What would you tell your younger self?

MisterLemming · 2021-09-10T20:34:51+00:00

Your marriage is not special. Your wife is capable of all the malice and hatred that you read about.

If someone doesn't like you for you, and doesn't accept you no matter how much you "fix" yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

At the beginning of any relationship, start keeping documents and receipts. Write everything down. Keep a journal. Take pictures.

Never EVER get a joint bank account. If you do for convienience, use it for shared expenses only. Keep personal expenses and payments private.

Spend as much time with your kids as possible. You never know when you could wake up to a restraining order, a bill for $15,000 and get kicked out on the street.

Wewinky · 2021-09-10T21:06:00+00:00

yes she has nice tits but the BPD isn't worth it, run

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2021-09-10T21:10:23+00:00

Don't get married. Ever.

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2021-09-10T22:53:03+00:00

Kids are great, but the woman who you have to deal with to get them isn't worth the effort. She expects you to change into the man/provider she wants you to be and work like a mule to build a good life for your family. However, she will eventually resent what you have to do to provide that lifestyle, such as working long hours. She will then complain about you being at work so much and not spending enough time with her. She expects you to make her happy when it is our own responsibility to make ourselves happy.

From my experience, the majority of women just want MORE. It doesn't matter what the question is, the answer is always More. More money (which she expects you to earn the lion's share of), more date nights (which you have to plan and keep raising the bar on), more house (which you have to maintain and landscape/remodel to suit her) , more vacations (which you must again plan and make memorable), more more more... The juice is not worth the squeeze.

cloudburr · 2021-09-10T21:27:02+00:00

Marriage strengthens the weak, and weakens the strong.

Imaginary_Spinach_43 · 2021-09-10T21:13:46+00:00

That pussy isn't golden or any more special than any other pussy.

Spend the time to work on yourself to find out what you really want in life and in a partner

You are the most important person in a relationship. You have more value than you know.

Women will change and expect you to read their minds. They lie about everything or better said, will never ever be completely honest.

Good luck Jim!

WartimeDad · 2021-09-10T21:01:18+00:00

She’s a true monster. Evil beyond comprehension.

flowingwisdom13 · 2021-09-11T03:03:09+00:00

ROI is always negative, and if you fancy yourself a man fond of abstract conversations, expect nothing but vapidity

Ancient-Length8844 · 2021-09-11T00:23:43+00:00

Invest in Bitcoin and other crypto currencies

Jonger1150 · 2021-09-11T02:26:02+00:00

2 years after you turn 19, you'll meet a horrible woman....don't touch her.

Side note....I do have 2 kids I love, but this is just fantasy anyhow.

plumhands · 2021-09-11T02:31:16+00:00

Make a list of your "must have's" and "can't have's". Be completely honest with your lists. If she doesn't have all of the "must have's", don't marry her. If she has any of the "can't have's", don't marry her.

thedarkaquarian007 · 2021-09-11T01:52:04+00:00

Do not put women on a pedestal. Many of them can be every bit as toxic, emotionally abusive even violent as men.

2021-09-11T15:02:09+00:00

Don't do it. It's not worth it. Save your money and invest, and eventually you can buy a condo by the beach or a cabin deep in the woods.

net___runner · 2021-09-10T23:07:58+00:00

Christine no. God no.

timascus · 2021-09-11T03:24:35+00:00

Invest in yourself and don’t marry her. She isn’t unique and will fuck you over

revlim1 · 2021-09-14T18:05:59+00:00

Red flags are serious and do indicate a serious potential for future problems. You can identify red flags but then you ignore them. Maybe you want to believe in people and give them a second chance and that's not a bad thing but it will also lead to dealing with the same thing over and over, especially when the behavior isn't really acknowledged.

The thing that relates to this is that you assume that because someone genuinely cares for you that they will work towards handling conflict in a productive way. But that's not true and assuming that is true leads to more conflict. It's also unclear whether there are real feelings on the other end? Is there emotional intimacy?

On being a step parent. No one is going to tell you that this is a 100 percent humbling and thankless 'job'. Humbling experiences can lead to growth but it can also lead to emotional pain and suffering. You didn't need to be perceived as the 'hero' or savior but you never expected that you would be resented to such an extent. Your future wife is going to resent you and view your attempts to be a part of raising the kids as intrusive, even if you take a very passive role. The kids aren't going to acknowledge anything you did or do for them. Bought a house for everyone to live in? Guess what? That's "moms house" and you are just the asshole who lives in it with them. The other thing about being a step parent no one is going to tell you is that unless you started very early in the kids lives (like significant time before age 7) you aren't going to have much impact on their values and morals. They are who they are and you can accept it but it's going to wear on you living with people who don't share any of your values or traits. Another thing about step parenting: the kids are going to share some of the qualities of your partner that you dislike the most. You are a mature person and you are capable of handling/accepting this, but it's also something you weren't prepared for and didn't anticipate.

The most true statement here that I would say is that there is only one way to join this family and that is to subjugate yourself completely to your wife. There is an underlying family dynamic where the family is expected to anticipate your future wife's needs and moods and make her needs and mood YOUR priority. This goes far beyond simple compassion, validation and understanding that we would provide anyone we care about. Your role is expected to roll over and take responsibility for her emotions. Your role is to be snapped at and treated poorly and in return try to do something to help her feel better. You will be seen as the bad guy for standing up for yourself and not towing the line every time she is in a bad mood or angry. It's going to kill you to see the boy develop codependent traits and worry that he is going to wind up in a relationship with some really nasty women...just like you did.

Lastly. This person has never been reasonable and rational. So why would you assume that she suddenly would be reasonable and rational if you get divorced? It's not going to be. It's going to be nasty and you will be presented as the villain. You are always going to be the villain in this relationship and she will always be the victim. Your family will see things differently and that provides some comfort.

25_years · 2021-09-11T14:28:20+00:00

Marriage has no benefit for men. An unmarried man can have companionship, love, trust, great sex, stability, a home, even kids. You don't need marriage to have any of that.

Marriage is not a contract with the girl; it's a contract with the Government. And the Government is bad at everything.

YellowjacketOfficial · 2021-09-12T03:46:38+00:00

I’d say “It was a good experience, but maybe you should’ve squared away a bit more money.”

LunaticPity · 2021-09-10T23:45:11+00:00

You should hold on to those Bitcoin. you just never know.

Title	What would you tell your younger self?
Author	Tannhausergate2017
Upvotes	12
Comments	54
Date	September 10, 2021 7:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/plsety/what_would_you_tell_your_younger_self/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-would-you-tell-your-younger-self.1069404 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069404

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