Dying “old and alone”?

Throwaway4120213 · 2021-11-14T19:40:29+00:00

There’s no guarantee that having a partner means you won’t die “old and alone” anyway.

My MIL and FIL were awful together - she was controlling and narcissistic and made him give up a lot of job opportunities and hobbies so he could be a “family man.” They had four kids so he stuck around. Guess what happened when he got old? MIL stuck him into a nursing home against his wishes. Kids were scatter overseas and in other States. He legit died alone - no one was there. Difference is he died alone AND wasted his entire life unhappy. I rather be free for the next 30yrs doing whatever makes me happy and die alone then being trapped in a controlling marriage to die alone anyway.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-11-15T00:07:50+00:00

If you're lonely when you're alone, then in you're in poor company. Do something about it. Happiness is sourced internally. You can't get it from someone else.

Bipolar_investor · 2021-11-14T17:26:18+00:00

Anxiety for the future will take away your present peace. Frame that and look at it every morning before leaving your home. You'll get where you need to be. Just chill and let go of any of your anxieties bro.

Robosnails · 2021-11-14T20:34:28+00:00

Everyone dies alone eventually.

Gattsama · 2021-11-15T07:26:44+00:00

I'm a physician, and have seen lots of people die. Spoilers, most people die alone. The TV / movie version of people around the bed side at the end, is rare. Most people die at home.

If you mean, growing old and having people or a wife you around you as you get 'near death' that is different. The goal there is to make really good friends and relations, hire people and/or move (eg senior living or retirement community).

Let me share a horrible story with you. Man was on his second marriage. As he became more disabled, bed bound and demented his new wife got control of the money. She bought new cars, took her family on trips, etc. He had saved and made ~$5mil, when he was placed in an Adult Family Home the savings were at ~$2.8mil.

He constantly called out asking where his wife was, she rarely visited. His kids lived out of state, and when they visited the 'step-mom' would say since they were in town no need for her to visit.

He eventual dies...

That was MY DAD and his 2nd wife. If she has treated you like crap this far, what makes you think she's going to be any better when you REALLY need her.

Marriage doesn't mean squat anymore, it's working for some, but it does not get you life long love and support. You want that, build relationships with people that count. Do not count on a woman / wife to do that 'just because we signed some papers and had a party.'

jgjg9999 · 2021-11-15T11:06:50+00:00

Stay single, buy a motorcycle. Enjoy life, ride hard and your chances of dying old and alone drop significantly lol. I joke but not really, before my wife left she was pushing hard for me to get rid of my Harley. Glad I kept it.

ElliotMarriott · 2021-11-15T13:45:38+00:00

It’s better to be alone. Do want you want for the last part of life. I mean from the time you are baby to becoming an adult you are on someone else schedule. Enjoy your self. I am divorced and have been in some sort of relationship for 16 years. I plan to leave my partner and be alone the rest of my life.

whatshouldwee · 2021-11-15T23:48:11+00:00

This is probably frowned upon, but I've always kept the idea of suicide as an ace in the hole for certain situations (the idea helps me relax)...I think it's becoming a bit more acceptable for end of life, at least in places in Western Europe, I'm not going out like that (in pain shitting and pissing myself). I don't worry about it because there is always a way out. I figure I got about 25 good years left and then like Dave Chappelle says don't do drugs when you're young, you do them when you're old. If I'm in that shape I'll wait until then and start doing coke, heroin all of it when I'm in my 70's and quietly exit through the giftshop.

jalopkoala · 2021-11-15T01:18:29+00:00

I’m much more risk averse when it comes to putting myself or my child through another failed long term relationship than to the idea of dying alone.

I try to mitigate the fear of being “old and alone” by: - taking care of my body so I can help avoid pain in my later years (I’m… not great at this, still over eat) - daily meditation practice to halo recognize whatever I have and whatever I don’t have doesn’t really make a difference - advocating for increased universal healthcare, hospice access, social security, and physician assisted suicide so everyone’s end of life can be more dignified, not just mine (and voting for people who support this)

I’m not one to ever feel lonely. Most of my life I’ve not been able to find enough time to be alone. I hope this doesn’t turn me into an insane old miser.

pegleg_legal · 2021-11-15T07:29:45+00:00

One of my friends died old and alone a few weeks ago. His family wanted nothing to do with repatriating his body. He had no kids, no wife - maybe an ex. No money and just a few of us friends who he never let know of the desperate squalor and loneliness he was existing within. We threw in for his funeral and to have his apartment cleaned and items stored.

It was pretty fucking sad.

Gxl4 · 2021-11-15T08:03:30+00:00

How do people who get married, cope with the idea of having half your shit stolen, your kids gone and talked badly to about you while dying alone without… basically anything., cuz they were even trying to steal your shoes in court while lawyers are laughing their ass off and making bank over your misery.

Title	Dying “old and alone”?
Author	Tannhausergate2017
Upvotes	8
Comments	22
Date	November 14, 2021 4:42 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qttoid/dying_old_and_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dying-old-and-alone.1084120 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084120

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