days later, I realized I was depriving myself of something I enjoyed before I ever knew her. So I forced myself to go get shaved ice. It fucking sucked. I felt like I was cheating or betraying a promise I made to her, but after a while it just clicked. Yeah, she was no longer part of my life like that, but that doesnt mean I cant enjoy things ever again. I got to enjoy the things I enjoy with her, but she did not make the enjoyment; if that makes sense. I still struggle with it, but every day I feel like im a little bit closer to getting back in the water if just to have that companionship. Will probably never get married again, but I still want to have fun in life ya know?

Honestly, just take it slow, and put yourself out there. Go on some coffee dates and if things move along they move along. We both know you are going to hit some doozies and probably some batshit "holy-fuck, what the hell is this even?". You just have to roll with it and just keep your boundries. HOW-FUCKING-EVER...and I can not stress this enough...you gotta get yourself squared away in the head first; mostly at least. Otherwise, you are going to start chasing a rabbit down the hole and lose yourself all over again. I cant speak for you, but I put myself through hell trying to stay loyal to the idea of what I had while completely neglecting my own wants/needs. At some point, we have to decide how to move foward with our own happiness.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2026-05-04T02:38:25+00:00

It just takes time. Remind yourself that it takes time

XingTianMain · 2026-05-04T02:30:47+00:00

Well escorts are cheaper than therapy haha

KingJon85 · 2026-05-04T00:27:33+00:00

It's because you're not healed yet. Are you using porn? If so quit the porn. When you are getting it from a screen, why would you go look for the real thing?

My desire for other women was dead for awhile, but its slowly coming back. Trauma and depression can drain the libido for many men.

And last of all cut all contact with your ex, burn her pictures, blocked her on social media, and get your mind off her.

Virtual_Ad9235 · 2026-05-04T00:18:12+00:00

Best thing to do is to focus on your own self interests brother, the funny thing is by doing this you’ll start to attract women that align with your own interests and values.

ilikeburp · 2026-05-04T00:01:30+00:00

Why do people use woman and women wrong so often these days

Zenyquyen · 2026-05-03T22:00:24+00:00

there's been no accidental mistake here. Nothing. This woman you put on a pedestal wakes up every morning and makes the well-thought-out decision to discard and avoid you at all cost. She has more interest in what she's having for lunch tomorrow than your emotional condition. It's over , completely and totally over. It hurts but we're built for this , just like she's built for this , move forward now.

Bogusky · 2026-05-03T21:57:52+00:00

Not my ex, but my first FWB upon seperation is like this for me. She was toxic AF, but it doesn't change the fact that she was peak for me in so many ways. Time to focus on dude stuff for awhile.

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-05-03T21:43:44+00:00

You are comparing women to who you thought she was. You are comparing them to what you thought your future would be. I felt the same as you. Time helps a lot. Start looking at women not as sex. Start looking at very specific character traits. When you see a woman that you think you might be interested in do a full stop. Then pay attention to one or two character traits. What snapped me out of it was a single mom that loved her kids tremendously. Watching her parent became very attractive. My ex could not compare to those parenting skills. Find one or two traits that are better than your ex and focus on those. Eventually it will bear fruit and you will see the entire person.

It worked for me.

Everyone will fall short of the fake person that you thought you loved because they are not real. Just a made up person. Once you start seeing real women in a real light you will bounce back

whoopyboy69 · 2026-05-03T21:39:27+00:00

No clue brother. The fact that women can just leave a marriage really drills into my head that there’s no point in fucking with them. What made me stop thinking and caring about my ex to a certain extend was picturing her getting railed out by the next guy. Those types of images.

Title	Dudes can't stop thinking about her. Every other women is invisible.
Author	Ok_Industry3016
Upvotes	13
Comments	37
Date	May 3, 2026 9:33 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t2y9vv/dudes_cant_stop_thinking_about_her_every_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dudes-cant-stop-thinking-about-her-every-other.1579528 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579528

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