Feeling Lost and Scared

NC_Geezus · 2026-01-02T23:55:57+00:00

On D-day for me, what helped was journaling. I was able to scrawl out all my anger, frustrations and fears. I would reread them and continue to journal. It really helped me process everything and build a timeline that I could obsess over until I started to get emotionally grounded.

Big advise, don't make ANY big decisions or agreements while you're swept up with emotion. Get your legs back under you and best of luck! It does get better, but time is really the only thing that helps. Sorry friend.

metal_head787 · 2026-01-02T23:06:51+00:00

I’m in exactly the same situation as you but I’m 2 months in, I’ve lost 10 kg, I am having migraines with stress and lack of sleep, anxiety and panic attacks 🥺

I was about 2/3 weeks in when I started getting proof of the other guy, she filed for divorce last working day before Christmas and has been lying and sneaking around seeing him thinking I don’t know.

As others have said talk to family/friends who are definitely on your side and start keeping things to yourself, don’t give away any information that will affect the divorce.

Find a support group if possible, in the uk search for Andy’s man group and go to a meeting that helps me massively.

It’s shit, massively unbelievably shit, if you have kids it’s even worse!!! But they and you are now all that matters, focus on that, that’s the advice I got and is true.

I’m still struggling every day, regular crying comes completely out of nowhere. I am holding on to the hope that I will make it through this and i hope you will too my friend 🤞

Virtual-Mixture8381 · 2026-01-02T18:08:05+00:00

She’s lying. She recently found an AP & is changing “her feelings” about the past to fit the present. Self delusion & self victimizing to try & make the failure of the relationship seem like your fault to control your emotions about this. To keep a failsafe avenue open (returning to you) if she wants to backpedal after getting pumped & dumped by some guy out of her league. I guarantee you did nothing wrong based on the tone of this post.

Here’s why false rape accusations occur so much: the girl enthusiastically and consensually has sex with a guy, later on in life the guy does something that pisses her off like deciding to leave her, and her stupid brain goes “I don’t like him now. So I didn’t like the sex back then either. He raped me!” As if consent can be revoked from the past.

You need to internalize the following. I too was a good man before getting taken advantage of by these women. You did nothing wrong.

Things will not add up and make sense when you reflect and look at her current words because you did nothing wrong. Confusion means she is gaslighting you. Don’t fall for it. She is trying to manipulate & control you. Men & women biologically process emotions differently. They do not love the way we love. That word means something completely different to them. It means she can still up & leave as if she never met you before.

For your best interest, unless it’s your daughter, always assume a woman is lying. Every compliment, every story about her past. You gain nothing by believing her about those things, but you can lose everything if you believe her about the wrong thing.

For now brother, keep this in mind. Don’t think about it, just go. The goal right now is to survive today, right now. If you get out of that fucking bed in the morning you accomplished your strength.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2026-01-02T18:01:58+00:00

Social media, TikTok, Insta, and dating apps have hijacked your wife's brain into thinking she's missing out in life and the grass is greener on the other side. There's nothing you can do about it now, but it is a very common experience. Don't be too hard on yourself, brother. Look out for yourself. You don't need validation from a woman to be happy in life!

DarDarRules · 2026-01-02T14:52:36+00:00

Sent you a DM, friend. Happy to chat.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2026-01-02T13:11:41+00:00

It is not the end of the World. If someone doesn’t want me, I don’t want them back. Everything happens for a reason as well. Plus freedom is beautiful. U must move on and be strong . U are not alone. Find a hobby or something to keep you occupied. I honestly don’t even involve any family members bcs they make it more complicated. U have to accept the reality and move on .

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-01-02T13:04:02+00:00

One of two things happened. Either she slowly fell out of love with you without ever talking to you or giving you a chance to work on your relationship or, more likely, she’s met someone else who is the beneficiary of all her feelings.

Either way, she’s rewriting the history of your relationship in her mind so that she is not the villain here.

Most of us here know how hard this is, but DO NOT beg or plead for her to come back or work on things. It will just make her lose more respect for you.

Look for evidence of an affair. Get a lawyer quickly to protect yourself. Don’t use alcohol or anything else to numb the pain or escape. Find friends or family to support you. If you don’t have that, share on here. We’re in your corner. As hard as this seems, you can do it one minute, one hour at a time.

icemantatt2o · 2026-01-02T12:43:46+00:00

Same here my brother. I'm starting day 9 since my wife of 23 years dropped that bomb on me. Devastated does not even begin to describe what I am going through.

It is a good thing that you are reaching out on this sub. There is a lot of good advice here. Reach out to family and friends for support.

