Every weekend custody?

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-11-30T02:57:38+00:00

You won't have a social life like that. You need some weekends off. Looks like ex-wifey needs a different schedule or job. Either that, or petition for full custody.

BeneficialAbalone578 · 2022-11-30T03:33:29+00:00

The thing about divorce decrees is once they’re in place, they’re significantly harder to get changed later than when you’re “dueling it out” in the first place. Not that you’ve said child’s ages but it’s inconsequential …kids and life after divorce lasts a long time. Schedules change. I would suggest not burying yourself into a suboptimal schedule hole from the onset, regardless of her work schedule.

And I’ll just add this on here, per your one other comment thus far. Although it depends on your state laws regarding 50-50 vs custodial custody and cs based around that, you should be getting rather significant % of her salary back as cs. (That being based on 4x your salary and 3 kids) This would certainly offset any needed childcare costs now or in the future. And I’m not saying that always the best option, but just make sure you know your options…which you should have been explained to by your well paid lawyer. :)

Stick by your pmags and make her play fair!

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-11-30T10:29:27+00:00

> Our issue is I work a 9-5, stbxw works Fri, Sat, Sun 7-7.

You've got to get into the mindset of being able to parent your children 100% of the time. Imagine for a moment that your wonderful female specimen of a wife was suddenly abducted by aliens never to be heard from again. You now have the children all of the time. How would you do it? Figure that out, and you can do it for 50% parenting time no problem.

Of course alien abduction is ridiculous. But mothers do ghost their children for Mr. Wonderful, become incarcerated, hospitalized or die. So figure out 50% parenting time with that in mind.

And for what it's worth, there are 9-5 dads everywhere that make 50% parenting time work. I'm one of them.

xjeeperx · 2022-11-30T03:44:55+00:00

I have my child 3 nights a week for 3 hours and the order is every other weekend, but also have right of first refusal, so since she works every weekend I have my child every weekend. But I have one child, not 3, so I know that’s a way different experience. I wouldn’t have it any other way at this point. Especially in the younger years, I’d rather bond with my child than go out. It works for me, much prefer seeing my kid 24 days out of the month than 6-10 days.

Spodee5 · 2022-11-30T06:08:57+00:00

She’s the primary parent at this point in terms of number of overnights with the kids and she is making more money. I don’t know how in the world you would ever get a judge to agree to force her to change her schedule. Especially if historically this is the schedule she has worked for the majority of the kids lives.

I suspect your ex works in healthcare likely an RN. I’m an RN and I work Th, Fri, Sat nights 7-7. My ex tried for a year in the courts to get a judge to order a work schedule change and they all refused. My ex was successful in getting them to order where I live (like radius off an elementary address) force the sale of the house. But the judge would not force me off my work schedule as from the judges perspective this was part of what the judge saw as the children’s parenting history. Continuing that history got me the parenting time I wanted.

I have no kid free weekends I work them all. I have two sons they were 6 & 4 when we were getting divorced. They are 11 & 9 now I don’t regret it at all. Being a father is/was more important than my social time. I feel that way even more now that their mother is so selfish and much less interested in being a mother than ever before.

If I were in your shoes I would demand 50% parenting time, make it work now before any orders are in place. Once I established 50% parenting time I would demand CS…..especially if the income differential is as significant as you state it is. She’s guarding her pocketbook right now by making sure you get fewer overnights. She wants you to take free time and show less interest in the kids because then she is going to pay less.

Only you know what’s more important to you. Only you know if she is willing to be flexible or if she’s gonna fight.

If you’re committed to changing her schedule I strongly suggest consulting an attorney and even see if they think it’s something they could make happen in your case in your locality

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-11-30T08:47:09+00:00

There is lots of changes you can make with the schedule. Your ex can change her schedule too. If she finds someone new I ll bet she will change her work schedule. So look out for you and your kids. One of the reasons that you got divorced for is that you have a better life for yourself

yes2matt · 2022-11-30T10:45:50+00:00

I'm in the same stage of the process as you, asking a similar question.

My take is, what is most valuable to me in the long view? My answer is to get those kids "off campus" into a fresh environment on a regular basis. And to have a solid working relationship with each of my children, so that I am welcome/invited into achievements, weddings, grandchildren, etc. To get that I don't need to have them *every* weekend, but most weekends would be nice.

Can you work out taking them for the first three every month? Or if you had them every weekend can you have hired help so that you can go out when you want to? I think that last is what I would do, just find a good babysitter to keep on call or set up on the regular.

IcyEntertainment8673 · 2022-11-30T03:11:01+00:00

Do 3 weekends a month with one dinner during the week.

That gives you one weekend to plan a social event. The 3 weekends don’t have to be back to back.

mypiesarepiff · 2022-12-02T23:45:47+00:00

So I get my daughter every Thursday evening and drop her off every Sunday evening. I told my ex wife that this wasn't really a fair arrangement but she didn't want to budge. It sucks, but I was dating a lot after work on week nights. It got pretty exhausting. What I have been getting is a lot of quality time with my daughter. My ex realizes now that she can't take my daughter to any events or parties, and not I'm not budging

Renee9485 · 2022-12-09T14:19:17+00:00

If you can't hack it, go every other weekend or something. Do some weeknights for a few hours to balance it out a bit more. Make it look like she is benefitting in some way even with an arrangement she doesn't seem to like. She's getting a free pass on all of the weekends and you are left holding the bag. You are worthy of mental sanity and happiness as it will benefit your kids as well. I highly doubt the only thing she can work is three nights every weekend.

Title	Every weekend custody?
Author	PoppinPMAGs
Upvotes	5
Comments	19
Date	November 30, 2022 2:53 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/z8f1b2/every_weekend_custody/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/every-weekend-custody.1141323 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141323

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