Feeling lonely

Gold-Report-7551 · 2025-09-18T01:32:06+00:00

I was married for 20 years and now divorced for just over 3 years. She filed for divorce and the reason I reason received was that we are incompatible. Her explanation was this, “you do fun activities on the weekends while I (ex-wife) would prefer to sit at home”. She was a stay at home mom and she worshipped my son and vice versa. So, the most difficult part of the process for me is that I don’t have any contact whatsoever with my son, even to this day. He’s an adult now and I keep texting every week or so and never get a reply. It’s gut wrenching. The sting of not knowing the truth for why I got divorced was tough but nothing like losing a child in the process. My advice for you, much like advice you have already received here from others is to stay busy. I found that meeting women and going on dates was a good distraction. What I have learned about myself is that I don’t like being alone, so I jumped from one relationship to the next. I’m sure I made some women very angry in the process but I wasn’t really available in the way they wanted. Today, I am good and engaged to be married. The woman I am with is the polar opposite of my ex-wife but similar in that she’s nuts too but a different kind of crazy. I suppose my last bit of advice is that we have a short period of time and dwelling on what could have been is pointless. You’ll find your way and be open to a new path in life and what’s really amazing and awesome is you have a 2nd opportunity for true happiness.

6StringFiend · 2025-09-16T17:53:58+00:00

Yes! All the time. All I seem to do is work and try to sleep. I do feel better after talking to my therapist. She keeps me motivated. All my favorite hobbies just don’t cut it anymore. I do like to go for rides to get out of the house. Take care

Known_Paramedic_2967 · 2025-09-13T04:10:07+00:00

I am desperately lonely but I do not worry about the wellbeing of my evil ex

mesi130 · 2025-09-12T12:56:40+00:00

It’s normal. I’m going through it now. Work on yourself. Start a new hobby. It’s important to stay busy. I lost weight, bought a three wheeler im restoring, and spending more time with kids. I even bought a couple Lego sets lol

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-09-12T09:28:51+00:00

No. Reconnected with old friends. Went out bar hopping, danced for the first time in my life. Started gaming a bit after a 3 year long pause. Was always a codependant little bitch with a high libido but never felt so at peace alone. Give it time brother, and enjoy the freedom.

NewDay0110 · 2025-09-12T05:16:18+00:00

I find that whenever I get lonely now, I try to arrange some time with an old friend for dinner or something like that. If I'm lucky for the week, maybe a Bumble date! There are also singles meetup groups in my city. After spending a few hours with another person, I feel my energy drained. I go back home. It's so good to be alone again.

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-09-12T01:42:06+00:00

Yes. Lonely is normal.

I play some music. Clean up and organize my space. Try a new recipe and make a delicious meal. Enjoy a fresh pressed cup of coffee. Watch the sunrise and breathe in the peace that comes with that time and space.

It feels foreign at first, but oh so amazing.

It’s the best.

Accurate_Efforts · 2025-09-12T01:29:12+00:00

Yup, happens from time to time. Usually when I don’t have my kid around the house. But, the loneliness has been shifting to peace for me. I like my personal time and worry about what happens to it if I end up back on the relationship escalator.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-09-12T01:20:59+00:00

I've actually been enjoying my peace and quiet. I don't have a woman rage cleaning the house at 7am Sunday morning or 5 Amazon boxes showing up every day. Definitely don't miss her turning on the lights in our room when I was asleep so she could get ready for the next day.

Only reason I worry about her choices is I know it would have a negative effect on my kids.

modernmanagement · 2025-09-12T01:12:48+00:00

It is common to feel lonely. When you have loved someone it does not just stop. The momentum of history. The momentum of love shared. It carries forward for a time.

We all get lonely. Even in company. Even surrounded by others. In grief the isolation deepens. We want to be seen. We want our pain to be known. To be witnessed. When death comes there are ceremonies. Rites. Mourning. People gather. They hold us. In divorce it is often the opposite. People look away. They do not know what to say. There is no funeral. So we grieve unseen. We ache for recognition. For someone to witness the love that has been lost. The death of a shared identity.

There is a clue here in how to cope. You connect with others. You share your burdens. Not to lighten them. Not to be fixed. Not to be hurried. Not to be soothed or numbed. Simply to be known. As you are. Broken. Shamed. Hurting. Grief takes time. Let it open you. Let it strip away illusions of who you thought you were. What remains is something real. Something true. When you are emptied, something else can enter.

It also makes sense that you still care for her. That you still worry. That you still love her. Love does not vanish on command. Love is a gift. And a gift is given without demand for return. Marriage requires mutual love to stand. But love itself does not. You can still love her. You can still worry for her. That love is your expression of who you are. Provider. Protector. Companion. Lover. That is still you.

And it is hard. To love without return. To offer care without it being received. But this is truth. And truth does not promise comfort. It does not promise peace. It only promises reality. Sometimes reality disturbs us. Sometimes it wounds. But to live in truth is to live with integrity. To remain in what is real. And the reality is this. You grieve unseen. You feel lost. You still care. You still love. And that love comes from who you really are.

cejansen · 2025-09-12T00:56:30+00:00

Highly recommend reading The Breakup Manual for Men by Ferebee. Especially focus on the chapter 4 and 5. My marriage of 30 years broke up. I was lost until I took a hard look at what really happened.

Title	Feeling lonely
Author	AllCaps_MFDoom
Upvotes	14
Comments	21
Date	September 12, 2025 12:39 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nepe24/feeling_lonely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/feeling-lonely.1561817 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561817

Comments