It was only yesterday when I was able to eat a meal. Lost 11 pounds. It sucks and you cant see any type of future yet. Take it minute by minute. Then work on hour by hour. This is what I am doing.

No one can make the pain and lonelienss go away. But with support from family, friends and us strangers. We can help.

Keep the faith brother. You are not alone and you are worth it.

Delicious-Curious · 2026-01-02T12:25:23+00:00

I’m sorry man. Been going through the same since October. It’s the most awful feeling I’ll ever experience. Poof, 23 years of marriage gone. As others have said focus on yourself the best you can. I’m on Prozac now and after a few weeks it has helped stabilize my mood a bit. I can’t sleep worth much right now, but try the best you can. I’ve lost 10 pounds, so try and eat when you can.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-01-02T11:55:50+00:00

It's always the same story. They wake up a day and they don't feel anymore and discard us like we were just recycling cans, regardless how many years or the good moments you spent together (even when the good memories outnumbered the bad moments).

The reality is this not new. When they get to that point they started detaching a long time ago, however they did comfortably and at their own pace so that they did not suffer. Then suddenly, they tell this ridiculous story to try to justify themselves, even though they not even tried to fix things. Once again, you (men) you think the fault is yours (ours).

I thought my case was unique (ex going to visit her mum and leaving me full of plans for out next country move). Two months later when it was time to collect all the documents and apply dor the visa, I was told she wouldn't come back to me or move to the new country with me. I wonder how long she would have taken to tell me, if I didn't have pushed her for the documents.

It has been six months now, I can't say I am healed or don't miss her. But things got better (maybe due to the new country) and I am able to enjoy life and some moments alone (even though I talk out loud to myself a lot).

The best piece of advice I can give you is to survive one day at a time, promise yourself you will do your best today to make it to tomorrow. Tomorrow promise the same and so on. In the meanwhile, look for things you enjoy doing (I know you probably only know things you used to do together). There's probably you loved doing and she used to get irritated - might be a song, a movie genre, a restaurant, sports. It's now time for you to leverage that as much as you can. Have dinner or lunch at any time without waiting for anyone. Eat the food you want at the time you want. Go drive or take a bus to any place you want. Be free... after a few weeks, you will not need to promise anything else, and you will be curious on how you can take advantage of your new freedom... that's when you will start living and enjoying yourself.

I don't want to be cliche on gym, therapist, no drink, friends and cut contact because that's everywhere.

Be strong and you will make it. I wish I could say you will get over and get someone better (but as I shy person I know I will take ages to get a new girl), but that may work for you!!

sense4242 · 2026-01-02T11:54:24+00:00

she is now the enemy. lawyer up immediately and protect yourself financially. she will be coming for everything she can get from you.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-01-02T11:12:49+00:00

The blind side is usually an indication of an affair. I didn't believe but once I uncovered it, everything made sense.

If you have a shared cell phone plan, pull up the bills for the past 6 months and go through every number and she's called and texted. You'll find your answer there.

Remember, these women plan to deceive.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2026-01-02T11:08:43+00:00

Brother dont overthink what u may have done wrong. 90 percent chance she has met someone else. Her brain has left the building so dont try reason with an idiot. Best chance of affecting her is by stopping all conversation with her and ask her to move out ASAP. It will make her question everything. Believe me, nothing u try to keep her will work. Sorry bro

Own_Maybe9468 · 2026-01-02T10:05:31+00:00

Well, my ex-wife said the exact same thing to me. What I thought were happy memories between us — for example, our honeymoon — now seem to hold little meaning or joy for her. I don’t think she truly feels that way about those moments. Sometimes, it might be because she’s already emotionally detached and ready to leave. In that state, she may view everything negatively or even say hurtful things to push me toward agreeing to the divorce and justify being with the other person.

I can’t say for certain how she thinks, but I suspect this is a more lenient or self-serving way of interpreting things. Does that mean our years together were nothing? That the sweet memories we shared meant nothing? I doubt it. If that were truly the case, I don’t think she would have stayed for so long. Hopefully, looking at this perspective makes you feel better about the years you spent with your wife.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-01-02T10:03:37+00:00

This is normal

Phone a friend or a male family member

They will listen. Do it as soon as you can

Don’t tell your mum or sister right now. Save that for later.

It will pass

Title	Feeling Lost and Scared
Author	SnooFoxes1933
Upvotes	25
Comments	20
Date	January 2, 2026 9:44 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1q1ujxi/feeling_lost_and_scared/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/feeling-lost-and-scared.1570218 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570218

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